jayman24 Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 My girlfriend and I have been together for the last six months. I know this is not a very long time. However, we had an instant connection and our relationship moved very quickly. We confessed our love for each other maybe 4 months into the relationship and moved in together after only 3 months. Everything moved quickly, but that was because it felt right. About a month ago, my girlfriend went home to visit her family (she is from a town about four hours north of where we live). She had made this trip twice during our relationship and no issues occurred. When we first started dating, she mentioned to me that she had been in an abusive relationship with a guy who constantly manipulated her mentally. She continued to tell me that she became pregnant during their relationship and she decided to have an abortion because she did not want a family with him. About a month ago, she wanted to go home. I agreed and let her go without any concern. Three days later, she comes home and is treating me different (e.g. she was very distant, did not want to have sex with me, and was constantly picking fights with me). Long behold, I find a Facebook message from her ex boyfriend confessing his love for her and requesting that she come back to him. He continues by stating that she is making a mistake by continuing her relationship with a guy that she doesn't even like (meaning myself) and that she is making a mistake. She replies to him stating that she loves him, but despite that, he needs to move on and find someone better than her. He then tells her to f*ck off and have a nice life. I then confront the guy telling him not to contact my girlfriend again, or I will cause him physical harm. He then messages me and tells me that she went to his house last time she was in town and that they slept together. I then confronted my girlfriend about this news, and she denies the situation. I then get her to break down and admit what happened. She claims that her last visit home happened to be during the same week that she was supposed to be due with their baby. She continues by stating that she felt guilty about the abortion and wanted to get some closure from her ex. She called him out of the blue and was crying on the phone. She says that he was apologetic and convinced her to come by his house to talk more about the situation. Stupidly, she does so. She says that he made her feel guilty about the situation, and she started crying. He then started kissing her, and then they proceeded to have sex. She claims that it was a mistake and that he has been trying to chat with her on Facebook for the last month. I immediately broke up with her and made plans to move out. She begged me not to leave and has made major steps towards making our relationship work. She has given me passwords to her facebook, email, and any other relevant form of communication. She has also started going to counseling and wants us to go to couples counseling. Now don't get me wrong, she is not a party girl. She is very pretty, sweet, and a homebody. I would have never expected this from her. It was like being with two different people at the same time. I do love her, but I don't think that I can get over what happened. I told her that I would give her another chance, but I keep playing the fence. One day I tell her that I am gone, then the next, I tell her that I am staying. I feel confident that she has seen the error of her ways and would never hurt me like this again. I also feel confident that we could have a happy life together (because people do make mistakes). However, I don't feel that I can get over what happened. She turned to another man for comfort instead of her man at home. Also, the thought of my woman being with someone else drives me crazy. I am unable to work, sleep, or do anything else. I don't know what to do at this point. It comes down to two decisions, either get over it and make it work, or leave and move on with my life. My mind is telling me to leave, while my heart is telling me to stay. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 When it starts too fast it ends too fast. If you can't get over it, move on. Don't move in with the next one after only 3 months. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Friend. Honestly your heart isn't the only body part that is tell you to stay. Know what I'm talking about? Why is it that after she cheats and wrecks your relationship that she's now willing to fork over her passwords to face book and email. were they locked up before? You think she was thinking about you when she was in bed with him? You still think your heart is still the only body part telling you to stay? You have a brain that is tell you something different and if it was me, that body part is telling you to do the right thing but it's up to you. Your the one who has to live with her. You prepared to feel real good about it if she wants to go home and visit family in the future and the only reassurance you have is a lick and a promise? listen to your brain. Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 That's a pretty big betrayal. She is in love with her ex. Any time he wants her, he can have her (emotionally or physically). Is that the kind of partner you want? Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Sorry to hear that jayman. That is almost identical to what happened with me. Mate, its OVER! You move on and dont talk to her again. This will never be the same again. The damage she has caused is irreversible. You are blowing hot and cold right now, and rightfully so. Your mind and heart are at war. Let me save you some time and pain, WALK AWAY NOW! What she has done is repulsive. She willingly slept with another man. She told this man she loves him. Its disgusting. She also hid this from you. Lucky you discovered her dirty little secret now, but ITS OVER! She has to learn that actions like this have huge consequences. If you want me to share my exact experience than just ask, i will write it here. Its been 13 months now since i found out, through facebook my ex of 15 months, whom i lived with was sleeping around behind my back... And im still hurt by it. You will never get over this. Its not your fault, she destroyed your chances of being together. Dont contact her again, and ignore all calls. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jayman24 Posted November 27, 2013 Author Share Posted November 27, 2013 I appreciate the input from everyone that contributed. I have thought about all of these things. @Bubbaganoosh, she has promised me that she will not travel out of town with out me or go to bars without me. She wants to do everything as a couple. On a different note, she seems to be checking my accounts to make sure that I am not cheating on her. This is becoming a very vicious cycle. She is done with her ex. I know this. I also know that I should leave. I just don't want to regret what we could of had. I don't see her making this mistake again. I don't want to leave just so she can make the next guy around happy. So much on my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 Damn dude, where is the self respect? Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 I appreciate the input from everyone that contributed. I have thought about all of these things. @Bubbaganoosh, she has promised me that she will not travel out of town with out me or go to bars without me. She wants to do everything as a couple. On a different note, she seems to be checking my accounts to make sure that I am not cheating on her. This is becoming a very vicious cycle. She is done with her ex. I know this. I also know that I should leave. I just don't want to regret what we could of had. I don't see her making this mistake again. I don't want to leave just so she can make the next guy around happy. So much on my mind. Nah, that's typical behavior. She cheated on you; therefore, she thinks that she gave you a free pass to cheat on her. She's checking to see if you're gonna have a revenge affair on her! Link to post Share on other sites
Vogeltron Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 (edited) Honestly why deal with this kinda drama. If I feel any chick has ever cheated on me I just never talk to them again. I really don't care. It is a big free world out there with about 6 Billion people. Getting caught up in other peoples mess is not worth it to me. I have been with a few women that I absolutely adored even though they where a "hot mess". Just had to get on with life. I have never had anything good ever come from going back to a woman. Once I make up my mind it is done. It is done. I don't know the history obviously. But usually all this crap is a game to get you back into their good graces then they revert back to them old-selves. DO NOT BE LIKE A CHICK TRYING TO CHANGE A MAN. Women try to do this all the time. Do not hope she has changed. If you have to cut your losses and move on. Then do so. Edited December 2, 2013 by Vogeltron Link to post Share on other sites
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