Aries86 Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 I stumbled upon this forum, and figured I would share my story. So, I met a guy at work. He didn't work with me directly but I saw him occasionally. I had a crush on him but didn't do anything about it for months until I couldn't help it anymore. I very subtly gave him my phone number. From that day on we started talking on the phone for hours every day. We talked about everything, and anything it was great. We talked like this for 2 months until we actually went on a date, the date was amazing, everything worked we talked, he held my hand and by the end of the date we kissed. Everything was sooo perfect. He seemed like the perfect guy for me. We started dating and everything was going perfect, he even told me that he was falling in love with me, that I was the best thing that ever happened to him, that he couldn't wait to marry me. The dates were incredible. Now, he is 18 years older than me and is divorced, but he had gotten divorced a year ago and he said he was ready. He met my parents and everything... Now a couple of weekends he would just disappear right off the face of the earth, he would shut off his phone and get lost for a day. He would reappear the next day with some story about how he wasn't feeling well and I believed him. He always said that I didn't have anything to worry about that there was no one else. Now, I loved him so of course I believed him, until one day 6 months into our relationship, I received a call from his girlfriend of 6 years asking who I was and why I was texting him. She handed the phone to him and he said that I knew he had a girlfriend, that he had told me about her. (of course I didn't know he had a girlfriend, he was lying) Then she took back the phone and said that she could tell I didn't know about her. She was really great and understanding. Later that day, he called to apologize, but as he was apologizing he was very cold, and cruel. He told me that he was going over to her house to talk to her because she was really upset. And that he had history with her, that he loved me but he loved her too, so that was that. That was 4 months ago and never heard from him again. He broke my heart and confused the hell out of me because it was HIM who said that was falling in love with me, that he wanted to marry me and have kids with me. why would anyone do that to someone if they knew it was all a lie? why would he lead me on? I mean he's not a boy he's middle aged so I really don't understand. Also, I kept in contact with his girlfriend and found out that he kept on lying to her about what we had so he wouldn't even admit to our relationship after he had been found out. Lately, I've been wanting to call him but I know that no good will come out of that, but I just miss him. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
strive Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Forget about him. He's a liar and a cheater and you deserve better than that. You don't deserve to be the OW. I know you feel crushed and miss him, and it's natural after spending what seems to be an amazing time together. But logically you know that he isn't worth it. Enforce NC right away. Every time you want to call him, post here instead. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 He was stringing 2 of you along. It was a good game for him while he could get away with it. Forget him. You deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Any advice? You have so much more life to live, and the fact that he's so much older is a red flag. It is always so difficult in cases where a much-older guy fawns all over a much younger girl... because the girls have every right to be so completely affected in all of the right, positive ways, by the attention. They typically do nothing wrong, and aren't even usually responsible for having somehow missed signs of his being a terrible guy. Yet, the older guys who tend to go for much-younger women are so often just like those 5th grade kids at recess who go and play kick-ball with the 3rd graders, because that is what they need to feel confident. There's just nothing wrong with the 3rd graders liking that kind of attention (kick-ball, I mean)... but when viewed from the standpoint of someone the same age as the older kid, it is typically clear that the older kid's lack of confidence has become a flaw. Now is the time for you to give yourself credit for having evolved during a relationship in just the way you did. His being a gutless fool is probably what had him sneaking around on his (other) girlfriend and you are much better off without him. I just hope it doesn't taint your next sincere effort at a relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aries86 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Share Posted December 6, 2013 Thank you. I think the worst part about this was unknowingly being the other woman. As well as being led on with promise of a future where there was none. I really thought he was a mature gentleman but ended up being just a child... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 Thank you. I think the worst part about this was unknowingly being the other woman. As well as being led on with promise of a future where there was none. I really thought he was a mature gentleman but ended up being just a child... All you can do is let go and get him out of your heart. The man you fell for did not exist, so you MUST kill that person, the dream of who you thought he was. He ain't that at all! Keep busy and don't let this ruin any future relationships. Sure, be weary but don't let this mess you up. The guy was a scumbag and a liar. Most men are not like that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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