To: Markerman30, regarding your girlfriend.....

[Laurynn]

Hi there....I read your response to may wayyyyy down the board. I thought I'd bring it up here, so that others might offer advice too. I'll copy your last response here:

 

"Hi thanks for your comments.

 

she is spoiled, Her mom and dad help her out quite a bit. but when your 26 years old you have to start taking some responsibility university or no university. I e-mailed her today telling her how I feel and she reversed it on me. Asking me what I do with the money I make. My response to her was you never really know someones situation until you walk in there shoes. I do love her. I know she has some growing up to do. and I also have some issues to deal with from the past. I was taken advantage of really bad in a previous relationship so I am really casious. I just have been getting that little voice in my head telling to be be really careful I talked to her about the money for her to get up here in the summer she was going to ask me to put it on my visa and she would pay me back once she got working here. I think it all starts out at home with her. I can not be like her mom and dad and just hand every thing to her.

 

We have other issues to sort out as well, She doesn't like to cook, Its that she knows how but doesn't like to. I am a cook I cook all day at work. If I get off early I will cook for her and thought that taking turns and making it equal would only be fair. One part of me says to look after myself and break it off as we are at different levels mentally she is 5 years younger but has her parents doing everything for her. I was not brought up that way. And the other part of me loves her. seeing her how she will be in the future when she gets into the real world. I have put so much of myself into this relationship. but it only works 50- 50 right? any help or advice anyone could give me I would appreciate it. thanks Markerman30."

 

First of all, a relationship is MORE THAN 50-50. Each person must put in 100%, or more!!

 

It really does sound like your girlfriend is on a much lower wavelength, in terms of maturity. You sound like a very intelligent, giving, loving, hard working, fair guy. She sounds like a spoiled little princess who a) doesn't know sh*t about relationships....b) has probably never worked a day in her life......c) is being coddled by her parents.........d) doesn't appreciate much.

 

The fact that she's twisting things around, and asking YOU what you do with your money.......oh hun, she sounds like a real piece of work!! She sounds like she feels she's somehow ENTITLED to you paying her way......simply because she's your girlfriend and is a student. BS!! There are thousands and thousands of University students who work 3 part time jobs and have student loans to put their way through school. They don't have the luxury of mommy and daddy paying their way. People who are given everything, do NOT appreciate anything. They "expect" everything.

 

she "expects" you to just plunk her travel expenses on her VISA. Why the hell should you? She's not a kid. She's 26 yrs old. If she can't do like thousands and thousands of college/University kids do, and get a part time job (you said she has one) and SAVE UP HER MONEY to at least contribute, screw her!! This young lady will be nothing but trouble in the future. Her parents are doing her a great disservice by spoiling her rotten.

 

SHe's going to be one of those women who expects a man to buy her everything, to wait on her hand and foot. Crap, you cook all day and you're STILL expected to cook for her?...because she won't do it (but can?). God, she sounds like a 10 year old. Hell, I know 10 year olds who would at least have the gumption to make some Kraft Dinner and weiners if that's all they could make.

 

Yes, you sound like a very generous guy..and you admit, you've been taken advantage of in the past. I've definitely been in your shoes! Generous people often have a neon sign on their forehead....and opportunists and spoiled lazy brats can see you from a mile away. That's why you ended up with someone else who's trying to take advantage of you.

 

Don't buy this crap that you can just put things on your credit card and she'll 'pay you back'.........yeah right. When, in 3 yrs?? I had a fiance who wangled me into putting my engagement ring on my credit card.....and guess what? When October came around and his bonus cheque from work came around (which he'd originally said he'd pay for the ring with), guess what? That cheque was gone. And after we broke up, it took me almost 2 yrs to pay off that $5400 engagement ring (which I finally did last month). But hey..I trusted him...hell, he was my fiance..the guy I was going to marry...why on earth would I not have trusted him?

 

If your instincts are causing you to feel a little uneasy here, TRUST THEM!! Instincts are there for a reason.

 

You are a hard working man and you deserve a hard working woman who has some pride, respect for herself and a sense of fairness.

 

You do NOT have to explain what you do with your money to the likes of this little brat.

 

I know you love her, but all of this is a big red warning flag.....a sign of things to come/things that will only get worse.

 

Please think long and hard about this. And whatever you do, DO NOT put anything on your VISA. You tell her that you work hard for your money...and relationships are based on equality. If she wants to see you, she has 4 months off coming up. she can damn well do like others, and get out there for a month or two and work her buns off to SAVE themoney to come see you. You are not her free ride.

 

Laurynn