Was he just using me to cheat?

[Sunflower09]

I need some insight into rather I'm sure a married co-worker was just using me;

 

One shift, I was being an open book as the co-worker had asked me why I wasn't peppy that night.

 

I had mentioned a crush I had on a dept. manager, and the complications that I'm married and he's in management. My co-worker said there was only one problem; he was in management.

 

He then began flirting with me; asking general questions about me (who my husband was - seeing my wedding ring, my middle name, the scar on my arm)

 

He then asks, what is the craziest thing I've done. He intitally hinted that we could do something crazy; an affair (without saying it directly). I could never respond as I wasn't completely sure at the time what he was proposing.

 

So towards the end of my shift, I mentioned to my co-worker that I had talked to my husband during my break, about what he was asking me. My co-worker walked away, and I could him groan a distance away.

 

My co-worker comes back and says "Are you offended? I wasn't trying to creep on you."

 

"Oh, really? It felt like you were, so I had to ask." I said.

 

He shook his head, "No. When I start talking to people, I become quizzical."

 

I instantly knew he was creeping on me, but I had no idea why he was; we haven't work with each other that much and I never did start any flirting like he had; I, yet did gladly accept the flirting.

 

I became curious that night and found him on Facebook. I then saw his wife's profile; she's really beautiful, and could easily be a model.

 

They have a infant son, about a year old. And they've only been married for nearly two years, as he joined the military in the last two years (why he came to my small town).

 

I was really insecure and VERY jealous over his gorgerous wife. I wasn't offended by his flirting or proposal (I know that sounds horrible as I'm married, and he's married).

 

So the next day, I worked my way up to file sexual harassment on him at work. Not because I was offended, but very jealous over his model/trophy wife.

 

When he came into work, I overheard him and another co-worker talking. He had mentioned that he got in trouble. He said my name to the co-worker, and that's when I hid myself and eavesdropped.

 

The other co-worker is like a role model to him, and easily took his advice:

"Why did you offend her?"

"I was creeping on her."

"Now, why would you go and do that?"

"Because, I'm sure my wife is cheating on me. I've seen her with other men, she's always texting them."

"How would you know that for sure? Did you see it in person?"

"Not really."

The other co-worker grew impatient, " You're a young man and feel insecure in your relationship. This is why you shouldn't mix your home life with your work life. Or you're going to get honest women like her (me)."

My co-worker shook his head yes. And the other co-worker saw me, but my co-worker didn't.

"So, aside...do you still like her or were you using her all along?"

"Yes and no."

"You better watch yourself."

My co-worker laughs, and says "Yeah, maybe."

 

I never told management that conversation. I instead told them this one, as I was directly involved:

 

"Are you okay?" A female co-worker asked

"Not really. I got in trouble."

I looked at them.

He looked at me, "Someone's spreading lies about me."

She looked at me unsure, "What are you talking about?"

He looked at her, "Never mind. It's nothing."

 

Weeks later, and I feel like s***.

 

Not because I was offended or harassed, but that I feel as though I really did lie to management. He knew what my true intentions were; I was up for a "crazy time". But my jealously kicked in over his wife.

 

I feel like I can't tell management it was one huge lie and a mistake.

 

But I just need some advice; Am I right, was he using me to go against his cheating wife? Should I just tell management it was a mistake on my part?

[Chi townD]

So, you went to HR over a questionable conversation with this guy (I take it that HR found it questionable as well or else he would have been out of job), risking this guy to lose his job and a means to support his family all because you were jealous of this guys wife? REALLY?!?!

 

And you stated that you reported that you were sexually harassed. But the big difference is that you weren't offended by this conversation, you were actually flattered!

 

And on top of everything else!!! You're married but you were willing to get freaky with this guy!!!!

 

Stay away from this situation, stay away from your co workers and work on your own marriage.

[CherryT]

So, you went to HR over a questionable conversation with this guy (I take it that HR found it questionable as well or else he would have been out of job), risking this guy to lose his job and a means to support his family all because you were jealous of this guys wife? REALLY?!?!

 

And you stated that you reported that you were sexually harassed. But the big difference is that you weren't offended by this conversation, you were actually flattered!

 

And on top of everything else!!! You're married but you were willing to get freaky with this guy!!!!

 

Stay away from this situation, stay away from your co workers and work on your own marriage.

 

^ This.

 

And when he asked you why you weren't peppy, you took it upon yourself to disclose your crush even though you were married. You could've said, oh I'm just having a tough day or whatever. But you started the conversation or at least was a part of it going down that road.

 

I don't know. Messing with someone's livelihood like that out of jealousy is VERY low. Especially when you considered an affair yourself. You felt open disclosing your crush to someone you rarely work with so he probably felt open to harmlessly flirt with you. You took it a step further, not him.

 

I don't think he was using you to cheat. I'm not even sure he was wanting that from you. It sounds like he took your lead on what you were saying and just bantering with you. Then when you told him you spoke to your husband, he felt that maybe his light hearted jokes or bantering may have offended you. But it actually didn't. What's creepy, is you actually creeping HIM. And then getting jealous and filing a false report. What you did is actually quite disgusting and if he has been written up or is at risk of losing his job, over a LIE, I hope you would clear it up. Because his child should not have to go unfed over your childish jealousy.

[Eggplant]

I had mentioned a crush I had on a dept. manager, and the complications that I'm married and he's in management.

You crossed the line right here. This is out-of-bounds for a professional environment. You're the one who started all of the inappropriate talk. He took the bait. Learn to be more professional.

[Sex4udear]

Let the situation alone, forget you, or he, did or said anything. There could quite possibly be more to this than is being told. Amazingly nothing seems to be wrong while the air is being put into the balloon, but before you understand, too much has gone into it and when it blows, too much hurt and conflict can't be undone. Not to mention the unheard of loss of job.

[ExpatInItaly]

Is this a real post? Someone tell me this isn't real.

[elbe]

But I just need some advice; Am I right, was he using me to go against his cheating wife? Should I just tell management it was a mistake on my part?

 

Hot damn.. hell hath no fury as a women scorn...

 

You made a huge mistake. Sexual harassment claims are not to be taken lightly and you used it out of jealousy. Shame on you.

 

There is no road to recovery less the time that it takes for every single person to forget about it. The person you shamed for being attracted to you will never forget. Telling management that you outright lied is going to jeopardize your career and they will no longer trust you.

 

Take no action. Apologize to the man if you wish to and maybe he will forgive you as an individual. You must learn from this mistake!!

[Sunflower09]

Is this a real post? Someone tell me this isn't real.

 

Yeah it was real. I've moved on from this and everything in my life.

 

Update: Left that job altogether.