Should I tell

[AlwaysGrowing]

I would not underestimate how involved his adult children might become.

 

Around that age, roles begin to reverse. Children become the caretakers/overseer of their parents affairs (not infidelity affairs). They start to look out for, get driveways shoveled, advise, plan the future needs their parents might need.

 

There is a real possibility that one or more of his adult children will handle any contact with Solostand on behalf of their mother. They might view it as an intrusion/threat of the family assets, assets that might be needed in the future for the care of their parents.

[solostand]

He may be many things but senile is not one of them. He runs a million dollar a year business. ..he was one of the smartest people I knew.

 

His emotional intelligence seems lacking here.

 

As for his kids, they live in different jurisdictions. But his son did see us together this summer at the beach and ask his Dad who that woman was.

[Realist3]

He may be many things but senile is not one of them. He runs a million dollar a year business. ..he was one of the smartest people I knew.

 

His emotional intelligence seems lacking here.

 

As for his kids, they live in different jurisdictions. But his son did see us together this summer at the beach and ask his Dad who that woman was.

 

 

 

The fact is you two were not the smartest of cookies.

[Snipercatt]

His emotional intelligence seems lacking here.

 

You don't say?

 

What are the profit margins in his million dollar business?

[Sub]

...he was one of the smartest people I knew.

 

The operative word being "was". It seems his intelligence has devolved into hubris.

[solostand]

Very high. Lots and lots of disposable money.

[Snipercatt]

Lots and lots of disposable money.

 

Disposable money doesn't equate to high profit margins from a business, especially if one is receiving a full pension.

 

Here's why assuming that this business had no expenses, then, at best, after paying self employment taxes, FICA, income taxes, etc., the margins would be about 45%. The past few years small businesses have been able to deduct equipment expenses dollar for dollar against income, rather than put them on the depreciation schedules, up to a $500,000 limit. So if the SUV, and the three $60,000 trucks were purchased in the last yearr then margins are probably about 25%, then deduct salaries, insurance, etc. and you'd be in the 12% to 15% margin territory, . . . maybe, which would be fairly high for the lifesaving/water business.

 

New vehicles and equipment bought on the dollar for dollar deduction, and cash spent from a pension payment aren't the same as high profit margins.

 

My point Solo is that he appears to be free wheeling, but reality may be something else, indeed.

[solostand]

I don't know. He also has a ton of lucrative investments.

 

All I know is he paid the son $20 grand for four weeks work.

 

He paid off his truck 12 grand in cash.

 

He paid 65,000 in cash to build a building.

 

He gave his daughter $50,000 in cash.

 

That's since July.

[KathyM]

I don't know. He also has a ton of lucrative investments.

 

All I know is he paid the son $20 grand for four weeks work.

 

He paid off his truck 12 grand in cash.

 

He paid 65,000 in cash to build a building.

 

He gave his daughter $50,000 in cash.

 

That's since July.

Rich in money, poor in character. Which is more important to you? The true measure of a man is not in his wealth, but in his character.

[cozycottagelg]

His true character will show if they have a D-Day. Until then I don't think we need to make solo second guess her life. They have had good times and she was once very happy with him.

 

She is facing a D-Day and the end of a relationship, can't we have some compassion?

[Snipercatt]

The funds to his son and daughter are probably business deductions, as wages, since they are officers of the company. I seriously doubt he gave his daughter $50,000 without running it through the business, as he would have to pay gift taxes, or deduct the excess over the annual exclusion, from his lifetime estate. The cash to build the building is a deduction, and assumes that he didn't leverage it after it was built.

 

I suppose he could have had a note on his truck because the interest rate was zero, but if awash in cash, why would you have a note on a depreciating asset? Vehicles, even for a business, are a poor investment.

 

Solo, I think you are enthralled with the image of an older, wealthier, business man, when in reality the business is tightly entangled in family dynamics, ownership and tax issues. He may be tossing his pension around, but that most likely is a marital asset, just as his wife's pension is.

 

A few thousand dollars may have drifted your way, but I think that is the extent of it (assuming that BS doesn't figure it out - then all bets are off).

 

You've started to see this for what it is. Combine that with the other unhealthy components of this relationship and it is truly toxic for you. Seems like fun, but the consequences are deadly to self esteem and integrity.

[Realist3]

I don't know. He also has a ton of lucrative investments.

 

All I know is he paid the son $20 grand for four weeks work.

 

He paid off his truck 12 grand in cash.

 

He paid 65,000 in cash to build a building.

 

He gave his daughter $50,000 in cash.

 

That's since July.

 

I'm not going to get into specifics, but that is nothing.

[Snipercatt]

His true character will show if they have a D-Day. Until then I don't think we need to make solo second guess her life. They have had good times and she was once very happy with him.

 

She is facing a D-Day and the end of a relationship, can't we have some compassion?

 

If we were generalizing, I would agree with you. However, this MM's character is sorely lacking on so many levels and I, for one, am concerned that Solo is rather naive about it all.

[threelaurels]

I'm not going to get into specifics, but that is nothing.

 

I agree. I will not get into specifics here either, but my family isn't middle class. What you are describing is nothing. Given his other behavior, I wouldn't be surprised if he is living above his means.

[solostand]

I do not care about what money he has or has not, we are over and right now i'm worried about pending repurcussions.

[jlola]

I don't know. He also has a ton of lucrative investments.

 

All I know is he paid the son $20 grand for four weeks work.

 

He paid off his truck 12 grand in cash.

 

He paid 65,000 in cash to build a building.

 

He gave his daughter $50,000 in cash.

 

That's since July.

 

Where do you live here a building cost $65,000? Here in Los Angeles the 850 sq ft condo nearby goes for close to a million dollars and high monthly condo fees to boot. I need to get out of here.

Edited December 3, 2013 by jlola

[threelaurels]

I do not care about what money he has or has not, we are over and right now i'm worried about pending repurcussions.

 

His wife may call you or come to your house.

 

His kids may call you.

 

If she chooses to D, you may be named in the divorce and the A may become a matter of public record.

 

You may be subpoenaed to testify in their divorce.

 

His wife or kids may call your employer, tell them you had an A, and try to get you fired.

 

Your name may be posted on a "cheaters" website and the details of your A will come up when someone searches for your name online. As long as everthing said in the post is true or an opinion, the post is legal and the website cannot be legally compelled to remove it. You can, however, pay independent reputation management services to hide the post from coming up on search engines.

 

She may not do anything at all.

[Snipercatt]

I do not care about what money he has or has not, we are over and right now i'm worried about pending repurcussions.

 

Focus on what you can control, which is your response. Get a grip on that and decide how and what you will respond and then let it go. I'm pulling for you.

[Realist3]

I agree. I will not get into specifics here either, but my family isn't middle class. What you are describing is nothing. Given his other behavior, I wouldn't be surprised if he is living above his means.

 

Sure sounds like it. I think he is snowing her.

[Realist3]

The funds to his son and daughter are probably business deductions, as wages, since they are officers of the company. I seriously doubt he gave his daughter $50,000 without running it through the business, as he would have to pay gift taxes, or deduct the excess over the annual exclusion, from his lifetime estate. The cash to build the building is a deduction, and assumes that he didn't leverage it after it was built.

 

I suppose he could have had a note on his truck because the interest rate was zero, but if awash in cash, why would you have a note on a depreciating asset? Vehicles, even for a business, are a poor investment.

 

Solo, I think you are enthralled with the image of an older, wealthier, business man, when in reality the business is tightly entangled in family dynamics, ownership and tax issues. He may be tossing his pension around, but that most likely is a marital asset, just as his wife's pension is.

 

A few thousand dollars may have drifted your way, but I think that is the extent of it (assuming that BS doesn't figure it out - then all bets are off).

 

You've started to see this for what it is. Combine that with the other unhealthy components of this relationship and it is truly toxic for you. Seems like fun, but the consequences are deadly to self esteem and integrity.

 

Yep to all of that. What was described seems a good bit off.

[solostand]

Where do you live here a building cost $65,000? Here in Los Angeles the 850 sq ft condo nearby goes for close to a million dollars and high monthly condo fees to boot. I need to get out of here.

 

We live in Canada. Where we live, the cost of an upper class home would be $200,000. The building he built was a storage building.

 

The contract is with the federal government, which is very lucrative. Also, Canadian business laws apply, not U.S.

 

Not that I care because somehow this is being made about money. It was not about money for me. I didn't even know he had money when I met him. And we're over!

[Realist3]

Where you live must be a huge outlier.

 

"Average house price in Canada rises 8% to $391,820"

[whichwayisup]

We live in Canada. Where we live, the cost of an upper class home would be $200,000. The building he built was a storage building.

 

The contract is with the federal government, which is very lucrative. Also, Canadian business laws apply, not U.S.

 

Not that I care because somehow this is being made about money. It was not about money for me. I didn't even know he had money when I met him. And we're over!

 

200,000? Where do you live, Windsor, Ont? Average price of a middle class home is well over 500,000, and the upper class is close to 800 to 1 mil. At least in my City in Ontario.

 

Anyway, glad you're over. Just really hope you mean that.

[beach]

Has he shared any of his money with you since he's been seeing you intimately?

[Iguanna]

Your name may be posted on a "cheaters" website and the details of your A will come up when someone searches for your name online. As long as everthing said in the post is true or an opinion, the post is legal and the website cannot be legally compelled to remove it.

 

Wow talk about violation of private life.. I find this disgusting.