Am I crazy to want him to explain this to me even though nothing will change?

[jforthegirl]

I have so many unanswered questions about when and how our marriage went sideways. All he has told me is that he no longer loves me and there is nothing that can change that. He said that he has felt this way for about 5 years. I had a history of controlling behavior and jealousy, but that greatly improved over the past 10 years.

I cannot seem to get past this, I feel like I need to know if there was a single event that caused him to stop loving me or if he just stopped loving me because he doesn't like who I've become or what.

Knowing this information will not change or current situation, that much is clear. But I feel like he owes me a better explanation, if anything to help me avoid the same mistakes in the future.

Is this crazy to expect him to help me understand this?

[GuyInLimbo]

Instead of thinking he owes you something, maybe you should take the high road and start building a happier life for yourself. If he's not going to give you an answer, either he can't articulate it or you really don't want to know and he's trying to protect you.

 

And why are you blaming yourself? Maybe it's just something inside him that changed and there was nothing you could do about it.

 

Regardless, you need to let it go and move on.

[jforthegirl]

Well, I haven't really asked for a specific reason, but you are probably right, I probably don't want to know. He's already said things that have hurt me so deeply I think I'll never recover. I certainly don't need to add any new information to that pot of pain.

[strive]

You're looking for closure from him, but closure comes from within.

 

Yes you want him to tell you wth happened and where did everything start to go wrong, but I assure you if you do, you'll have an even worse time. Just ask anybody here from LS who did the same! You expect a certain answer, or expect that he will be able to tell you but he wont. He'll do the exact opposite of what you want him to do and you'll just end up more disappointed and hurt.

 

Also, unless there's an OW he's hiding, you should know where the RS went wrong. You were there.

 

The best way to accept that you did make mistakes in the RS. Learn from them, and eventually forgive yourself for these mistakes. After that you'll be able to find your closure.

 

But remember that half the blame is his as well. It takes two people to make a RS work, but only one to break it.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

I'm sorry I wish I could help you but I've yet to fall out of love with someone so I don't know what that feels like. I've not loved anyone that long either, I had seven years.

 

Ask yourself do YOU like who you are now? Who you became. If you don't chances are he doesn't either. He said he has felt like he hasn't loved you for the last five years. Wow that's a tough pill to swallow.

 

I'm not an expert on jealousy and how it affects relationships, I know there is a type of healthy jealousy.

 

If this was a ten year relationship you could go back five years and try and remember the way things used to be then. When he did love you. Did anything happen, any kind of big fight or insecurity on his part?

 

You say you were improving over the ten years, seems like a long time to sort a problem out, must of been big, no?

 

He could have his own insecurities about the relationship. I had mine and that's what caused me to become emotionally disconnected from my X girlfriend.

 

Then again he could just be feeding bull**** lines to you in order to end the relationship. I think my ex reeled off a ton of excuses and I no longer blame myself.

 

In time you'll get your answers because everything will come into perspective once the love blinders are off. You'll see what problems mattered and which ones didn't. Today you might think they contributed to the folding of the relationship but in the future they could look silly looking back and couldn't possibly have anything to do with the break-up.

 

Closure will come.

All you can do is self reflect and move on, don't contact him and stay healthy and get lots of rest. You'll have different moods during the next three months and each day you'll look back from a new angle and everything will add up, piece by piece. You won't get all the pieces today but they'll come.

 

You might just end up seeing your ex who who he really is.