Emotional Sadism

[Britain]

Has anyone had endured this in a longer termed relationship/marriage not knowing what it was at the time? Did you recover or heal? How long was recovery? I endured this and am unable to heal.

[Britain]

Info on subject:

Men who obtain gratification from emotionally torturing a woman are a lot more common than you may think. The reason being for this, is that people don't understand what makes up this emotional torture, and who might be doing it. Let's take a look at who does it, and what it is he does.

Most women agree that on occasion their man does say things that although not appropriate, are not that harmful emotionally. For some women they aren't so lucky. Unfortunately they are not only living with an emotional abuser, but with one that actually receives gratification from doing it. Yes, there is a difference between the two.

 

The typical emotional abuser that most people hear about, either through hearing it from a friend, or possibly in a book or television program, does say things that could very much hurt a woman emotionally. However, this is usually done in the heat of the moment with not too much malice behind it. In other words, he was really angry and said some really stupid things, of which later on he's usually sorry for. Remorse with this type of man is evident by his behavior and the heartfelt emotions behind his apology. Let me clearly state though, that just because this type of verbal abuser is not gaining gratification from what he is doing, does not make it right. Verbal abuse in any form is wrong.

 

Now, onto the the verbally abusive man that gains true gratification and an insidious joy out of emotionally torturing the one he supposedly loves. This type of man, who could virtually be anyone, is more of a planner and one who sets up his victim. He often displays a satisfying and wicked smile when he is in the midst of his emotional torture, or shortly there after when he realizes he has accomplished what he set out to do. Make no mistake about it, this is a small step away from those men you hear about that enjoy torturing animals. The same type of principles apply. The point is he loves what he's doing, and it gives him pleasure to watch you squirm. If your thinking that it sounds really sick, you're right. a truly mentally healthy person does not gain pleasure from seeing someone else hurting.

 

So, what type of things might this type of person do? His favorite sport next to the emotional torture itself, is to learn all there is to know about you. The more he knows the more ammunition he has. He seeks to especially find out what vulnerabilities you might have. He carefully stores away all this vital information about you, just to cleverly use it against you when he feels a need. Say a woman has low self-esteem because she feels she isn't good looking, or overweight. You got it, that will be his target areas. This type of man doesn't strike all the time, but usually when he is frustrated with something or someone, or feels he is losing a fight. Often times he is a passive-aggressive type person. Instead of coming out and saying why he is mad or frustrated, he brings out the emotional torture instead. It's sort of a "Gotcha" mentality. The pleasure he receives from doing what he does temporarily relieves his anxiety, much a like a drug. Again however, it's not just about the anger but about a perverse joy, and gratification as well.

 

This man holds nothing back. If it's your body you feel bad about he will verbally pick at every single part of it, until you feel like a troll living underneath a bridge, all the while feeling clever and exhibiting a smirk that makes him look down right insane. Most women who experience this type of man carry the burden of what he said, and what that did to them for the rest of their life.Yes, it's easy to say, when one is not in the position, just don't listen to the jerk, and move on. Most of the time women have already fallen in love with this type of man long before he starts this emotional torture. This type of man invariably chooses a woman who is sensitive, warm, dedicated, loyal, and very likable. After all, this type of woman makes for an easier target, and one he can get to more easily. He counts on you loving him enough to keep trying at the relationship. and love him enough to keep forgiving him. Unfortunately, what ends up happening is along the lines of the Pavlov's Dogs experiment. The woman get so beaten down, and truly believes no one else would want her, that she just gives up and tolerates what's going on. They call this learned helplessness. This is a very hard mentality to break without a lot of counseling.

 

My greatest advice to any women who is experiencing this type of man is run, don't walk to the nearest exit. If you feel you can't leave , get some counseling immediately. The longer a woman stays with this type of man, the harder it will be for her to leave. This type of man who believes torturing a woman emotionally is like a play date, he belongs in a psychiatric institution, not a relationship!

[The Shepherd]

I think I was in two long-term predator-prey relationships - one with a tyrannical sadist and the other with a spineless sadist.

 

I am recovering.

 

 

To the insecure types - please note that the above post was made in jest.

[Britain]

I think I was in two long-term predator-prey relationships - one with a tyrannical sadist and the other with a spineless sadist.

 

I am recovering.

 

 

To the insecure types - please note that the above post was made in jest.

 

In jest? Serious topic, if it is not in your interest to take serious, why post at all. Seems rather juvenile.

[The Shepherd]

No. The relationships were serious, but I posted that disclaimer just in case because you never know when these posts made on message boards will spill into personal and professional lives.