Walking Wounded Posted November 28, 2013 Share Posted November 28, 2013 (edited) Has anyone here had that Maury or Springer moment where they find out that someone they thought they knew and loved was leading a double life as an escort? I can't begin to describe how that felt. I genuinely believe that she loved me, but she was going out of town a couple a times a month "on tour" and had been doing that for about a year before she met me. I'm sure she had every intention of quitting "soon" but the money was her only source ( not Real Estate ) and she had gotten used to fast money. Unfortunately, I found out before she could quit, so who knows how long it would have continued. I knew she was living with something that was haunting her ( guilt and fear I'd find out ) So for the first eight months of our relationship she went away 4 times for 3 or 4 days. She told me she had to drink to go through with it and.....who knows. We went through the whole range of emotions and I believe she was genuinely sorry for hurting me and disgusted with herself for putting a price on herself. The night I found out we were in a club on vacation and a stripper was teasing us both. She seemed ok with it until the dancer kissed me. She went nuts. I thought she had a lot of nerve. I won't go through all the details, but I confirmed my suspicions that night and confronted her. She was hysterical and I was relentless in my verbal assault. I was so hurt and humiliated. So, I have friends who would dump their girl if they kissed or slept with another guy. Despite the betrayal. I still loved her. What would you do? I'd be interested in your opinions, but also I'm curious as to how many would stay? And how many would go? I've never talked about it with anyone, and it would be great to know what more than 3 people would do. Thanks Edited November 28, 2013 by Walking Wounded typo Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted November 28, 2013 Share Posted November 28, 2013 I read your post twice and I'm still a bit confused. She was a stripper without you knowing, then some other stripper kissed you in front of her? Is that what happened? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Walking Wounded Posted November 28, 2013 Author Share Posted November 28, 2013 I read your post twice and I'm still a bit confused. She was a stripper without you knowing, then some other stripper kissed you in front of her? Is that what happened? No, the stripper kissing me caused a fight. During the fight I confirmed my suspicions that she was working as an escort. Sorry if I wasn't clear. Link to post Share on other sites
theothersully Posted November 28, 2013 Share Posted November 28, 2013 Depends how much you love her. Escorts are people too. Communication is the key here. Realize that if you convince her to quit, you will be the breadwinner for a while. She will need financial help, Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalCastles Posted November 28, 2013 Share Posted November 28, 2013 Has she had sex with any of these men? The difference between prostitution and escorts are a little hairy for me, escorts provide companionship and can provide sex but it's not always the case, right? So if she did provide sex to any guys she was with, I'd get myself checked for STDs right away. The bigger problem is not that she works as an escort, but that she lied to you about it. You should have been able to choose to be with her or not if you didn't like what she did. But she didn't give you a choice and that would be a dealbreaker for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted November 28, 2013 Share Posted November 28, 2013 Friend, if all she can do in life is be an escort, really? She sleeps with men for money, this is your dream girl? How does it make you feel knowing that anyone with a few hundred bucks can have your girlfriend(with her permission) regardless of what he looks like. You need to give your head a shake and get the hell out of Dodge. Ex escort is one thing but practicing escort is so wrong and dirty on so many levels. I see DNA tests in your future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted November 28, 2013 Share Posted November 28, 2013 She's a liar. Watch out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted November 28, 2013 Share Posted November 28, 2013 She literally did lead a DOUBLE life. That is unforgivable. Your whole relationship was a lie. Sorry for your pain. But, you must leave her and never look back. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted November 28, 2013 Share Posted November 28, 2013 No difference between an escort and a prostitute, just a matter of semantics. It's difficult, but the fact is she lied about it and that something was pretty huge. You seem ok with it, so proceed. Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted November 28, 2013 Share Posted November 28, 2013 Personally, I could not be with an escort or former escort. The fact she lied to you about it is also another reason to end it. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 Escort is euphemism for prostitute. I'm sorry but the idea that there are soo many men out there willing to pay big bucks for simply companionship is bulls.hit. There may be SOME but not many. She was sleeping with these guys. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 Friend, if all she can do in life is be an escort, really? She sleeps with men for money, this is your dream girl? How does it make you feel knowing that anyone with a few hundred bucks can have your girlfriend(with her permission) regardless of what he looks like. You need to give your head a shake and get the hell out of Dodge. Ex escort is one thing but practicing escort is so wrong and dirty on so many levels. I see DNA tests in your future. Dont make out escorts to eb any different or more dirty than soemoen 2who goes and has a one night stand once a week for two years with different guys.......escorts have tpo be clean to work for starters one nighters well ...who knows.......as far as the deceit goes and th efact she is a workign escrort now most guys wouldnt put up with nor do i thinlk they should....i do have aproblem with guys that look down on escorts...they are women to ....considering i am an ex escort and i have never lied or omitted to any guy i am with about my history....i am 100 per cent clean always have been..i am ocd about that..deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 Friend, if all she can do in life is be an escort, really? She sleeps with men for money, this is your dream girl? How does it make you feel knowing that anyone with a few hundred bucks can have your girlfriend(with her permission) regardless of what he looks like. You need to give your head a shake and get the hell out of Dodge. Ex escort is one thing but practicing escort is so wrong and dirty on so many levels. I see DNA tests in your future. No offense, but I'm actually quite surprised to see this post from you. Your vacation plan from an earlier post was soliciting an escort. I'm surprised to see you having such negative feelings about them. Link to post Share on other sites
Silver Fox Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 Dont make out escorts to eb any different or more dirty than soemoen 2who goes and has a one night stand once a week for two years with different guys.......escorts have tpo be clean to work for starters one nighters well ...who knows.......as far as the deceit goes and th efact she is a workign escrort now most guys wouldnt put up with nor do i thinlk they should....i do have aproblem with guys that look down on escorts...they are women to ....considering i am an ex escort and i have never lied or omitted to any guy i am with about my history....i am 100 per cent clean always have been..i am ocd about that..deb She quit when I found out. Hasn't been an escort now for almost 2 years. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 Has anyone here had that Maury or Springer moment where they find out that someone they thought they knew and loved was leading a double life as an escort? I can't begin to describe how that felt. I genuinely believe that she loved me, but she was going out of town a couple a times a month "on tour" and had been doing that for about a year before she met me. I'm sure she had every intention of quitting "soon" but the money was her only source ( not Real Estate ) and she had gotten used to fast money. Unfortunately, I found out before she could quit, so who knows how long it would have continued. I knew she was living with something that was haunting her ( guilt and fear I'd find out ) So for the first eight months of our relationship she went away 4 times for 3 or 4 days. She told me she had to drink to go through with it and.....who knows. We went through the whole range of emotions and I believe she was genuinely sorry for hurting me and disgusted with herself for putting a price on herself. The night I found out we were in a club on vacation and a stripper was teasing us both. She seemed ok with it until the dancer kissed me. She went nuts. I thought she had a lot of nerve. I won't go through all the details, but I confirmed my suspicions that night and confronted her. She was hysterical and I was relentless in my verbal assault. I was so hurt and humiliated. So, I have friends who would dump their girl if they kissed or slept with another guy. Despite the betrayal. I still loved her. What would you do? I'd be interested in your opinions, but also I'm curious as to how many would stay? And how many would go? I've never talked about it with anyone, and it would be great to know what more than 3 people would do. Thanks Sorry this happened to you...regardless of whether she is an escort or works in any other adult industry, she did keep it a secret from you and in effect she could have easily exposed you to STDs without you knowing. Condoms do not guarantee anything and given that the line of work is risky enough if the price is right I am sure it is possible to be negotiated to not use one, regardless of what any industry worker may tell you. On that alone it would give me pause to continue in the relationship. At any rate make sure you get a full STD panel regardless of whether you decide to continue in this relationship. Only YOU know what you will and will not accept. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 (edited) There is no way this girl ever loved you. She was a hooker and she also lied about it. What else is there to say man? It sucks, but at least you didn't find out by running into one of her ex customers. Hell, I'd ask her ifs he has been with anyone you know if you intend to stay with this chick, but then again you sound sane so I'm assuming that won't happen. But if you are crazy and want to be with a woman who lies to you and is/was an escort, well..like I said, find out if she has been with anyone you know. I normally don't ask previous partners about specifically who they banged, but in this case with hookers involved you have to make sure you aren't going to run into old clients. One thing though, I'm confused how a fight over you kissing a stripper ends with her outing herself as an escort? I don't understand, was she just "I am so mad you kissed a hooker, but ha I have been escortin some dudes!" or whatever? By that I mean, was she like throwing it in your face? If not, well, what made her admit it? Also, after she told you she was a hooker did you ask her how she had the nerve to get mad at you over a single kiss? Who knows how many times she kissed you on the lips after being with a dude? I know you said she took "business" trips(then again I guess it WAS business so touche on me) Dont make out escorts to eb any different or more dirty than soemoen 2who goes and has a one night stand once a week for two years with different guys.......escorts have tpo be clean to work for starters one nighters well ...who knows.......as far as the deceit goes and th efact she is a workign escrort now most guys wouldnt put up with nor do i thinlk they should....i do have aproblem with guys that look down on escorts...they are women to ....considering i am an ex escort and i have never lied or omitted to any guy i am with about my history....i am 100 per cent clean always have been..i am ocd about that..deb Look, it's cool you used to be an escort and are fine with it and honest about it. I respect that, I figure if you are going to do something, be honest about it. However, it seems to me the intent of your post was to say that escorts are not dirty? Or what exactly, because you compared them to woman who go out once a week sleeping with a different guy each time. I'm sorry, but that sounds like a ho to me. I try not to use words like that as often as I used to, that that to me seems like ho-ish behavior. So when you say "we are no dirtier then girls who do this" to me it sounds like "we are no dirtier then a ho" well..you can see the problem if you were going for the opposite reaction? Also just to be clear, you are saying you were a hooker? You keep saying escort instead of hooker or prostitute, so it had me a bit confused. Edited November 29, 2013 by Spectre 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 You also said you found out before she could quit. Yeah, I doubt she was planning on quitting, but if she was I would then ask her if she ever would of told you had she quit without you finding out? Or would she of let you go on making a fool of yourself everday you spend with her? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 This IS cheating, for sure. I'm sure she could rationalize that by saying it was purely business and not pleasure and she didn't enjoy it (except for the $), but yes basically it is infidelity. If she had stopped doing the biz a few months back chances are he would be none the wiser. Though who knows what inspired her to confess over the stripper kiss incident. There are lots of guys who are married to ex sex workers who would have no idea of their past (its my past and its none of your business and all that). Lots of girls get in and out within a couple of years after they reach their financial objective. As for STDs, I guess it depends on the country/agency she works for as to their regulations. You take your chances shagging a drunk girl you meet in a club or online. Lots of no condom casual sex goes on and I reckon most people don't go get an STD check until they are forced to because it hurts when they pee or something nasty is there. As the other dude said its really up to him what he will tolerate in a relationship or a woman's past. A big ****ing bombshell to land on your cozy relationship. I'd go, more over the double life, than she was once an escort. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 Dude, she was a escort while you were with her. She put your health and your life in jeopardy to make some quick money. Sorry, that would be a deal breaker for me! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 (edited) I think this is about the most disgusting case of a cheater I've ever heard.:sick: OP if you haven't dump her do so now and get checked for STD's. There are ways of making money without sleeping around nor putting someone's health at risk. Edited November 29, 2013 by samsungxoxo Link to post Share on other sites
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