Rebound, fwb, he's driving me crazy.

[Hope Wolf]

Hello! Thank you anyone taking the time to ponder upon my complicated situation, I am very confused and unsure about what choice to make.

 

I had a 4 year bf 6-7 months ago, he dumped me over a high school crush and now regrets it. Lets forget him, it was just the preface to my story.

 

About 3 weeks after he dumped me and I was living at a friends' place (girl, shes my best friend lol) I started talking to a facebook friend (the awesome guy thanks to whom now I'm going through a mess) I've only had few encounters with before. I just noticed his gloomy statuses and decided "hey! let's whine about our breakups together!". A highly whiny firework of texts and facebook messages became our daily routine for about 2 weeks.

 

Meanwhile, while I had the relief of pouring my pain out to him and receiving his pain in exchange and thinking that this is all oh! so therapeutic, I started to want to see him and hold him tight. You know, after a hard breakup, you wish someone would hold you in their arms and fill that empty cold space you got in your heart. So I asked him to come over, we agreed to whatch a movie, cuddled and thats it. Then later next week, we went to see a common friend together, had a nice evening, he offered to come back to his place to whatch a movie and I was like all "its just to watch a movie" in my head but of course I ripped his clothes off once the movie was done cuz he's so freakin handsome and if it wasn't me it was him that would've jumped on me. One could cut the sexual desire between our eyes with a knife. Thats about when we agreed to be friends with benefits.

 

Then I moved to a new apartment, and he offered to come to sleep with me the same day I moved. Since then he started to come see me every evening and sleep over my place, sometmes passing weekends in my room cuz I was busy doing homeworks but it didn't bother him, as long as I would be around. He lives on the outside of the city and he's a car freak so his gas is f***ing expensive and i started to get touched by the fact that he wanted to see me all the time. To add to that, he would remember everything I say, he found cool my interests, I liked to hear him talk about his, we were amazing couch potatoes together (yeah ok, everyone likes something, we liked to talk laugh and watch stupid stuff on the internet and be couch pototoes, no judgement please lol). He would also do cute stuff like lending me a laptop, offering to repair things, calling me in the morning so I don't snooze till I'm late. So one day, it hit me.

 

Now, this could be amazing because everything I said here is so rosy and lovy-dovey. But its not. We talked often about how love is not for us anymore, how heartbroken we are, and that it is absolutely impossible that we fall for each other. I also liked to add that love doesn't exist anyway. So here I am all that time being oh so well with him with the grim thought "but he doesn't love you! Its just sex and friendship! He doesn't kiss you, he doesn't want to be hugged and won't hug you, do you really think it would be wise to fall in love?" Of course not, so it is exactly what I did.

 

That day he took me out to a very touristic (thus romantic) city. We explored an abandoned place on the road (yeah, urban exploration, another interest we have in common) and then walked in the city, restaurant, contemplative over landscapes and stuff. And so at the end of the day, I kinda had to tell him I'm actually head over heels for him. Which I did. And he said he doesn't want to have anything to do with love. So I said "fine, lets be friends" and we had sex... Sex with him, I didn't mentioned before, is the best I've ever had because we are really playful and comfortable together and he enjoys it so much with me I can say without a doubt that this is something he would miss if I wasn't there. Along with my affection for him. And the time spent together. And couch-potatoing with me. Because he told me.

 

He told me because now its been a week and a half that I cut this relationship because I was weekly tortured with insecurity and sadness over the lack of reciprocity and the repetitive discussions where I confronted him about his lack of feelings towards me. If I sum up these discussions, his discourse goes something like this:"I don't love you... Well, I like you a lot... Well, you're very important to me... I like you more than a friend... I don't know if I love you... maybe I could love you... I'm not in love right now." SOOOOOOO, I was pissed with being tortured and decided that, based on 3 solutions:

a) I stop loving him

b) He falls in love with me

c) I break it off, digest the heartbreak and move on with my life

that option C was the most useful one to end my sadness. After 6 months of seeing each other, I think he woul've been able to be clearer about his feelings.

 

BUT...

 

We keep talking. We both miss each other. We fantasize about the nasty things we would do to each other. Therefore, I am confused. This guy totally loves me but won't say it. I totally love that guy but don't wan't to be his spare-time plush toy (even though he was seeing only me and treated me with respect). But I don't want to lose him neither. And I'm starting to be really sex mad over him.

 

What should I do!? My life is a rollercoaster right now because this situation takes so much space in my head I can't concentrate on being normal. Why won't he just say he loves me and wants us to be each other's potato for as long as it will last?! PLEASE SOMEONE, HELP ME TAKE A RATIONAL DECISON I CAN HANG ON TO THROUGH ALL HIS CONFUSING BEHAVIOUR AND MY IMPULSIVITY.

 

Thank you so sooooooo much for reading me! <3

[mikecr50]

I can empathize with you for sure, that's a horrible place your are in! Only thing off the top of my head is see if you can try and step back for a bit, yes it's very hard to do. Might give him time to gain perspective as well. Of course it might not turn out like you want but living in limbo is torture.

[Hope Wolf]

thank you very much! Thats what I thought too but then you know, it hurts to think things like "maybe he'll never come back" since I told him I don't want us to see each other anymore unless its not at each other's place and took back my key.

But I'm also thinking "screw him if he doesn't have the balls to love you"

... and then there's the motherly part of me who's like: "but poor guy he's so broken inside and he made everything he could to demonstrate his love with caring gestures, and you just dumped him as if you didn't care".

 

I think the best thing would be not to talk to him over facebook as well. I made it clear oh so many times that I don't wanna see him anymore because i'm mad about him and he doesn't love me and it hurts me and that if he loved me it would've been awesome. He usually replies that its not true that he doesn'T love me, he does, but hes not in love and he doesn't know. Last time he told me "I'm 95% about to be in love and I'm not and I dunno where's the problem!" and I responded "You.".

So I guess he understands very well why the situation is where it is and if he doesn't respond back he doesn't worth my time.

 

....... BUT I LOVE HIM AND I WANT HIM AND I KNOW HE LIKES ME TOO BECAUSE OF HIS BEHAVIOR!!!! aaaaah i wanna die (NOT!)! *hysteria*

 

What I really need right now is a trick for my mind to force me to do something else every time I see a green dot next to his name on facebook so instead of talking to him I could just go do something else, something so simple I wouldn't feel lazy over it.

Yes I could close facebook. But then I could just reopen it. And close it again. And check on my phone. And finally be like "just 3 letters" and say "hey" *sigh*.

 

Thank you

Edited November 28, 2013 by Hope Wolf

[mikecr50]

I'm willing to bet he loves you! Please do not contact him in anyway for a while. Sometimes it takes people a while to know that it's real and to be sure of how they feel, he may have been hurt before. Go see a movie or two always works for me, reading is too hard when your minding won't stop and music just reminds you of things. Give it some time.