I dont want him anymore and he can't handle that. (I'm the dumpee)! PLEASE READ!

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

OK so, lately me and the ex haven't been talking. Here and there but thats it.(he calls me) So i just had it out with him on the phone. I DO NOT WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HIM!!! i told him that i would rather be his friend and i guess he can't handle that. We started fighting. Saying that I'm not going to change and blah blah blah. But i realized i don't have to change. He brainwashed me so much that i thought the way i do things is wrong and its not. I met someone new and he respects me so much more. I told him that I'm going on a date and he could't handle that either. THEN WHY WOULD HE ASK ME IF I WAS GOING!!??!?! I told him that I'm so much happier now that I'm not with him. He made me believe that all the things i did were wrong and taught me how to think like him and thats wrong. I'm better off and when i tell him all the things that i am now realizing that he brainwashed me with, he thinks is OK to talk to GF's like that and be the dominating one and the "pants wearer" in the relationship. But i told him that things have to be equal and he didn't agree with that. Now he thought that i was going to change (meaning i would be more like him and think the way he does) But come to think of it. The way he thinks is WRONG!!!! Now he cant deal with the fact that i just want to be his friend. He's saying "I think I'm going to be sick". How do i deal with this? He's telling me that I'm being selfish b/c I'm not respecting his decision(In the beginning he wanted space and i didn't give it to him) But now that table have turned and that OK B/C WHATEVER HE DOES HAS TO BE RIGHT. How do i deal with this? Should i call him and talk to him like a friend? Should i let it rest for a few days?

[Weird]

let him be. He sounds like a dick.

 

I remember reading previous threads about your situation and you were confused on what you wanted wiht him....looks like you have found your answer and I am happy for that. Hopefully your ex will just back off and not manipulate you like he has tried/is trying to do.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I agree with Weird. Your ex in an immature, manipulative little d*ck. He's angry because he can no longer brow-beat you into submission.

 

Neither one of you are "wrong"…just different in your personal philosophies and what you are seeking from a relationship. Leave it at that.

 

I'm glad to see that you're finally growing a backbone and standing up for yourself. Now take it one step further and cease all contact with this individual. No friendship, no communication, no nothin'.

 

It makes absolutely no sense to surround yourself with emotional vampires - people who do nothing except make you angry and miserable. These are not "friends," rather life's little lessons. And our teachers often come in many forms…

 

Let go. Let go. Let go.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

I try not to talk to him. I stopped calling him. But he insists on calling me and asking me what I'm doing and who I'm with. I'm done with him. i don't need him and i just want to cut him out of my life but he cant handle that. If he calls should i not answer. I mean totally ignore him?

[EnigmaXOXO]

Why are you answering his calls…and all his questions? Do you still feel obligated to him - Or are you just being too polite for your own good?

 

The last phone call caused a blowout. Reason enough to end things right there. He doesn't need a play-by-play about who you're with or where you're going. Nor do you owe him any explanation or apology. Unless of course, you're trying to make him jealous as a means to get even for the breakup.

 

In that case, you should try on 'indifference'. Learning to be happy and moving on without him is the best revenge and your first step towards getting on with the rest of your life. And you'll be able to move ahead a lot quicker if you lighten the load and finally purge yourself of all this emotional baggage.

 

It sounds like you've met a great new guy. Focus you time and energy on HIM instead of the "ex"…or you just might lose him.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

OK so he just came to my job and brought me 3 bouquets of flowers. I don't know if he thinks that I'm going to fall to the ground and say "Take me back I want to be with you for the rest of my life" I said that i just wanted to be friends and this is a friendly gesture. I guess love makes you do crazy things.

And yes Enigma....I am to polite for my own good.

[Weird]

if he is really bothering you with the calls and stuff then tell him to stop.

 

BTW it is nice to read that there are polite people out there so dont change that...but this guy needs you to tell him off to leave you alone

[mixwell]

here is another way to look at it.. I dont know the exact situation, but there have been times when I had broken up with my ex and all because i thought that i wanted to be single. I only then found out what i truely wanted and that was her. Maybe your ex did the same and now regrets it big time. Sometimes thats what i took for me to figure out i did want to be with her. So I dont know maybe he realizes how stupid he is. Im seeing it from personal experience on his side because there is nothing worse than knowning that you lost the girl you thought youd be with forever because you made the choice to end things. So I don't know im not going to say dont talk to him because thats really F ed up. You'll seriously mess him up even more. This time though my ex broke up with me. I moved away and all that but i moved back and we still aren't together and I realize I'm the biggest a**h*** for moving in the 1st place. so yeah thats another story.

 

so even if you dont talk to him thats one way HE might see it , because I myself have been in his situation. Or he could just be a control freak.

 

thats my 2 cents.

[Lonestar]

I wish I could grow a backbone. Good for you.

 

I would answer his calls as sparingly as possible.

[Naive]

Dedicate the song Karma by Alicia Keys to him!!!! That suits him well!!!

[kit4kat]

I DO NOT WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HIM!!! i told him that i would rather be his friend and i guess he can't handle that.

 

I have learned, from experience, that if a guy is that crazy about you, and you want nothing more than a friendship, then you need to break all ties with him. My best advice to you is to stop all contact, DO NOT answer his calls or any attempt to contact you, and remove him completely from your life.

 

 

I met someone new and he respects me so much more. I told him that I'm going on a date and he could't handle that either. THEN WHY WOULD HE ASK ME IF I WAS GOING!!??!?! I told him that I'm so much happier now that I'm not with him.

 

I'm glad you've met someone new! And I am so glad that he treats you the way you want to be treated. However, you telling your ex about a date with this guy was a low blow. He's obviously not over you. I can see where you're coming from wanting him to move on and all (I've done the same exact thing, but regret the pain it caused now), but put yourself in his shoes... you're crazy about some guy that broke your heart, you're trying to get back with him, and he's telling you he's going on a date, then tops it all off by saying that he's so much happier now that he's without you... no one deserves that much pain.

 

I'm better off and when i tell him all the things that i am now realizing that he brainwashed me with, he thinks is OK to talk to GF's like that and be the dominating one and the "pants wearer" in the relationship. But i told him that things have to be equal and he didn't agree with that.

 

Honestly, who's fault is it that you were "brainwashed"? Sure you were in love and couldn't stand to disagree with this guy, but you only have you to blame. I was brainwashed once. This guy was a complete jacka** to me the entire 9 months were were together, and I use that term losely. He made be believe that him being a jerk was ok, and that I should be treated like that. I ended up thinking like him, behaving like him, and it was only because I was weak enough to let him do that to me. I know now that women should be treated like princesses and that any guy who tries to make you think other wise is not worth your time.

 

Women should be submissive to men. But not dominated. We should have equal says in decisions made, and be looked at as an equal. If this guy was as dominating as you made him sound, you are a lot better off without him.

 

Seriously, the best move you could make now is to remove him from your life completely. But best of luck with whatever choice you decide to make!