RedHawk08 Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 Everytime my wife and I make the smallest bit of progress towards reconcilling, she sees her friends and I feel like we're back to square one. I'm well aware I can't say a thing against any of these jealous bitches, as she will defend them for all the alleged support they have given her. (The occaisional Sunday dinner and agreeing with her every doubt) How do you deal with these people?! Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 Everytime my wife and I make the smallest bit of progress towards reconcilling, she sees her friends and I feel like we're back to square one. I'm well aware I can't say a thing against any of these jealous bitches, as she will defend them for all the alleged support they have given her. (The occaisional Sunday dinner and agreeing with her every doubt) How do you deal with these people?! Who says you can't say anything? If they're bothering you, say so. "I'm not okay with your friends getting in the way of our attempts at reconciling." Don't call them names, don't call them bad people, just say what you aren't okay with. If it's something you're not okay with and it still continues to happen, then you have to ask yourself if this woman is really worth trying to reconcile with. Do you want to be with a woman who will always put her friends over you? No woman wants a doormat. You're her husband, say what you feel in a direct and concise manner. If she balks, you must NOT be afraid to walk away from your marriage. Sometimes, the only way to save a relationship is to let it go. If you let go and she doesn't come back, then you have your answer. If you let to and she does, then you know where her heart truly lies. I get the impression that you are separated. She chose to walk away from you. She needs to see there are consequences for that. Stop trying to work so hard at pleasing her. Work on pleasing YOU. Does it please you that she is so easily swayed? Then get out of that situation. Take charge of YOUR life. If your WAW won't respect you, then dump her and find a woman who will. It's YOUR life. These friends are toxic to your marriage. Say so. "I'm not interested in reconciling if your friends are going to bash me the entire time. That's not fair to me and I won't tolerate it." Would YOU tolerate your friends bashing your WAW? If not, then does she tolerate, and maybe even agree with, them bashing you? First you must stand up for yourself and respect yourself. Don't let anyone talk badly about you. If you don't respect yourself, no woman ever will. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
K Os Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 If you're both trying to reconcile, then it's definitely worth speaking up about this to your wife. I feel this kind of cheerleading probably contributed a fair amount to my wife's eventual departure. Many of the bitterer type of divorcees just love to have another member of the team, in my opinion. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 These types ruined my first marriage and blamed me for her drug use even though they introduced her to cocaine. If I were you I would speak up and if she gets mad at just shows she doesn't really value the marriage and if that is the case she can get the hell out of it. Some of them just love spreading misery around. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 If she puts more stock in the cheerleaders, you need not defend yourself or make yourself hoarse by stating the opposite opinion. She KNOWS the opposite opinion. She CHOOSES to take another side not in-line with the idea of marriage. Simple. Be done with her & her so-called friends. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 If you're both trying to reconcile, then it's definitely worth speaking up about this to your wife. I feel this kind of cheerleading probably contributed a fair amount to my wife's eventual departure. Many of the bitterer type of divorcees just love to have another member of the team, in my opinion. I totally agree, I know especially early on in "the disaster" someone had my wife's ear and she was the WS. "My friends are just soooooo supportive", supportive if destroying her family. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 Red, that's a sticky place to be, tread carefully! In theory, I have to agree with everyone that says you have a right to stand up against her friends pressure, but you have to also keep an eye to how they are going to spin whatever you do. Bring it up to your wife in the wrong way or trying to discredit them and you will most likely be labeled as trying to control her and worsen your situation. A third party with an objective viewpoint would be of great help. A neutral friend, family member? If your in MC then bringing it up there would be a good idea as well. Whatever you choose to do, tact will be key. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
revitup Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 Clockblockers! These are the unpaid "Divorce Attorneys" who have failed to be happy in their own lives and now want to feel great about themselves by jumping and "helping" a friend. Hey if you love your wife and are working to make it all work,get these jokers in place now! I have actually seen these hags try and hook up their girlfriends with MEN they know would be better suited for these girlfriends ! This is serious and your wife will understand if she is in love with you and respects you. Her friends if they really were-Would never try and destroy a couple. REVITUP 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 Everytime my wife and I make the smallest bit of progress towards reconcilling, she sees her friends and I feel like we're back to square one. I'm well aware I can't say a thing against any of these jealous bitches, as she will defend them for all the alleged support they have given her. (The occaisional Sunday dinner and agreeing with her every doubt) How do you deal with these people?! Reviewing your background information, it might be more beneficial to deal with such issues during the cooling-off period relevant to your jurisdiction. It appears your estranged wife has put a lot of stock in people who either want a relationship with her or want your M to end. I noted one poster who mentioned keep working on yourself and let the universe do its thing. Having gone through a divorce process, I think there's a lot of wisdom in that comment. If faced with what you're sharing as the topic of this thread, I'd simply file and move on. I can't think of one good reason to reconcile with a person who spreads our M around like margarine on bread. Over and done. Link to post Share on other sites
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