Popsicle Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 Assuming you are single/divorced/unattached, has anyone ever experienced their MM getting jealous or feeling afraid that you'll start dating other men?
skywriter Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 Oh yea, the MM that I was involved with, would be waiting for me when I went out on a date with a single guy. It really had me brainwashed into how he must 've really cared about me. That couldn't have been farther from the truth. 7
goodyblue Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 No. Before he divorced he knew he didn't have the right to ask anything of me. 1
Author Popsicle Posted November 29, 2013 Author Posted November 29, 2013 Oh yea, the MM that I was involved with, would be waiting for me when I went out on a date with a single guy. It really had me brainwashed into how he must 've really cared about me. That couldn't have been farther from the truth. Why was that far from the truth?
annaafair Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 Why was that far from the truth? Popsicle, you know why. Because it is not love. but an ego thing. A married man who loves you ( and not getting a divorce) will accept you moving on - a married man who gets jealous, and act on it, is just a married man repeating unhealthy patterns who got him to cheat in the first way. 3
LilGirlandOW Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 My MM was always very jealous and slightly possesive, on the flip aide always so gentle and affectionate and protective of me. I am one of the strange ones who likes that (to an extent), as long as I'm his princess and treated as such I didnt care less cause I wasn't looking to date around. At the same time, he recognized that he was in a position where he could easily loose me to a single, younger man and told me that scared him. We both remained faithful throughout the A (including relations with BS < from her own words in the D doc's) 3
bentleychic Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 Mine is not okay with me dating. We've discussed it a few different times. I'm not the kind that could do that anyway, as I've mentioned in another thread.
Author Popsicle Posted November 29, 2013 Author Posted November 29, 2013 Mine is not okay with me dating. We've discussed it a few different times. I'm not the kind that could do that anyway, as I've mentioned in another thread. Mine questions me a lot about it. He's paranoid. I tell him I'm not dating anyone and then he gets happy.
bentleychic Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 When I get asked out, mine asks me his name, where I met him and if he's on my facebook. Then he looks up his profile and will make comments to me about the guys. But he swears he's not jealous. Uh huh. 4
Nothisgirl Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 My mm has told me numerous times that if I need to go and date and look for someone who can give me 100% right now then he wants me to do it because he wants me to be happy...he says it will tear him up but he will have to deal and adjust...that said he gets very sad/jealous when I mention someone asking me out (after he's asked) and when I was dating someone casually in the beginning of the summer we fought about it all the time. I'm very angry about this though...it's so unfair...hes not willing to make some changes so you can be with me, his " soulmate" the woman he "can't live without"...but he doesnt want anyone else to have a chance with me either..?? I'm just about done...it's all too much. 3
SarahJames Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 You know, it's a little bizarre. Prior to my involvement with a MM I was a jealous/possessive girlfriend. It was something I was aware of, but had a hard time controlling. I believe it stemmed from trust issues. Upon my involvement with a MM, I think I learned to manage those feelings. Knowing he was sleeping next to the BS didn't make me jealous (although at times it made me sad). I think I wasn't jealous because I KNEW I wasn't the ONLY one he was with (which is extremely sick because she has no idea what a pig he is!). I began to have an issue with my "relationship" with the MM when I talked about other men (guys I was dating), even asked him for advice, and he began to get emotional. He'd express he was feeling jealous. Those were the moments I really asked myself "what the hell are you doing with this MM?". He has a wife at home, and he's getting jealous that you're dating other guys? How does that make ANY sense? When I no longer could view him as a friend because of his I-want-to-have-my-cake-and-eat-it-too ways, I knew it was time to end it. Him being jealous made ME feel good. It made me feel as if he wants me all to himself. BUT, in reality, someone being jealous over you has NOTHING to do with you, and EVERYTHING to do with their own insecurities. Jealousy should NOT be viewed as a sign of love. 4
Author Popsicle Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 You know, it's a little bizarre. Prior to my involvement with a MM I was a jealous/possessive girlfriend. It was something I was aware of, but had a hard time controlling. I believe it stemmed from trust issues. Upon my involvement with a MM, I think I learned to manage those feelings. Knowing he was sleeping next to the BS didn't make me jealous (although at times it made me sad). I think I wasn't jealous because I KNEW I wasn't the ONLY one he was with (which is extremely sick because she has no idea what a pig he is!). I began to have an issue with my "relationship" with the MM when I talked about other men (guys I was dating), even asked him for advice, and he began to get emotional. He'd express he was feeling jealous. Those were the moments I really asked myself "what the hell are you doing with this MM?". He has a wife at home, and he's getting jealous that you're dating other guys? How does that make ANY sense? When I no longer could view him as a friend because of his I-want-to-have-my-cake-and-eat-it-too ways, I knew it was time to end it. Him being jealous made ME feel good. It made me feel as if he wants me all to himself. BUT, in reality, someone being jealous over you has NOTHING to do with you, and EVERYTHING to do with their own insecurities. Jealousy should NOT be viewed as a sign of love. Great post. Thank you for sharing. 1
stillafool Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I would imagine all MM would have a problem with their mistresses sleeping with other men. What if she brings him back a disease and he passes it on to his wife? That wouldn't be good at all.
Author Popsicle Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 I would imagine all MM would have a problem with their mistresses sleeping with other men. What if she brings him back a disease and he passes it on to his wife? That wouldn't be good at all. that's different than jealousy. 1
bentleychic Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I would imagine all MM would have a problem with their mistresses sleeping with other men. What if she brings him back a disease and he passes it on to his wife? That wouldn't be good at all. I wasn't talking about sleeping around. I was talking about going out to movies, dinner, etc. with other people of the opposite sex. (Again, I'm not doing it and couldn't, but I in no way, shape or form meant sex. I've never, ever been in a intimate relationship with more than one person at once and that won't change even now while I'm with a MM. May not mean much to some people since I AM with a MM, but it's something that I will not do.)
MissBee Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Assuming you are single/divorced/unattached, has anyone ever experienced their MM getting jealous or feeling afraid that you'll start dating other men? Yupp, but it was too bad for him! I will be committed, faithful and loyal if I get the same and am in an EXCLUSIVE, MONOGAMOUS, relationship with you. If not, you don't get to have me, another woman, and all my fidelity.You're not that special. 7
Cdngirl5279 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 My MM always said that he wanted me to be happy with someone that could give me 100% of his time. I had a friend who wanted to set me up on a blind date, and I did see a flicker of jealously in him when I mentioned I would be going out with someone. I wasn't jealous of his wife, sometimes I got a little sad though. My situation seems to be one of the rarer ones. We spoke, texted and saw each other quite a bit. 3
GypsumSatellite Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Mine gets jealous. He was more jealous early on and frequently made possessive comments. Once he saw that I wasn't going to date a ton of guys nor sleep with them, he relaxed. He's still jealous, he's still possessive; he just adapted to show it in different ways. He says he'd only care if I slept with someone else (because they might put a ring on it, put a baby in me, lock me down, etc), but the truth is if anyone gets emotionally attached to me that will steal precious MM time away from him. Therefore, any SM is a danger to him and he will jump a few hoops to stay on top of things. I don't really understand that, because if he cares that much he should do something real about it. I'm amused when people bring up a SW like she's the plague bearer. Please. Like an MM who trolls online or at a bar or at a business conference isn't just as capable of having a disease. So many SW I've gotten to know unwittingly through this bizarre happenstance of an affair support system bear the hallmarks of a woman who wouldn't dare to have multiple partners because they aren't wired for it. Sure, there are some maneaters out there, but so many more are just content with their one guy or wouldn't venture to attempt to balance more than one guy. Like an MM doesn't know how to spot good GF material. Please, it's what got him a wife. 3
Cdngirl5279 Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 I should elaborate that it was one date, we didn't click and neither one of us was interested in going any further. I did not, and would not be able to manage two guys. One was hard enough! lol
LaceyFace Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 My mm has told me numerous times that if I need to go and date and look for someone who can give me 100% right now then he wants me to do it because he wants me to be happy...he says it will tear him up but he will have to deal and adjust...that said he gets very sad/jealous when I mention someone asking me out (after he's asked) and when I was dating someone casually in the beginning of the summer we fought about it all the time. I'm very angry about this though...it's so unfair...hes not willing to make some changes so you can be with me, his " soulmate" the woman he "can't live without"...but he doesnt want anyone else to have a chance with me either..?? I'm just about done...it's all too much. Wow taken right out of the mouth of my MM....lol...sounds all too familiar. 2
Nothisgirl Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 My MM always said that he wanted me to be happy with someone that could give me 100% of his time. I had a friend who wanted to set me up on a blind date, and I did see a flicker of jealously in him when I mentioned I would be going out with someone. I wasn't jealous of his wife, sometimes I got a little sad though. My situation seems to be one of the rarer ones. We spoke, texted and saw each other quite a bit. I went out with that guy on friday ( see my other post) it was a bust....cdngirl, I really relate to what you post...my relationship w/ mm seems to be very similar to yours with your mm....we talk and text all day everyday and see each other all the time...which is why the thought of NC seems so hard. It'll be like losing my bf why can't this be easier...and why did I ever enter into An A? I am so much smarter than this 4
Got it Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Assuming you are single/divorced/unattached, has anyone ever experienced their MM getting jealous or feeling afraid that you'll start dating other men? Yep, I told him to suck it. He knew how he could fix it so either put up or shut up. 3
Morgoth Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Hey I am an Over 50 MM with a an OW and a few FWB's. Interesting post. I will say that "Men" in general get possessive about women in their lives. Is it fair, no it is not, is there a gender based double standard, yes there is. I go to great lengths however to make sure my lover is taken care of. I have also told her that she is free to pursue a 100% relationship, but I wouldn't be involved with her if she chooses that, and all I asked her is to tell me when that's what she wants. Hypocritical yes, but also proactical as I really do not want to deal w STD risks, other jealous men, etc. In our case though she has no expectations about anything than we already have. So we float along going on 5 years now. 1
bentleychic Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Does your OW know that you have FWB? Yes, it does seem VERY hypocritical to expect her not to pursue other relationships while she's with you when you have a wife, an OW and FWB's. 3
Meadowgreen Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 When I was 20, I got involved with a mid-40s MM who also happened to be my boss. He was very charming but also a massive flirt (I'm convinced to this day he'd had affairs with other women in our workplace). When I was asked out on dates however, he would flit between pretending not to care to purposely flirting with other women to hurt me and saying scathing things like 'I hope you don't lead these guys on to think there's a future with you. We both know you'll come crawling back to me'. I used to think he loved me, but now I know he was a cruel, twisted old man preying on someone barely older than his eldest son. Such a creep.
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