Do all MM talk badly about their wife during the affair?

[will-ow]

If they are saying their wives don't have sex with them, there is no intimacy, we are like brother and sister, etc. then they are in fact speaking negatively about their wives. And it is most likely a lie.

for starters, contrary to what appears to be accepted on this forum, not all people involved in EMRs are lying all the time about everything.

 

If a man is being HONEST about not having sex or intimacy with his wife, then how is that being negative?

My ex-H could have quite honestly, and in no way negatively, said that about me in the last couple of years of our marriage because we had reached a point where it was true.

 

I do think it would have been disrespectful to discuss personal details like that with other people though.

[Shepp]

I believe its a case of "lie long enough and maybe one day you'll actually convince yourself"

 

Then they can say they were driven too it, pushed by a terrible husband/wife (because this has gotta be the same for MW) into bed with another .

 

 

I think its cowardly - id actually find more respect for the person that mans up and admits to his other women (or her other man) that he's being a total *********, and risking his whole families way of life for a thrill.

 

But then I think its cowardly to have an affair in the first place.

 

 

Stabbing someone so brutally in the back - telling some other chick all these terrible things about the girl you said your vows to - makes me feel sick

if you found yourself married to the wicked witch of the west you have a choice - say it to her face, leave her to her face. Or sneak around in the shadows, stab her in the back. As soon as you pick the latter its cowardice in my eyes.

 

 

I don't know whether all MM talk badly about there wives, but if I had to put my money where my mouth was id say most do but I do know that I would be able to carry slightly more respect for the ones who don't right from the word go.

[Shepp]

If a man is being HONEST about not having sex or intimacy with his wife, then how is that being negative?

Because how is that anyone else's business (as I note you've said further into the post) and because the minuet that is used as an excuse for his actions then it becomes pathetic.

[will-ow]

you're right its noone else's business, but that doesn't change the fact that the information itself is NOT instrinsically negative.

 

...and I didn't say anything about it being used as an excuse for anything.

 

I think the trouble here is that I am talking about basic facts anmd semantics whilts others are loading words with extra meaning to suit a different argument. Never mind, we'll have to agree to disagree on this one!

[regine_phalange]

Yes, they do it in order for women to pity them and let them into their knickers...

Its always better to pity them without letting them into your knickers.

[ascendotum]

If they are saying their wives don't have sex with them, there is no intimacy, we are like brother and sister, etc. then they are in fact speaking negatively about their wives. And it is most likely a lie.

 

AP's often choose to believe the lying cheater so it won't make them feel bad about themselves and the choices they make. It isn't until about a year out of the affair that you see women say I don't know what to believe. Even then, after he lied to her and stayed in his marriage, they believe that he might have been truthful with them and is just staying for <insert common excuse here>.

 

I don't see how one can tolerate a man being disrespectful to not only his wife but his family too by choosing to have an affair, yet can't tolerate them speaking negatively about his wife. He will one day be speaking negatively about the affair partner too. Because that is how these selfish men roll!

 

Maybe its a lie, maybe a half truth, maybe its a fact. I don't see why for men who cheat it should be assumed its a lie, just because they are engaging in affair. Yes, it will garner sympathy from the OW, but there is also a good chance it could be true. Lots of long term couples have fairly spartan sex lives. Sometimes it suits both, but I would wager more often it only suits one. For all the reasons that millions of people dissolve their marriage when they divorce, the same factors will still play out in marriages that still go on, but based on dedication much more so than love anymore. A number of my friends wives have changed a lot, post marriage + house purchase but more so after the baby. Sometimes the person you fell in love with is not the same person anymore. Its just not so straightforward divorcing for many people, more so when they come out a lot worse financially, so many choose to seek the rush of raw sex on the side. I also have a couple of friends who despite having wonderful gfs could not help themselves with temptation.

 

This question is a bit silly in that it asking for a massive generalization of the motives of millions of MM. As can be seen in the first couple of pages, you going to get answers from both sides of the fence.

Some will do it because its the truth

Some will do it to garner sympathy and falsely justify the cheating

Some wont do it because its not true

Some wont do it because of the negative impression it will convey

[ascendotum]

This is pretty much word for word what happened to me and my MM a few years ago. I heard it all:

 

"She's just staying with me for the big house and nice lifestyle / we had sex a year ago and that's because she was tipsy after a night out / she belittles me to other people / she doesn't care about my work (he's a famous TV producer, I'll leave it at that)"

 

It was all a ploy to get me, a 20 year old girl with zero self esteem who was madly in awe of him, to hate her and suppress the guilt I was feeling for fooling around with him.

 

When she found out about our affair a year after I ended it, I got thrown right under the bus and blamed for all of it "she seduced me / she's obsessed with me / I was in a vulnerable place etc"

 

I hate him. I know that makes me sound crazy but I honestly do. His career has since divebombed and I couldn't be happier. I just hope his wife rinses him of every dime before she kicks his sorry ass to the curb.

 

You're so spiteful. You had an affair with an older MM and it didn't turn out happy ever after so now you take a lot of glee in his downfall when you happily enjoyed the affair while it lasted knowing full well you were banging him behind his wife's back. He may or may not have told you lies about his home life. You don't know for sure. Just because she is an attractive for her age means nothing of her motives or personality behind closed doors.

What would do you expect most cheaters to do when the **** hits the fan over the affair. What's it matter if his wife thought you were the pursuer. You had already finished the affair and had moved on. He didn't wreck your life. Take responsibility for your own actions as the OW.

[Meadowgreen]

You're so spiteful. You had an affair with an older MM and it didn't turn out happy ever after so now you take a lot of glee in his downfall when you happily enjoyed the affair while it lasted knowing full well you were banging him behind his wife's back. He may or may not have told you lies about his home life. You don't know for sure. Just because she is an attractive for her age means nothing of her motives or personality behind closed doors.

What would do you expect most cheaters to do when the **** hits the fan over the affair. What's it matter if his wife thought you were the pursuer. You had already finished the affair and had moved on. He didn't wreck your life. Take responsibility for your own actions as the OW.

 

For your information, absolute stranger who knows **** all about my life, I was NOT happy in the affair and felt guilt about it every day. I was also working for this man, had to see him every day, and was dealing with issues from my childhood (absentee father, molestation, being pimped out on the internet by my own mother, all things this man knew about, fyi) so forgive me if I was stranded in a foreign country and was in need of love and affection from an older, infinitely smarter man.

 

I realise that it's a wonderful thing playing judge, jury and executioner behind your computer screen but I would very much like to see how virtuously you would behave in those conditions.

 

Do I accept responsiblity? Of course I do, hence why I had broken off the affair a whole year before the BS found out. Was I bitter for a long time? Yes I was, because I was stupid enough to believe him when he told me he would leave her specifically to be with me, and being considerably emotoinally vulnerable due to past events, I thought it was love. Am I relieved he didn't? Of course I am. It's better for all concerned this way, but seriously, go **** yourself if you think you know me or my motives. You know **** ****, hence why you're touting that 'holier than thou' attitude like it's a chanel dress.

Edited December 3, 2013 by Meadowgreen

[emva07]

I do think that a lot of men who talk trash about their wives do it so they can get down a girl's pants. Even if it's true that they don't have sex with their wives, and the announce it, that doesn't necessarily mean they will leave her, just means they want YOU to be the one to do it for them.

 

That being said, females should know better than to fall for this age old trick. If a girl gets with a MM, she should know better than to put her eggs into that basket. Yes of course, a lot of girls in their early 20s will think that they are different, that their crotch is so young and smells like flowers so he MUST want her and not the old and crusty W. Thing is, the same way he talked trash about her, he will talk trash about you. Even if you do end up with him, you will become old news too.

 

To me a man who does this speaks volumes not about W, but about the MM.

[Pastypop]

I had a guy tell me one time that his wife was a cripple and was very ill. He also said she was a horrible mother who didn't cook, clean or take care of the kids in anyway. Also said she was a horrible wife who wouldn't have sex with him, was abusive, mean and crazy. He said he was just exhausted from having to be the provider and do all the child rearing, cleaning and etc. He said all of this within the first 10 minutes of the conversation. Seriously, do they actually think people believe this crap? Bet that woman is as healthy as a horse. I told the guy he was full of it and he quit talking to me and went his merry way.