One Month In…What is She thinking?

[jc63]

We've been separated for one month officially. We stayed in good contact every day for the first couple of weeks but now it's down to every couple days. I'm still here at the house, she's been going from friends houses to parents. We're both trying to stay busy and I'm still going through hell and I don't know where her mind is.

 

Here's what I'm doing:

 

I've lost over 30 pounds and still working on no smoking (it's a bad time to quit). I'm staying in contact with friends, making new friends, and even staying in contact with my in-laws. I know that one of the "180s" is to not have contact with her family, but they're my family too and they've been extremely good to me, even now. I found an apartment (hopefully I can get approved), I'll start a job on Jan. 1st after my last gig with my band, and I'm staying in school and keeping up with it.

 

No matter what happens, I will NEVER be the man I was when she left again. The man she left doesn't deserve another chance. Through IC, I've learned how to accept and deal with the BS I went through growing up and hopefully she's doing the same with her IC. We have our first session together next thursday and I'm ready to begin working on our relationship and marriage. She said she is too but I can tell she's still a little apprehensive. I know she's hurt, I know she's confused, and I know she has resentment for me for leaving her alone all the time while I was out on the road. I just hope that with MC, we can work through that and re-spark our love.

 

I just don't have it in me to give up on her, no matter what she's done while separated or even before she left. I don't care what she's done because I know we can work through it. I wasn't there for her emotionally and I wasn't there to build and nurture our marriage during the first two CRUCIAL years. So, if she was persuaded by someone else who was giving that to her, I honestly can't blame her. However, our story and history is good and our love is special. It would be easier for me to give up on her if there was one thing in life that we both didn't want. We both want to be successful, make good money, be educated, have kids, adopt kids, and travel. We both love music and the same types of music. She loves to travel with her friends to music festivals and concerts which is something I love too, but I never could do it because I was always gone playing gigs. I just believe that although the last couple of months were hard, we've had a great five years together and I don't know if her recent memories of me are over shadowing all the good times.

 

We both need time, we both need space. I am going to support her on her nursing trip to Florida in January. I'll be in my little apartment, working my job, and continuing to be a better man and husband for when she comes back. A big part of me is worried that she won't come back and I know that I have to be prepared for that, but a bigger part of me is still confident that I can show her that I am no longer the needy, moody, pathetic man she left. I will be the strong, confident man that she fell in love with that wanted to take care of himself and her.

 

I know I can't control what she's doing and there no sense in trying to figure her out and I know that sitting her alone in the house wondering and thinking about her is just self-torture. However, a part of me wants that torture because I know that I screwed up!

 

Are there any women on these forums that have left their husbands that could give me any advice?

 

Would YOU give me another chance?

Do I deserve it?

 

I know I am and can be what she needs but I know she's scared because of the person I've been. I just hope that after our first session, she continues to go so I can prove it to her.

 

Any strategy advice?

Is there anything I haven't done that could help?

 

Thanks!

[RightThere]

You're doing exactly it. Don't worry about what she is or isn't going to do. Keep on improving and focusing on yourself and if she's willing, she'll see what changes you've made.

[jc63]

Just talked to her on the phone. I stay with NC unless she calls me, which is what happened.

 

She seemed happy to talk to me, asking about my apartment and school stuff. She said it was nice to talk to me and she was thinking about me.

 

Does this mean anything?

Should I be thinking about it that much?

[fluffyfluff]

You will be fine.

 

Your doing all the right things and getting the right responses.

 

Sounds like you got a kick up the butt and your also a fair man to do the work now.

 

Hope it goes well.