Notsure_9 Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 I'm new here but here it goes...I am not really sure what to do, recently a coworker and I have begun flirting and joking and he makes innuendoes also we have also recently stared texting each other bad talking after work hours. Nothing physical has happened and there has been opportunity. The thing about it is we are both married. We have both been around each other's spouses but I have noticed that we do act differently when we are. We do have to be around each other in a daily basis for work. I guess the thing is I'm not really sure what to make of all this. We have talked and neither of us are like this we don't do that but why do we so it with each other? Thank you in advance for the help Link to post Share on other sites
elbe Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 You have a "work boyfriend". It's completely harmless as long as it doesn't escalate from here. I doubt it's worth ruining both of your marriages over a silly fantasy. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 You should tell your husband about your feelings for your co-worker. I'm sure he can help you get over this infatuation. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Notsure_9 Posted November 30, 2013 Author Share Posted November 30, 2013 You should tell your husband about your feelings for your co-worker. I'm sure he can help you get over this infatuation. I get what you're saying but I don't want to bring it up and it cause a problem for nothing. And most of the time I do think it's just harmless flirting. I guess I just don't want it to go to far Link to post Share on other sites
painfullyobvious Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 You're head directly into the storm known as emotional affair. The grass always seems greener over there and soon you will jump over there and then you'll ask yourself why you did it. Head this off now. Stop the flirting, the innuendos and especially the texting after work. You know what you are doing. If you think I am being overly dramatic ask yourself this question... If your husband was standing right behind while these behaviors were going on what would he think? If he would say no big deal your behavior is fine. That is how you measure boundaries with others. If your spouse were standing next to you and saw you and would not like it.... KNOCK IT OFF. If you feel like you have to hide your behavior from your spouse you are most likely already in an emotional affair. Get out before it gets too deep. Figure out why you are seeking attention from others when you are already married. Something is missing. Find it before it finds you 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 recently a coworker and I have begun flirting and joking and he makes innuendoes also we have also recently stared texting each other bad talking after work hours. Why do you think you're motivated to do this? What's missing from your marriage that you find in the relationship with your coworker? Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 I'm new here but here it goes...I am not really sure what to do, recently a coworker and I have begun flirting and joking and he makes innuendoes also we have also recently stared texting each other bad talking after work hours. Nothing physical has happened and there has been opportunity. The thing about it is we are both married. We have both been around each other's spouses but I have noticed that we do act differently when we are. We do have to be around each other in a daily basis for work. I guess the thing is I'm not really sure what to make of all this. We have talked and neither of us are like this we don't do that but why do we so it with each other? Thank you in advance for the help This is exactly how most affairs start, do you really need us to tell you what you are about to foolishly risk, you already know it's wrong or you wouldn't be here. You are putting yourself and your family in danger, your about to bring a third person into your marriage. You are wasting your focus on the wrong person, wake up. If you can't do it in front of your husband, don't do it! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
twosadthings Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 You say "neither of us are like this". Well now you are because you/we are what you say and do. Stop now before your life becomes train meets wreck. If you can't stop, quit your job or get a divorce before you get sued for divorce after your husband finds out and takes the measure of your faithfulness. Just sayin', Twosadthings Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 You are playing with fire. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 You are, indeed, playing with fire. Trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 . We have talked and neither of us are like this we don't do that but why do we so it with each other? OK lets have a little reality check here. Who do you think have affairs and how do you think they come about? Do you think there is an "affair mold" that people come out of and that people that screw around are somehow "different" than the rest of us? Do you think there are affair people and nonaffair people?? Do you think the Affair People have some kind of distinguishing mark that only they can see and when they encounter each other in passing the clothes automatically come of and they bang one out right then and there on the desk??? No. the people that have affairs are nice normal people just like everyone else and in the course of their normal day they encounter another nice normal person just like themselves that catches their eye. They start off with just nice, normal conversation and interaction. then one day there is a little bit prolonged eye contact, maybe a little smirk or smile. The next time maybe a little raised eyebrow. next time a little private joke, next time a little flirt. next time a little innuendo, next time a little compliment, next time a little personal information or some feeling is shared, next time some little more involved personal conversation, next time a little brush on the forearm, next time a little confession of feelings and confession of attraction, next time a little more deliberate touch, next time a little more prolonged touch, next time a hug, next time a quick furtive kiss, next time a real kiss, next time a prolonged kiss with some touching, next time kissing with touching under the clothes, next time some clothes are pushed out of the way and more thorough touching, next time the clothes are out of the way and the mouths are on the boobs and other areas, next time the mouths are on the genitalia, the next time the penis goes into the vagina, the next time the penis goes into the backdoor, the next time there are declarations of love and devotion, the next time there is discussion of dissolving both marriages, the next time is discussion on how to blend the two families, the next time there is discussion on remarriage, the next time there is discussion on having a baby of between the two of them, the next there is discussion with their new friends on their ex spouses and their prior marraiges and discussions of how all the blended families and custody arrangements etc are working out. That is how affairs occur and the steps at which they take place. The question you need to ask yourself is at which step of this you are going to call it quits because the way I see it you are at least already at step 8 and I am assuming there is more than what you are telling us here so let's assume you are really already at Step 10 or higher. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
janedoe67 Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 I get what you're saying but I don't want to bring it up and it cause a problem for nothing. And most of the time I do think it's just harmless flirting. I guess I just don't want it to go to far This was exactly my thinking in the fall of 2004-ish. Less than a year later my marriage was in shambles because of the A that I ended up having with the "harmless work boyfriend." Run. Tell your H. Avoid this man as much as you can. It is not worth it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Notsure_9 Posted November 30, 2013 Author Share Posted November 30, 2013 Why do you think you're motivated to do this? What's missing from your marriage that you find in the relationship with your coworker? Mr. Lucky I don't really know whats missing. We have been married for 5 years we have a child. He recently became somewhat distant but I don't think that caused me to look elsewhere for attention but it could have something to do with it. My husband and I have been through more in the short time we've been married than most people who have been married twice as long (no cheating or anything like that) and I think that has taken a toll on us both Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 You have a "work boyfriend". It's completely harmless as long as it doesn't escalate from here. I doubt it's worth ruining both of your marriages over a silly fantasy. A work boy friend and it's harmless? What next? A grocery store boyfriend? A gas station boyfriend? A mail man boyfriend? The only boyfriend she should have is the man she comes home to every night. My God, all that comes down to is it's acceptable. Maybe if she's single but she's MARRIED. There shouldn't be any other man in her life and sure as God made little green apples, things can get real ugly if she doesn't stop and to make matters worse, she knows the OM's wife and the OM knows her husband. Should make for a real interesting day if one of them slip up and say or do something that tips off both betrayed spouses. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Notsure_9 Posted November 30, 2013 Author Share Posted November 30, 2013 OK lets have a little reality check here. Who do you think have affairs and how do you think they come about? Do you think there is an "affair mold" that people come out of and that people that screw around are somehow "different" than the rest of us? Do you think there are affair people and nonaffair people?? No I'm well aware that's not the way things work. Maybe I should have been a little more specific at what I was saying. What I meant was that we have both talked about how normally we are not flirty people and so the flirting and innuendos is not something that we do. Meaning some people are naturally flirty and we are not so why now Link to post Share on other sites
Author Notsure_9 Posted November 30, 2013 Author Share Posted November 30, 2013 This was exactly my thinking in the fall of 2004-ish. Less than a year later my marriage was in shambles because of the A that I ended up having with the "harmless work boyfriend." Run. Tell your H. Avoid this man as much as you can. It is not worth it. If you don't mind my asking but did it start in the same way that I mentioned with the flirting, texting etc Link to post Share on other sites
twosadthings Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Talking about how you don't usually flirt is nothing less than flirting. You don't need old war stories to know you're doing wrong and to get a grip on yourself before you next return to work. Twosadthings Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 My husband and I have been through more in the short time we've been married than most people who have been married twice as long (no cheating or anything like that) and I think that has taken a toll on us both Can you be more explicit? What kinds of problems are you talking about? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 I don't really know whats missing. We have been married for 5 years we have a child. He recently became somewhat distant but I don't think that caused me to look elsewhere for attention but it could have something to do with it. My husband and I have been through more in the short time we've been married than most people who have been married twice as long (no cheating or anything like that) and I think that has taken a toll on us both You seem smart enough to realize that marriage is a zero sum game. Any emotional energy invested in this other relationship is at your husband's - and your marriage's - expense. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know when I say you'd be better served by investing your time and energy in fixing the existing problems in your marriage. This side relationship is a distraction and a dangerous one at that. Were the tables turned, I'd assume you'd expect no less of your spouse... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 I'm new here but here it goes...I am not really sure what to do, recently a coworker and I have begun flirting and joking and he makes innuendoes also we have also recently stared texting each other bad talking after work hours. Nothing physical has happened and there has been opportunity. The thing about it is we are both married. We have both been around each other's spouses but I have noticed that we do act differently when we are. We do have to be around each other in a daily basis for work. I guess the thing is I'm not really sure what to make of all this. We have talked and neither of us are like this we don't do that but why do we so it with each other? Thank you in advance for the help How would you feel if your husband was doing what you're doing with another woman he worked with and you found out about it. It's selfish what you're doing. It's one thing to have a fun flirtation, feeds the ego and you both don't take it seriously, but it sounds like the intention could be there to take it to another level and/or you're getting feelings for him. That is bad and it'll affect your marriage, make you detach from your husband as you'll spend tons of energy and thought into your co worker. Just stop! Focus that energy into your husband and go on a fun date night. You are playing with fire and playing a dangerous game at work. Your reputations are at risk as well. I'm sure others are noticing, so be careful. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 I get what you're saying but I don't want to bring it up and it cause a problem for nothing. And most of the time I do think it's just harmless flirting. I guess I just don't want it to go to far Then STOP Flirting with the co worker! You're not getting paid to do that so focus on your work stuff and just back off of that guy. Keep busy and when he's joking around or being flirty give him a few subtle hints you're done with that. Don't make it into something more than it really is. Link to post Share on other sites
janedoe67 Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 If you don't mind my asking but did it start in the same way that I mentioned with the flirting, texting etc Yep, sure did. No special snowflakes in the affair world. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Notsure_9 Posted November 30, 2013 Author Share Posted November 30, 2013 Can you be more explicit? What kinds of problems are you talking about? I'm just talking about certain things that we have been through not problems within the marriage. I had tons of complications after I had our child and came extremely close to not making it through it all. He was there with me through all of it but I became very withdrawn for a long time. I did go to therapy to deal with my issues with what happened but it affected us as a couple I did try to get him to go to therapy/counseling with me but he didn't. That's just one example of something that has had an affect on the relationship Link to post Share on other sites
karnak Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 I don't really know whats missing. We have been married for 5 years we have a child. He recently became somewhat distant but I don't think that caused me to look elsewhere for attention but it could have something to do with it. My husband and I have been through more in the short time we've been married than most people who have been married twice as long (no cheating or anything like that) and I think that has taken a toll on us both Read Michelle Langley's books. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 I'm just talking about certain things that we have been through not problems within the marriage. I had tons of complications after I had our child and came extremely close to not making it through it all. He was there with me through all of it but I became very withdrawn for a long time. I did go to therapy to deal with my issues with what happened but it affected us as a couple I did try to get him to go to therapy/counseling with me but he didn't. That's just one example of something that has had an affect on the relationship So there aren't any big problems in your marriage, he was there for you through your health issues, you became withdrawn and... ...you've decided that the next step is to go outside your marriage? I'm always amazed when people acting in such obviously self-destructive ways ask for advice. What do you think the answer is ??? Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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