arielrose Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Here goes, I've never done this before. But it feels like I'm dying holding it all in. We've been together for six years, married for a year. I met him junior year, he's a year older. We went through tons of teenage stuff. But we got passed it. He started staying with my family and I early on because his home life wasnt right. Well we got passed a lot of things him dropping out of school, I devoted a lot of myself to him. Lost a lot of touch with my friends. By the time I graduated high school all my efforts went into him. Here we are some years later married. Now it seems as soon after we got married he changed. Regressed. He started smoking pot, drinking, and hanging with loser friends. Then to top it off he quit his job of almost three years in which my dad got him. I still stuck around, despite it all. I stuck around. Then he starts this social media BS and talking to females, he didn't even want me to have his IG. He wanted to keep it a secret from me. I find out that he's talking to this woman, and of course I get mad. He tells me well you're my wife but you're supposed to be my friend so if you won't I'll talk to other females. He can have friends fine but he was flirting with the girl and whatnot. Still I forgave him. Now recently in the beginning of September we got into an argument. I leave for work and when I get to work I get a call from my mother saying my valuable was missing. I call asking him where it was he told me outer space. From there it went downhill. We argued and said really harsh things to eachother. The next day he comes over and gets his things then takes these earrings he bought me five years ago. I was so hurt. I feel like it could've been avoided if he hadn't stole you know. Now he's all self-righteous and he says I hurt him. He wants a divorce and how he doesn't love me because I said unforgettable things. I'm just at a loss. I wanna fight for my marriage. I cry, email him, and he doesn't respond. I don't wanna play games I just wanna fix it but I don't feel like it's my fault. I shouldn't be the one crying. I gave him my all. He cheated, I never did, he chose his friends over me and I never did. He was verbally abusive. My family is telling me that its a blessing that we've broken up but I can't say I feel one hundred percent the same. I gave him everything. First, and only person I've ever been with. I wish I could go back in time and fix things. I don't know. Ariel Link to post Share on other sites
Author arielrose Posted November 30, 2013 Author Share Posted November 30, 2013 Also he recently told me he had been talking to a girl so he could get over me but had to stop. He would tell me he misses me and stuff but he can't see us being together maybe in some years. But says right now he wants to party and whatnot. It just hurts why did you even marry me?! Link to post Share on other sites
Aimee1978 Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 I'm sorry to hear this:( You guys been together for 6 years...don't give up! Trust me he still LOVES you and is confused right now. You may still have an opportunity to change his mind. Ask his – preferably, at a calm time when you're both feeling introspective – what he thinks went wrong with your marriage. Good Luck Aimee Link to post Share on other sites
Canadiangirl78 Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 First off, I am so very sorry for what you are going through. Please know that this is a great place with great people and amazing insight. There are many different schools of thought here and that's what makes it so helpful during a rough time such as this. Please come here as often as you need to vent, we will be here to listen and/or help in any way possible. With all that said, I will say that this sort of behaviour is common amongst couples who get together as teenagers (a just going on the number of couples I personally know that this has happened to). When a couple get serious at a time people are figuring out who they are, likes, dislikes, exploring sexuality and their tastes in men/women etc, it is common that one person or the other want to go back and try to relive what they think they missed out on. I was married in July at 19, had my first son in August and turned 20 in September..it was a scary time in my life. I didn't want to be married but went against everything inside me and did it anyway. I ended the relationship when my son was 3, I couldn't do it anymore because I didn't love him the way I thought I should. My story isn't really comparable to yours but I'm just saying I understand getting together at a young age.i think, and this is obviously only a guess, but I wonder if he may be trying to figure himself out, party with buddies and want to live his own life right now, all the things a young single guy does. I'm curious to know, had there been any signs that this was coming? Or was it a total blindside to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author arielrose Posted November 30, 2013 Author Share Posted November 30, 2013 Thanks for the insight. And I was blindsided. The behavior happened out of nowhere. He wanted to be married more than me. I can't figure out what triggered it. Only thing I asked out of the whole relationship was for him not to play games. I feel like he played games and then backed out when he pushed me over the edge. Him stealing was to get my attention, but he didnt expect such a big reaction. I dont know. It just saddens me because we were bestfriends. I dont wanna chase him but I don't want to give up. Link to post Share on other sites
Canadiangirl78 Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Here's my thoughts, take them or leave them.. If he is stealing things, lying etc, do you think it's possible that he's involved in drugs? When I read the part of your story where you said HE is mad at YOU for saying hurtful things, it made me so angry that my hair stood up on end. He is trying to turn the blame to you so that the things he is doing gets swept under the rug. This could go one of two ways, he either parties like this for some time and realizes that he's actually a grown married man with responsibilities and comes crawling back, or this is the 'new' him and This is the life he now wants to live, without you.. I know it's hard when you feel like you've put yourself on hold for someone and overlooked so many things because you love them and want to make them happy. But, that's the danger in doing that, you go balls out and suddenly your partner changes, leaves and you have no idea who you are anymore. That's tough, I've been there. My advice to you is to start finding out who YOU are. Do things that you've always wanted to do but didn't because of him..go do them! Get your hair cut, meet new people. Just find out who you are separate from him. I'm sure you will get a lot of helpful advice from others. And I'm sure that someone who is a pro at NC (no contact) will be able to help aswell. I wish you all the best honey, my heart really hurts for you. If you need to talk, we are here. Link to post Share on other sites
Oberfeldwebel Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Ariel, is this really the life that you want to lead? Is this a person you want to have a family with in the future? Please take off the Rose colored glasses, I think that it is time you end this roller coaster ride. Link to post Share on other sites
Author arielrose Posted December 1, 2013 Author Share Posted December 1, 2013 The advice has been wonderful. For the past few days I've been sulking. And recently had a conversation with him. He told me he didn't care if I starved, get sick with a disease just tons of horrible things. Basically telling me he didnt care about me. The straw was him telling me that I made up being molested as a child. I haven't told anyone that but him. It made me see him for who he truly is. And though it may hurt, I'll heal and I'll be fine one day. I'm okay right now writing this. I'm happy it happened now. No children involved. He's a loser for stooping so low to blatantly trying to be hurtful. So im done. No contact at all. All i have to do is mail his ignorant ass those divorce papers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author arielrose Posted December 1, 2013 Author Share Posted December 1, 2013 Btw thanks. Better advice, well more advice than my so-called friends. I appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author arielrose Posted February 9, 2014 Author Share Posted February 9, 2014 So update, things got really bad. I've been diagnosed with depression, I was cutting myself and yeah it wasn't pretty. I broke NC, and ended up at his place. We spent the night no sex, we just laid together. He wanted to hold me, he cried to me and let on about how he wanted us to be best friends. How he didn't want me to hate him, actually cried to me. The next day I left, we spoke on the phone and things were cool. Then a few days later he started acting funny. I went back NC. Then I had a bad dream seeing him die in the dream. I called checking on him and he accused me of calling him incessantly on NYE and how I was probably sad and lonely. I didn't but it just hurt that he wanted me to feel that way. Well I went NC for about a week again after that. Then I broke it, I was sad and depressed cutting, and I felt like I would hurt myself I was trying to really kill myself. My wrists are majorly scarred well basically he emailed me, and I guess I got what I asked for. He exactly called me a stupid ****ing person. He then called my father and told my father I talk about my family which was a lie. Then told my father how he let me stay the night at his house because it was cold outside and he felt sorry for me. Told my father to tell me to stay out his life. My father told him he was a piece of **** for involving him, and gossiping. He said he would make sure his daughter didn't contact. I haven't contacted him since my dad has told me that. I couldn't believe he'd actually do that, stoop so low as to try and create problems with my family. He also told my father I wanted to kill myself just so he'd pity me. Funny thing is I still feel the same way about dying, and I'm not crying for his attention. It has been 25 days NC. I don't believe in love or soulmates or that thing. People tell you you're young but in this whole thing I feel mentally and physically drained. I feel old. I've lost about 20 pounds and my hair is falling out. It hurts physically. I'll hit myself, punch my thighs until I bruise badly. And it'll feel better for the moment but my life is still in shambles, and I lost my job. Just an update. I doubt I'll live long after this. I'm not looking forward to it. - Ariel Link to post Share on other sites
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