Sister is OW and getting into a huge mess. What can I do?

[threelaurels]

Always according to my sister, the wife is maniac depressive. When they began to consider separation a couple of years ago, and because she had been a stay at home mom for almost 20 years, they decided to continue living together while she pursues a vocational degree. She will graduate in the summer of 2014 (and apparently she already has an entry level job lined up). He was paying for her studies. This is the reason, he claims, that explains why the divorce will take place in 2014. Again, unless he is a pathological liar, I could find that believable.

 

This story doesn't make sense. Paying for a stay-at-home parent's education so that they can enter the job market post-divorce is almost always a condition of alimony. They call it rehabilitative alimony, if you want to look it up. There is no reason for him to remain married, since the divorce decree will almost certainly make him pay for it anyway. He will be paying her alimony regardless if they have been married for 20 years.

[Got it]

I think, as a sister, you have the right to voice your opinion as well as also letting it go and stepping back. Things may work out exactly as they imagine or it may not; only time will tell. But regardless, everyone has to walk their own path.

 

I do recommend telling her to look online for support. I am afraid that bringing in another dynamic of a child into this is going to be a stressful situation that isn't going to be as smooth as they envision. And they still have the unknown dynamic of the wife not knowing about her. Regardless of where he says the marriage is going, there have been many ex wives that get quite upset when their ex dates/marries again; add in that it is while they are still married and if his story isn't 100% true will be perceived as a full affair. Well, that is all going to impact the kids and their transition.

 

Have you asked her what the rush is? If they are going to be together forever, why the rush to immediately have kids?

 

Anyway, I am someone that married my MM and things were never as smooth as they are dreaming.

[Iguanna]

Ok I may sound bad, but I kinda am happy that your sister got pregnant while she wanted a baby anyway. All married men have their wife, their kids and their mistress and the mistress has nothing and has to wait for his highness to make some time to see her. At least now he will accept his responsibilities, now he doesn't owe only to his wife, he owes to his mistress as well. He may be irresponsible but at least your sister will be more sure now that he will take a divorce and marry her.

 

In my opinion, everything happens in life. With calling names and hating her etc nothing will change. She needs your support for her baby to come and you have to be there for her, even if you don't accept her decisions.

[Mickey_Fitzpatrick]

I do have another question: could a man that claims to be planning to divorce but actually has no intention to divorce be actually happy about expecting a baby with his OW? It is the fact that he is happy about the pregnancy that makes me believe he is truthful about his intention to divorce... Or am I being naive as well?

 

 

So he is letting his manic-depressive wife watch his kids alone every night of the week while he is out playing house with your sister? He can't divorce, but he can leave her alone with the kids every single day of the week while he works and every single night of the week while he plays house with your sister? But he can't divorce her because she doesn't work? So no stay-at-home mothers ever get divorced?

 

 

I'm sorry, there is no way to view this guy in a positive light. She stayed home and raised his kids, now he doesn't want to pay her for it? He would have had to pay someone else to watch them if his wife didn't do it. He sounds like a real ****-heel.

 

 

 

I don't think there is a good way to judge his intentions. I rarely pay attention to what people say if their actions don't match up. Do his actions match up? In my opinion, not yet. There are a lot of messed up people in this world. The other problem is, as you pointed out I think in your first post, how is all this going to work? The guy has a family, he will have an ex-wife who is manic-depressive, and he will have kids he still is responsible to be a dad to. Maybe he wants to get rid of his kids along with his wife, never see the kids again, and start over with your wife. Who knows what is going on inside of his messed up head?

[Got it]

Ok I may sound bad, but I kinda am happy that your sister got pregnant while she wanted a baby anyway. All married men have their wife, their kids and their mistress and the mistress has nothing and has to wait for his highness to make some time to see her. At least now he will accept his responsibilities, now he doesn't owe only to his wife, he owes to his mistress as well. He may be irresponsible but at least your sister will be more sure now that he will take a divorce and marry her.

 

In my opinion, everything happens in life. With calling names and hating her etc nothing will change. She needs your support for her baby to come and you have to be there for her, even if you don't accept her decisions.

 

I am confused by this statement? I have siblings and I don't feel that I have to be there for them "no matter what". There are certain things that I would pull back from. Doesn't mean I don't care about them but doesn't mean I have to support their decisions either.

[Iguanna]

I am confused by this statement? I have siblings and I don't feel that I have to be there for them "no matter what". There are certain things that I would pull back from. Doesn't mean I don't care about them but doesn't mean I have to support their decisions either.

 

I'm not saying you should participate or agree or do whatever your siblings do, but when they fall you have to be there for them. This is what relatives are for, you can never beat the "blood connection".

[thinkingofhim]

I agree you should recommend your sister to look at these boards, they are a real eye opener for sure.....

[AlwaysGrowing]

I'm not saying you should participate or agree or do whatever your siblings do, but when they fall you have to be there for them. This is what relatives are for, you can never beat the "blood connection".

 

 

And sometimes being there includes...letting them live their own consequences.

 

I also don't understand the concept of unconditional support.

 

I get to pick and choose where my finite emotional energy goes..and investing into someone who is an emotional leech....always living in drama is a waste of my own resources.

 

Do not work harder than those you are seeking to help.

[Got it]

I'm not saying you should participate or agree or do whatever your siblings do, but when they fall you have to be there for them. This is what relatives are for, you can never beat the "blood connection".

 

Sorry, I don't agree. Blood does not mean you should allow toxic relationships in one's life. Now, I am not talking about the OP's situation, per say, but I do not agree that a carte blanche rule that blood needs to always be forgiven or supported is true.

 

It really is going to depend on one's household growing up but my dad was estranged from his sister and mother due to their personalities and while I care for my siblings I just can't see unconditional support. In fact, I have non blood relationships that I am closer to than blood.

[AlwaysGrowing]

Ok I may sound bad, but I kinda am happy that your sister got pregnant while she wanted a baby anyway. All married men have their wife, their kids and their mistress and the mistress has nothing and has to wait for his highness to make some time to see her. At least now he will accept his responsibilities, now he doesn't owe only to his wife, he owes to his mistress as well. He may be irresponsible but at least your sister will be more sure now that he will take a divorce and marry her.

 

In my opinion, everything happens in life. With calling names and hating her etc nothing will change. She needs your support for her baby to come and you have to be there for her, even if you don't accept her decisions.

 

 

Wow....so much f'ed up thinking there.

 

So, using another person (a child no less) so that one can get someone elses attention is a person who is so needy that a child/infant is the last thing that should be in their life.

 

To view a child as now you are owed is also faulty. The other parent is owed nothing....the child is....the other parent...sorry.

 

I thought the idea that a man or woman must marry because of pregnancy went out when women got the vote.

 

 

And things do happen in life...with the exception of nature and science...it all happens due to the choices/decisions of man.

[KathyM]

I think, as a sister, you are obligated to try to provide good counsel and be looking out for her and try to protect her. It's pretty normal to want what's best for your sister, and want her to avoid what might harm her. I am the same way with my sisters. I offer my advice and hope they take it. Sometimes they don't, and I am there to pick up the pieces, such as when my sister married a man who was divorced multiple times, and her marriage to him eventually ended. Sometimes they do listen, and when they've taken your advice and things work out well, they'll be pretty glad you were there for them to try to steer them in the right direction.

 

In your sister's case, unfortunately, because of the pregnancy, things are very complicated. The MM will be in your sister's life permanently because of their shared child. It sounds like he is planning to leave his marriage and be with your sister by the time she has the baby. I don't think there's much you can offer her at this point, in the way of advice, except maybe to tell her to give him a deadline as to when he needs to have ended the living arrangements with his wife and to have started a full time relationship with her. To suggest that she leave him altogether is no longer doable, since they have a child together now.

[Iguanna]

It's hypocritical to get surprised when you hear a man married a woman cause she got pregnant. Women starting to vote has nothing to do with their biological clock ticking and wanting to be mothers. Men always hesitate about having a child so what mostly happens is that women "accidentally" get pregnant and they get married and be a happy family. This always happened and always will happen. The only bad thing in this situation is that the man involved is married, but this is his fault as well firstly and secondly he says he's separated already and living there for the kids. Well this pregnancy will "push" his divorce to happen a little earlier than he thought. It's also hypocritical to say that the alimony paid by men is ALWAYS used for kids only. We have no way of knowing this, how the mother uses this money. And I'm sorry to say but a man who gets married has an obligation towards his wife as well cause she is also the mother of his kids and he should want her to be healthy. I mean, wouldn't it be right to help her if she got sick and she needed support?

 

As for "using another person (a child no less) so that one can get someone elses attention" it is not valid in this situation, he is responsible for her getting pregnant equally as she is, he was not in another continent when it happened. We haven't heard from OP that her sister deliberately got pregnant or she deceived the MM into getting pregnant. I just said that now that this happened things will come to a solution a bit faster, plus a child being born is a blessing anyway. I don't see anyone getting hurt here, the MM and his wife are already separated, his kids have to learn to live with it, there is a new sibling who will be born soon and MM and OP's sister will be happy together. I don't see why there is a problem with this.

[threelaurels]

It's hypocritical to get surprised when you hear a man married a woman cause she got pregnant. Women starting to vote has nothing to do with their biological clock ticking and wanting to be mothers. Men always hesitate about having a child so what mostly happens is that women "accidentally" get pregnant and they get married and be a happy family. This always happened and always will happen. The only bad thing in this situation is that the man involved is married, but this is his fault as well firstly and secondly he says he's separated already and living there for the kids. Well this pregnancy will "push" his divorce to happen a little earlier than he thought. It's also hypocritical to say that the alimony paid by men is ALWAYS used for kids only. We have no way of knowing this, how the mother uses this money. And I'm sorry to say but a man who gets married has an obligation towards his wife as well cause she is also the mother of his kids and he should want her to be healthy. I mean, wouldn't it be right to help her if she got sick and she needed support?

 

As for "using another person (a child no less) so that one can get someone elses attention" it is not valid in this situation, he is responsible for her getting pregnant equally as she is, he was not in another continent when it happened. We haven't heard from OP that her sister deliberately got pregnant or she deceived the MM into getting pregnant. I just said that now that this happened things will come to a solution a bit faster, plus a child being born is a blessing anyway. I don't see anyone getting hurt here, the MM and his wife are already separated, his kids have to learn to live with it, there is a new sibling who will be born soon and MM and OP's sister will be happy together. I don't see why there is a problem with this.

 

You don't think his kids are getting hurt while he ignores them for days at a time to be with OP's sister? You don't think it will hurt them when they see their half-sibling and wonder why Daddy left them to start a "new" family? These kids will have no time to adjust to the divorce at all. Their world will be thrown upside down, and they will suffer because of their father and OP's actions. This will not be a happy story for them.

 

Unless you don't have a uterus, you are risking pregnancy by having unprotected sex. I am living proof that even people who have been told by doctors that they are "infertile" can conceive. They may not have been deliberately trying to have a child, but choosing to have unprotected sex means you are deliberately opening yourself up to the risk of pregnancy.

[Iguanna]

You don't think his kids are getting hurt while he ignores them for days at a time to be with OP's sister? You don't think it will hurt them when they see their half-sibling and wonder why Daddy left them to start a "new" family? These kids will have no time to adjust to the divorce at all. Their world will be thrown upside down, and they will suffer because of their father and OP's actions. This will not be a happy story for them.

 

Him ignoring them for days is not the matter of the OW. We have learned to blame the OW for everything. This man had chosen to get a divorce and live with his wife as separated man waiting to get the divorce finalized before meeting the OW. It was a matter of time before he met someone, he wouldn't live as a hermit for 3 years (as he had planned before the divorce). Kids knew or should have known that mom and dad had a bad relationship and they are going to live separately sooner or later. They have already had 2 years to adjust. I don't want to sound insensitive but the decision had been made before OW showed up, 2 years ago. These things happen and if MM handles this matter cautiously and with sensitivity, his kids will not suffer from this separation and new sibling. All I want to say is, the OW only expedited something that would happen anyway.

 

Unless you don't have a uterus, you are risking pregnancy by having unprotected sex. I am living proof that even people who have been told by doctors that they are "infertile" can conceive. They may not have been deliberately trying to have a child, but choosing to have unprotected sex means you are deliberately opening yourself up to the risk of pregnancy.

 

So this applies only to the woman? The man had no idea about this? Is she the only person to blame?

[AlwaysGrowing]

Him ignoring them for days is not the matter of the OW. We have learned to blame the OW for everything. This man had chosen to get a divorce and live with his wife as separated man waiting to get the divorce finalized before meeting the OW. It was a matter of time before he met someone, he wouldn't live as a hermit for 3 years (as he had planned before the divorce). Kids knew or should have known that mom and dad had a bad relationship and they are going to live separately sooner or later. They have already had 2 years to adjust. I don't want to sound insensitive but the decision had been made before OW showed up, 2 years ago. These things happen and if MM handles this matter cautiously and with sensitivity, his kids will not suffer from this separation and new sibling. All I want to say is, the OW only expedited something that would happen anyway.

 

 

 

So this applies only to the woman? The man had no idea about this? Is she the only person to blame?

 

 

If that is the stance this OW takes, then it will come of no surprise when her new step-children take the same stance in regard to her child.

 

Oh...there will be suffering...no getting around that. All one can do, is try to mitigate it.

 

You seem to have a very simplistic approach to these types of situations. Pooh-poohing any suggestion of difficulties. That all that matters is how the "ME" feels. That "ME" trumps any other person, that it is okay...to hurt another as long as "ME" is getting what "ME" wants. That how someone else feels is of no concern....and everyone else just has to live with it.

 

In the real world, how everyone lives with a person who is "ME" centered...is they extract them from their life.

 

And more times than not...the "ME" person spends their life...going through people like tissues.

[threelaurels]

Him ignoring them for days is not the matter of the OW. We have learned to blame the OW for everything. This man had chosen to get a divorce and live with his wife as separated man waiting to get the divorce finalized before meeting the OW. It was a matter of time before he met someone, he wouldn't live as a hermit for 3 years (as he had planned before the divorce). Kids knew or should have known that mom and dad had a bad relationship and they are going to live separately sooner or later. They have already had 2 years to adjust. I don't want to sound insensitive but the decision had been made before OW showed up, 2 years ago. These things happen and if MM handles this matter cautiously and with sensitivity, his kids will not suffer from this separation and new sibling. All I want to say is, the OW only expedited something that would happen anyway.

 

If she is planning to marry him, she will be their stepmother. The kids are part of the package. According to OP's post, the kids do not know the parents are divorcing. They most likely do not know about their parents' marital problems. Parents are not supposed to fight in front of their kids or burden them with marital problems. Plus, two of them are under 12. They most likely don't understand the complexity of adult romantic relationships. All they know is what they feel, and they will feel abandoned and unloved by their father.

 

So this applies only to the woman? The man had no idea about this? Is she the only person to blame?

 

Just because it takes two to tango doesn't diminish her responsibility in the situation. They are both responsible for the hurt they will cause. Besides, this thread is about OP's sister, not MM. If someone was looking for advice for him, I would tell them the same thing. If OP's sister cannot look beyond her own selfish desires to see how her actions are affecting other people, including that of her unborn child, she should not be a parent. Unfortunately, child services will not take away kids for that reason alone.

 

Give it five years and, if they live near me, the youngest two will be in my juvenile delinquency intervention program. I see it all the time. Some people just shouldn't be parents, and it sounds like this MM is one of them. We can only hope he won't abandon this unborn child too the next time his needs have to be met. Sound like OP's sister chose a great father for her child.

[ClemsonTigers]

My sister began dating a married man about 3 months ago, an I am concerned she is getting into, and creating, a huge mess.

 

The man is almost 50, and has 4 kids (two of them less than 12 yr old). He claims he has been separated, but living in the same house as his wife, for at least 2 years, and has long been planning to divorce next year, they were already working on the logistics of the divorce. Apparently, he hasn't told the younger kids that dad and mom are going to divorce. My sister is a rather naive mid-30s yr old, with little experience with guys (and perhaps getting desperate about finding a man) He express his attraction for her about 3 months ago, and she fell for him. When she told me, I was really apprehensive and expressed my concerned, but she told me that everything was under control: they really liked each other, but were going to wait until his divorce was official to start a relationship.

 

It looks like she was either misleading herself or misleading me, or both. It looks like, after only a couple of months of dating, he is telling her that he wants to marry her and have a new family with her. They are seeing each other almost every night, and spending many nights together -- which means, besides other things, that he is being completely uninvolved with his own kids (I don't know if wife knows of his new relationship). And last week, my sister told me that she is pregnant (!!!)

 

She is now telling me that she realizes they should have taken greater precautions, but that she loves him (and he loves her), that he is the man of her life, that they both want to have the baby, that he is trying to expedite the divorce, and that they are going to be together forever after. The baby is due in July, around the time his divorce should be finalized. He also told my sister that she should not be concerned about his kids' reaction to the new baby -- that his kids are going to love their new half sibling.

 

I am extremely concerned about the whole situation: what kind of man tells his new girlfriend, after only a couple of months of dating, that he wants to marry her of and have kids? What kind of father pretty much abandons his kids by spending half the week outside the family home with the new girlfriend? What kind of man thinks that his kids are going to react happily to "ok kids, I am divorcing your mother and leaving by the end of the summer, when, by the way, you are going to have a baby half sibling." And what the hell is she thinking about having unprotected sex and getting pregnant by a married man with kids she has only been dating for two months?!? And by the way, she is telling me that she doesn't really want to be, and doesn't feel prepared to be, a step mom.

 

I have told her that they are both being extremely selfish and incredibly stupid, living in la la land and about to create a big mess. She hanged up the phone on me. I don't know what, if anything, I can do. Any words of wisdom out there?

 

If she was my sister I'd call up the MM's wife and ask her about the situation. Tell her you are sister and looking out for your sister by confirming that what the MM said is the truth. You don't want to hound or berate your sister for making a huge mistake if it's actually as the MM says. Since you have your doubts you thought calling her would best clear the air in your family. Don't hesitate to tell her sister is pregnant. The sooner that fact is discovered by MM's family the better.

 

If the situation blows up…it's not your fault…MM shouldn't have lied to your sister and|or sister should have been more forthright with you. You were just confirming what you were told. If your sister is actually in the dark too…then a blow up is just what she needs while she still has options (like putting the baby up for adoption or preparing to raise it alone which I'd guess is going to be the most likely option no matter what you do as MM rarely follow through with divorce and a quick remarriage).

 

I bet his wife could use some allies trying to break up her husband's affair with your foolish sister and save her family of 4 kids.

 

I know it's the hard thing to do…but I guarantee it's the right thing to do.

Edited December 3, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Iguanna]

 

If she was my sister I'd call up the MM's wife and ask her about the situation. Tell her you are sister and looking out for your sister by confirming that what the MM said is the truth. You don't want to hound or berate your sister for making a huge mistake if it's actually as the MM says. Since you have your doubts you thought calling her would best clear the air in your family. Don't hesitate to tell her sister is pregnant. The sooner that fact is discovered by MM's family the better.

 

If the situation blows up…it's not your fault…MM shouldn't have lied to your sister and|or sister should have been more forthright with you. You were just confirming what you were told. If your sister is actually in the dark too…then a blow up is just what she needs while she still has options (like putting the baby up for adoption or preparing to raise it alone which I'd guess is going to be the most likely option no matter what you do as MM rarely follow through with divorce and a quick remarriage).

 

I bet his wife could use some allies trying to break up her husband's affair with your foolish sister and save her family of 4 kids.

 

I know it's the hard thing to do…but I guarantee it's the right thing to do.

 

 

What you suggest OP does is to say the least petty. She has no right to intervene with her adult sister's life as you suggest, call his wife and reveal the situation. Not because her sister is innocent or because the MM is not to blame - I can't even come close to blame anyone cause I don't know all the facts of the story - but because OP simply has NO RIGHT to take her sister's life into her hands and do whatever she wants. I am scared when I'm imagining of a world where all relatives could control our lives. Scary scary scary. Like she or any other relative is the sinless and they get to judge and control other people's lives. Omg. OMG!

Edited December 3, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Quote edited and response thereto redacted.

[ClemsonTigers]

I'm not saying you should participate or agree or do whatever your siblings do, but when they fall you have to be there for them. This is what relatives are for, you can never beat the "blood connection".

 

This is where I am confused…earlier in the thread you said relatives should be there for their siblings and that is precisely what I am suggesting. It appears her sister is making a huge mistake and error in judgment. Her sister needs a relative to step up and help her by confronting this illicit situation head-on. Perhaps it's not a mistake at all and everyone (the sis, the MM and his wife) are all fine with it…then it's no harm ~ no foul if the original poster calls the wife to confirm the story.

 

If your siblings won't get off their hands and help you…who will? I'm not going to just stand there for fear of causing some unrest while my sister MAY BE destroying her life and the lives of several others. There isn't a downside to the truth.

 

Evil wins while good men remain silent.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

Evil? Where is this label coming from?

 

She just needs to be there for her and guide her through this - be her sister - be there for her - period.

[ClemsonTigers]

Evil? Where is this label coming from?

 

The evil may lay in the shame and fear of speaking about this situation. It may be felt as regret years from now when she wishes she had spoke up on her sisters behalf and didn't. It may be this is an 'evil' adulterous relationship. I don't think just because I'm in the OM/OW section I had to agree that affairs aren't evil.

 

 

just needs to be there for her and guide her through this - be her sister - be there for her - period.

 

Exactly what I proposed. "Guide her" towards the truth. It's most likely MM is lying his butt off to her and if the OP's sister isn't thinking clearly, as typically for wayward spouses, then the OP needs to step in and "be there for her".

 

Also…I'd be worried about my sister's life. It's quite possibly she's soon going to find out MM is a liar that isn't going to leave his wife. This is gonna be devastating. Especially for a 30 something woman in her first significant relationship. Such revelations have resulted in suicides. It is better for the OP to get this truth once and for all today than the slow drip drip drip of it's revelation over the coming months as MM continues cake-eating and gas lighting both his women.

 

Again…I may be wrong. They may indeed be divorcing and he may indeed intend to marry the sister. If such is the case I can't see why calling the soon to be x wife to confirm would be a problem for anyone. Just a rightfully concerned sibling looking out for their sister.

[ThatsJustHowIRoll]

I actually agree with Clemson Tigers. Contact the BS. It shouldn't be an issue if all is as MM says it is.

 

If it's not, best your sister finds out NOW while there are still options.

 

She included you in this mess. You are doing this in the spirit of your sisters best interests. Put a stop to the promises and what ifs and conjecture now. Better than delivering and finding out NEXT JULY that he still isn't leaving.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

And I don't think labeling it as "evil" is helping anything either. It is your definition and it doesn't help the situation. I could say your perspective is evil as well and it doesn't make it right.

 

I disagree - it is not in her best interest to make the BS aware. I think it will destroy her relationship with her sister. Not a wise move. Best to be there for her and make recommendations moving toward the path that makes sense and even offer to stand beside her while she does those things.

Edited December 3, 2013 by lilmisscantbewrong

[jlola]

Him ignoring them for days is not the matter of the OW. We have learned to blame the OW for everything. This man had chosen to get a divorce and live with his wife as separated man waiting to get the divorce finalized before meeting the OW. It was a matter of time before he met someone, he wouldn't live as a hermit for 3 years (as he had planned before the divorce). Kids knew or should have known that mom and dad had a bad relationship and they are going to live separately sooner or later. They have already had 2 years to adjust. I don't want to sound insensitive but the decision had been made before OW showed up, 2 years ago. These things happen and if MM handles this matter cautiously and with sensitivity, his kids will not suffer from this separation and new sibling. All I want to say is, the OW only expedited something that would happen anyway.

 

?

I am a child who's father and MOW had an affair child. It was humiliating to explain to people why my half-sister is 3 years older than me, while my full sisters are 6& 7 years older. You cannot understand what a child goes through internally when a parent acts so irresponsibly and betrays everyone .

 

Also, the child born of the affair will have many issues. My half-sister has a lot of resentment towards my father,my mother and even us because she felt she did not have a father, but we did. She will never understand the abusive,narcissistic man we had to live with, She has said vile lies about me (my sisters)through her hate. She is jealous of us all and I feel very bad for her. She began an affair with a friend of my father's in her teen(vile much older extremely wealthy arab man). I guess she needed to make up for the lack of a father figure though our father made sure to financially care for her.

 

She then went on to get married and continued the affair. She too had an affair child and the story was found out. My nephew is as tortured as she is . This caused a fall-out from 2 families you cannot imagine.I cannot tell yoi the pain this has brought to so many.

 

I know a woman who's husband had a child with mistress. I saw the pain in her 10 year old son's eyes when the baby brother was at the house one holiday and another child said"I didn't know you had a brother"? He was embarrassed and said, "yes, it is my dad's,but don't tell anyone". My heart broke for him. I know exactly what that feels like. You can talk all you want about a parent explaining this situation to a child correctly and all will be fine. Not so. You cannot make logic out of this to children,they will not understand no matter how you explain it.

 

Unfortunately many adults cannot understand the guilt and shame children feel by actions of parents.

 

Now had my parents been divorced and it was a half sibling, the humiliation and shame would not be there. People need to think how their actions will effect their children and stop thinking it is all about ME! You brought them into this world and you owe them honesty,integrity,love and always to put their feelings first. Above yours! Otherwise,if you want to do as you please , do not have children as this will stay with them forever!

[ThatsJustHowIRoll]

 

I disagree - it is not in her best interest to make the BS aware. I think it will destroy her relationship with her sister. Not a wise move. Best to be there for her and make recommendations moving toward the path that makes sense and even offer to stand beside her while she does those things.

 

Right now, the sister is living in the land of fairy tales and unicorns and needs a dose of reality. MM can't be trusted for truth. Like we said before, if he has been truthful, then telling the Wife wont even matter. However, if it's all bs, then they deserve to know NOW. The relationship between sisters won't be destroyed over this. exposure will let everyone know where they stand. Let the chips fall where they may.

 

As for standing beside her and holding her hand through the wilful destruction of 5 lives, ummm no. You can love her without being complicit and condoning this behaviour. It's called tough love. More people should try it.