A month later he is "still not sure". Argggh!

[Pendawn]

I just don't know how to deal with this, when he broke up with me I was devastated but felt secure that it was over, the end, he needed something else to make him happy. But When I spoke to him a week later he said he wasn't sure he'd done the right thing - I thought well okay it's only been a week, we've been together 11 years it'll take some getting used to. Then another week later I saw him to exchange stuff and he said teh same thing again.

 

At this point i told him I didn't wnat him to contact me for a while, because I knew he wanted to keep contacting me and over the holiday period he'd do it a lot, and I just couldn't handle it, crying every time I speak to him. (and also becuase it's letting him have his cake and eat it too)

 

Now it's been 2 weeks with NC, however a mutual friend ran into him yesterday while out shopping, asked him how he was and he told her the SAME thing - It's really strange and he's still not sure he's done the right thing.

 

Argh this is driving me mad. What am I supposed to do with that information? I'm a logical person and I know most likely it's becuase we were together so long, being apart IS strange and he will miss me but that doesn't mean we should be together, or that's what he wants. But only he can figure out that difference, and only he can figure out what it is exactly that he broke up with me for (cos I sure ain't clear on it.) and if he's resolved that issue or not.

 

I was thinking of writing him an email next week before he goes back to his training college explaining all this, telling him I am happy to hear form him if he wants to talk about us but that he needs to sort out what he wants, or just leave me alone for a while until I can get over him. He wants us to stay good friends, and I would like that, but I know logically it will never work out (for a start if he get sa new girl I'm sure she won't be pleased with him hanging out with his ex of 11 years!).

 

Anyone got any advice, or am i doing everything i can?

[Urban Rubble01]

Hmm, well, I know exactly how you feel, but like you, no idea what to do about it.

 

My girl and I are on a "break" at her inititation. For us, it's supposed to be just for the school year. It's been 3 months, I still don't know exactly how she feels, and the thing is, I'm not sure that she does either. She tells me she loves me, she tells me she sees it working out. But like you, I wonder if it's just her having a hard time letting go after 3.5 years.

 

I think you're doing everything you can. If you love him, all you can do is be there for him while he makes his decision. From reading through this board, alot of the "dumpees" talk about how in love they were, how they would have done ANYTHING to make it work, but the second their partner expresses doubt they feel as if they have to "move on" all of the sudden. Well, you don't, at least, not yet. If you are really in love, then now is the time that will be tested. If it's important to you, you have to forgive his indecisiveness and how he hurt you.

 

I'm going to continue to be there for my ex. I'm not going to be a doormat, but I'm going to continue to contact her, continue to let her know I still love her and that when she gets **** sorted out that I want to make things work. If you love them and you're willing to risk some pain, it's all you can do. On the other hand, if it isn't worth it to you, the risk, certain depression if it doesn't work, then walk away, move on. I'm risking keeping my heart open because I love this girl and I think it can work.

[emma16]

Wow, that is tough.

 

Are you affraid to call him? I mean you gave me advice on my situation. The thing is with my exbf i was told by his ex that if you keep complete silence with him he thinks everything is ok and that it over. So i sent him a text stating i was not willing to play mind games and thinks like that. I was scared to do that becuase i figured for sure i would piss him off.

 

Needless to say an hour later I had a voice mail on my phone from him statins you sent me a text message so i don't know figured you would have called by now.

 

I called we talked again the bosses daughter thing his answer still no to dating her thinks it would cause to much trouble. I said what about us he said he still needs time to thinks if i would give it to him and then he went on to say say we would get back together can i still talk with her or are you going to be mad. Needless to say they were friends before and no is told him he can talk with her now that i know everything and the are is clear.

 

So i really don't know follow your heart call him see how he is if you wat to take that chance i did and we justed talked...