How To Get Back With Her

[nevergoodenough]

The story is here

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/444538-so-broken

 

I would like to get back with her or at least make it more likely she speaks to me in the future. Any help would be appreciated.

[Am4Real]

I read your directed post and cannot advise you any differently than what already appears in that thread.

 

You're looking for a fix to a relationship that is broken and over. Let it go.

 

 

The story is here

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/444538-so-broken

 

I would like to get back with her or at least make it more likely she speaks to me in the future. Any help would be appreciated.

[nevergoodenough]

I want to be with her or at least make it so she talks to me again.

[elbe]

I want to be with her or at least make it so she talks to me again.

 

Why are you putting her on a pedestal? She has you convinced of her value and equally convinced of your own worthlessness. This girl's a tool keep it moving, you don't need her.

[Eddie007]

I want to be with her or at least make it so she talks to me again.

 

 

You cannot make her talk to you. Time heals all wounds, both yours and hers.

 

Time is your friend in this situation. We are in a generation of immediate gratification. We are so used to having everything at our fingertips.

 

I'm a very impatient person. If I find something I want, I want it right now. I think this is common in the Internet age.

 

If she wants to contact you she will, but it has to be her choice. Your best option is to do nothing.

[nevergoodenough]

You cannot make her talk to you. Time heals all wounds, both yours and hers.

 

Time is your friend in this situation. We are in a generation of immediate gratification. We are so used to having everything at our fingertips.

 

I'm a very impatient person. If I find something I want, I want it right now. I think this is common in the Internet age.

 

If she wants to contact you she will, but it has to be her choice. Your best option is to do nothing.

 

Thank you... It's just really hard to do nothing.

[fixing]

You know the answer to this already....

The only chance you could ever possibly have, is if you move on and pay her no attention.

No magic wand will make her want you though. So get this idea out of your mind.

[Shaine]

It might have been slighhtly traumatic for her. You put her through so much pain.

If you really love her, let her heal.

 

If this happened to me, i will think that the breakup is a good thing. Because you are a little abusive. And ideserve better.

 

What you need to do is stop contacting her. Focus on yourself. Fix your anger management problem. You both need to heal. You both need to forget the hurt from all the fights and the break up.

 

You two might not get back together for now. But maybe after months or years you two will get back together again. You just have to be patient. She needs to see that you have become more mature.

[letsplaygofish2]

I think that you possibly want to talk to her because it will make YOU feel better. But have you considered how that would make her feel?

[nevergoodenough]

It might have been slighhtly traumatic for her. You put her through so much pain.

If you really love her, let her heal.

 

If this happened to me, i will think that the breakup is a good thing. Because you are a little abusive. And ideserve better.

 

What you need to do is stop contacting her. Focus on yourself. Fix your anger management problem. You both need to heal. You both need to forget the hurt from all the fights and the break up.

 

You two might not get back together for now. But maybe after months or years you two will get back together again. You just have to be patient. She needs to see that you have become more mature.

 

How can she see that though without me talking to her?

[nevergoodenough]

You know the answer to this already....

The only chance you could ever possibly have, is if you move on and pay her no attention.

No magic wand will make her want you though. So get this idea out of your mind.

 

So u feel like I have to move on to have a chance of getting back with her? That's confusing, there has to be something I can do to make it more likely she speaks to me?

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

So u feel like I have to move on to have a chance of getting back with her? That's confusing, there has to be something I can do to make it more likely she speaks to me?

 

You guys were dating six months....hardly anything worth killing yourself over here.

 

Look....its over. The relationship is done. You cant MAKE someone talk to you or make you go out with you again. It just doesnt work like that. And were not saying dont talk to her so she comes back....were saying DONT CONTACT HER TO MOVE ON! You are in this hole that will continue to get worse if you dont stop now.

[nevergoodenough]

You guys were dating six months....hardly anything worth killing yourself over here.

 

Look....its over. The relationship is done. You cant MAKE someone talk to you or make you go out with you again. It just doesnt work like that. And were not saying dont talk to her so she comes back....were saying DONT CONTACT HER TO MOVE ON! You are in this hole that will continue to get worse if you dont stop now.

 

I disagree and if you aren't going to answer what I asked, please don't bother to reply to my thread. Thanks

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I disagree and if you aren't going to answer what I asked, please don't bother to reply to my thread. Thanks

 

I did answer there hoss. THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO! You cant make anyone talk to you or like you. When doing that, you are only pushing them farther.

 

Less hostile with people who are trying to help you will go a long way.

[Salvatore85]

I disagree and if you aren't going to answer what I asked, please don't bother to reply to my thread. Thanks

 

You can go off on people trying to help you. Please understand that you can't talk someone into taking you back, it's just not possible once they've actually broken up with you. Been there done that, IT DOESNT WORK!

 

I got my ex back, wasn't really worth it in the end but I did. I moved on, left her alone and really had no intentions of getting back with her. I had fun, made new friends, met plenty of females and partied. If you honestly think sitting around whining and crying, pleading and begging is going to work than you're sadly mistaken.

 

Whether you like it or not you're currently free. Take full advantage of it and go have fun. Sitting on your hands waiting for her to waltz back through the door is the worst possible thing you can do.

[Jord11]

Want to get back with her? Leave her be, pushing and nagging isn't going to do anything!! Believe you me, I did it and it didn't do one thing! Once a female has her mind set on it their ain't nothing you can do, no I love you's no flowers no baby lets make this work I mean nothing you can do will change what a female has her mind set too, I've been through it, my ex broke up with me told me she didn't love me anymore and left when I loved her so much, I'll be going on my 9th month no contact not one word! Believe me nothing you do will change her mind, she has to do it herself, if you bed and nag, you'll just keep pushing her away, so don't do it, let her decide what she wants to do! appreciate our help, it's what you do that's right that will get her talk make contact with you again

[reddragon588]

So u feel like I have to move on to have a chance of getting back with her? That's confusing, there has to be something I can do to make it more likely she speaks to me?

 

Watch this.

 

[organizedchaos]

I disagree and if you aren't going to answer what I asked, please don't bother to reply to my thread. Thanks

 

And if you aren't going to listen to those with far more experience in these matters and are trying to HELP you, then don't bother posting at all.

[MrBossMan]

The story is here

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/444538-so-broken

 

I would like to get back with her or at least make it more likely she speaks to me in the future. Any help would be appreciated.

 

Ok, I read your post, but didn't read what anyone else had to say. I'm going to try to help you with what I've found to be true and what you need to hear so that you can reclaim your life, your heart, and your manhood.

 

I'm writing a novel, so get comfortable and grab a drink.

 

Let me tell you something, my friend. I've been not too far from where you are right now. I'm still in my mid-twenties, but I was given the tough lesson right after high school.

 

I fell hard for someone and couldn't get them to reciprocate no matter how romantic or clever I got. She never went no-contact on me, but she would only respond when I was speaking to her as just a friend. I was friendzoned for life. After years of trying and trying, I moved on. She then found a great guy for her and recently got married.

 

I'm still a little sad and I'll always have a place in my heart for her, but I'm genuinely happy for her. I'm actually grateful to her for putting up with me for so long and allowing me to hang on until I could mature enough to see for myself that it wasn't meant to be. She truly is a remarkable person.

 

Anyway, what you need to realize is that there are other people out there who are just like her except better. This girl isn't for you, and I know it's hard to hear, but you need to realize that with absolute certainty.

 

Each attempt to contact her isn't bringing her closer and closer, but pushing her farther and farther. She doesn't respond because she can't stand you and doesn't want to encourage you. She's doing you a favor, actually, because she's not going to help you to continue to fool yourself into thinking that there's still a chance. There's no chance. None. It's over and you're still in denial. The relationship was executed and buried, and you're trying to be Dr Frankenstein and bring it back to life. It's over, my friend.

 

Did you forget all your fights? It ended once, and even if you somehow got back together, it would happen again and it would be even worse than the first time.

 

She is no longer on your side. I can almost guarantee that she's telling her friends about it each time you message her, and they're making fun of you. Did you think of that? They're laughing at how much of a pathetic loser they think you are. You care WAY too much and you will suffer for it until you stop.

 

We men are attracted to femininity in women, and women are attracted to masculinity in men. They want inner strength, self-control, unshakable confidence. They want a man who knows he's the man and who demonstrates that he's capable of building and protecting the life that he wants for himself. They look for evidence that you can properly take care of them and their children.

 

Look at the men in movies that women love. These guys have these characteristics. Look at George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Colin Farrell, any James Bond. They're cool, calm, smart, confident, driven, and in control. Just like you'd love to be with a woman who's like most Hollywood actresses, women want a strong leader of a man who's like the guys I just mentioned.

 

These guys could get almost any woman, and they know it. You need to be like that. You can't get so attached to one woman (especially if she isn't your wife yet) that you'd volunteer to make a complete fool of yourself in an attempt to get her back. Can you see how this repulses her? Every instinct in her is screaming "Loser! Loser! Loser!" every time you reach out to her.

 

A woman is very instinctual. She looks for men with stability. She's attracted to men with a good and steady income, beautiful cars and homes, athleticism (good health), and such because those things demonstrate lasting quality to her. You're showing that you can take care of her. She's unconsciously judging you by your ability to be a good choice of someone to have children with.

 

Did you know that women are oftentimes turned off by men with excessively flashy sports cars and flashy clothes because they judge those men as only wanting a one-night stand (bad choice in men because he probably won't be around). And all of this is mostly if not all unconscious.

 

Women are more attracted to men who aren't as attracted to them because it's a sign that you are out of their league or of higher value than they are as a partner. If you're not very impressed with her, you must be used to women of a higher caliber than she is. So she might try her "luck" and flirt with you to see if she can coerce you into lowering your standards enough to give her a chance. And if she's successful, then (in her head) she benefits by having the best man she could get as a partner.

 

Now look at how pathetic you've been acting and how you've had no success. Does it make sense to you now? You've actually been demonstrating to your ex that SHE'S the one who's out of YOUR league and can easily do better than you! You've been reinforcing her superiority, so she can't feel anything for you even if she wanted to. You've probably boosted her confidence so high that she's ready to go back out there and find a guy who has is act together much more than you do.

 

So you've been feeding your confidence to her and while you starve, she's getting fat. She's in love with herself now, I guarantee you. She's never felt better about her ability to attract men, and she's never felt worse about you. Her opinion of you is so incredibly low that it can't come back. It's set in stone at this point.

 

Now what you need to do is to go completely no-contact on her right now. Leave the past in the past. Knock her off her pedestal and let her fall onto the floor where she should be. Give up all hope and desire to be with her. You've been neglecting your own development as a man for too long.

 

I always tell people this part: You need to change how you feel about yourself, so you should change how you're living your life (not just the romantic side). You need to hit the gym and start running or biking. You need to change your wardrobe. Grow some facial hair or change your hairstyle. Learn impressive skills that even women who've seen it all would be impressed with. Learn a new language. Learn kung fu or boxing. Try to find a better job. Get a dog. Take a vacation to somewhere interesting. Volunteer. Start a side-business. Accomplish stuff. You need to work on yourself and find yourself until you value yourself. Get your self-esteem up to healthy levels and beyond.

 

Well, I think I've written enough. If I were you, I'd print this out and read it a few times.

 

I hope you find your way through this, and I know it's hard and that your heart is broken. I know how it feels. I really do. But in cases like this, you have to grit your teeth and allow people that you're madly in love with pass out of your life. You can't hold on forever. But the good news is that the sooner you allow yourself to accept that it's over, and that there really is someone that you'll love much, much more out there, the better off you'll be.

 

Trust me. You'll be fine. Just remember that you come first. Start getting ready for the real one because she'll make this one look like a mess. There's too many women out there who would be a step up for you.

 

I wrote all this because you remind me of myself and what I went through, so I wanted to help.

 

If you want more advice, I can point you in the right direction and show you some things you can read. Just let me know.

 

All the best.

Edited December 1, 2013 by MrBossMan

[nevergoodenough]

And if you aren't going to listen to those with far more experience in these matters and are trying to HELP you, then don't bother posting at all.

 

How do you know my experiences ? You know me ? lol

[nevergoodenough]

Ok, I read your post, but didn't read what anyone else had to say. I'm going to try to help you with what I've found to be true and what you need to hear so that you can reclaim your life, your heart, and your manhood.

 

I'm writing a novel, so get comfortable and grab a drink.

 

Let me tell you something, my friend. I've been not too far from where you are right now. I'm still in my mid-twenties, but I was given the tough lesson right after high school.

 

I fell hard for someone and couldn't get them to reciprocate no matter how romantic or clever I got. She never went no-contact on me, but she would only respond when I was speaking to her as just a friend. I was friendzoned for life. After years of trying and trying, I moved on. She then found a great guy for her and recently got married.

 

I'm still a little sad and I'll always have a place in my heart for her, but I'm genuinely happy for her. I'm actually grateful to her for putting up with me for so long and allowing me to hang on until I could mature enough to see for myself that it wasn't meant to be. She truly is a remarkable person.

 

Anyway, what you need to realize is that there are other people out there who are just like her except better. This girl isn't for you, and I know it's hard to hear, but you need to realize that with absolute certainty.

 

Each attempt to contact her isn't bringing her closer and closer, but pushing her farther and farther. She doesn't respond because she can't stand you and doesn't want to encourage you. She's doing you a favor, actually, because she's not going to help you to continue to fool yourself into thinking that there's still a chance. There's no chance. None. It's over and you're still in denial. The relationship was executed and buried, and you're trying to be Dr Frankenstein and bring it back to life. It's over, my friend.

 

Did you forget all your fights? It ended once, and even if you somehow got back together, it would happen again and it would be even worse than the first time.

 

She is no longer on your side. I can almost guarantee that she's telling her friends about it each time you message her, and they're making fun of you. Did you think of that? They're laughing at how much of a pathetic loser they think you are. You care WAY too much and you will suffer for it until you stop.

 

We men are attracted to femininity in women, and women are attracted to masculinity in men. They want inner strength, self-control, unshakable confidence. They want a man who knows he's the man and who demonstrates that he's capable of building and protecting the life that he wants for himself. They look for evidence that you can properly take care of them and their children.

 

Look at the men in movies that women love. These guys have these characteristics. Look at George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Colin Farrell, any James Bond. They're cool, calm, smart, confident, driven, and in control. Just like you'd love to be with a woman who's like most Hollywood actresses, women want a strong leader of a man who's like the guys I just mentioned.

 

These guys could get almost any woman, and they know it. You need to be like that. You can't get so attached to one woman (especially if she isn't your wife yet) that you'd volunteer to make a complete fool of yourself in an attempt to get her back. Can you see how this repulses her? Every instinct in her is screaming "Loser! Loser! Loser!" every time you reach out to her.

 

A woman is very instinctual. She looks for men with stability. She's attracted to men with a good and steady income, beautiful cars and homes, athleticism (good health), and such because those things demonstrate lasting quality to her. You're showing that you can take care of her. She's unconsciously judging you by your ability to be a good choice of someone to have children with.

 

Did you know that women are oftentimes turned off by men with excessively flashy sports cars and flashy clothes because they judge those men as only wanting a one-night stand (bad choice in men because he probably won't be around). And all of this is mostly if not all unconscious.

 

Women are more attracted to men who aren't as attracted to them because it's a sign that you are out of their league or of higher value than they are as a partner. If you're not very impressed with her, you must be used to women of a higher caliber than she is. So she might try her "luck" and flirt with you to see if she can coerce you into lowering your standards enough to give her a chance. And if she's successful, then (in her head) she benefits by having the best man she could get as a partner.

 

Now look at how pathetic you've been acting and how you've had no success. Does it make sense to you now? You've actually been demonstrating to your ex that SHE'S the one who's out of YOUR league and can easily do better than you! You've been reinforcing her superiority, so she can't feel anything for you even if she wanted to. You've probably boosted her confidence so high that she's ready to go back out there and find a guy who has is act together much more than you do.

 

So you've been feeding your confidence to her and while you starve, she's getting fat. She's in love with herself now, I guarantee you. She's never felt better about her ability to attract men, and she's never felt worse about you. Her opinion of you is so incredibly low that it can't come back. It's set in stone at this point.

 

Now what you need to do is to go completely no-contact on her right now. Leave the past in the past. Knock her off her pedestal and let her fall onto the floor where she should be. Give up all hope and desire to be with her. You've been neglecting your own development as a man for too long.

 

I always tell people this part: You need to change how you feel about yourself, so you should change how you're living your life (not just the romantic side). You need to hit the gym and start running or biking. You need to change your wardrobe. Grow some facial hair or change your hairstyle. Learn impressive skills that even women who've seen it all would be impressed with. Learn a new language. Learn kung fu or boxing. Try to find a better job. Get a dog. Take a vacation to somewhere interesting. Volunteer. Start a side-business. Accomplish stuff. You need to work on yourself and find yourself until you value yourself. Get your self-esteem up to healthy levels and beyond.

 

Well, I think I've written enough. If I were you, I'd print this out and read it a few times.

 

I hope you find your way through this, and I know it's hard and that your heart is broken. I know how it feels. I really do. But in cases like this, you have to grit your teeth and allow people that you're madly in love with pass out of your life. You can't hold on forever. But the good news is that the sooner you allow yourself to accept that it's over, and that there really is someone that you'll love much, much more out there, the better off you'll be.

 

Trust me. You'll be fine. Just remember that you come first. Start getting ready for the real one because she'll make this one look like a mess. There's too many women out there who would be a step up for you.

 

I wrote all this because you remind me of myself and what I went through, so I wanted to help.

 

If you want more advice, I can point you in the right direction and show you some things you can read. Just let me know.

 

All the best.

 

With all do respect, your story is nothing like mine. i spent 18 hours a day with this girl every day. She would write me love letters all the time, buy me things just bc she was thinking of me and never wanted me to leave her side. She would pick me up at my apt and say "lets go home, your home is with me". If we were ever were mad at eachother she would always say lets please sit down and talk about things and she would chase after me if I left. She also presented me to her whole family and her friends.. which wouldn't be the case if she hated me, thought so low of me or thought of herself as superior in any way. Aside from that, she is someone that makes an effort to fill the world with positivity, she would never do something for the purpose of hurting someone. Also, if I were such a joke to her, she wouldn't have pics of us all over her FB without me even having an account. Some of which are still up. And all of the texts in her phone were asking for advice about me "He left and I'm fighting to get him to stay, what do I do?" She didn't even want to me to take a shower without her. So I highly doubt she hates me or thinks so low of me, nor was our relationship anything like your rejection. If I haven't broken her things, threatened to send her naked pics and acted out in such anger that she had to tell her parents to expect the pictures, I would still be with her. Kind of a stretch to assume she made a show of her feelings even after that if (according to you) she thinks so low of me and hates me or whatever. You can think what you want though.. but your situation is far from the same.

None the less,

Thanks for your reply

[Meadowgreen]

Okay.

 

With all due respect OP, you're obviously in a place we're you're just not willing to accept a viewpoint different from 'I must get her back at any cost, even if it means completely humiliating and debasing myself as a man. She is the sun and I'm a ****ty little asteroid not even worthy of the shade she casts.'

 

I've been there, I know that feeling, but I'm telling you now there's no happiness down that road. You're not going to listen, and no one here likes repeating themselves, so this is where we come to a standstill. For what it's worth, I've also been the woman who's been doggedly pursued by an obsessed ex. It's the least romantic, most skin-crawling experience I've ever had, I assure you.

 

I advise everyone else on this thread to wash their hands and leave this thread where it is. OP is just not prepared to listen no matter how sound or backed up with experience the advice he's been given, and he clearly needs to learn the absolute hard way.

 

http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Penguin+Jetpack.+I+get+bored+things+like+this+happen_12fa3f_3371519.jpg

 

Peace out.

[Am4Real]

[highlight]AND THERE'S THE RUB...[/highlight]

 

Red,

 

OMG, I completely forgot about this movie...what a classic for this thread and the forum every time we hear the question at hand. Good job, sir!!

 

[highlight]AND THERE'S THE RUB...[/highlight]

 

 

 

Watch this.

 

[Am4Real]

Dear OP,

 

You’ve read all the posts here from all of our fellow and beloved friends on LS, we’re all telling you the same thing. Are we all wrong? MrBossMan has gone way out of the ordinary and written a superb dissertation which is practically so perfect, I can only hope he/she saved it on a hard drive somewhere so it can be repeated over and over for others to read. RedDragon located the classic advice of all time from the movie Swingers that I cannot think of another thing to say.

 

So I thought it best at this point to give in; to give up; to agree with your point of view. Perhaps you are right after all…

 

So maybe you should try this:

 

• Call you EX every thirty minutes on the minute. Tell her how you feel!
  
• Text her every five minutes on the minute with an “I love you” message followed by plenty of XOXOXOX
  
• Print out all those wonderful photos from FB you admire, have them enlarged to 8x10 or some other good side and write upon them a personal note, an “I love you”, or other words of admiration and drop them off at her doorstep.
  

 

Yes do all of these things for two weeks and “poof” she will magically appear in your bed. At least a little fairy told me so in my dreams last night.

 

Now run along and on December 15th, or two weeks from now, please pop back on the forum and this thread and tell all of us no-experienced dummies how you are enjoying the time of your life with your adoring EX.

 

Get going now…we’ll wait patiently practice our own original advice with NO MORE CONTACT for you.

 

Meadow, BossMan, Aspiring and other friends: has anyone seen my dump truck? I’m heading back to the sandbox, you guys with me? ;-)

[Meadowgreen]

Dear OP,

 

 

So maybe you should try this:

 

• Call you EX every thirty minutes on the minute. Tell her how you feel!
  
• Text her every five minutes on the minute with an “I love you” message followed by plenty of XOXOXOX
  
• Print out all those wonderful photos from FB you admire, have them enlarged to 8x10 or some other good side and write upon them a personal note, an “I love you”, or other words of admiration and drop them off at her doorstep.
  

 

Yes do all of these things for two weeks and “poof” she will magically appear in your bed. At least a little fairy told me so in my dreams last night.

 

Now run along and on December 15th, or two weeks from now, please pop back on the forum and this thread and tell all of us no-experienced dummies how you are enjoying the time of your life with your adoring EX.

 

 

Actually dying of laughter reading this, Am4Real. Amazing. Operation: BEST PLAN EVER. XD

 

I agree with you, MrBossMan really put it out there writing all that advice. He obviously knows what he's talking about (shame we don't all feel that way... )

 

OP, we're not riding you to be douchebags, I promise. We just want you to wake the **** up for your own sanity. The more people we can save from going down that rabbit hole the better, because we've all been there.

Edited December 1, 2013 by Meadowgreen