NickyPW Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 hello all i need ya advice... i am 21 and have had so many relationships but all end in sadness. Wen i find a nice girl i can neva seem to keep her. i always end up having an affair with some1. 4 serious relationships i have had and my heart and her heart have been broken from my foolish ways.. Now i have been with a girl for 7 weeks and i am falling for big time and i know i will just mess it up. she is going away soon for 3 weeks and i know that i will cheat. my mates all tell me that i am in the wrong and i understand em but wen the times comes i just dont think untill after . And because where i live every1 knows me and they all will tell.And i know if a woman cheated on me i wud not like it 1 bit. Any help will be appriecated. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 Hello, One definition of obscenity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result. The bottom line is that you choose to engage in this behavior. I am guessing it is a combination of immaturity and a fear of committment. When you choose in the future to grow up and be somebody who is respected and admired for being a good and loving person, you will then change your behavior. Until then you are choosing to engage in behavior that shows you are selfish, self-centered, and hurtful person. Maybe you should wonder why you seem to get off on hurting women that seem to care for you. My guess is that you probably down deep do not like yourself and engage in behavior that proves this point. Your behavior is self-destructive to yourself and all of those around you. The very bottom line is that the reason you are such an ass is because you choose to be an ass. If this is how you wish people to describe you then so be it. Are you making a contribution to enhancing the people around you in your life or do you diminsh them? Is this really how you wish to remembered in your lifetime? The choice is yours! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 There is a problem that men (and some women) have called the Madonna Whore complex. It is a tricky thing in that these men cannot reconcile sex and love in the same relationship. Men with this problem will get themselves into relationships, and the deeper they become involved emotionally - the less they are able to perform with their partner sexually (sex becomes either tedious if it is obligational, or sex becomes non-existent altogether). The man's emotional needs are met by his partner, but his sexual needs are met only by the women he cheats on his partner with (and has no emotional bond to). It is something that can be brought about by men not having their basic needs met in childhood (bad or indifferent parenting, or abuse - sometimes sexual abuse). It is a completely curable problem though, with time - patience and some therapy to get to the bottom of why it is you do these things. You can, with help - begin to reconcile sex with love and will in time be able to function in monogamous relationships and have both your emotional and sexual needs met in the same relationship. If you are concerned about your behavior, and want to break your patterns - set up a counseling session with a therapist. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 Well.. I'm just not buying into you can't help it It seems to me that you've already made the decision that you're going to cheat on this girl, and are justifying it by saying "thats just how I am" Thing is.. You know it's wrong, and You know you wouldn't want it done to you.. Responsibility, and accountability.. all you.. IF you're not ready or willing to follow through with those, then at least be decent enough not to involve someone else in this and let her know you're not ready for an exclusive relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
k8-uk Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 I can only say I've met a lot of guys who can't commit, and it can seem as if they never will. It quite often happens that in time they fall in love, in a way they never thought possible and suddenly the commitment is no problem. The trouble is - a lot of guys want to prove they can be faithful and so promise fidelity to a girl who isn't the right one. Then they wonder why they can't commit. You might be mad bad and lustful for this girl, but if she hasn't stopped you wanting to cheat, then it may be that you just haven't fallen in love yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NickyPW Posted December 31, 2004 Author Share Posted December 31, 2004 i am ready for a relationship , and imma try what i can to not go out in those 3 weeks she is away. For some reason i just let my manhood do all the talking, then after regretting it. She knows wha i was like when she got with me and she is trying to change me aswell as i am trying. Maybe it is me trying to impress my friends or maybe its me getting what i can get, but i know what i want and that is her , no 1 else. But its going to be hard but have to try because i dont want to lose her. Link to post Share on other sites
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