Need some feedback on how married people "slip" away to see the OM/OW

[cheatersrsad]

Here's what I want to know...when do the MM/MW sneak off to be with the OM/OW? Let's use my situation: I work 9to5 mon-fri and my H works midnight shifts until 8AM and is off 2 weekdays. If you were dating my H...when would you spend time with him? What lies would he tell and how would you communicate?

I realize it's naive to think that my H would never cheat but I can't figure out when he would have time...but then I'm sure that's never been a problem for man.

[indigo_moon]

Well using your husband's schedule as an example, I suppose he could call in sick for work periodically, spend the time you think he's at work with his mistress and you wouldn't be the wiser (like if he gets paid sick time and you wouldn't notice less hrs on his paycheck)......or she could be over at your home during the day while you're at work and he's supposed to be sleeping. They could have cell phones, paid for by her and he talks to her that way and you wouldn't know. Heck, he could be having an affair with a woman he works the same shift with ..now keep in mind, just giving you possible examples of how it "could" be done. I guess as they say, where there's a will, there's a way. Most cheaters are quite creative and crafty. Do you have reason to suspect your husband or are you just curious in general?

[KissMyTiara]

My MM and I both leave work during the day to spend time together. The time he spends making up for lost hours is when he's "working late," and if she calls him on his work line, lookee there, he's there, because he IS working. But anytime beween 10am and 4pm...he could be with me. Business trips? Who gets the seat and pillow next to his? Me.

 

The more autonomy his job provides, the easier it is to "slip" away.

 

And even if not, a simple trip to the grocery store could result in a tryst.

[fanou22]

Always remember "when there is a will, there is a way"

 

When would I see your husband if I was the OW?

 

- During the days that he is off and you are at work.

- When you leave to work, he would come to my place for a few hours.

- When he goes shopping whether for groceries or other stuff

- Communication is through e-mail.

 

I can give you the flags from my affair with xMM. If you have the minimal amount of doubt, act on it before it is too late.

- Is he enrolled in something where he had to be once or twice a week for a couple of hours?

- If you have a computer at home, install a spying software that will capture the e-mail and passwords.

- Does the cell phone bill show all the numbers being dialed? If it did and now it does not, then...........

- Does he daydream?

- Mood swings

- Significant increase or decrease in your sex life.

- I imagine your husband sleeps while you are at work. Is there a change in his sleeping pattern? All of the sudden he is not fully awake when you are home? He complains about the lack of sleep?

 

xMM and I used to see each other during work hours. He would slip away from work to see me. W knows that most of the time he is in meetings so if she called his desk...there is a valid excuse. A few times he called in sick to work and took vacation time to spend it with me.

 

Finally, if I was married and doubting that my H was cheating, I would hire a PI to follow him for a couple of weeks.

[kkat]

I'm not sure from your post if you suspect something with your H or not, but as another poster offered, perhaps you might wish to hire a PI if you have reason to strongly suspect him of cheating.

 

Other ideas:

 

Check his cellphone and look at all the numbers in his phonebook and make sure they correspond to the names. I discovered that my MM had all my numbers programmed in his cellphone but listed as the numbers of male friends of his, e.g. my mobile phone number read "Edward Home"

 

Check his cellphone records and be aware that he could simply have two cellphones.

 

Hit redial on his cellphone and see who it rings.

 

If you can, shake your schedule up a bit and see if you uncover anything by coming home from work unexpectedly.

 

Make a last minute change in plans on a night you've told him you are going out with friends or something - cancel at the last minute and decide to "stay home". See how he reacts and what he does.

 

Look at bank statements to see if he is withdrawing cash at any ATM locations that seem odd or unusual, check his credit cards receipts, etc.

 

I hope he is not cheating on you.

[Leaf]

Fanou nailed it.

 

I would add that my MM calls me from work or I call him. When he goes out to get dinner.. he calls. When ever he is alone, he calls. We are with each other every moment that is humanly possible. Fanou said most of them... The days where he is off work, but she is at work. When gets off work he has 2 hours before she gets home. On the weekends when she goes shopping or out with her friends.

Basically, whenever she is not around. He is with me. ..and sometimes, when she is there... he will sneak me phone messages. He did it twice on Christmas eve and day for an example.

[Leaf]

case in point. He just called me... He wanted to say goodnight to me and tell me he loved me before he went to bed. Maybe he was in the washroom? Maybe he was downstairs?