marlow Posted January 22, 2001 Share Posted January 22, 2001 my girlfriend of 3 months is my problem. while i'm extremlly fond of her and we seem to always have an excellent time together, the problem is that i seem to be chasing her all the time. i call her, i make all the plans, i email her and i send her gifts. she seems to be taking what she is getting whereas i assume when one wants something one works towards it. usually we speak eveyday, but two days ago i decided that enough was enough and have not called her. she has not called back either. she merely paged me yesterday to come over to her house as she was expecting some friends. i made an excuse. nothing more since then. i belive that a relationship is a lot about presenting challanges to ones partner. not playing games but only giving oneself without losing sense of self. i seem to have crossed over on to the predictable and boring. is this relationship doomed due to its dynamics or is there any way to redeem it?? thanks in advance!! Link to post Share on other sites
Reesa Posted January 22, 2001 Share Posted January 22, 2001 I think that you should let her work in the relationship for a change. Why should you be the one putting in all the effort? I think you should have a long talk with her and explain to her how you feel. If she truly wants it to work she'll understand and do better about it. Communication is the key. I think that you right on point when you say giving oneself without losing self. A relactionship is between two people therefore it should be persued as such. She has to give a little of her self as well, if this relationship is expected to work. If she is not will to do that then she is not worth the effort and just let go of the relationship and leave it at that. I Hope everything works out and if it doesn't remember that in order to have a new beginning an old story has to end. Link to post Share on other sites
sparkle Posted January 22, 2001 Share Posted January 22, 2001 Hello Marlow, I agree with what you said about presenting challenges. You two have been dating for 3 months...it sounds like she's playing the game with you. Girls (myself included) LOVE a guy chasing after them. And for the past 3 months, it looks like she's got you doing that. Don't worry..just take a big step back right now. That was a good idea when you realized enough was enough and you stopped calling her. Just wait..don't call her yet. Don't give in to that little voice deep inside wanting to talk to her...be strong and just wait. Better yet, try to keep yourself busy with some other activity to try to make time go by easier and faster. If she really likes you, she'll call you soon. Even when she does call, let her work for the relationship as well. If she doesn't call..hey..at least you won't be wasting any more of your time chasing after her. Take care..good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 22, 2001 Share Posted January 22, 2001 This girl may be what is commonly known as a user. She sounds like that. She has really shown you no reason for continuing to date her. She is not the kind of woman you would want to be married to or to be the mother of your children, at least not at this time. There are many people, men and women, who go through selfish stages in their teens and 20's. Most grow out of it. Maybe she will. However, you have to take a lot of the blame for this. You set yourself up for being taken for granted, for being taken advantage of and for being used. It sounds like you are way too nice to girls. She is probably totally confused on why you have changed your behavior now. You are going to have to explain, in a very kind way...very sensitively...that you feel the responsibilities for nurturing and maintaining the relationship need to be more evenly distributed. Let her know that she does not make you feel she cares a great deal for the direction it's going. Tell her you want to feel she is a more active part of the relationship. She will either appreciate you and respect you for making this point and make some changes to her behavior. Or, if she's truly a user, she will back off. Users only hang out with people they can use. If indeed she is a user, back away from her no matter how much you are attracted to her or care for her. Users will only suck out of you what they can...and when there's no more to take, they are out of there. Link to post Share on other sites
strawberry Posted January 22, 2001 Share Posted January 22, 2001 she's using you, get rid of her. You are a convenience to her. Did she recently break up with someone before dating you? Maybe she is on the rebound! Link to post Share on other sites
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