To be single for ever?

[melell]

Has anyone else resided at the notion of being single for ever/good majority of the future?

 

I was with someone for 8 years, been through the break up, came through the other side in most respects...now I have concluded that I want to be single for a long long time, if not forever. I took a real hit with that relationship being over, and started really questioning myself and what I wanted.

 

So many people go through this period of growth after a breakup, but it is almost like they have to just regain what they lost. Why put yourself in a situation where you have so much to lose? I am not sure of the odds, but chances are you end up in misery?

 

The concept of putting my happiness in the hands of someone else doesn't sit well with me. Same with the idea of finding happiness in someone else rather than within myself.

 

I just don't see how it is worth it... perhaps if the majority of people stay to together and were together for life, but that seems like it is rarely the case...

 

Anyone feel the same?

[elbe]

I actually fear growing old and dying alone. I don't mind being single but life can be much more enjoyable with a second person to enjoy it with. I would just say that you don't necessarily put your happiness in their hands but one where you find happiness through helping your SO.

[Keenly]

I have decided to do this actually and you know what followed? Happiness.

 

 

Who cares about other people? I make me happy. Try it.

[melell]

I actually fear growing old and dying alone. I don't mind being single but life can be much more enjoyable with a second person to enjoy it with. I would just say that you don't necessarily put your happiness in their hands but one where you find happiness through helping your SO.

 

This is something that I think is too difficult to avoid. Chances of dying alone (without a significant other) seem pretty high to me, either they die before, or we are single anyway. Growing old, happens anyway, isn't is sad to think of growing old being miserable just because we are alone?

 

I feel like that perspective could either make or break someone, if you get left for someone else for instance, you get left at a serious low. If you find the person of your dreams that will be madly in love with you forever, sure it would be great- but the chances of that seem pretty slim.

 

The perspective alone is putting your happiness in someone elses hands..?

[Mr Scorpio]

If exposure to the potential of heartbreak is the price to pay for sex, I will pay it.

[elbe]

This is something that I think is too difficult to avoid. Chances of dying alone (without a significant other) seem pretty high to me, either they die before, or we are single anyway. Growing old, happens anyway, isn't is sad to think of growing old being miserable just because we are alone?

 

I feel like that perspective could either make or break someone, if you get left for someone else for instance, you get left at a serious low. If you find the person of your dreams that will be madly in love with you forever, sure it would be great- but the chances of that seem pretty slim.

 

The perspective alone is putting your happiness in someone elses hands..?

 

This topic is depressing but of course you come and leave this world alone. It's those middle to late years where you aren't a spring chicken anymore but you have a best friend to share the joy and misery of life. I have this so programmed into my brain that I'm pretty much setting myself up for disappointment.

 

However, I know that girls are out there looking for the same thing. I just don't know if I'll ever get hooked up with the right one.

[msat]

I think a few people have already touched on the notion that we all end up alone no matter how our lives unfold. I would argue that it takes a tremendous will power to thrive in a celibate state, especially through those difficult times when all we really want is a little company, not to mention sex. Humans by nature are social creatures, however, I am convinced that it is only through prolonged periods of aloneness that we become more familiar with ourselves and ripen as a person.

These days, the process by which I would need to court a woman in order to have sex seems like such a nuisance. Time and money spent for literally several minutes of pleasure. Is it all that worth it..? I certainly don't think so! Cost/Benefit analysis doesn't respond favourably and the opportunity cost is not

justified.

[regine_phalange]

I think it is a bit funny to "predecide" such things. Life is funny... Too many variables there. I am always thinking that maybe I will meet the man of my dreams when I am 60. Maybe I will meet him tomorrow. Maybe never. Maybe I met him once in the past, but I didn't notice back then. Maybe I met two dream men, two times in the past and I didn't notice.

 

Someone can get crazy with this kind of thoughts, at least I can. This is why I just prefer not thinking about this stuff!

[Meadowgreen]

There are literally millions of people out there, just like you who have had their fingers burned and want to have a healthy, nurturing relationship in their later years.

 

When you stack up those odds, it actually seems like more work to remain single than find a partner - let's be honest, you're spoiled for choice as a hot 20s-30s singleton about town. You have much more wiggle room to be 'choosy'. When you're pushing 40-60 however, it ain't about looks so much as a fun personality, stability and companionship.

 

On the flipside, one of my guy friends was single for a long time and told himself he might never find anyone to settle down with. He became slowly content with this, and it forced him to work on himself and deal with any self esteem, confidence or development issues. He got in fantastic shape, improved his career, did lots of socialising and travelled the world.

 

It was while he was teaching English in Vietnam that he met the girl of his dreams, who had ALSO resigned to the idea of being forever alone. They just bought a house together and are getting married next year, and they are so content together that being around them feels amazing

 

Get comfy in your own skin, know that you're enough, and another person in the mix becomes the delicious icing on the cake!

[Iguanna]

Why put yourself in a situation where you have so much to lose? I am not sure of the odds, but chances are you end up in misery?

 

Life itself is a situation you put yourself in with the high risks of getting hurt. This doesn't mean that we choose NOT to live or we end up staying at home forever. These people who are scared to get hurt are the ones who don't have a chance to be happy. Happiness is moments, it's not a state of mind that lasts for some long time. If you refuse yourself to experience moments, you refuse yourself to experience happiness. But you can only recognize happiness once you have been hurt. There is no other way.

 

The concept of putting my happiness in the hands of someone else doesn't sit well with me. Same with the idea of finding happiness in someone else rather than within myself.

 

Having a relationship does not under any circumstances mean that you have to abandon everything else that makes you happy or that you should stop looking for new things. Our partner is only a parameter of our life and our self. This parameter may be one of the most important, this varies through the people. Me spending time with my bf and take happiness from him does not mean I won't take happiness from my relatives, friends, hobbies, career. If someone chooses to put aside all other parameters on their life and take happiness only from their partner, this has the high risk that if some day their partner leaves or dies for instance, they'll feel totally helpless and miserable. That's why we have to take happiness from more than one source.

 

I can't deny I haven't considered it during some "dark moments". But deep inside I know that this is not how I'm supposed to face life. I sometimes wish that I could get inside a room, be alone and all problems that occur due to personal relations would disappear. But this is an option for cowards OR people who are really strong, and I don't consider myself either. maybe for some time it will give me the peace I may need, but in the long term it's not something that will fulfill me.

 

I understand that you may be disappointed and you feel you don't have any more strength to fight, but the biggest instinct in life is survival. People survive deaths of beloved people, which is the worst someone can experience. This means that people can survive everything. We have a saying "Lets hope God does not give you what you can take". We are made to survive, fight and go on. Cause after all "Show must go on". Things will get better. Don't make plans, let your life go as it goes for some time, and the solutions will be given without you trying. You will be strong soon enough.

[mrnova66]

I love being single. I rather enjoy it. I rather be single that have to deal with all the game playing women out there.. It would not be that bad to date if women would be more honest in what kind of man they want. They could careless who they use while they play head games. Also what I read on plenty of fish forums it is alright to change your mind in a middle of trying to build a relationship. WOW!!!!JUST WOW!!!I have been single most of my life and love it. After reading these forums and seeing the moral decay, Then I am more that happy being single. Who needs the heart ache

[Esoteric Elf]

I don't feel the same, but I am the same. Perpetually single.

[Phoe]

I am not CHOOSING to stay single, but I'm okay with being single. I've spent most of my adult life single and have always been happy, I'm not afraid if I never find anyone. I'm quite self sufficient.

 

I would be happy if I did find someone though.

[maiden of rohan]

I have a quote that I think applies here:

 

"Other people can't make you happy. Only happier."

 

I find it baffling the idea of our happiness residing in the hands of others. I've never had a person make me happy, only happier than I was to begin with, and I'm perfectly fine if I remain single forever.

 

I'm not scared of being hurt, though. I've been hurt before, and got through it well enough. I'm just not open to putting my happiness in someone else's hands.

 

To be single forever-it wouldn't bother me. We come into the world alone, and that is how we will leave it. I'd like to have someone to share the inbetween with, I suppose.

 

I'm not scared of being alone. We are all we have in this world, truly. The only person we can truly depend on. This isn't some defence mechanism talking, either. It's nice to put our trust in others, and be able to depend on them for some things. I just think we've been conditioned to believe being alone is wrong, or the lesser option. For some, this is not the case. For me, being alone is optimal. Not for fear of heartache, as I said, I've faced it, dealt with it, moved on easily. I've always liked being alone. Having no one to depend on, and no one depending on me. I like the freedom of that, and it feels natural.

Edited December 2, 2013 by maiden of rohan

[melell]

It is not so much a matter of wanting to avoid being hurt for me- but just in general, everyone I know in relationships, including when I am, things seem to revolve around the relationship. Everything takes a back seat.

 

And it really is a case of in an instant things can be horrible because of that person- ie if that are in a bad mood etc, it effects you, so you are kind of at the mercy of how someone else is.

 

Being single nothing upsets me, nothing interferes with what I am doing, or working towards. Everything comes down to me. I don't know.. there is just something invigorating and freeing about that. I feel so much more peaceful and comfortable alone.

 

I do, of course, at times want companionship, but not at the loss of those things. I think that regardless of how much we say that we can have it both ways, that isn't really the reality of it...

[FrostBlaze]

I'm used to the ideea of being single but i would like not to be.

I am happy and content with just myself, and yes having someone makes you happier in general.

But in my case, it's the best kind of happy, because i love caring for someone xD.

 

Had been single for 8 years until my latest ex. I thank her, it's thanks to her that i remembered how great it is to be with someone and share my love, care for them.

It's why i want kids someday, i mostly like to give >_> weird ik, so i just give all of my affection to my niece and nephew.

 

I'd prefer to have a familly then be by myself, even with all the hardships, i welcome them, i don't fear them, i know their worth.

Eh that's about it from me xd.

 

EDIT: TO answer your initial question.

Yes after a break up with a former ex i had decided to go single and was happy with it, for 8 years, my recent x-gf reminded me how great it is be with someone, so now i am back and putting myself out there ^^. Decided it's worth it after all, despite everything.

Edited December 4, 2013 by FrostBlaze

[jimloveslips]

... I'm okay with being single...

 

I think this is the important part, you have to be comfortable with yourself.

 

Being alone doesn't mean being lonely.

[Iguanna]

I think this is the important part, you have to be comfortable with yourself.

 

Being alone doesn't mean being lonely.

 

People tend to compromise with things that happen in life or with things nature gave them and try to be happy with them, even though these things are not the best they could have. For example, if someone is blind they invent things that can sound as an advantage despite the fact that they are blind in comparison with other people, for instance "my other senses work twice as good than other people". We tend to prettify situations in order sometimes to survive the pain, if someone dies we say "at least they didn't suffer much", if someone is sick we say "at least they lived a happy life" etc etc. This doesn't mean that if we had to CHOOSE between 2 situations we wouldn't choose the best one. But survival is a great instinct in life.

 

I'm not saying people can't be happy as single. But if they had to choose I'm pretty sure they would want to have a partner who makes them happy. Nobody chooses loneliness forever.

[Mario79]

I contemplated this thought so much before. Since I come from a family where my parents separated at an early age.

 

I believe as well, we come to this world alone and die alone. After a painful break up that I am far from overcoming, I do come to realize that we do not own anyone and that any person that comes to our lives is not meant to stick around forever.

 

Part of it is believing that somewhere out there your soul mate awaits, that is a very frustrating and stressing thought, there is no way to know this.

 

One of the partying gifts my ex gave me though, is the realization that I want kids, and well I can't do that alone , and that is permanent link to someone, but we all know it doesn't necessarily mean tying yourself to that person, but in that scenario I can't see myself being single forever.

[SerCay]

I have decided to do this actually and you know what followed? Happiness.

 

 

Who cares about other people? I make me happy. Try it.

 

Yep agree with this. I used to feel a lot of pressure since everyone around me is ALWAYS in a relationship...and I always felt obliged to like someone or be with someone, since thats ALL people are usually occupied with when theyre single..

 

But this mindset got me in a 2 year dating and 3 year committed relationship with a commitment phobe who totally screwed over all my believes in love.

 

I have set my mind to remain single forever, I want to learn to make myself happy!

 

And hey, if I meet someone on the road thats fine also

[maiden of rohan]

People tend to compromise with things that happen in life or with things nature gave them and try to be happy with them, even though these things are not the best they could have. For example, if someone is blind they invent things that can sound as an advantage despite the fact that they are blind in comparison with other people, for instance "my other senses work twice as good than other people". We tend to prettify situations in order sometimes to survive the pain, if someone dies we say "at least they didn't suffer much", if someone is sick we say "at least they lived a happy life" etc etc. This doesn't mean that if we had to CHOOSE between 2 situations we wouldn't choose the best one. But survival is a great instinct in life.

 

I'm not saying people can't be happy as single. But if they had to choose I'm pretty sure they would want to have a partner who makes them happy. Nobody chooses loneliness forever.

 

You can't possibly know everybody to make the assertion that nobody wants loneliness forever. For some people i.e myself, I don't regard being alone as being lonely. I depend on myself just fine, and sustain my own happiness without the need of someone else.

 

For me, being with someone was never the best option. I'm an introvert who feels drained by other people, and their need for my attention. I enjoy the freedom (and no, I'm not just making the best out of a bad lot) singleness provides me. I've had offers to change my status, and not taken them. Why? Not because I didn't like the people offering, but because I actually want to be single.

 

In the future, that may change. In the foreseeable future, I don't honestly see it changing. I know of people who are single for, seemingly, life and perfectly content with it.

 

Not everyone feels the need to partner up because we don't all view it as the sole purpose of being on this earth.