Cant get through this [update:ex called]

[Mondmellonw]

BC1980

 

Isn't it so sad that I saw it as him caring for me

 

He was even giving me tips on how to move on, that I should focus on myself etc

 

It is so strange.

 

I can see how it is arrogant though

 

I guess I am blind sighted because I love him

My ex did the same.

He even told me to go see a therapist when I broke up with him.

I know I'm not perfect, but strangely as it seems, I feel more sane than ever after three weeks of the BU.

Move forward. Sounds like you're a great person you'll get what you deserve, just think about you.

[Mondmellonw]

Hi again

 

I have never really thought about yoga, I may give it a try

 

Just wanted to post and update everyone on how I am doing, it helps me to type

 

So today is 1 week 6 days NC and I feel a little better, I find myself thinking about him a lot right when I am lying in bed trying to sleep

 

But I start to have a conversation with myself and tell myself "I know it hurts but do you really want him back after this?" etc etc

 

Its like I am telling myself off which normally helps the thoughts dissapear for a while

 

 

I have been throwing myself into work, I wasn't even going to go in yesterday as I felt awful but I dragged myself in and managed to have a really good time actually (I host a radio show)

 

I find it hard as I have to appear so happy on air when inside I am going through the mills atm

 

One thing I have found hard the last few days is I keep getting flashes of him with another girl, a stunningly beautiful one. Better than me and its like someone has kicked me in the chest

 

How can I stop the thoughts?? The thought of him and another girl haunts me

 

I cant even imagine being with someone else right now but I know him and his pasts dictates that he doesnt stay single for long, plus he is looking the best he ever has atm

 

It makes me quite angry actaully as when I met him he wasnt in the best shaoe although I didnt care ATALL as to me he was my ideal man. But the last few months hes hit the gym HARD and its like the moment he felt his best he dropped me so he can **** all these girls who want him all of a sudden

 

Makes me sick! I have been there for him through SO much, work stuff, family stuff. I literally bent over backwards for this guy yet he doesnt want me

 

I wish I could call him and tell him how annoyed I am right now, how can he treat me like this?? I hate him

 

Another thing is he owes me money a substantial amount and I know I wont get it back now as I will remain NC, he can keep it anyway I would rather get away from him now regardless

 

It just hurts so much that he can drop me so quickly yet he wants to be my FRIEND

 

I don't want him as a friend!!! And i actually feel offended that he would ask me this. I am also angry that I have wasted all these months waiting around for him to WANT me, being here for him, not asking any questions just loving him. Giving him everything I bloody have and he just throws it all away

 

Has he known this whole time that he wanted to go out and **** other girls and do all of this??

 

Sorry I just feel rally angry all of a sudden

 

I am going for a walk

Leave him on the past.

He doesn't even deserves your friendship.

Anger can be the key. If you know how tho manage it, you'll forget about him way easier than you think... But don't let that feeling rule your world.

Love yourself and people close/around you.

Be patient. I know you'll be fine.

[BC1980]

I really feel for you because I know exactly what you are going through. The emotional roller coaster sucks. One day you feel sad, and the next day you are angry. Heck, it changes from minute to minute. Lately, I've been feeling lost. I had direction in my life with my ex; we had plans and goals together. Now, I am left alone, and I have to make my own path. It's so overwhelming at times, and I wonder how I will do it. The thought of it overwhelms me, and I wonder if I will ever get my footing again. I feel that I'm simply here with no direction, ambling through life at the moment. Will I ever experience love again? I miss the feeling of having a partner who can hear about your day at work, who can share your hopes and dreams. Even though I am surrounded by family and friends, I feel very alone right now.

 

I get very angry with my ex when I let myself think of him, so I have to purposefully divert my thoughts. It would be difficult to even have a conversation with him at this point, and that makes me sad. We have lost so much; he took so much away from us.

[JDPT]

I really feel for you because I know exactly what you are going through. The emotional roller coaster sucks. One day you feel sad, and the next day you are angry. Heck, it changes from minute to minute. Lately, I've been feeling lost. I had direction in my life with my ex; we had plans and goals together. Now, I am left alone, and I have to make my own path. It's so overwhelming at times, and I wonder how I will do it. The thought of it overwhelms me, and I wonder if I will ever get my footing again. I feel that I'm simply here with no direction, ambling through life at the moment. Will I ever experience love again? I miss the feeling of having a partner who can hear about your day at work, who can share your hopes and dreams. Even though I am surrounded by family and friends, I feel very alone right now.

 

I get very angry with my ex when I let myself think of him, so I have to purposefully divert my thoughts. It would be difficult to even have a conversation with him at this point, and that makes me sad. We have lost so much; he took so much away from us.

 

 

 

Letting go is losing hope for a different or better PAST.

Pave the new way.

[BC1980]

Letting go is losing hope for a different or better PAST.

Pave the new way.

 

I do think that completely letting go helped me move forward. My sadness now is different. It's a feeling of just trying to put all of this behind me. I do think I have learned that I need to enjoy the little things in life and the everyday moments. I shouldn't be so caught up in what could be, might happen, what I will be doing 10 years from now. I have no idea where I will be 1 year from now, so why worry about it? Just take it day by day, and enjoy what I have.

 

When I think back on the last year of my relationship, I was stressed then as well. I was wondering if we would ever get married; I was just kind of ambling along and hoping for the best. I was making plans, but I didn't know if they would pan out. I kept banking on this future that didn't pan out.

[JDPT]

I do think that completely letting go helped me move forward. My sadness now is different. It's a feeling of just trying to put all of this behind me. I do think I have learned that I need to enjoy the little things in life and the everyday moments. I shouldn't be so caught up in what could be, might happen, what I will be doing 10 years from now. I have no idea where I will be 1 year from now, so why worry about it? Just take it day by day, and enjoy what I have.

 

When I think back on the last year of my relationship, I was stressed then as well. I was wondering if we would ever get married; I was just kind of ambling along and hoping for the best. I was making plans, but I didn't know if they would pan out. I kept banking on this future that didn't pan out.

 

 

And as I think I've mentioned to you previously, we were so confident and sure that this other person would be around for good but unfortunately that's not the case. It's time to improvise for our own sake. And you are absolutely right it's the little things that matter. I think this break up has brought me closer to my parents. Earlier today I stopped by their home with coffee and sandwiches, they had huge smiles on their faces which made me feel somewhat good. My pain has morphed into numbness, a bit difficult to explain, I feel calm but still feel as if my heart is too cold. I'm happy the pain subsided now I need to work on feeling again.

 

 

You are doing great BC, work on you and no one else, you are it right this moment, this is your show and everyone else is just in it. I've also learned not to worry about the unknown. I try my best day in and day out and set goals for my self and try my hardest to meet and exceed expectations without giving myself a nervous breakdown in the process. Keep paving a better future, all this hardship will eventually make sense.

[cavalier99]

Good to see your finally getting angry!

 

I think we always have a tendency to be too nice post BU and forgiving..and are to ready to accept firendship or othere BS because we are in shock.

 

That is one reason to maintain NC because it is too easy to lose your dignity early on when you are weak and not know that you are going to feel differently or even angry later on.

 

I bet you see his offer at friendship in a totally different light right now and are glad you havent capitulated on the NC. Cav

Edited December 14, 2013 by cavalier99

[TanTry]

Feeling low

 

I read all your replies and I will respond soon

 

I feel so rubbish right now

 

Cant help but feel like the last 4 years of my life were a waste

 

Its like they never existed?

 

Whats the point in love and loving someone when in the end I have to act like they didn't ever exist?

 

How sick is that. Its like I dreamt the last 4 years and have woken up with nothing

[TanTry]

All the places we went together

 

All the nights we spent

 

All the time we put into eachother, to grow closer, build trust

 

Me letting my guards down and loving someone with everything I had

 

All for what?? nothing

 

I have to act as if he didnt ever exist

 

How cruel is that

 

 

 

I just feel so sad tonight

[Hippie Lady]

Hey Tan,

 

Sounds like you're riding the emotional roller coaster, grieving is a process of emotions; denial, sadness, anger, guilt, acceptance and there's no real order, These emotions fluctuate. Time is your friend, not very comforting I know, because you want to push fast forward but you keep hitting rewind.

 

Again your ex is making the Bu easier on himself by friending you, that way he doesn't have to really say 'goodbye' even though he did and you're feeling the repercussions, so time to let reality set in for him and I believe it is, because a blank txt at that time in the morning is classic breadcrumb/anxiety... don't bite let him grieve too.

 

Since I'm a bit farther along in terms of time here's some tips:

 

I'm at 60 days roughly. In the grand scheme of things not very much time has passed, since I've known my ex for 12 yrs this is the most NC we've ever had.

 

The more time passes the pain eases and things are becoming clearer

I'm not progressing as fast as I'd like but it's happening, I'm starting to realize that once I'm happy with myself a relationship won't be scary because I know if it fails I'm gonna be ok...took me 2 months to get to this point.

 

You're doing remarkably well!

[TanTry]

Thank you so much Hippie Lady

 

I agree that the text he sent was a breadcrumb

 

I am trying to judt get on with things, feeling a little better today.

 

You should feel so proud, 60 days is amazing especially considering the length of the relationship

 

I hope I can do as well as you

 

I am going out with a friend tonight to let my hair down..

 

I will update you all later x

[Mondmellonw]

All the places we went together

 

All the nights we spent

 

All the time we put into eachother, to grow closer, build trust

 

Me letting my guards down and loving someone with everything I had

 

All for what?? nothing

 

I have to act as if he didnt ever exist

 

How cruel is that

 

 

 

I just feel so sad tonight

I understand you.

My relationship wasn't that long.

They were only 6 months.

However, they meant the world to both of us in the start.

That faded away... I don't know who he is anymore and he hates me.

[TanTry]

I am posting here before I break NC as I am struggling the most I ever have tonight

 

Someone help me please

 

I thought I was doing ok but now I have just burst into tears, something came on TV that reminded me of him

 

I want to call him, I need to call him

 

I wish things could be different

 

I miss him so much..............I dont think I am strong enough to handle this

 

 

I just feel so sad and so alone and I kept busy all week but now again i am crying over him

 

Surely it can be fixed? If you love someone so much cant it be fixed??

[fixing]

Your doing great. Please do not throw away all of your hard work! This can not be fixed because he doesnt want it fixed. He is with a new woman.

 

I know its hard, but seriously, you are seconds away from making one of the worst mistakes in your life. You will be crippled once you hang up that phone!!

 

You did well to post here instead!!!

[TanTry]

Thank you fixing..

 

I am trying my best

 

The thing that is hurting is the day he called me 2 weeks ago (2 days after the breakup) he sort of back tracked on the other woman thing and said it wasnt anything serious, that he just liked her, but he loves me and wants us to be friends still and that he would come and seem anytime

 

So now I am feeling like maybe it wont be so bad to be his friend, atleast I get to see him and be around him.

 

This is like hell

 

Just sitting here wanting to be with him but forcing myself not to

 

I told myself yesterday I wouldnt cry over him again, but here I am crying like a idiot

 

Thats what I am just stupid, I should be over him

 

I should want more for myself but I love him

[headinthecloud]

Accepting that he does not want to be with you is the hardest thing. You must let go of the hope of what could have been if you want to be happy again.

 

You will love someone else who won't abandon you. You must first love yourself though. Be strong. Don't give in to the feelings of sadnesss, they will pass, keep moving forward....especially when you don't want to because that's when you make the greatest strides.

[cavalier99]

Dont break NC. Youll be in far worse shape than you are now guaranteed. Ride it out. He doesnt want to be with you any more. He made the decision for both of you. Sorry.

 

And no you should not be over it yet.This is going to take months. Just get thru these 1st few weeks. It gets manageable. This is one of the worst parts your going thru now. Absolute insanity. But trust us youll be fine.

Edited December 17, 2013 by cavalier99

[TanTry]

Thank you all so much

 

You dont know how much your words are helping me..

 

I wish I could repay you all but I cant, however I will give back by sticking to NC and not letting you all down

 

You are right, I must realize he doesn't want to be with me and even if he does change his mind I am worth more than a "second option"

 

I hope it gets easier as you all say

 

I have stopped crying now, maybe I just needed to get it out for tonight

 

I plan on going shopping tomorrow so I wont be in all day, maybe thats the problem as today I spent the whole day in bed as I felt so sad. It didnt do me any favours

[fixing]

Thank you fixing..

 

I am trying my best

 

The thing that is hurting is the day he called me 2 weeks ago (2 days after the breakup) he sort of back tracked on the other woman thing and said it wasnt anything serious, that he just liked her, but he loves me and wants us to be friends still and that he would come and seem anytime

 

So now I am feeling like maybe it wont be so bad to be his friend, atleast I get to see him and be around him.

 

This is like hell

 

Just sitting here wanting to be with him but forcing myself not to

 

I told myself yesterday I wouldnt cry over him again, but here I am crying like a idiot

 

Thats what I am just stupid, I should be over him

 

I should want more for myself but I love him

 

These are all natural feelings you have right now. Its only been two weeks!

 

Your doing great. Friendship with this jerk will be like breaking up with him every minute of everyday! Look, think logically. Its 2 weeks no contact right? Has he called you to tell you he wants you back the same way you want him? NO, so he does not merit a phone call from you. Please try to force your mind off him.

Hes a chump who chose another bint to be with.

 

HE IS NOT WORTHY OF YOU ANYMORE!

 

Keep up the no contact

[TanTry]

Thank you

 

Fixing... I will stick to NC, you are right all I have gotten from him in 2 weeks is a blank text. That is all I mean to him

 

I love him but he does not deserve or value my love

 

I just feel sad it ended this way but I will get through this

 

Aspiringguitarhero - thank you, I know in my heart you are right

[fixing]

Exactly. Well bloody done. You are so strong its unreal. I think i have developed a cyber crush if thats possible? You said a few posts back you dont know how to thank us? How about coffee with me?

 

Haha, sorry, probably no place for stupid jokes.

 

But you nailed it! He is not worthy of your love is he?? I mean really. This twerp chose another idiot and had the audacity to tell you to be at his beckon call?

 

PERRRLEASE

 

Hell no man. He f###ed up big on this one. I predict, that after some time, he will suddenly realise the error of his ways, but by then it will be way too late.

 

Keep it up man! You are owning this no contact girl.

[Hippie Lady]

Congrats Tan!

 

When you're feeling sad, remember how well you're doing at NC, also remember 2 weeks isn't very long. Letting yourself cry is healthy and eventually you get sick or crying and your body won't want to do that

 

Your posts make me smile, because I struggled with NC and breadcrumbs and believe me I wish I'd stuck to NC when I received a blank text.

 

That book you wanted to read comes in handy when you just want to lay in bed. At least your mind will be focused on something else.

 

Make sure you don't break NC on XMAS, ok? I think it's going to be difficult for a lot of people.

[TanTry]

Aha fixing your post made me smile, thank you... I am re reading your posts to help me when I am feeling low

 

Hippie Lady.. I think xmas will be the hardest test for me, it seems so unnatural to not call or text him or his family (I was close to this mum and brothers) I feel awful about this

 

I also have a feeling his mum will try and contact me soon and try to give me a present as she does every year, if this happens should I reply or ignore her? I feel horrible at the thought of this

 

To be honest at this point I am just hoping he doesn't contact me so I can continue moving on, I am worried that if he does I will just fail and end up back at square 1... at the moment I feel like I have reached square 2 lol not much further but I like it better here

 

I have started to try and imagine life without him, with another even. I cant imagine feeling comfortable with another man at this point but I mean I am never getting back with my ex so that means I will be with someone else at some point ...sigh

 

I am trying to do some more work on myself, If i am honest I feel like I haven't done enough, I have allowed myself this week to stay in a lot and mope around ...I feel like I should be in the gym 5 days a week. I will try and start this as soon as I can ..just need to work on the motivation.

 

I have been ok I guess the last couple of days, however I am having a huge problem with me imagining him with another woman

 

it keeps popping into my head out of nowhere and when it does its like I feel hit in the stomach

 

I keep seeing them holding hands, kissing, smiling in pictures is the main image

 

Why is this happening and how do I stop it? Do i just need to be stronger?

 

Its like my brain wants to torture me....I don't know what to do to stop the images

 

Ive always had a good imagination but it is really working against me now

[jennysuzie]

Hi Tantry

 

I am so feeling your pain right now. I just got dumped there after two years together on Friday 13th. Unlucky for some.

 

I can't get over how much reading this thread and other peoples thoughts is helping me right now. Im sure they are all helping you too.

 

I too am worried about Xmas. I was so close to his mum and sister, I would spend time with his mum, just the two of us, drink wine, and chat away like old friends. I am angry at him for taking her away from me. But I know that she is his mum, and shes not mine to be friends with if he doesn't want me. I wouldn't put myself in that awkward position anyway.

 

His mum was texting me yesterday, saying shes devastated etc. It just compounds the feelings of loss. A silly part of me thinks she can change his mind but I know that this is grasping at straws.

 

I went through the same thing about 4 years ago ,when I had my heart broken for the first time. I know what I'm going to go through the next few months. I know I can get through it, I just don't want to at the minute. But there is no choice.

 

You are doing an amazing job, getting out, accepting invitations etc. I am trying to do the same, even if it just involved going to the shops with my sister this morning It does feel a bit risky though, I don't know when the tears will start again....

 

We'll get through this. You are not on your own.

[jennysuzie]

PS don't be so hard on yourself.......so what if you haven't been to the gym!! Give yourself a break. But decide a date and stick to it. Next Tuesday or whatever. Just tell yourself you'll go for half an hour, and you can leave when you want. Just getting there is the hard part. Make an amazing playlist and just hit the treadmill.

 

I am planning to do this soon. I don't feel quite there yet. Maybe just a walk today.