Poppyolive Posted December 19, 2013 Share Posted December 19, 2013 I'm sad you are hurting. Take naps, rest your lil heart and racing mind. This too shall pass. Ive been and going through similar heart wrenching pain & sadness. What helped me was coming on here, reading, offering advise, writing...it will open you up to heal. Also begin a gratitude journal... A few lines daily of all you are greatful for....that too will open your heart to heal. Hugs 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TanTry Posted December 24, 2013 Author Share Posted December 24, 2013 Hi everyone I am really sorry to post here with bad news but I need some help or advice Its xmas eve and I have been thinking abut my ex a lot, the fact that its now 3 weeks 2 days NC ... I didnt know whether I should text him or not but i decided against it However just now his mum text me a picture message saying merry xmas.. I was close to his mum... i felt so bad like i would be a total bitch if i ignored her. She is a lovely woman and has treated me so well So i replied saying this exact message "merry xmas to you too, I hope you all have a lovely day x " Thats it... she hasnt responded yet which tbh i am happy about, i dont want any more communicaiton But now i feel a sick feeling in my stomuch, its like a reminder of him, his family, his life. The life i am not part of anymore I MISS HIM. I want to call him and talk and just... i dont know I dont want to feel like this But i feel awful for not calling him today.. isnt is polite to just call?? I mean the last time we spoke 3 weeks 2 days ago he said he still cared for me, that he wanted us to be friends still and that nothing had changed. So by me not even texting him a merry xmas isnt it me being heartless?? I spent almost 4 years with this man now i act as if he never existed? I just have no idea how to cope right now Have i made a massive mistake by replying to his mum?? Ugggh i feel like such an absolute idiot I hate myself right now Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 Again, has he sent you a lovely merry christmas text? Has he even reached out at all to you this last 3 weeks? NO. So why should you call him? NOTHING GOOD WILL COME OF IT. He's not worth it. It was fine to text his mum back. But dont respond again if she calls. You are doing great so far! Keep it up. Christmas is over in a couple of days anyways Stay strong and keep NC 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TanTry Posted December 24, 2013 Author Share Posted December 24, 2013 Ok so I have been reading through the posts here And I plan to try and move on from this.. i text his mum back I didnt initiate it so maybe its not so bad Also i plan on blocking his number asap so that i have no hope of hearing from him I refuse to let him ruin my xmas .. it comes once a year and i should be concentrating on me and my family He didnt care when he told me he wanted us to stop talking as he had found other girls he wanted to be with When he slept with another girl He can **** off and tell her merry xmas 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TanTry Posted December 24, 2013 Author Share Posted December 24, 2013 Thank you fixing You are always here to help me and i appreciate that so much I know what you are saying is true, i will continue NC It will be hard to make it through tonight and tomorrow but i will have to force myself I have been doing ok until today I was thinking of him a little less But i feel like i have gone back a little, the holidays and all the feelings about giving and being kind and making peace with people I guess i just need to put myself first It is hard though 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 Exactly! Thats the christmas spirit i like to hear from you! Perfect perfect perfect approach to this! **** him and **** her! Go and enjoy your xmas with the family, thats all that matters here! Link to post Share on other sites
Author TanTry Posted December 24, 2013 Author Share Posted December 24, 2013 I agree I just hope i can hold onto that feeling Thank you again x Link to post Share on other sites
julzfromsa Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 Again, has he sent you a lovely merry christmas text? Has he even reached out at all to you this last 3 weeks? NO. So why should you call him? NOTHING GOOD WILL COME OF IT. He's not worth it. It was fine to text his mum back. But dont respond again if she calls. You are doing great so far! Keep it up. Christmas is over in a couple of days anyways Stay strong and keep NC So true - if you do the block tactic, then the constant looking and hoping that he may call stops. Its the best way especially when you know its over from their side. Trust me, if he felt that he has made the biggest mistake of hes life he will drive to your place and beg on hes knees at the door. He would call a mutual friend, or a family member. So go ahead and block the guy, it will help i promise. Dont message for Xmas, and dont message hes family. Whats done is done but i know how it hurts. I did exactly the same thing but spoke about her mainly. It had to stop and since it has i feel better. Im so sorry, but i promise, you are not alone in you pain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 The holidays are hard when you are recently single. You can't help but be reminded of past holidays with your ex. I'm so sick of seeing people with their perfect family pictures on Facebook. Honestly, those people aren't perfect, but it doesn't help to keep seeing it. Then, you get hit up with Christmas cards with everyone's family. It just makes the absence of your ex all that more real. My ex actually had the nerve to send me a Christmas card with a picture of him and his son. I was on the card last year, and I find it highly insensitive to even send me a card. I threw it away immediately. Stay strong, and don't contact. The holidays will be over in a few weeks, and we can all go back to our regularly scheduled programming. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rue boo Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 Hi Tan, I can relate to your pain. I've been living with me ex for two years and had a beautiful relationship despite our issues. I had a lot of trust issues. And apparently I should have since two weeks ago I received a Facebook message from a girl who asked if we were still dating.. He cheated on me with her. I immediately went into tough girl mode and moved out. I confronted him and he couldn't look me in the eye and accused of me lying and her lying so I left. He went away for the weekend and I took it as my opportunity to move myself and my cat and all of my belongings into a new apartment. When he got home, he broke down. Of course I was there to pick up the pieces and tell him how much he hurt me and that if he wanes this, he would have to prove it. He also said he only kissed this girl and me - being in love - believed him and allowed him to work his way in. For a week he brought me flowers and dinner and we said we would fix this. I depended on him for that because he really did make me happy. I was so impressed with how hard he was working that I decided to go surprise him at or old house we shared together with a piece of cake and tell him how proud in was. He texted me that night saying we were meant to be and that he was doing all he could to prove it to me. So ... You can guess I was surprised as I was waiting for him to surprise me, he walked in with the girl who Msged me weeks prior. He brought her to our home after a night out... Since then I have been broken. We were supposed to have Xmas toferhwr and to be honest I never envisioned us apart. He completed me and I firmly believed I completed him. So knowing that e has replaced me with a new girl is devastating. Considering how hard he was workin to make it work. He has allowed this girl to think I'm Crazy because I continued to contact him daily in tears. I couldn't work or eat or sleep. I have been in full blown depression as I really pictured my life wih this guy. We talked marriage and kids and had a cat together. And now I'm replaced. I would definitely recommend not contacting him. I did ... Constantly asking him why her Becauae I am so devastated... And he gve me nothing and I know he is feeling control when HE shouldn't have control of this situation. I shoukd. He cheated and lied to me. Over and over again. It's easy to say forget them and move on. I know how it feels to cry multiple times a day and wish you could just go back to a few weeks ago where thugs seemed in place. I feel your pain and am here for you over the holidays. I need support too and understand how important it is over the holidays. Link to post Share on other sites
AllTooWell Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 hi tan, read through your thread and WOW I AM AMAZED by you! You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for, girl. I know what you mean - you care about him, and it would be polite to contact him; you don't want to act like he means nothing. But heres the kicker - has he reached out to you to say Merry Christmas? No? So why do you think YOU mean something to him? I'm sorry if that's harsh and I do not want to hurt you whatsoever - but it is in your best interest not to contact this man. We have ALL been there, we ALL know how hard it is when you are really hurting and missing him. But only YOU can get yourself through this. It may not feel like it but every time you push through and don't contact him, you get stronger. You can do this. Be strong, have a good holiday, do not break NC! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TanTry Posted January 3, 2014 Author Share Posted January 3, 2014 Hi everyone Ireally appreciate everyones help and I will reply properly soon but atm I need help ASAP My ex just sent me a message ...two actually. We havent spoken in 1 month 4 days He sent me a voice message.. just hearing his voice made me shake a little inside...its been ages He basically said "Hey...just wanted to say happy new year and I hope you are ok... I know I owe you money and I just wanted to let you know that I will transfer that to you on Tuesday...are your account details the same? If you can let me know through a text or here if they are....anyway happy new year,..i hoope you have a good 2014 He then sent another saying "by the way I am sorry that it has taken me so long to pay you back..I lost my job..its a lonnnng story... but yh I'm not working atm...anyway hopefully talk soon...bye" He sounded quite sad in his messages... I have this image of him in my head sat alone and I feel awful. I want to be there for him again. To be honest with you all though I have been feeling stronger day by day...the fact I didnt break NC over xmas or new year even when I was SO drunk made me feel like I have a little strength in me However now I am stuck. In reality I wish i could just ignore his messages however he does actually owe me money...a substantial amount and my account details have infact changed I was thinking of sending a message back saying "Hi, yh my account details are..."insert here" so yeah if you transfer it that would be good. Happy new year too" And thats it, not mentioning his job or anything even though I want to say I am sorry he has lost it as I know how much he loved that job What do you think??? I had to post here first before I make a mistake Please reply if you see this Link to post Share on other sites
Author TanTry Posted January 3, 2014 Author Share Posted January 3, 2014 I replied saying what I wrote above.. He replied saying "thank you for replying, you didnt have to... I will transfer it as soon as... thank you again He then added a link he told me to google it... its for a ps4 game, he knows I am a gamer.. we used to play many games together. He also added this "by the way I will give you back your copy of GTA too if you haven't bought another yet" I have googled the link he sent me but cant watch the game trailer, I am ashamed to say this made me cry a little It brang back memories of me and him I dont know how to respond to his last message. I think I will jsut say "Ok thanks" and delete the convo. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 Just say thanks. No emotion. You will thank yourself later. I know it's difficult because you want to fall back into that ease of talking to him, but you need to protect yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TanTry Posted January 3, 2014 Author Share Posted January 3, 2014 Thank you for your reply You are right I must not let my emotions take over... its crazy how much i want to just talk as if we had simply lost touch.. I need to remember why we stopped talking in the first place, that was his choice. Ughh it hurts I replied to the gaming stuff with a "Ok.. thanks and its fine I have my own copy now" He replied with a video of a book called the law of attraction he said "You should check this book out..I got it for xmas..its really good..it helps with your career and stuff..but yeah check it out" I have deleted the convo and wont reply to that.. its getting to much like a normal convo and i will only start to miss him all over again I cant risk feeling that way again I have made a little progress so it would be silly to just throw it away I wont reply to that message... I feel bad though... it seems so rude for me to just ignore someone as if they arent there?? I wish I didnt care about how he felt but I do... I care a lot Link to post Share on other sites
Author TanTry Posted January 3, 2014 Author Share Posted January 3, 2014 Am i an aw*** person for ignoring his last message?? I feel so bad right now I just dont want to be horrible to someone He is just trying to be friendly Link to post Share on other sites
polynomial Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 Am i an aw*** person for ignoring his last message?? I feel so bad right now I just dont want to be horrible to someone He is just trying to be friendly But hes NOT being friendly, hes being selfish. hes the one who ended it and now maybe thins didnt work out or whatever . hes hurting you again by contacting you and its selfish on his part. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 Am i an aw*** person for ignoring his last message?? I feel so bad right now I just dont want to be horrible to someone He is just trying to be friendly Don't get caught in the trap of guilt. Don't guilt yourself into a friendship. You will have the short end of the stick. Your priority is to support yourself, and NC is how you are doing that. Your priority is not to be his friend right now. It's a slippery slope, trust me. Don't overestimate what you can handle in the way of communication with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TanTry Posted January 6, 2014 Author Share Posted January 6, 2014 Hi guys well I feel ****ing awful today I don't miss him or anything really its more of a anger and a "I HATE YOU" feeling Its overwhelming me to the point where I feel like I need to just stay in bed all day long I am so disappointed in him and myself. When he contacted me the other day it was about money he owes me so I was civil even friendly (I regret this now) as he has not been in contact since! He hasn't transferred what he owes me and I strongly suspect he will never do so. Why did he call and act like he would???? HES AN ******* Making me believe in his words yet again despite everything we have been through I know it sounds crazy but I feel used all over again, tricked almost??? He must really think I am a sad pathetic person.. I hate this feeling I want to call him and argue about what he is doing to me He has seeped back into my life and now I cant stop thinking about him in one way or another I feel sick I just want him to leave me alone if all he can do is let me down Link to post Share on other sites
Author TanTry Posted January 6, 2014 Author Share Posted January 6, 2014 Man I am so unbelievably sad and angry right now Link to post Share on other sites
MrMeh Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 If you really want the money then I would send a stern message completely focusing on the transaction and not his character. I know it has to be difficult, but you have to be the mature person in his situation. You have been doing great, but you have to keep getting better. Keep your head up! Link to post Share on other sites
legion113 Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Man I am so unbelievably sad and angry right now I would keep the text, it will say a lot in small claims court since he admits to owing you money and was willing to pay. Not only that but it makes him look like a dirtbag which will work against him as well. Slam dunk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 Is it a substantial amount of money? Like $500+ if so, then send that madafaka a blunt text demanding that he send it over pronto. Afterall, why the hell should he get to keep that? To spend on his new human? If its money your not going to miss, than continue no contact. He seems like a greasy jerk, nothing wrong with you being 'civil' when he texted either. But continue complete no contact for ever if the money is minimal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TanTry Posted January 9, 2014 Author Share Posted January 9, 2014 Hi everyone I apolagise for my emotional posts To answer your questions yes it is quite a substantial amount, to me atleast.... around 500 pounds. I ended up caling him today to ask if he would transfer it or not, he said he would do it tomorrow and he is sorry he has just been busy We talked for 15 minutes.... He said "Its so nice to hear from you" a lot of times He mentioned the fact that we havent seen eachother for a long time and that he is always here for me That he cares about me and that I am not alone if I ever feel like I am He also said if i saw him i would not recognise him as he is doing well and is in shape, he asked if I had seen his pictures online, I said no. He said he doesnt want me to feel bad and think he broke up with me because he didnt like me because he does and that it was just a reaosn he cant explain He kept saying dont hesistate to call me etc I feel strange after this call.... upset as he was so casual I guess I would have rathered he said he missed me and wanted me back But he doesnt, that was clear He maybe wants a friendship at most, or someone to rub his ego. I can be neither of those things Talking to him in this way has almost given me a strange sense of closure if that makes sense.... its confirmed once and for all we will never ever ever be in a relationship again. We have past that post a long time ago It is sad and it makes me feel scared and alone again a little However I feel ok I am getting on with what I had initially planned which is working on me and me only. Thank you all for being here for me by the way, I really do appreciate it Link to post Share on other sites
Author TanTry Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 Update... I just wanted to update you all.. Im not sure if anyone really reads this thread anymore but I hope someone is.. So yeah he transferred the money he owes me (some of it) he still owes me about a quarter of it which he said he will transfer in March... not sure why the long wait, Part of me thinks he wants to stretch it out as long as possible. But anyway the day he transferred it he text me asking if I got it I was in bed and pretty hungover from a friends party the night before so I guess I let my guard down a little, I wasnt as defensive to his contact I replied saying yes... I noticed in his picture that his hair looked shaven so I mentioned this. It opened a conversation, I realised this so gave very short one word answers to slow it down, he just asked me how I was etc I said good. He went on about his new look, how we had lost loads of weight and was in the best shape ever, he even sent me pictures which I deleted without looking (I didnt want to risk being upset over them) He then commented on my picture (my display pic) he said "Wow, you look sexy as ****" .. I said thanks. He then said "seriously you look great, i love your face without makeup but you look amazing in that pic, its making me slighlty aroused" This comment put me off.... so i didnt replly, he then sent another saying "sorrym just giving you a compliment which Im allowed to do lol" I said ok. That was it, he then messaged me about four hours later asking me a general question I didnt respond. I feel really really silly in a way for engaging in the conversation, I feel like I am giving him what he wants and maybe setting myself backwards. However I dont feel really upset or anything after it, I normally would have cried. I just feel a bit strange I miss him though, the friendship, everything. I wish this would all be over and done with... Im sorry if i have let any of you down, I am trying. Why do you think he is messaging me these things? What should I do? How can I stop loving him? Link to post Share on other sites
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