what can I do about this?

[Katrina86]

the question is how do I get my husband to be a little human towards me?

 

we've been married for four years and all this time I feel very much alone. I have no sense of security or belonging in my marriage whatsover! I can't talk to my husband about anything because he basically ignores me and doesnt respond. yesterday I was so stressed because we just found out he can't get a trucking job which we just got in debt for, so he can go to trucking school because he has violations on his driving record so when I left to work he sent me text asking if I was ok and when I opened up to him about what I was feeling he basically just ignored my text and didn't respond. at first I told myself that he must have fallen asleep or something but when I sent him a text to ask if he was there he said yes honey. whenever I say honey I wanna talk to you about something he listens to me talk and when I'm done he doesn't respond at all. but on the contrary if he has a need or something to say he will go on and on and on about it until he is satisfied that he's been head. Is it too much to wat my husband to just say honey we'll be ok, I'm sorry you feel so stressed or I head you? is this a men thing? what can I do, I really need my husband to be there for me at least once in a while.

[d0nnivain]

Stop having emotional conversations via text message.

 

You said he sent you a text to see if you were OK. That's a good thing. It shows he does care.

 

Come home, make a nice meal, then talk to him about your fears & concerns. Men aren't mind readers but when they love you, if you tell them exactly what you want, within reason they will give it to you.

 

It's a silly example but when I 1st met my husband if he gave me a store bought card, he would simply sign his name on the bottom. No Dear D0nnivain, no date, no love before his signature, just his name. It bugged me so I told him. On a card exchanging occassion, I thanked him for the card, then held the two cards in my hand & showed him what I expected. He signs his cards "properly" now.

[alwayshopful]

Stop having emotional conversations via text message.

 

You said he sent you a text to see if you were OK. That's a good thing. It shows he does care.

 

Come home, make a nice meal, then talk to him about your fears & concerns. Men aren't mind readers but when they love you, if you tell them exactly what you want, within reason they will give it to you.

 

It's a silly example but when I 1st met my husband if he gave me a store bought card, he would simply sign his name on the bottom. No Dear D0nnivain, no date, no love before his signature, just his name. It bugged me so I told him. On a card exchanging occassion, I thanked him for the card, then held the two cards in my hand & showed him what I expected. He signs his cards "properly" now.

 

Don't you feel like you shouldn't have to prompt someone to respond to you though in a way that you need? I hate that...do they not have enough sense to make you feel loved? I get kisses when I prompt and hugs when i initiate them and I feel like he just doesn't care enough to bother to do it on his own. Then I question where I am in this relationship...it feels like alone most of the time.

[FallingLeaves]

Don't you feel like you shouldn't have to prompt someone to respond to you though in a way that you need? I hate that...do they not have enough sense to make you feel loved? I get kisses when I prompt and hugs when i initiate them and I feel like he just doesn't care enough to bother to do it on his own. Then I question where I am in this relationship...it feels like alone most of the time.

 

Humans aren't mind readers. Talk to him face to face, and give concrete examples of your needs and then compare them to specific events in which he did not meet these needs.

 

Be excruciatingly clear on your needs, and be very kind and warm. No one likes to hear they've let down their wife, or been giving her a bad relationship. Don't sugarcoat it, but be calm and loving and express interest in better communication and working together to fix the issues.

 

Try telling him "I want you to initiate a hug or a tender kiss with me at least X times a week." I know that seems cold, but setting rules to the improvement will help it grow naturally over time.

Edited December 6, 2013 by FallingLeaves
I can't spell.

[d0nnivain]

If you are not getting what you want -- hugs, kisses, love notes whatever, you need to communicate that desire to the other person. They do have enough sense to make you feel loved but they are not communicating that to you in "your language" if you feel like certain things are missing so you can sit & pout because your wishes aren't being fulfilled or you can be clear about what you want.

 

All my life women have always asked me why the men I date treat me so well when their BFs don't. I laugh & say I trained them properly. Of course I don't think men are pets but when I want or need something from a relationship I tell them. I make my expectations known. I want them to open doors & pick up checks. Even though it's a joint account that we both put money into, it still makes me feel good when DH reaches for the check.

 

We're going out to a fancy black tie event tonight. The first time we went to one, I was kind of teasing about it but if I'm in a gown I expect the car door will be opened for me; I expect to be dropped at the door of the hall; I expect to be helped on & off with my coat; I expect my husband will get my drink & pull out my chair. Of course he does all those things because I asked him to. He'd never had a woman who wanted that stuff. When he tells me his expectations I fulfill those for him. It's a give & take.