Vercetti Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 Our marriage had been in trouble for years. He was hooked on prescription meds and ignored me most of the time. We had no sex life, he was impotent due to the drug use. We had no relationship because he was incoherent most of the time due to his drug use. But I had made vows and was intent on keeping those vows. I just resigned myself that the worse had come sooner than expected and I just had to suck it up. Then he lost his job (resigned upon threat of termination) and instead of getting another job he spent his days and money that we did not have on marital affair websites. We went to our first MC session, where I found out that he had been taking testosterone and at least claimed to have overcome his impotence-something you think he would have told his wife. I had tried about a month before this to discuss his impotence but his response was how dare I bring that up. Anyway, within hours of our MC session, he was back on the computer begging strangers for sex. The next evening when I confronted him, he got mad and said how dare I bring that up. He began packing his clothes and his drugs and said he was going to his mothers. I took his house key and told him he would not get back into my house (it was my separate property). After 13 years of marriage and all he had put me through with the drugs, then losing his job, his refusing to discuss his impotence, our financial situation or his cheating. I was done. He left on Friday night. I called my attorney Monday morning and told him to file and have never looked back. I have been through all the sadness and depression but never once did I ever entertain the thought of putting myself back into that situation. Sigh, 13 years for me as well. Pills / church / wine / gossip / drama. Had lines in the sand so to say and knew for some time that soon as wanted me to change, me to be on meds, me to be things never was that it was doomed. After a month of being split had to flip a coin more or less to come back when picked me up, just packing the car with her made me want to unpack it. Only did what could and jumped through some hoops knowing that would never work, did not jump through them right or more hoops got invented. It hit point of no return when discovered disrespect in a text message. I was attacked through the house with two doors kicked it to get me, like something out of the evil dead. She got the phone and tried busting it on a cutting board, then the tiles, then trying to twist snap it. Got screen captures and sent them to all her contacts and got copies for myself, then she protects the other parties and paints my reaction as being the unforgivable thing. Yet the messages confirmed all the stupidity put up with. She left, bricked my phone...tried talking some. I gave it a week to see if there would be any action to restore trust, everything was the opposite of that. She ended up filing online on a rollar coaster of emotion. Made me sad to discover, yet I was going to do the same and already had things in order. So point of no return. Have tried to give some comfort in texts and yeah some anger as well. Told her that what is going to happen is something we will not be able to support each other through. Gave some general advice of how the process can go faster / smoother / and not be as costly for us. Even told her that the things she is feeling is what always wanted to protect her ( and myself ) from. Told her long before it got to this point, what happens after a serious break-up as I'm the only person she had ever been with. Wish it wasn't like this, yet, well Link to post Share on other sites
RedHawk08 Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 I've been fighting to save my marriage for the last 9 months with strength and determination that I didn't know I had. I have forgiven her for her infidelity, and constantly remind myself that every lie, insult and history revision is just to appease her own conscience. What has finished me off after all this time is that all of this could be resolved with a simple "I'm sorry". She knows this, I have told her. But she would rather lead this life that is the polar opposite of who she is and what we always had, in total denial. All because she cannot admit to her wrongdoing. Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 Heres a new one....my ex gives my teenage children the divorce papers to give to me.... Classy!! He has made switching off from him very simple as he's such an idiot!! Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 Heres a new one....my ex gives my teenage children the divorce papers to give to me.... Classy!! He has made switching off from him very simple as he's such an idiot!! Let me straighten you out on this one Suzie.......NOT "classy".......more like chicken s$@t! It could have been worse........he could have given it to the dog to give to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 Let me straighten you out on this one Suzie.......NOT "classy".......more like chicken s$@t! It could have been worse........he could have given it to the dog to give to you. Would have been better ... Yep gutless, well he's really annoyed me by doing this, was doing a joint divorce application he can now go alone which means he'll have to travel an hour n go to court 'all because of his lack of thought for the children' That's not all, he also seems to think on paper that I'm 100% responsible for health and education costs! .... Such an idiot, even suggested that if I signed them 'to save me the trouble' he get his JP "friend" to say that he witnessed me signing legal papers.... Seriously what planet is he on, I'm insulted that he thinks I'm this thick 16 years he doesn't know me at all Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 Seriously what planet is he on, I'm insulted that he thinks I'm this thick 16 years he doesn't know me at all What planet????? Heck, what drug is he on . Ya' gotta' love it when they are sooooo unreasonable! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 For all of those people who have made it to the other side, how long had you been separated from your SO when you reached the point in which you realised even if they wanted to reconcile, you had no interest in it? when i developed strong feelings for someone else Link to post Share on other sites
littlejaz Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 shocked suzie, I too am amazed that after 13 years of marriage, 2 years of separation and 38 years of being friends, my STBXH doesn't know me any better than yours knows you. I realize now that it is because he only cares about himself. He never truly cared about me, my wants, needs or desires. All he cared about was me paying his bills and taking care of him. Now, his mother gets to do all that for him. Kinda feel sorry for her but she is willingly doing it, soooooo..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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