Wife's Infidelity with My Best Friend

[Jaws]

Hello. My story starts with me establishing a relationship with a wealthy new friend. I will call him "Phil." I met him and his wife at a celebrity function. Phil and I hit it off great and not long after that started to hanging around each other. Phil's wife and mine hit it off well too; my wife would spend some time with Phil's wife's friends. From time to time my wife Sue would make comments to me that suggested she liked his company.

 

There was a friend of Phil and his wife named Tara that liked my company as well. We all started to attend social gatherings together. The minute my wife Sue and I entered I would start talking to Tara not noticing where or who I wife was socializing with. This continued on for a few months. One night at home my wife confronted me about talking to Tara so much. I replied, "Well if it makes you uncomfortable I will try to intermingle with the other guests at the next function( these social events were mostly held at Phil's house.)"

 

As time passed Phil's social gathering became more and more frequent. One night I wasn't feeling too well and decided not to go. My wife asked if she could go anyway because she had spent most of the day getting ready. I said' "You would rather go without me?" She replied, "No, I guess not." So she stayed home. I could see it in her face that she was looking forward to attending it. A few weeks later after I got well Sue and I returned to the gatherings at Phil's house. Once we arrived I would go in his great kitchen area sit down and snack on food.

 

I would talk to others there or who ever else would come and sit with me. Tara eventually showed up and we went out on the balcony to chat. This went on numerous times until one night when the social gathering was over and Sue and I left I noticed something for the first time: Sue smelled like Phil's cologne. I did not say anything and decided that I was going to plan what to do at the next function at Phil's house that was being held the next week.

 

At the next social gathering I went to the kitchen area and waited; I made sure my car was parked out and away just in case I needed to leave immediately. Tara showed up and asked me if I could go in the living room to talk. I said " Some other time." I waited 20 minutes and decided that was enough time and that I should go and find my wife. I went upstairs and as I rounded the corner I could hear someone talking. I heard what sounded like Sue's voice say "I want to but not here." As I stepped closer the voices stopped only to be followed by a deep kissing sound.

 

As I walked in front of the doorway and looked I saw Sue and Phil holding each other and were in a deep kiss. Sue happened to see me at the last moment; I turned and ran out and left her there. I could see her in the front yard yelling for me to wait. I also think that I noticed that she started crying.

Edited December 1, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Oldspiceywolf]

Thant straight sux!

 

What do you plan on doing? You have to have a plan, she has time to start moving stories and details. Make sure you get the whole truth and create some real space(a month or two) you might want to reconcile but that's a long road that doesn't work out, read everybody's thread who is similar it will help you figure out your path

[Bryanp]

First of all Phil is NOT your best friend.

It is important that you inform Phil's wife immediately.

 

What are the consequences to her actions?

Does she know that cheating is a deal breaker for you or is it not?

What is she going to do to try to recover.

[anne1707]

What are the consequences to her actions?

Does she know that cheating is a deal breaker for you or is it not?

What is she going to do to try to recover.

 

 

There is also the issue of the OP's relationship with Tara - it sounds like a potential EA and not good for the marriage.

 

There is work to be done on both sides if this marriage is to recover.

[Realist3]

That sure is a whole lot of words for, 'I caught my wife in a deep passionate kiss with a friend and I left her crying as I drove off.'

 

Is there no next to the story?

[bubbaganoosh]

Do I have to pay a fee for the next chapter? Phil, Sue, Tara and Jaws at the edge of a cliff.

 

What happened here?

[ChooseTruth]

Hi, sorry to hear this

 

Do you have kids? How long have you been married?

 

What happened next? What are your intentions or thoughts now?

 

Do you have any questions?

 

(I see you posted the same thread over in separation and divorce, so you are divorcing?)

[Jaws]

Hello. To get to the point this is serious situation with me as I am considering ending my marriage. I and my wife are separated for now.

[elbe]

This is awful.

[Jaws]

Hi, sorry to hear this

 

Do you have kids? How long have you been married?

 

What happened next? What are your intentions or thoughts now?

 

Do you have any questions?

 

(I see you posted the same thread over in separation and divorce, so you are divorcing?)

My wife and I have no children. We have been married for seven years now. I have never faced something like this before and haven't decided on what to do yet. Right now I am angry and hurt.

[Jaws]

I am only considering a divorce. I don't have all the facts right now. I haven't talked to my wife yet.

[Jaws]

I am trying to sort some of this out thru my pain. I have no plans to do anything for now except stay away from my wife. Once I maybe confront my wife and ex-friend I will find out how this happened. I will say this that if my ex-friend has consummated the affair with my wife my marriage will definitely be over.

[compulsivedancer]

I wonder if Tara was distracting you on purpose, knowing full well what your wife and her husband were doing (and perhaps trying to get you to do the same with her).

 

Lose Phil. Talk to your wife. Find out what's going on and for how long. Find out if she's interested in reconciliation (if you're interested), and prepare for divorce. If you want to try R, set up some ground rules, NC, etc.

 

It sounds to me like Phil and possibly Tara set you up. That doesn't excuse your wife's behavior, however, so don't let her off the hook.

[Oldspiceywolf]

Dude I hope you stuck to that! Remember what you heard, I do but I don't know about here. She's done more than kiss, let her go now and you don't have to deal with the questions of her doing it again, the visions of him in her while she already next to you and trickle truths you to death before you get to realize you can't get over this. No kids =girlfriend with paperworks, treat her like a girlfriend and start a family with someone you can trust. She's gonna put this on you and how insecure/unfulfilled/caught in a rut she is. She's gonna tell you that she loves you and wants you, this was a mistake and was only about excitement... She's a liar and a cake eater who gets off on getting off with you right down stairs! She's do it in your house in her bed because she likes the thrills.

[Yasuandio]

Well, this is pretty bad. And they must really be horny for each other to take such a risk at a gathering where you are present. Man, not good, not at all.

 

Of course, she will try to justify by the attention that you gave Tara. And, in all honesty - I sense it may have slightly crossed the line. But that does not justify your wife's obvious swinging relationship with Phil.

 

What do you and she want to do about it? You kinda left us hanging about where things stand right now. Yas

[Jaws]

I don't know what to do about it; I have never faced something like this. I am separated for now and haven't gathered any or all facts about the affair from my wife. I will say this that if my ex-friend and my wife have consummated their relationship my marriage will be over.

[aliveagain]

Polygraph or no reconciliation.

[Yasuandio]

I don't know what to do about it; I have never faced something like this. I am separated for now and haven't gathered any or all facts about the affair from my wife. I will say this that if my ex-friend and my wife have consummated their relationship my marriage will be over.

 

When you heard your wife say to Phil, "I want to, but not here," and then observed a passionate kiss - her statement is pretty much direct evidence that consummation has taken place.

 

The question that provoked her response, could only be something that would be a thing she'd like to engage in, but not at that particular place at that particular time. The fact she abbreviated "her want" and didn't really specify it, suggests to me they already have a rapport about what this "want" is. The follow up passionate kiss pretty much spells out the "want" part when it comes to adults. The statement "But not here" also suggests to me that there could be another place that was previously tried out and preferred.

 

Sometimes I overanalyze things - but, a picture (you viewing of said event) speaks a thousand words. It happened - you can be sure of that.

 

So now what?

 

I recommend you read "Love Must Be Tough" by Dobson. It's a classic. She's going to have to tell the truth - but she is going to lie first. When someone cheats, and there is no evidence - they think they can get away with the lie. Come to the house to pick up some stuff, and lift one or two of her latest dirty panties out of the laundry. Say nothing about it (sperm Continues to flow out of female even after shower and can be traced with a Checkmate kit - get it on eBay, or directly from the company, it's about $25. She is likely still doing him since you are gone. What is she going to do - report her dirty panties missing to the police?

 

I also recommend Marriage Builders Website, especially Plan A Plan B. As well as all articles on infidelity and transparency, and how to avoid infidelity. There is a link to that Plan A & B, as well as other interring articles in my signature line. Hope this helps. Yas

[painfullyobvious]

The "not here" you caught her stating with your so-called friend Phil points towards the fact that your wife has done more than just passionately kissed Phil. It looks like your wife is in a full blown physical affair.

 

Its time to confront your wife, Phil and Phil's wife for answers. Ask your wife for answers and ask how often this has happened and tell her she only gets one chance for the truth. If she says this is the first time this happened tell her about what tipped you off (Phil's cologne all over her a few weeks back) and tell her she is lying again. Then you must decide on reconciliation, separation, or divorce.

Edited December 1, 2013 by painfullyobvious
Error in sentences

[bubbaganoosh]

I wonder if Tara was distracting you on purpose, knowing full well what your wife and her husband were doing (and perhaps trying to get you to do the same with her).

 

Lose Phil. Talk to your wife. Find out what's going on and for how long. Find out if she's interested in reconciliation (if you're interested), and prepare for divorce. If you want to try R, set up some ground rules, NC, etc.

 

It sounds to me like Phil and possibly Tara set you up. That doesn't excuse your wife's behavior, however, so don't let her off the hook.

 

I think Phil, Tara and his wife were all in on it.

[bubbaganoosh]

Where was Phil's wife when all this went down? Maybe you and his wife should have a talk and if it were me, I would not go easy on either one of them.

 

Lose the friend because he's no friend. Then lose the wife because you just saw part of what's been going on.

[Yasuandio]

Polygraph or no reconciliation.

 

She did it. But it is so dang aggravating when you don't have a photo or something that proves it beyond a shadow of a doubt. But people have been convicted of murder with just curcumstancial evidence. Aliveagain nailed it good. She will never agree to a polygraph. Sorry for what happened to ya, man. It really sucks. Yas

Edited December 2, 2013 by Yasuandio

[Jaws]

Hello. Thank you all for your supporting comments. As of now I am too upset and mad at this recent discovery of my wife's affair. When some of the pain alleviates I will return to responding to your replies, OK?

[Oberfeldwebel]

Jaws, I am so sorry for your situation and understand needing a break from the forum. I do recommend that you consult an attorney to determine your rights. You don't have to file, but you do need to be prepared. If it hasn't taken place already, then you have to have a meeting with your wife. Before she starts telling you some BS story, she needs to know that honesty is the only way forward and that lying is the kiss of death, so to speak. I think that a polygraph is not unreasonable and obviously no contact with Phil or any of his upper-crust crew. I think that most relationships can be saved, but it must start with honesty.

[Chi townD]

Dude, she cheated on you with Phil before. No need to go through all of that. Just remember, everything she tries to tell you is a lie. She can't undo what you KNOW you saw and that was her in his arms and kissing him passionately. If she was comfortable enough to do that at a party where you were present, I venture to say that she's met with him a few times outside of these parties.

 

Has she tried to contact you since and where exactly are you right now?