Motivation to change comes from my ex

[BitJaded]

Two nights ago while I was drunk, for some odd reason I reached out and contacted my ex from two relationships ago. I was drinking because I have been depressed and not satisfied with my life. I haven't accomplished anything this year. The last relationship I had left me alienated from all my friends because the person I was with was jealous, possessive and wanted all of my attention and free time.

 

Now I always I feel like I let everyone down and when I talk to people it feels awkward, like my friends are complete strangers. I also have been so insecure that when my friends do want to spend time with me I brush them off because I feel miserable all the time and don't think that I can keep them entertained or enjoy my company for long.

 

Strangely my ex and I had a good conversation. We always clicked as friends. I admit I kinda missed him a little (not in a romantic way just how we used to talk) and I don't love him anymore. To be honest I felt snubbed when we broke up and always felt that there was unfinished business. He tried to contact me a few months ago but I was still bitter. The break up hurt my ego mostly but we had long grown apart, and I was always upset about how he went about dumping me.

 

As I suspected he went on to date my friend for a while whom he still thinks is wonderful when she is in fact, really fake. I didn't tell him what I know about her but its none of my business anyway, but yeah it was a slap to my face from the both of them, yet my focus isn't even about her.

 

It's just that something about talking to him made me want to finally fire up and start to become the best I can be. I haven't felt this passionate about changing my life in a while. Not to impress him or attract anymore people because I'm no where near ready for a relationship of any sort, but just this is what I realize what I want for myself period.

 

I want to re-evaluate my morals and values and stick to them. I want to become more spiritual and wise. I want to become more artistic and creative. I want to work hard and produce really good results in everything I do. Become more nurturing, loving and gentle (which is the polar opposite of what I am, I get told I'm cold, mean and feisty.) and just actually become my ideal of what it is to be a great woman. I want happiness to grow on me from the inside, instead of just putting on a happy face.

 

I think I need books or something to help me, I don't know what kind though or what I should be reading and studying or if this change is supposed to somehow come naturally. Does anyone know of any good books or practices that will help me find and improve myself?

[d0nnivain]

I just wander through the self help section of my local book store or library & read what strikes my fancy at any given time. Don't take many of those books as gospel truth. They are pop psychology at best but sometimes you can get a nugget or two of good info from them.

 

 

I also think you got this motivation from inside yourself. Your EX may have been the spark but it's not like he's forcing you to change.

 

 

Good luck.

[jba10582]

It is admirable that you feel improvements and positive change in your life is something you're motivated to do going forward in your life. Everyone will have their own unique journey in life and you will find your own ways in which you learn, cope, and grow. I have my own personal preferences in ways I like to learn and grow, but I wouldn't tell you would find that you own ways would serve you best. Like the previous posted had mentioned, you may browse certain bookstores or online venues such as amazon and find other peoples reviews on topics you feel would help you best, now.

[BrownBear]

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

 

A life changing book if you're ready for it's message.