Why do men play mind games??

[gabgab]

I'm not trying to offend anybody. And I didn't mean to put a label on men, I'm just talking about the men that DO play mind games. So forgive me, didn't think I would need a disclaimer.

 

My ex for example who just told me he isn't in love with me:

 

1. I tell him I'm going out to lunch with a guy friend (he asked what I was doing) and he said "Oh I bet he wants to f&*^ you and I said "wow you must really not be in love with me if you can say that" and he says, "yes I can"

 

2. He just comes into my room (when my door is shut) and just stares at me and tries to make conversation but never has anything to say.

 

3. Always wants me to come out and be with him

 

4. Cuddles me. Kisses me. Etc.

 

5. Emails me at work for my opinion on things for his house

 

6. He asks about my guy friend and I said I known him for years and I know his brother, so he mumbles "oh great, I just got good news"

 

7. He gets jealous

 

8. Tells me I look gorgeous

 

9. Hugs me...tightly and long.

 

The list can go on. A man breaks up with you, but gives you mixed signals. He says he isn't in love with you and then he says he is. What's with the mind games?

 

I want to bang my head against the wall. WHY ARE U LETTING HIM KISS U AND CUDDLE U? Do you not read the advice people give you???? I read your breakup thread where several people specifically told you not to do that and you say you get why, and you do it anyway!

 

No, this guy IS NOT in love with you. Stop trying to grasp at straws and go put your energy somewhere else.

Stop trying to engage this guy period. Do you not want to help yourself?

[anna121]

I am sorry, cotton socks, but this is really, truly pathetic.

[MissBee]

For the men who do play mind games those seem like possible reasons why.

 

However the stuff your ex is doing....you allow him to do them. Don't. You play along with his weird advances and you're the one left confused.

 

I realized that we can work ourselves into a tizzy trying to psychoanalyze our exes and trying to figure out their behavior, but the truth is, they play mind games because they have someone willing to play. If he wanted to play and you shut him out, he'd have no one to play with.

 

My ex would do similar things, but I allowed it. NC is the way to go. Otherwise you end up with a whole bunch of mixed signals, false hope and frustration.Usually none of it means anything besides you're around, available, still like them, they may still be attracted to you or like you but aren't interested in a relationship but because you're the one who wants them back you hang on to every morsel of seemingly positive/hopeful behavior and then worry about it, try to decode it etc. It's stressful and often leads nowhere. NC is the way to go IMO...so that you can get over him and not play along with these games that you're BOTH playing.

Edited December 9, 2013 by MissBee

[carhill]

Men who are ex'es and who play such mind games do so because it works. Men are pragmatic and hone familiar patterns of behavior over many repetitions, refining them for optimal results. Wish I had better news. Good luck.