Seems a healthy way to cope but sometimes want a real life bare hug. Am I messed up?

[Khyla]

Greatly appreciate you taking the time to read my post. I am a widow (almost a year) coping with the loss of a large part of myself. I was feeling overwhelmed, depressed, not eating or sleeping, feeling nausea every morning until I started "camming" about 3 months ago.

i feel a real connection to some of these guys. I am open and honest with them about why I'm there and I am satisying a need they have while satisfying my own needs for a connection and sexual validation in a safe way. They compliment me constantly. make me feel great, and of course a lot of them want to meet you for real. The only problem is there are a couple guys that i really would like to meet in person, and when i mentioned this to friends, they got very upset and insisted i go on a dating site or meetups to find someone to date instead. In my opinion , I dont see how that would be any safer. I really dont like the way the OLD sites work anyway. And Im not into investing my time and money in meetup groups right now. I am trying to empty out my house and put what I want into temporary storage. No way I can keep up the the Property Tax payments on this house! That's another reason I enjoy my "cam room" because its a distraction from having to go through all the stuff my husband collected and was into over the years; hundreds of fishing reels and poles, boats and boat motors and stuff, slotcar stuff, motorcycles, heavy machining equipment, vintage audio and concert PA stuff, ham radio stuff, etc. not to mention all kinds of tools, ...it's all over my house, basement, yard, and garage, and even some at other peoples houses. .... So to get back to the reason for my post. Am i too messed up because I'm enjoying myself so much as a cam model (and not feeling too guilty about all the time I spend there since I'm getting some much needed income from it as well), that I cant think clearly about this? Also, my daughter thinks I shouldnt put it in my profile on any dating site that I do camming. I dont think of myself as a cam model, just something I need in this transition period i find myself in, but I dont want to be dishonest with a potential date by keeping it a secret.

Edited December 2, 2013 by Khyla

[Phantomu]

Not judging you or anyone that is into "camming" as you called it. But I think that putting the fact that you do "camming" onto a dating site will most likely attract men who are after the same thing ya know? You said yourself,"I am satisying a need they have while satisfying my own needs for a connection and sexual validation in a safe way." Well you aren't looking for anything serious it seems. I guess it's up to you. Do you trust your friend's opinions because I think they may have your best interest in mind.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I was caused to visit this thread by reading your other thread...

 

 

 

First of all, wow, a recent widow has every right to have been inspired/impacted in any of a vast number of ways, so it would be so wrong for anybody to hold you to a random standard most ideal for happier times, etc.

 

What if the web-camming is, in similar fashion to O.L.D. the means through which you can gently/carefully/thoughtfully measure just how much of yourself and your vulnerability you can/want-to expose?

 

I'm guessing that your late husband was hugely significant to plenty, about your past love life, and in terms of a/THE direction toward which you expressed any and most of your vulnerability. So to be made to alter that, in the middle of your life, is a huge deal.

 

It stands to reason that some of your areas of (potential) vulnerability are more ready than others, to be risked in the open air, and I guess a woman's sexuality is typically so sought-after, that it could be very soothing to express yourself in naked form from the comfort of your own home, and in an environment where you're sure to draw praise and reassurance.

 

IF you transfer some of that logic over toward O.L.D., you may see where there must be parts/areas of your soul where, to go slow, or at least at your own chosen speed, could make it much easier to invest yourself in others after your husband's passing.

 

 

First let me respond to the easy one... it is probably wise that you not disclose on O.L.D. that you are a webcam model. If for no other reason than your not wanting to draw (more of) the wrong kinds of guys who will no doubt respond.

 

Furthermore, and with regard to meeting the guys for whom you model on webcam, there too you are narrowing/limiting the personalities from whom you would draw potential romantic attention, to those who are surely waaaaaaay too focused on getting sex from you.

 

Now it isn't the fact that they (and lots of people) want to be sexual with you, that is any sort of a problem... it's the psychological part which has them pressing the GAS in that direction more heavily than would the average person... that at the same time while you are still needing to take things slowly as you get used to the idea and exercise that will be your slow and steady emotional investment in the next romantic partner you will know.

 

IF you could ever bring yourself to meet them and not be expecting too much more than sex... well then, if you do a very good job of screening them, (and practice safe sex all the way)... then it might be reasonable to follow through on that impulse.

 

But a factor working against you is that they will perceive you to be very 'loose' and free-spirited with/about your sexuality, aaaaaaaaand they would tend to perceive you to be, in real life, very much the same fun-loving, sex-loving ***surprise*** which drew them to your webcam in the first place.

 

It's just... difficult to be a real person too against such a backdrop.

 

And if one considered the O.L.D. universe against the backdrop that is all humanity... one might fairly expect a more-intelligent-than-average subset of "all" humanity comprising those present at O.L.D. ... and yes, it is reasonable to expect, too, a more-lonely-than-average subset of all humanity as well.

 

Among them could be a vast cross-section of terrific people, as "intelligent and lonely" isn't exactly a doomsday indicator all on its own. However, among the webcam audience, you take a much different subset of humanity... for while most could be considered computer literate, and many, too, could be considered lonely, there are also some deviant sharks in those waters... and perhaps some have been swimming there for far too long to be of any use to the mainstream social world.

 

Thus, it might be the case that you are limiting yourself to a sub-chunk of male society that is far less healthy, on average, than is the sub-chunk of male society from which online dating prospects are drawn.

 

That is not to say that you won't potentially find a brilliant doctor who intelligent, lonely, and a viewer of your webcam... but if you merely consider the averages in all categories, then the data reads better among the O.L.D. crowd than among the web-camming viewers.

 

Does this make sense?

[Khyla]

I was caused to visit this thread by reading your other thread...

 

 

 

First of all, wow, a recent widow has every right to have been inspired/impacted in any of a vast number of ways, so it would be so wrong for anybody to hold you to a random standard most ideal for happier times, etc.

 

What if the web-camming is, in similar fashion to O.L.D. the means through which you can gently/carefully/thoughtfully measure just how much of yourself and your vulnerability you can/want-to expose?

 

I'm guessing that your late husband was hugely significant to plenty, about your past love life, and in terms of a/THE direction toward which you expressed any and most of your vulnerability. So to be made to alter that, in the middle of your life, is a huge deal.

 

It stands to reason that some of your areas of (potential) vulnerability are more ready than others, to be risked in the open air, and I guess a woman's sexuality is typically so sought-after, that it could be very soothing to express yourself in naked form from the comfort of your own home, and in an environment where you're sure to draw praise and reassurance.

 

IF you transfer some of that logic over toward O.L.D., you may see where there must be parts/areas of your soul where, to go slow, or at least at your own chosen speed, could make it much easier to invest yourself in others after your husband's passing.

 

 

First let me respond to the easy one... it is probably wise that you not disclose on O.L.D. that you are a webcam model. If for no other reason than your not wanting to draw (more of) the wrong kinds of guys who will no doubt respond.

 

Furthermore, and with regard to meeting the guys for whom you model on webcam, there too you are narrowing/limiting the personalities from whom you would draw potential romantic attention, to those who are surely waaaaaaay too focused on getting sex from you.

 

Now it isn't the fact that they (and lots of people) want to be sexual with you, that is any sort of a problem... it's the psychological part which has them pressing the GAS in that direction more heavily than would the average person... that at the same time while you are still needing to take things slowly as you get used to the idea and exercise that will be your slow and steady emotional investment in the next romantic partner you will know.

 

IF you could ever bring yourself to meet them and not be expecting too much more than sex... well then, if you do a very good job of screening them, (and practice safe sex all the way)... then it might be reasonable to follow through on that impulse.

 

But a factor working against you is that they will perceive you to be very 'loose' and free-spirited with/about your sexuality, aaaaaaaaand they would tend to perceive you to be, in real life, very much the same fun-loving, sex-loving ***surprise*** which drew them to your webcam in the first place.

 

It's just... difficult to be a real person too against such a backdrop.

 

And if one considered the O.L.D. universe against the backdrop that is all humanity... one might fairly expect a more-intelligent-than-average subset of "all" humanity comprising those present at O.L.D. ... and yes, it is reasonable to expect, too, a more-lonely-than-average subset of all humanity as well.

 

Among them could be a vast cross-section of terrific people, as "intelligent and lonely" isn't exactly a doomsday indicator all on its own. However, among the webcam audience, you take a much different subset of humanity... for while most could be considered computer literate, and many, too, could be considered lonely, there are also some deviant sharks in those waters... and perhaps some have been swimming there for far too long to be of any use to the mainstream social world.

 

Thus, it might be the case that you are limiting yourself to a sub-chunk of male society that is far less healthy, on average, than is the sub-chunk of male society from which online dating prospects are drawn.

 

That is not to say that you won't potentially find a brilliant doctor who intelligent, lonely, and a viewer of your webcam... but if you merely consider the averages in all categories, then the data reads better among the O.L.D. crowd than among the web-camming viewers.

 

Does this make sense?

 

Yes. Wow, Thank you so much for your extensive well thought out response. Thank you for giving my post such consideration.... I will reply more in another post.

[Khyla]

I was caused to visit this thread by reading your other thread...

First of all, wow, a recent widow has every right to have been inspired/impacted in any of a vast number of ways, so it would be so wrong for anybody to hold you to a random standard most ideal for happier times, etc.

Thank You.

 

First let me respond to the easy one... it is probably wise that you not disclose on O.L.D. that you are a webcam model. If for no other reason than your not wanting to draw (more of) the wrong kinds of guys who will no doubt respond.

So leave it out of any written profile, but after a bit of chatting, i think I should mention it to be up front and honest.

 

... and in an environment where you're sure to draw praise and reassurance.

yes. I started with camming to see if guys out there thought I still "Had it" , if i was still appealing, as I'm not getting any younger, and was afraid to come off as being desperate. I need to express my sexuality. And I am so open and honest about it with the guys in my chatroom, I talk about stuff I would be afraid to talk about with other ppl.

 

But a factor working against you is that they will perceive you to be very 'loose' and free-spirited with/about your sexuality, aaaaaaaaand they would tend to perceive you to be, in real life, very much the same fun-loving, sex-loving ***surprise*** which drew them to your webcam in the first place.

It's just... difficult to be a real person too against such a backdrop.

See, the thing is, I am 100% myself in my chat room and even in private shows where things are intense, except that i'm discovering toys for the first time in my life, so that's different, and I've shared that info with them as well. (If I met anyone for real, I would only hope they prefer their own toy! lol). AND I AM free-spirited with/about my sexuality, AND I AM in real life, very much the same fun-loving, sex-loving ***surprise*** , as you put it. :

My webcam is basically a chatroom, in which only myself is allowed to be seen. Guys that like me and come back to chat time and time again do so because they say I am so different from the other models. I don't have a theme, I wear my regular clothes, except I started wearing panties again for the first time in years.LOL. We talk about sex alot but also about other random stuff. I sing and play my guitar, i do stretches and yoga. I cook, I dance. I show off my much praised BJ skills with a remarkably realistic toy i found to keep me from sucking my fist every morning (explained in another thread). I enjoy watching their cams too. I HAVE FUN! Half the time I dont care if I'm not making any money, I do it for me, my sanity, and to feel good and laugh. The money is a bonus! They tip me if they want to. Or pay to take me into a more private sesssion.

 

IF you could ever bring yourself to meet them and not be expecting too much more than sex... well then, if you do a very good job of screening them, (and practice safe sex all the way)... then it might be reasonable to follow through on that impulse.

Don't worry, safety is definitely something I am concerned with.

What is strange is this particular guy started sending me PMs similar to the other guys at first, complimenting me, etc. but as weeks went by he frequented "my room" more often and just chatted along with the others, but also coming up with random replies to things that just made me laugh so much-- The kind of witty comments my husband would say that made me laugh. and when i finally got to see him on cam I loved his smile! I just wanted to hug him for real! I'm really missing hugs. I keep telling myself I just need to feel that real touch of skin against skin , energy between two ppl, and really hot and nasty sex without complication of a "relationship". But he says I'm not a model to him, I'm a special lady and he wants us to become real friends. I dont know that I can be that for him at this point, but I think I would like to at least meet him in person, and spend a little time with him.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

See, the thing is, I am 100% myself in my chat room and even in private shows where things are intense, except that i'm discovering toys for the first time in my life, so that's different, and I've shared that info with them as well. (If I met anyone for real, I would only hope they prefer their own toy! lol). AND I AM free-spirited with/about my sexuality, AND I AM in real life, very much the same fun-loving, sex-loving ***surprise*** , as you put it. :

My webcam is basically a chatroom, in which only myself is allowed to be seen. Guys that like me and come back to chat time and time again do so because they say I am so different from the other models. I don't have a theme, I wear my regular clothes, except I started wearing panties again for the first time in years.LOL. We talk about sex alot but also about other random stuff. I sing and play my guitar, i do stretches and yoga. I cook, I dance. I show off my much praised BJ skills with a remarkably realistic toy i found to keep me from sucking my fist every morning (explained in another thread). I enjoy watching their cams too. I HAVE FUN! Half the time I dont care if I'm not making any money, I do it for me, my sanity, and to feel good and laugh. The money is a bonus! They tip me if they want to. Or pay to take me into a more private sesssion.

 

 

 

The only part of this that I have any resistance to at all, is the part where, despite your being yourself, and confidently so... there remains the variable which is the will of those random men to envision anybody/anything they want to IN you.

 

 

Thus, when two/both people each do a great job of (bringing their respective minds as near as possible to actuality with regard to the other) then they have the very best chance to hit it off on many levels.

 

I know nothing about this particular person of whom you speak... but, I just know that (the guys who tend to watch webcams of nude women are likely to be even further from realistic than are the guys who tend to use O.L.D. to seek real-life romance).

 

That part makes for a variable, truly independent of you, which merits consideration. Aside from that, I can't knock your plans... although the webcamming thing doesn't seem as important to disclose (in O.L.D.), to me, as you seem to feel it is.

[Khyla]

The only part of this that I have any resistance to at all, is the part where, despite your being yourself, and confidently so... there remains the variable which is the will of those random men to envision anybody/anything they want to IN you.

ok. but what's stopping any guy anywhere from doing that ?

 

Thus, when two/both people each do a great job of bringing their respective minds as near as possible to actuality with regard to the other then they have the very best chance to hit it off on many levels.

But with someone who's very physical, and reacts to how someone's voice or laughter sounds, mannerisms; how a person seems to feel inside their own skin,-- those qualities are for the most part missing in the text-only.

 

but, I just know that (the guys who tend to watch webcams of nude women are likely to be even further from realistic than are the guys who tend to use O.L.D. to seek real-life romance).

Perhaps it's different with the site i am on. They have a common room (called the Lounge) where all the guys can hang out together and talk about anything, while they watch the football game, or a cam model. Some guys just go there to hang with the guys for the most part, seriously! It's become more of an online community for some of them. Like in any OLD population, there will be some deviants, etc. but I think most are VERY realistic in knowing they need to get their rocks off and enjoy some female companionship without strings. I think a lot of them, like me, are not there to look for a realistic hook-up, but wouldnt completely discard it if it were to become a possibility. I think i'd be more likely to find a guy who, like my husband and I, incorporated sex into just about anything we did together; swimming, boating, fishing, bicycling, driving somewhere (while driving, or pulling into a deserted road or lot), family get togethers, parties (sex in the bathroom, down the back stairwell), dressing for work, meeting for lunch, not to mention bedtime, and wake-up time, etc., etc. lol

 

Aside from that, I can't knock your plans... although the webcamming thing doesn't seem as important to disclose (in O.L.D.), to me, as you seem to feel it is.

Well, I agreed that I should leave it out of my written profile, if I ever decide to join an OLD site, for the reasons you mentioned earlier. But once I started texting with someone, I think it would have to come up in order to be open and honest with that person, and for me to know if they were unaccepting. I would think less of the guy who freaked out about my being a "camgirl".

(Even though I know my husband would not have approved of my doing it were he alive, I think he would be accepting and understanding of the situation i'm in now. )

 

I think I should write a book about how adult webcamming can be an excellent therapy for certain widows. Even if I dont write it, I believe there will be more and more widows joining as the benefits are discovered. Like oftentimes in the past it seems, I may have started someting.... (and you and others who may be following my posts, at this point may have decided I'm a nutcase! lol)

Thanks so much for your correspondence

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Understand that I couldn't in any way profess to know the chance of any particular individual at OLD or in a webcam audience being deceitful... I only wish (and leave it up to you) that you give extra consideration (perhaps in the way of additional significant screening of individuals) when meeting men from the webcam environs, than would be the case for the men in OLD environs.

 

Of course there could be wackos in either place, and you should definitely err on the side of more screening, even in the OLD environs.

 

 

It's bad enough if some random and clever guy deceives you, but I'm just hoping that you won't contribute greatly to your own deceit for not looking at the full picture.

 

(maybe have your daughter assist in the screening part... OR position herself across the mall food court, when/where you will meet him in person for the first time - IF daughter suddenly ties her hair with a pink hair-tie, then you agree to call an audible and introduce her, etc.)

 

And, even if the guy isn't a prince, with a castle... do yourself the favor of endeavoring to bring your expectations/anticipation very near to whoever will turn-up at that initial in-person encounter - cuz that's all you need, really.

[Khyla]

It's bad enough if some random and clever guy deceives you, but I'm just hoping that you won't contribute greatly to your own deceit for not looking at the full picture.

 

(maybe have your daughter assist in the screening part... OR position herself across the mall food court, when/where you will meet him in person for the first time - ... )

Thanks SincereOnlineGuy. these are some good tips.

 

I thought I had the perfect meet-up planned. We were to meet on neutral ground, at a cafe around the corner from my daughter's. he said he got scared to meet me. (This is a 50yr old guy) Do you think it's conceivable he was really afraid to meet me?

[ZipperZapper]

Thanks SincereOnlineGuy. these are some good tips.

 

I thought I had the perfect meet-up planned. We were to meet on neutral ground, at a cafe around the corner from my daughter's. he said he got scared to meet me. (This is a 50yr old guy) Do you think it's conceivable he was really afraid to meet me?

 

It might not be a case of being afraid to meet you per se. He may have a crippling case of social anxiety that makes it difficult for him to interact with anyone new and unfamiliar.

[Khyla]

It might not be a case of being afraid to meet you per se. He may have a crippling case of social anxiety that makes it difficult for him to interact with anyone new and unfamiliar.

 

Well he doesnt have any problem interacting with me online. He has let me see him thru his webcam. he tells jokes. he's witty and seems like a fun person to be with. I've had no problem with him talking on the phone either. He does keep telling me he's shy though.

 

He has asked me to go off with him for a weekend to a resort hotel, and then has flip-flopped about it twice. He says he's going through a divorce right now. That he misses having someone by his side. And he is hoping we become great friends. He also says stuff like he hopes he doesnt fall in love with me.

 

So I'm thinking is he just mixed up and not sure what he really wants?

[Khyla]

There's another guy who I really am in lust with beyond reason and he with me apparently. I finally told him yes I really do want to be with him for real and we should plan it, but he doesn't believe me! He keeps saying that I'm toying with him, that i'm just teasing, but that if I was serious he would definitely get the airline ticket to come visit me. But he simply refuses to bellieve that I'm serious!

[jimloveslips]

Buy the ticket for him...

[Khyla]

Buy the ticket for him...

lol. I would if I could afford it! and I told him that. I told him I'd pick him up at the airport,and we could go to my place, or if he insists we could go to a hotel...

[jimloveslips]

...if I was serious he would definitely get the airline ticket

 

So buy it and get him to pay you back…

 

Unless of course, you don't think he would really come out even after that…