Long separation, jealous of husband's female friend

[beautyofspeed]

Hi, I just want to ask about my situation, I'm curious if I'm in the right or wrong on this.

 

My separated husband (6 separate, 5 years married, 14 total) and I had recently (past month) been having more of a relationship including more physical intimacy as he moved closer for our son. A bone of contention has come up about a female friend he met maybe a year ago, that I had begun to feel jealous about. They don't live near each other anymore, but he texts with her very often, which annoyed me recently when I was around. He had/has feelings for her, he told me a couple times casually/jokingly that if she would have him he would be with her, but she supposedly did not reciprocate his feelings. I don't know what happened between them, but they have at least one mutual friend another female, and seem to have at least a fair level of intimacy and must have had in order for him to develop feelings for her. She has a boyfriend but it sounds unstable. He said just as recently as a couple of days ago that she was the closest or most he developed feelings for after me. I don't know if more than me. I don't know why he feels the need to keep saying this other than to try to cause jealousy.

 

It didn't really hit me more until we were around her. An argument came up because we were around her on the holiday/her birthday and he wanted us to stay the night at her family's house I'm thinking so he could go out and party with her and their/her friends, and when I didn't want to he was mad, called me jealous, and told me to go to his mom's which I was mad about (he had also been drinking some alcohol and can be a bit of a jerk when doing so). We went to his mom's he was texting furiously with this friend and told me she thinks I don't like her and who knows what else, etc. He was mad at me and said I was upset over nothing. I don't have anything against her am not jealous of her, am ok with myself, just the way he feels/felt about her.

 

I told him I did not want to be intimate with him anymore which he supposedly cried about after he left his mom's by foot after he thought I was asleep. He said because he was mad and to sober up, but I thought he ran off to party. He still won't tell me exactly what he was crying about or what happened and didn't text me for two hours. I left to go home maybe 30mins after he left so I don't know when he went back.

 

I told him a couple days later (today) that I don't think I could have a serious relationship with him (again) if he were to still talk with her. He says they are just friends, men and woman can be just friends (yet he had/has feelings for her), and that he will not stop talking to her because she is his friend.

 

Sorry for any confusion or disorganization. Am I being unreasonable here? Thank you very much

[Speakingofwhich]

I definitely don't think you're being unreasonable.

 

He's admitted he has feelings for her and would like to be with her if she'd have him. He sounds immature and the female friend does, too. She has to know he has feelings for her and yet she asks if you like her or are angry with her (sorry, can't rem which it was). Any woman knows that if another woman's man has feelings for her that would bother the other woman and she wouldn't necessarily care to be friends with her.

 

She may not want to be with your H but it sounds as if she enjoys the attention from him and the knowing that he has feelings for her.

 

You're separated? Because you have jobs in separate cities or because you want to be apart?

[Eggplant]

Don't tell him what to do. Can't control him or his feelings. Let him do what he wants. He wants to text her. You, in the meanwhile, are not getting the attention and devotion a woman in a relationship needs. Since you are single, I'd meet other men who will prefer you and not gush to you about how much they like other women.

[John-Dough]

He actually was crying? Does he cry often? That seems really odd, maybe it's just me.

[beautyofspeed]

Yeah I don't know, that's just what he said. He could've been lying, I don't know. Apparently I hurt his feelings or maybe he was crying because he couldn't party with his "friend" or his friend was mad at him or something. He won't tell me the truth about it.

[beautyofspeed]

You have good points about the other woman, thank you. The whole situation seems immature and I know I can just exit. I initiated the separation because we had been fighting too much. I don't know that our relationship would work out anyway and I didn't think things through before getting involved again.

[beautyofspeed]

Very good points as well Eggplant, thank you.

[Speakingofwhich]

You are married, right?

[beautyofspeed]

We remained legally married, though separated emotionally and physically

[whichwayisup]

We remained legally married, though separated emotionally and physically

 

Why are you two separated? If good reasons, then do NOT be intimate with him. You two are not a couple anymore and it's only a matter of time before a divorce. You may feel attached to him but do you love him? I mean truly love him with all of your heart, enough to work on the marriage and get him back home with you?

 

He may or may have something going on with that other girl, who knows. Either way, his drinking and him being a jerk right now IS a huge issue! That's wrong how he's acting like a dikhead to you. That has to stop.

 

Decide what it is you actually want. Is it just sex? Intention of getting back together? Or is it time to sit and talk about major life changes and divorcing.

[oldshirt]

Time to get a divorce and move on.

 

Your husband is sleeping with you while having feelings for another woman. He said he would be with her if he had the chance. It appears that he is using you.

 

If it makes you jealous that your husband has feelings for another woman, you are not truly separated emotionally. The opposite of love is indifference.

 

This ^^^^^^^