sissi Posted January 22, 2001 Share Posted January 22, 2001 I've been dating this wonderful man for the past 3 months. the problem is that I don't have a job and he ends up paying everytime we go out to eat. I usually pay for the tips and sometimes the movies. i feel a little bit uncomfortable that he pays for everything but right now I'm a full time student and i don't have time to work, sometimes i babysit but the money is not enough. I know he loves me very much but i don't want him to think that i'm stingy. He was raised with southern traditions in which the man paycheck goes to the household. do you think he may feel bothered if he continues to pay everytime we go out? What can I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 22, 2001 Share Posted January 22, 2001 In times past, the men always paid for everything on a date. It's only when you ladies started this women's lib thing that you brought this date paying stuff over to your side. I think your guy is quite happy paying for everything. He knows your financial situation and he is able to pay. I'm sure he enjoys your company very much and doesn't give a second thought to paying for things when he's with you. You ought to tell him how you feel, though...let him know that you will make it up to him when you are able. Holding this in and letting it bother you so can only be destructive to the relationship. I think he will react in a consoling manner...and then you just have to drop it. I think if men are going to ask a lady out...and decide where they're going to go, they should pay. Once in a while...if the lady wants...she can invite the guy out to someplace and take care of the tab but that's not necessary. I am positive he does not feel that you are taking advantage of him. He would much rather pay and have the honor of your company than have you turn him down because you feel bad about not contributing. You are making this guy happy with your company. Just leave it at that. Link to post Share on other sites
Rogue Posted January 22, 2001 Share Posted January 22, 2001 It's not really the money that makes people uncomfortable with paying all the time, it's more of the feeling of being used that annoys them. Your boyfriend seems not to mind paying at all, so good for you. As long as you don't go too far and take him for granted , and be appreciative, then he'll be happy to keep paying for everything. You can make yourself feel better by cutting back on the cost of things when you guys go out. Just little things like choosing a less expensive restaurant, or doing things together that require less money, like picnics or whatever. It's not always how much money you save, it's just shows your concern for him and his finances. Link to post Share on other sites
sparkle Posted January 22, 2001 Share Posted January 22, 2001 Hello, Tony and Rogue are right. Don't worry too much about it as long as you thank him and remain appreciative. You usually paying for the tips and for movies shows him you're making the effort as well. I'm sure if it really bothered him, he might ask you to pay, but I think he doesn't mind. It does depend on the guy and you'll be able to tell. For example, whenever I go out with a guy, I always offer to pay. But hardly ever do they accept it. One guy I dated would easily take it and was very stingy, or he'd make excuses like..oh left my wallet in the car..oh forgot to goto the bank etc. Just the opposite, with my current boyfriend, when we go out, he automatically pays, even though I offer. But if, for example, we goto dinner and a movie and he's paid for dinner..I'll go ahead and pay for the movie even though he doesn't ask me to. And on a greater extreme, when his best friend takes me out, he will NEVER let me pay. He'll even get upset if I try to pay. he says it's a "man thing". He even yelled at my boyfriend once for letting me put in a few bucks. Anyway, this guy doesn't seem to mind paying. Just let him know what's on your mind and how this is bothering you. It won't hurt..it'll only help. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 22, 2001 Share Posted January 22, 2001 If we ever go someplace, I would be honored to have you pay...and could I please have the change as well??? Link to post Share on other sites
Rachel Posted January 22, 2001 Share Posted January 22, 2001 As a female, how would you offer to pay(what phrase would you use?). I know it sounds like a dumb question, but I dont' know if I should say, 1. Would you like me to get that? 2. Please let me get that. 3. ???? Link to post Share on other sites
Paulie Posted January 22, 2001 Share Posted January 22, 2001 Easy: YOU plan a night out, call it a special night for him, and make it clear in a very feminine way that "this one's on me." He'll love you for it, trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 23, 2001 Share Posted January 23, 2001 I would not object if you would buy me dinner after work sometime. I am often low on funds. Oh, just friends, not a gay thing...of course. Link to post Share on other sites
Paulie Posted January 23, 2001 Share Posted January 23, 2001 Oh, come on, Tony, we might as well tell everybody about us. (For the record...this IS a joke) Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts