Still disgusted and hurting after so long!

[hurts_so_bad]

Slow down and chili for a minute. I'm here by myself fixing to go to bed. Going to call my cat up here to sleep with me. You are still not happy with you. Go out and jog, not tonight but figure out what makes you happy. I actually don't mind being by myself. Rescue a dog or cat from the shelter to keep you company. You can always count on them to love you. Also, quit thinking about doing something stupid like jumping off a building. You have a lot going for you and your kids count on you. OK?

 

Thanks for being there...I actually have two dogs which drive me insane! lol..I have a lot goiing for me..I have my own home, my three kids are here all the time, I have a good job, my health, etc...I do hit the gym all the time!

 

It just gets lonely sometimes and it gets to me but after last night I think I am stating to settle in with it..It wasnt as bad as I thought! With the breakup all I did was surround myself with people as often as I could as not to be alone...I was never alone before, Always had girlfriends or friends around to cushion things if life was a bitch at that point..

 

Now that Im older many of my friends have lost touch and my new friends are all in LTR's or married so they are only around so much..This thing is teaching me (maybe what I need)a very valueable lesson! Its not all that bad to be with just me!

 

I feel much better today after thinking about it! I have a very very active day! I work 5 days a week..My work day starts with my commute at 4:50am, I start work at 7am in the city and work till 3:30 which I then take my bus home again and get home between 5:30-6pm unless I hit the gym first which makes it around 8pm..

 

Once I am home I make something to eat and just hang around..That is the problem, hanging around! There are plenty of good tv shows on to watch for a few hours to keep my busy as well as my crazy dogs! I think I had in my head that I should be out there partying all the time and meeting women all the time or else I was a loser!

 

After last nights tantrum, Im starting to settle in now alittle and realize that, Im a great guy and have a ton of things going for me and being a hombody doesnt define someone as a loser! Maybe just a man who is taking care of himself, his kids, and his home which by no stretch of the means is a loser! Actually a more respected man then a man who is out partying and screwing 100 women a week like I thought would make me a man!

[hurts_so_bad]

Im sure everyone will be happy to know that I am trying to be as positive abd grateful as I can..I even joined karate and Monday is my first day..Feel like Im trying to get my life back on track here but there are always set back for me for some reason..

 

The other day I needed a copy of my ex wifes license so that I can have my cars titles changed to my name for when or if Im ever able to drive them again or sell them...

 

When she came to get my daughter I asked her to come in so that I can do so..I was dressed well and looked great! I was friendly with her as she was to me..I figure there is no reason to show her my anger or pain..She doesnt deserve that! I played things as cool as a cucumber figuring she will see a new me and I thought it went well.. till this morning!

 

I just so happen to be on facebook and noticed she changed her status to In a relationship...I was hurt and I even started shaking a bit! When am I going to be able to let this women go? I want to so bad but I cant seem to shake her!

 

Its been almost 2 years and I still feel like a loser not being able to find someone to be happy with when it seems everyone elses life is going foreward and mine is stagnant.. I still feel stuck..

 

I get the posts that say you have to be happy with your life and cant expect anyone else to forefill what I am missing...I get it cause if I do and that person leaves Im at square one and hurt again!

 

I have everything I need..I have a good job, my home, my kids, my health, etc...That all seems to go to the wasteside when part of my life seeems to be missing..I want so bad just to meet someone or atleast get over this women who has highjacked my mind for nearly 2 years now!

[Tom amoss]

Hi Hurts so Bad.

 

I don’t know the answer to you questions, but something my sister tells me all the time is that it’s OK to miss her.

 

You don’t have to fight that feeling. It’s unfair on YOU to do so.

 

Find a way to except that hurt that won’t go away, it’s not WRONG to feel it.

 

For me I have some really low moments, they come at me as storms,rather than waves. But I know they will pass. But I live with the constant noise of loss.

 

And that’s OK.

 

Allow yourself to feel your loss. You have spent the last 2 years fighting it, So don’t.

 

My sister is a very wise lady, and I take what she has to say very seriously.

 

But when she said to me that the only true way to heal this pain is to forgive, and give thanks, it was WTF are you barking on about, FORGIVE?

 

But I know she is right. At some point letting go, moving on, all these buz words you and I have heard so many times, at some point we have to forgive and give thanks.

 

There is a wise phrase that my sister also said, and that is “giving thanks, and then the miracle happens.”

 

If any of that helps, then good, ignore it if it doesn’t, either way your are not alone.

 

You just don’t have her in your life anymore that’s all.

 

You will get through this, we all will.

 

Tom

[hurts_so_bad]

Hi Hurts so Bad.

 

I don’t know the answer to you questions, but something my sister tells me all the time is that it’s OK to miss her.

 

You don’t have to fight that feeling. It’s unfair on YOU to do so.

 

Find a way to except that hurt that won’t go away, it’s not WRONG to feel it.

 

For me I have some really low moments, they come at me as storms,rather than waves. But I know they will pass. But I live with the constant noise of loss.

 

And that’s OK.

 

Allow yourself to feel your loss. You have spent the last 2 years fighting it, So don’t.

 

My sister is a very wise lady, and I take what she has to say very seriously.

 

But when she said to me that the only true way to heal this pain is to forgive, and give thanks, it was WTF are you barking on about, FORGIVE?

 

But I know she is right. At some point letting go, moving on, all these buz words you and I have heard so many times, at some point we have to forgive and give thanks.

 

There is a wise phrase that my sister also said, and that is “giving thanks, and then the miracle happens.”

 

If any of that helps, then good, ignore it if it doesn’t, either way your are not alone.

 

You just don’t have her in your life anymore that’s all.

 

You will get through this, we all will.

 

Tom

Thanks Tom for your kind words...Its just so damn hard when it seems everyone else is going on happy when I feel miserable... I just went back on facebook to delete all of her family because I hate to see their **** like being thrown in my face..I even came across my first loves page and seen her with her husband that she met in college when she left me...It really disturbed me! Im long over her but it bothers me so much and makes me feel like such **** that it seems those that I have loved and lost are now loving someone else and happy to have someone else never looking back at me like I have the plague!

Maybe that jealousy thing I have is my problem and I should be happy for others but I find it hard when I am miserable to be able to look at everyone else who has a happy life!

[Tom amoss]

Facebook, and all the other utterly useless media is like putting your hand back in to the fire.

 

The same with our thoughts, we know what hurts; we destroy ourselves with them.

 

Is that not the key to the start of our recovery? To stop putting our hands back in the fire.

 

In fact don’t go anywhere near that fire.

 

You are very vulnerable at the moment; you need to take great care of yourself.

 

You are like a child, and see how were treat children. You have to care for that child in you.

 

I say that with respect, what I mean is that your grief has made you exposed, and you need to protect yourself.

 

I say this as I am in very much in the same situation.

 

You will not heal unless you stop opening up that wound.

 

Look at your life now, and remove all that has the remotest link to your ex.

 

You need to take care of you.

 

It’s a very hard journey Lost.

 

But you will do this, have faith.

 

Have you ever read “The power of the now” book?

 

Get a copy if you haven’t its very helpful.

 

Tom

[hurts_so_bad]

Facebook, and all the other utterly useless media is like putting your hand back in to the fire.

 

The same with our thoughts, we know what hurts; we destroy ourselves with them.

 

Is that not the key to the start of our recovery? To stop putting our hands back in the fire.

 

In fact don’t go anywhere near that fire.

 

You are very vulnerable at the moment; you need to take great care of yourself.

 

You are like a child, and see how were treat children. You have to care for that child in you.

 

I say that with respect, what I mean is that your grief has made you exposed, and you need to protect yourself.

 

I say this as I am in very much in the same situation.

 

You will not heal unless you stop opening up that wound.

 

Look at your life now, and remove all that has the remotest link to your ex.

 

You need to take care of you.

 

It’s a very hard journey Lost.

 

But you will do this, have faith.

 

Have you ever read “The power of the now” book?

 

Get a copy if you haven’t its very helpful.

 

Tom

 

Hey Tom

 

I actually do have it but havent finished reading it yet..I also bought and read the secret, the power and I forgot the other one..All three are about the law of attraction which I do believe in very much...Its not an easy task to put your mind on all positive when your grieving..The fact that I am still grieving is what bothers me most I think...I feel like a jerk who should have already moved on but hasnt...Taking every part of her and removing it is what I have been doing..I still get mail for her here that I usually give to my kids to give to her..Today I took that mail and wrote wrong address, return to sender with her proper address on it..I feel that she has moved on but still has her claws in me with little things like that that constantly remind me...NO MORE! I need to move on cause like most of us, I just want to be happy...Whether it takes finding someone else or just being able to finally say I am over her something needs to give!

[Johnson1]

Well Febuarary will be 2 years since my wife left and its been such a roll a coaster ride of emotions and hurt for me I never Imagined it would be for so long..I was on here for a while for advice but got off for a bit thinking the more I write about it the more it keeps all of it fresh in my mind..So I stopped for a bit..

 

I have been doing everything I can to heal from this but the pain of rejection still plagues me..I have done my AA steps, Ive been seeing a theropist, Going to the gym, working hard, dating sites to meet someone..everything! I just cant seem to shake these feelings of not being good enough! The visions and thoughts of her with someone else still pop up often and I still wonder what this other guy has that I dont!

 

Just when I think Im on the right track and doing better I derail again..The more that happens the more I get disgusted!

 

Many of you know my story how my ex left me and started dating a guy 14 years younger then her..Many of you said it wouldnt work out which made me feel good but apparantely it has so far.. From what I have heard they are on and off alot but they always end up back..Thats what bothers me the most! She is with a guy she has to know that isnt going to be a grand future with so what does he have over me that makes you contnue to deal with it?

 

I am the father of her three kids and willing to be her husband till death do us part and you threw that away for this kid? Thats the most hurtful thing that makes me feel inadequate!

 

Any kind words to cheer up my day a bit would be appreciated!

 

Try not to spend too much of your time dwelling on what was. Steer clear of music, movies, etc that make you reflect on your past. The thing is to take it day by day and keep yourself busy as much as possible. I suggest to find music that doesn't invoke feelings of depression. I notice when I listen to smooth jazz it doesn't make me feel happy or sad, just content. I don't know why.

 

Try to spend as much time as you can on hobbies and going out with friends and/or family.

 

I'm only a month into my separation from someone I've been with for 30 years, although for me, it's probably a little easier than your situation because I left her because we'd grown completely apart. I wasn't in love and didn't find her attractive anymore, neither physically or personality wise, plus our interests changed. She turned into this overweight, fanatically religious, spiteful old woman after being a an agreeable, sex kitten, rock n' roller most of her life.

 

All I can suggest to you is to live for the moment and do whatever you can to regain your ego. Relationships have a good way of stripping that from you, especially if YOU'RE the one who is let go. Remember dude, there's always someone else out there waiting for you. There's a billion women in this world and the more time you spend 'out there' looking for your real soul mate, the sooner it'll be that you'll find her.

 

Good luck!

Edited January 11, 2014 by Vocals5

[hurts_so_bad]

Try not to spend too much of your time dwelling on what was. Steer clear of music, movies, etc that make you reflect on your past. The thing is to take it day by day and keep yourself busy as much as possible. I suggest to find music that doesn't invoke feelings of depression. I notice when I listen to smooth jazz it doesn't make me feel happy or sad, just content. I don't know why.

 

Try to spend as much time as you can on hobbies and going out with friends and/or family.

 

I'm only a month into my separation from someone I've been with for 30 years, although for me, it's probably a little easier than your situation because I left her because we'd grown completely apart. I wasn't in love and didn't find her attractive anymore, neither physically or personality wise, plus our interests changed. She turned into this overweight, fanatically religious, spiteful old woman after being a an agreeable, sex kitten, rock n' roller most of her life.

 

All I can suggest to you is to live for the moment and do whatever you can to regain your ego. Relationships have a good way of stripping that from you, especially if YOU'RE the one who is let go. Remember dude, there's always someone else out there waiting for you. There's a billion women in this world and the more time you spend 'out there' looking for your real soul mate, the sooner it'll be that you'll find her.

 

Good luck!

 

Thanks and I know what you say is true but situation is a little different..My family sucks! The only real family that I have are my three kids and thank god for them..I have a few friends but they are all in long term relationships or married and only want to come over my house to play cards..I screwed up too many times before so I dont have a license right now which makes things even harder for me and I dont know if NY is ever going to allow me to get another one! Just gotta figure my way out of this crap Im in! Its like they castrated me with this license thing! I cant tell you how many women I met that stopped bothering once they heard of my license issue! NY really put the screws to many NY'ers with dwi's!

[Johnson1]

Thanks and I know what you say is true but situation is a little different..My family sucks! The only real family that I have are my three kids and thank god for them..I have a few friends but they are all in long term relationships or married and only want to come over my house to play cards..I screwed up too many times before so I dont have a license right now which makes things even harder for me and I dont know if NY is ever going to allow me to get another one! Just gotta figure my way out of this crap Im in! Its like they castrated me with this license thing! I cant tell you how many women I met that stopped bothering once they heard of my license issue! NY really put the screws to many NY'ers with dwi's!

 

Yea, that can be brutal with the DUI thing. You're talking to a native Islander! What a coincidence huh? lol

 

Cops have really cracked down there from what I heard from relatives. I haven't lived there since '84, but I visit relatives there every couple of years.

 

Hang in there till you get it back, then things will be better.

[No Limit]

You know, some women are smart. Others not.

 

If she gave birth to 3 kids and still doesn't take the long view, I think you should thank God that you're rid of her.

You know, "in the old days" it was the woman that would take care of family and stuff and the man brought the money... but nowadays so many women fail at family organization that this system would have be forced to fail anyway. Nothing against feminism and emancipation bla bla, but considering how many just can't get the big picture... *shakes head*

[trippi1432]

You know, some women are smart. Others not.

 

If she gave birth to 3 kids and still doesn't take the long view, I think you should thank God that you're rid of her.

You know, "in the old days" it was the woman that would take care of family and stuff and the man brought the money... but nowadays so many women fail at family organization that this system would have be forced to fail anyway. Nothing against feminism and emancipation bla bla, but considering how many just can't get the big picture... *shakes head*

 

Ummm, she gave birth to HIS kids...perhaps you could expand on the "long view"?

 

Pray tell, what is the big picture?

 

Hurts - the pain you feel isn't really about your ex-wife anymore, you know that. It's about needing your freedom too. She didn't do that to you, it was your choice that got those DWI's and I applaud you for finally realizing that the law is the one that has limited you, not her. Even if the two of you were together today, she has a choice about getting you from point A to point B...even as your wife, she would have the choice to say NO.

 

You did the right thing with the mail.....it's time to be separate. Keep looking at the Law of Attraction and I do hope you see the positive messages there, there is healing in those messages when you are looking at yourself too.

[health]

Hurts - 2 years in, this is kinda normal. Honestly though - you can't ever expect to form a new healthy relationship when you're so caught up in your ex and her life. Only deal with her regarding the kids and that's it. People are giving you advice here and you're attacking them. You sound like you've set up a great life for yourself - career, house, kids - focus on the good things. It's on you to heal. Even when you say the therapist isn't the "one" - it's your responsibility to change, just like it's your responsibility for your own happiness. Just continue to grow. Take what advice you feel is good and run with it, don't check up on your ex. I know new rejections can bring up the past and your ex, but just don't think about her. Eventually if you're doing the right things, the woman you need will come into your life naturally. All the best man!

[hurts_so_bad]

Hurts - 2 years in, this is kinda normal. Honestly though - you can't ever expect to form a new healthy relationship when you're so caught up in your ex and her life. Only deal with her regarding the kids and that's it. People are giving you advice here and you're attacking them. You sound like you've set up a great life for yourself - career, house, kids - focus on the good things. It's on you to heal. Even when you say the therapist isn't the "one" - it's your responsibility to change, just like it's your responsibility for your own happiness. Just continue to grow. Take what advice you feel is good and run with it, don't check up on your ex. I know new rejections can bring up the past and your ex, but just don't think about her. Eventually if you're doing the right things, the woman you need will come into your life naturally. All the best man!

 

Not attacking anyone at all..Trippi is right though its not about my ex anymore..Its about my life and how I feel trapped unable to move forward..My theropist said to me yesterday that I caught caught up in what they call the drwrf syndrom..Where everyone elses life seems to drawf mine because with looking at friends profiles on facebook everyone seems hunky dory while mine seems to be stagnant...This is not true..I do have a good career, I have changed theropist from one I paid $20 a week to, to one I paid $150 a week to, I see my three kids who I am very active in their lives all the time, I go to the gym all the time..Just went to karate last night for the first time in years, own my own home, etc..I do have alot to be grateful for...The one thing missing in my life is a good women and I feel there is a big road block in front of me due to my license and that kinda makes me feel I will never find a good women because of it...

[health]

Not attacking anyone at all..Trippi is right though its not about my ex anymore..Its about my life and how I feel trapped unable to move forward..My theropist said to me yesterday that I caught caught up in what they call the drwrf syndrom..Where everyone elses life seems to drawf mine because with looking at friends profiles on facebook everyone seems hunky dory while mine seems to be stagnant...This is not true..I do have a good career, I have changed theropist from one I paid $20 a week to, to one I paid $150 a week to, I see my three kids who I am very active in their lives all the time, I go to the gym all the time..Just went to karate last night for the first time in years, own my own home, etc..I do have alot to be grateful for...The one thing missing in my life is a good women and I feel there is a big road block in front of me due to my license and that kinda makes me feel I will never find a good women because of it...

 

Cool. Well license or not, a good woman will appreciate you. You actually have a lot of great things going for yourself. Keep up the excellent work, I think you're on the path to greatness - just keep going!

[Chi townD]

Dude, you need a vacation. Get out of there. You stated a while back that you don't get out much and your friends come over to party, or play cards, or watch boxing.

 

Dude, you're cooped up! You need to get out of familiar surroundings. Pick an adventure and go do it! You state that you have a good job and you're in a good way. Start saving for a trip for YOURSELF! And, if you want, grab a friend and talk him or her to come with you. Get out of your comfort zone and see something new!

 

Think of something that you would think would be cool to do. Deep sea fishing in the Florida Keys, white water rafting in West Virginia, Cattle driving in Montana, Dog Sledding in Minnesota, or fantasy baseball camp in most any city that has a major league baseball team. Whatever! Just pick something! Do the research, figure out the cost; save and then GO!!!

 

You need to decompress, you need to re-energize. And when you come back you should feel a lot better. Then, start saving for something to do with the kids. Save up and take them to Disney World next!

 

Give yourself something to look forward to!

 

You're on the right track, you just need to do something for you for once. Just you and you alone. Sometimes, it's okay to be a little selfish.

[Misadventure]

Try not to spend too much of your time dwelling on what was. Steer clear of music, movies, etc that make you reflect on your past. The thing is to take it day by day and keep yourself busy as much as possible. I suggest to find music that doesn't invoke feelings of depression. I notice when I listen to smooth jazz it doesn't make me feel happy or sad, just content. I don't know why.

 

Try to spend as much time as you can on hobbies and going out with friends and/or family.

 

I'm only a month into my separation from someone I've been with for 30 years, although for me, it's probably a little easier than your situation because I left her because we'd grown completely apart. I wasn't in love and didn't find her attractive anymore, neither physically or personality wise, plus our interests changed. She turned into this overweight, fanatically religious, spiteful old woman after being a an agreeable, sex kitten, rock n' roller most of her life.

 

All I can suggest to you is to live for the moment and do whatever you can to regain your ego. Relationships have a good way of stripping that from you, especially if YOU'RE the one who is let go. Remember dude, there's always someone else out there waiting for you. There's a billion women in this world and the more time you spend 'out there' looking for your real soul mate, the sooner it'll be that you'll find her.

 

Good luck!

 

I agree with so much of this...except the one thing.. staying away from movies and music that was shares etc... (maybe different if the First wedding dance).

 

Did you see Silver Linings? I actually just saw it again after everything that has happened with me and boy, does it take on a different meaning. I stopped avoiding Identity Theft (movie) now lol.

 

He clammed up and started losing it over a certain song and she said

"You gonna go your whole life scared of that song? It's just a song. Don't make it a monster.

[hurts_so_bad]

Hey everyone..

 

I have been doing a lot of thinking the past few days "what else is new"!lol..

 

But I have been thinking on a clearer head and a came to the decision that trippi is 100% right! Although I will always have a special place in my heart for my ex being she is the mother to my children, This thing I am going threw has nothing to do with her it just ends up coming circle to her..

 

It has everything to do with my license issue..Now I agree I messed up with my DWI's in the past but emporor Cuomo and the NYS Dmv have been very unfair to what they are doing to NY's who have DWI convictions..Everyone who has past DWI convictions did their time whether it be fines, probation, outpatient counseling, jail time..All of which I did and many others did as well and paid their debt to society..

 

Many people are partial to the new DWI laws and I understand why..MAybe you had someone seriously hurt or killed by a drunk driver? Its totally understandable but let me have your ear for a minute..

 

You do have many people like myself who hurt no one just going out and having a few drinks having fun..They get pulled over with one beer over the limit and they get put in jail for a dwi conviction...

 

Worse is that these laws and what they advertise is very misleading! If you see commercials they will tell you dont blow it! Meaning .08 or over but what they dont tell you is if you blow a .06 .04 you are still under the influence and can be charged with a DUI.. Which many people have been..How is this fair to people?

 

It can happen to anyone! Ever been to a wedding and drive home with a few in your system? It can happen to anyone who endulges and any time especially since police officers are handing these things out like candy on halloween!

 

How is it fair to give someone a life sentence on a crime that they already paid their debt to? What the new law states is if you have 3 DWI convictions within 25 years you can never get your license in NYS again! And since most states DMV offices are linked they follow NY laws so if I moved to another state and tried to apply it would be denied because it was revoked in NYS..

 

This law is retroactive..So if you did not recieve your license before the law came into effect in sept 2012 you are done! Kicker is! Many people including myself applied for relicensing well before this law came out and our applications were held on a back burner till the law came out! Now even if you agree with the law you have to honestly say that is not fair!

 

My life as many others lifes are in ruins due to this law that blindsided us all..Some people cant find jobs etc...I guess I am one of the lucky ones who can still maintain my job but if you look at my life...I am having a very hard time dating..How many women out there want to have to drive their man around? Not many that I can see..It has imasculated me in that dept!

I have to ask friends for rides to the store for groceries,Dr. appt's, etc.. I cant take my kids to the Jersey shore fishing and crabbing, Cant go see my parents in Brooklyn without a 6 hour round trip, Cant pick up my kids on the weekends I have them, instead they are dropped off, and I cant expand my ebay business which is my dream!

 

Many people may say you can live without it..You can but its not called living! Its called surviving and theres a big difference!

 

So I guess I am asking my friends I have made here on LS to help out if you have a minute and agree with what I am saying please go to the link I have below..Its a petition fighting this law..Please read it and sign it if you agree even if you are not from NY..I already have a Albany lawyer working on the case but everything helps!

 

Thank you all in advance for listening and for taking a minute to sign!

 

Bill G

 

Demand that this NYS 2012 DWI law be changed! Its not fair for people to be punished for old mistake - The Petition Site

[trippi1432]

Now you are concentrating that energy in the right direction, very proud of you Hurts!! :bunny:

 

(Not sure if I like that your name is Bill if that is you at the end of your post....is my Ex's name too and he is from NY.) :laugh:

 

NY is one of the strictest states out there on many laws, even I agree that losing your license forever is too strict. People need to make a living, provide for their children, are a part of the lifelong pursuit of life, liberty and happiness....but yes, the lesson needs to be learned, this is NOT the way, I agree. So yes, I will sign the petition on the formality, total oppression teaches no one anything.

[hurts_so_bad]

Now you are concentrating that energy in the right direction, very proud of you Hurts!! :bunny:

 

(Not sure if I like that your name is Bill if that is you at the end of your post....is my Ex's name too and he is from NY.) :laugh:

 

NY is one of the strictest states out there on many laws, even I agree that losing your license forever is too strict. People need to make a living, provide for their children, are a part of the lifelong pursuit of life, liberty and happiness....but yes, the lesson needs to be learned, this is NOT the way, I agree. So yes, I will sign the petition on the formality, total oppression teaches no one anything.

 

Hello Trippi

 

Yes my name is Bill lol...Now if your name is Christine we have an issue! Even if it is its a huge coincidence because by all my posts and your replies I'm sure by now you would have figured out that I'm your ex! lol...I am trying my best to focus on what I need in life and what is going to make me happy..It may sound strange to you but my license would and thats why I started the petition...Although for a women it may su@k not having a license it will not affect her love life as it does a man..

 

Its always been and will continue to be men picking up women with their car..It shows a mans masculinity and being able to direct a date which shows confidence!Even With all the womens liberation, women are still fond of men who are men and are able to pick them up, show them the town, and have fun..Being picked up by a women playing the mans roll just isnt the same and doesnt go over as well! Not for her and even more so me! Its just not the same and thats the bottom reason!

 

The top reasons are being able to go places with my kids and show them that I am not only a great dad but also a man who can do these things for them! A man that will be able to be their for them at the drop of a hat..Right now I feel my kids look at me as less of a man cause I cant do this stuff for them the way I should be able to..

 

Its amazing how people point fingers and judge others so easily without ever considering if the shoe was on the other foot..worse part is the aholes that makes these laws are above the law so they never consider what impact it has on peoples lives because it would never affect them even if they did get caught! Thanks for signing Trippi, I appreciate it!

[hurts_so_bad]

Dear....xxx

I was thinking about everything today and wanted to write you to tell you how I feel..Its been long overdue and I guess I just want to tell you..For the past 2 years now I actually hated your guts! You leaving me and being with another man torn my heart out..It killed me cause it made me feel like less of a man and that the person your with is better then me.. That’s why I had such hate..Now that time has passed by I realize, that no other man is better then me.. You left me because of me! What I did in the past and mostly what I failed to do that drove your heart away! What I mean by that is, I know all the crazy bull**** I put you threw drove you crazy but worse it’s the loving, holding, affection and attention that I failed at with you and I am sorry…I look back now and I realize how much of an idiot I was to take such a beautiful loving wife and my kids for granted! Instead of going out and getting drunk, I should have been home! Instead of staying out all night in Brooklyn and gambling, I should have been home! Instead of hanging out in some idiots garage or on their porch, I should have been home! Threw the past two years I asked myself why you never came back to me and my conclusion was that the guy you are with must be better then me in some way! I was too blind to see that was not the truth but an excuse to be mad at you rather then to be mad at myself and take the responsability for me ****ing things up! When I put it in a different perspective and look at it from your point of view, I wouldn’t have come back to me either! Where was the love? The fun? The passion? The attentiveness? After all was said and done I never even remember telling you that I was sorry for the way I treated you because I was to mad and hurt myself..At this point I just want to tell you how sorry I really am that I wasn’t the husband you deserved…I did love you with all my heart but never could show it…I wish that I could take it all back and start new but its too late for that now.. All I want to do is move on and be happy and I wish you the same, I honestly do..We have three great kids together and you will always be in my heart but I think its time to finalize what we need to finalize..I have a few weeks off coming up so hopefully we can do something then…I asked a while ago and you said that remaining separated and not getting a divorce is not about the coverage, that you didn’t feel we should close the book just yet. If that’s truly the case then lets get done what we have too get done. Its been a long time and even so it sucks big time! Its time…

[M30USA]

Well Febuarary will be 2 years since my wife left and its been such a roll a coaster ride of emotions and hurt for me I never Imagined it would be for so long..I was on here for a while for advice but got off for a bit thinking the more I write about it the more it keeps all of it fresh in my mind..So I stopped for a bit..

 

I have been doing everything I can to heal from this but the pain of rejection still plagues me..I have done my AA steps, Ive been seeing a theropist, Going to the gym, working hard, dating sites to meet someone..everything! I just cant seem to shake these feelings of not being good enough! The visions and thoughts of her with someone else still pop up often and I still wonder what this other guy has that I dont!

 

Just when I think Im on the right track and doing better I derail again..The more that happens the more I get disgusted!

 

Many of you know my story how my ex left me and started dating a guy 14 years younger then her..Many of you said it wouldnt work out which made me feel good but apparantely it has so far.. From what I have heard they are on and off alot but they always end up back..Thats what bothers me the most! She is with a guy she has to know that isnt going to be a grand future with so what does he have over me that makes you contnue to deal with it?

 

I am the father of her three kids and willing to be her husband till death do us part and you threw that away for this kid? Thats the most hurtful thing that makes me feel inadequate!

 

Any kind words to cheer up my day a bit would be appreciated!

 

I know this will sound REALLY cheesy but any time I am rejected or feel inadequate, I remind myself that God made me who I am. So if someone doesn't like that, what they really are doing is not liking something that God made. Remember we are merely vessels for spirits to have a physical manifestation. She isn't disliking YOU, she's disliking what you represent, portray, and exhibit. I'm not sure if this makes any sense to you but it helps me. ALWAYS depersonalize.

[hurts_so_bad]

I know this will sound REALLY cheesy but any time I am rejected or feel inadequate, I remind myself that God made me who I am. So if someone doesn't like that, what they really are doing is not liking something that God made. Remember we are merely vessels for spirits to have a physical manifestation. She isn't disliking YOU, she's disliking what you represent, portray, and exhibit. I'm not sure if this makes any sense to you but it helps me. ALWAYS depersonalize.

 

I know god made me but he also made me with free will..Im pretty damn sure that what I did in the past he was not pleased with! So much to the fact that I actually think at this point in my life he is teaching me a long long lesson! Lesson one..Learn to love your life even if no one else is in it..Lesson 2... dont ever pull the **** you did again to anyone else you are in love with! Dude, I am not an ugly dude and I have struck out so many times this past year with women only getting women that are not my type and I have been fighting myself to love who I am even without anyone else..So at the end of the day, If all goes well..I will love my life even if it means not being with anyone and I will Never pull the dumb **** I did to my ex on anyone else I love the way I loved her..Which will both make me a better man.. So I cant believe that gid would be mad because she doesnt love me..She doesnt love me for the things I did in the past and I dont think he loved the things I did either!