getting over being cheated on-

[Sadguy33]

its been 3 months and im still miserable. still upset that my ex cheated on me and is now dating multiple guys. i just have a hard time being "2nd" so it has been killing me to know that she found someone more attractive than me. she even told me that she found him more attractive and doesnt want to be with me ever again. this is after 5 years. someone please tell me im nuts for feeling like this. i mean she wronged me so why do i feel like this. ive never been cheated on and i always thought it would make things easier, it makes things much harder.

[Philosoraptor]

Yes, you're nuts. It's normal to feel hurt though, but you need to understand that the opinion of someone with a character so low that they lie and cheat shouldn't matter to you anyways.

[Sadguy33]

thank you, i need to hear this because i feel nuts. i just feel like im ugly or something, whivh im not but oh well and she is getting ALOT of attention. it makes me sick

[Philosoraptor]

Well she is getting a lot of attention because she's opening her legs.

 

Keep your dignity and try to not worry about what's going on in your life. Use your energy to make your own life awesome. What's something you've always wanted to do? Find something that you want to do and do it, don't hesitate. Have fun and enjoy your life, it's not long enough to waste it on this cheater.

[fixing]

Look, what your ex did is disgusting and unforgiveable. She's a two faced remorseless little slag.

Its not your fault mate. Its her who's got the issues.

You gotta move on and never call her again. Rebuild your self esteem. Go out and date loads of woman!

[Chi townD]

I agree with the others. This is totally not your fault. She's being mean to you because she has to demonize you in her eyes to ease the guilt of what she's done.

 

You need to start a hard NO CONTACT with her. Delete her from social media and BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK!

 

Time to disappear. Time to heal and move on.

[fixing]

Yeah, OP let me try and save you some time... My ex cheated on my Sept/2012, she was also completely remorseless.

I wasted the next 6 months drinking and feeling sorry for myself, whilst she was out enjoying life.

DONT SHUT DOWN. And stop looking for answers. She will never give you closure or reasons because she is a cold hearted bitch who does not care about your feelings.

Force yourself to go out and meet new girls. Stay active.

Delete and block her online.

And always remember, your the good guy. Shes the cheating slag. You will get over this.

Stay strong.

[Sadguy33]

i agree im trying to live how i want to live but it seems she always has the lead. its petty but i hate to feel like she is "winning". i want her life to be terrible and its not and that bothers me. sick, i know. i just cant believe she is okay with not talking to me after 5 years of being with me. its only been 3 months so im sure once her other relationships fizzle i will hear from her again. its such a viscious cycle, i feel like i did when we first broke up. i guess i just need to force her out of my life because im kind of addicted to the ****tiness or something i dont know its hard to explain

[Chi townD]

The best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good life. You need to make positive changes to your life.

 

Start making small changes to begin with. Buy new clothes, be styling and profiling all the time. Total GQ. Then, get a new hairstyle. A style that people are going to notice and like. You want them to say, "DAMN DUDE!! Looking sharp!" That's going to help your self esteem with those comments. If you wear glasses, then go to contacts.

 

Then, find a gym and work out almost everyday. Run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight. This will help you burn off the stress and frustrations you're having. Eat clean and healthy and get plenty of sleep. With working out; just shy of looking like the elephant man, if you have a rock hard and ripped bod, girls are DEFINITELY going to notice. This will also help your self esteem.

 

Then, get a hobby. With any hobby, there's usually a club in your area with people that have a shared interest. So, join a running club, or a cycling club, co-ed sports, photography course, cooking class, diving lessons. Get out of the house and start putting yourself out there and meeting new people.

 

Then, travel! Go somewhere you've always wanted to go see. And go see it! Nothing is holding you back now. Plus, the money you would have spent on the relationship can now go towards your trip.

 

Wouldn't it be nice if she got curious about you and asked a mutual friend how you're doing and that friend says, " I don't know. He's not here. Last I heard is that he's in Ireland for a few weeks." Or Japan, or Australia, or Spain, or England, or the Bahamas.

 

THAT'S how you win!

[Sadguy33]

thank you chi you are absolutely right. im trying to do these things. iactually have been dating someone new that is amazing but i just dont find her as attractive and that is a whole other problem in itself. im getting attention just not at much as my ex has but she is a very attractive girl and can honestly pick up about 99% of dudes. i honestly doubt anyone would turn her down and thats the most annoying thing.

[Chi townD]

You know, one time I saw this poster that was titled reality check.

 

It was a picture of this AMAZING blonde in a micro bikini looking seductive. The poster said "Reality Check" then at the bottom, it had written " Somewhere in the world right now, there's a guy that is sick and tired of putting up with her bullsh*t!"

 

Moral of the story, beauty is only skin deep. If you got a girl and she treats you right. Treats you like a guy SHOULD be treated, that you got one beautiful lady on your hands and you'd be an idiot to let her go because she isn't as "pretty" as your Ex. And if you can't get a handle on that, then you shouldn't be dating. That's not being fair to the girl.

[violet1]

thank you chi you are absolutely right. im trying to do these things. iactually have been dating someone new that is amazing but i just dont find her as attractive and that is a whole other problem in itself. im getting attention just not at much as my ex has but she is a very attractive girl and can honestly pick up about 99% of dudes. i honestly doubt anyone would turn her down and thats the most annoying thing.

 

You've got to remember looks fade. She may be getting a lot men for now, but having a sh*tty personality will make it hard for her to keep one long term. I'd rather be considered slightly less attractive with an awesome personality than the other way around. Please, stop worrying about what or who she's doing. Don't waste one more minute of your time and energy thinking about her. She's out of the picture. Be thankful you didn't marry and have kids with her. I know it's hard but look at it as a blessing in disguise.

[Sadguy33]

I agree it's just that I guess it's hard knowing she's being the girl I used to know with these new guys.. I shouldn't waste my time caring about someone who had lit no respect but damn its unfair

[Darren Steez]

I agree it's just that I guess it's hard knowing she's being the girl I used to know with these new guys.. I shouldn't waste my time caring about someone who had lit no respect but damn its unfair

 

life's unfair. That's life. Live it.

[Sadguy33]

believe me im starting to live it. it just seems so illogical i just keep asking my self all day: why do i care about someone who could not talk to me the rest of her life and be okay with it.

[aliveagain]

To your ex this new girl is stunning, once she knows your dating she will do everything she can to get your attention. The best thing you can do is ignore her, enjoy the time with your new lady, just don't make too many plan's just yet. If finances allow, book a trip to somewhere you always wanted to go, take your new lady, ex's just hate when you do things like that. This is not about vengeance(that's just an added bonus) but about making new memories with someone that is enjoying it with you. Book the trip, skiing in the Rockies, great theater in New York, shopping for antiques in London, an afternoon at the Forum in Rome, sipping on an umbrella drink on a beach in Cabo, great blues in New Orleans, a night at The Grand Ole Opera in Tennessee, having a Daiquiri where Hemingway used to in that little bar in Havana. Don't give your ex too much more of your time, she's already wasted 5 years of it. All these guys she's dating, so f**ken what, all they have are your leftovers.

[Sadguy33]

she actually found out about the girl and is bothered... she rarely shows but i caught her asking" so did you like this girl the whole time we were dating" meaning she cares haha. but then quickly followed with "its okay im talking to so and so" who was her ex who is now a celebrity haha. she is such a bitch i swear. I miss someone that truly does not existt. she told me to leave her alone and that she could care less about my well being. And mind you, i have never done anything to this girl but ask her why are you doing this.

[aliveagain]

she actually found out about the girl and is bothered... she rarely shows but i caught her asking" so did you like this girl the whole time we were dating" meaning she cares haha. but then quickly followed with "its okay im talking to so and so" who was her ex who is now a celebrity haha. she is such a bitch i swear. I miss someone that truly does not existt. she told me to leave her alone and that she could care less about my well being. And mind you, i have never done anything to this girl but ask her why are you doing this.

 

Firstly, cheaters are the most jealous people on the planet, secondly, give her what she wants and leave her alone. Why not have her ask her ex if there's anywhere special new girlfriend has always wanted to go so you can surprise her for Xmas, see if she says anything other than "Hell."

[headinthecloud]

she actually found out about the girl and is bothered... she rarely shows but i caught her asking" so did you like this girl the whole time we were dating" meaning she cares haha. but then quickly followed with "its okay im talking to so and so" who was her ex who is now a celebrity haha. she is such a bitch i swear. I miss someone that truly does not existt. she told me to leave her alone and that she could care less about my well being. And mind you, i have never done anything to this girl but ask her why are you doing this.

 

Cheaters are often narcissists. This is why they try to manipulate every situation. They are addicted to the power and control. Their egos drive their actions. Keep in mind that nothing is as it seems.

 

Narcissists go out of their way to convince everyone how wonderful their lives are - but it's often a facade. They have an emptiness that resides within them and they use people to fill the void. At first they talk about how amazing you are and boost your ego as long as you stroke theirs. Then, after some time, they start to distance themselves from you. And finally they demonize you and basically try to destroy your self esteem. It's all about control.

 

I know how you're feeling right now. It's the feeling of betrayal and disappointment that you misjudged someone so horribly. My ex was a narcissist - he was good looking too but and when I paid him a compliment about how handsome he was he would respond with, "I know." (Pfft)

 

Try to forgive yourself, you did nothing wrong. You loved someone with all your heart. The experience was not wasted. Try to look at the positives and everything you learned about yourself.

 

She did you a favour. Imagine having a child with this woman. Sounds to me like you dodged a bullet.

Edited December 3, 2013 by headinthecloud

[jonsnuh]

You've got to remember looks fade. She may be getting a lot men for now, but having a sh*tty personality will make it hard for her to keep one long term. I'd rather be considered slightly less attractive with an awesome personality than the other way around. Please, stop worrying about what or who she's doing. Don't waste one more minute of your time and energy thinking about her. She's out of the picture. Be thankful you didn't marry and have kids with her. I know it's hard but look at it as a blessing in disguise.

 

Preach girl! OP, you definitely dodged a bullet.

[Sadguy33]

I know i definitely dodged a bullet. And its true about them trying to be manipulative and play it off like thet dont care. I saw her yesterday because she felt had a few things to give me. It might sound sick, but i literally enjoyed watching her cry with our dog and cry when she was leaving.

 

And then she asked me about the new girl im seeing even though she has other people shes talking to, one of them a celeb. I really did not think she would cae to see me date but it does bother her and that makes me feel good to. Im just going to keep living well and try to go NC. I think I will post a no contact journal to help me get clean.

[deni9]

Hi, I have a question, its been 3 weeks after we got back together and when I told him that I knew he cheated on me. See thing is, I don't believe him. I love him and want him but the anger is too strong, its like it is getting worse.

 

Its the way he cheated on me, he looked for it because he "thought" I was being suspicious and cheating on him too. I asked him, why couldn't you just break up with me then. he said "believe it or not, I loved you too much to leave you" which I think is a lie, if he loved me that much he wouldn't of cheated on me.

 

It pisses me off. He makes me feel unworthy, and I know that is a lie because other guys want me, but I don't want them, I want him. but I don't trust him, I don't believe him, I feel like if I get better he is going to do it again.

 

Do I sound crazy?? should I really just give up? I don't know how to over come this, seeing it as I never had to before.....

[Spectre]

You said she is now dating multiple people, this means she is cheating on a guy she is with or is she just dating multiple guys at the same time and they know each other?

[violet1]

I know i definitely dodged a bullet. And its true about them trying to be manipulative and play it off like thet dont care. I saw her yesterday because she felt had a few things to give me. It might sound sick, but i literally enjoyed watching her cry with our dog and cry when she was leaving.

 

And then she asked me about the new girl im seeing even though she has other people shes talking to, one of them a celeb. I really did not think she would cae to see me date but it does bother her and that makes me feel good to. Im just going to keep living well and try to go NC. I think I will post a no contact journal to help me get clean.

 

Living well is the best revenge. Good job OP! Yes, continue the NC. I bet now that you're gone she's starting to realize how great of a catch you are. Oh well...too bad for her. Enjoy your new lady.

[Chi townD]

I know i definitely dodged a bullet. And its true about them trying to be manipulative and play it off like thet dont care. I saw her yesterday because she felt had a few things to give me. It might sound sick, but i literally enjoyed watching her cry with our dog and cry when she was leaving.

 

And then she asked me about the new girl im seeing even though she has other people shes talking to, one of them a celeb. I really did not think she would cae to see me date but it does bother her and that makes me feel good to. Im just going to keep living well and try to go NC. I think I will post a no contact journal to help me get clean.

 

 

Big difference between the two of you. She had to go out of her way to MAKE it a point that she's seeing multiple people (like THAT'S an attractive quality ) and one of them being a celebrity (the most self absorbed douche rockets on the planet) and you never said a word about the girl you're dating.

 

If someone goes out of their way to tell you how great their life is, then it usually isn't that great.