Don't know if she's interested / not interested / we're already dating!

[overThinking]

Hi all,

 

My first post here... I've liked reading some of the other threads, and the help people have been giving.

 

My question is something along the lines of a sanity check... so I'll just give the not-so-short story and ask some questions.

 

I met a girl through a friend a few months ago, let's call her Mary. We seemed to hit it off pretty well, and had things in common both in interests and personalities. I found her attractive but in my somewhat usual oblivious way I didn't do anything about it (for no particularly good reason).

 

Over the last 6 months we've developed a somewhat confusing relationship. We hang out about once a week, usually weekdays, and do various date-like activities. Movies, concerts, dinner at new places, etc. Pretty much always (especially lately) just the two of us. I often call her and ask her if she wants to do something specific (no mention of inviting others) and she practically always accepts. About the only time she didn't she told me it was because she had just broken up with her boyfriend and was kind of taking it hard.

 

Let me explain this bit a little: at first I didn't know if she had a bf or not... she never said, but I heard that she was seeing someone. Turns out I met him early on when she invited me to go out w/ her and her friends... but he wasn't introduced as such and I spent more time with her than him! Plus she never mentioned it then or later... But because of this initially I wasn't sure what her status was.

 

About 3 months after I met her I did specifically ask if she wanted to go on a date... but she then told me she was 'kinda' dating someone. I wasn't sure what 'kinda' meant, but figured it meant 'no' on the date. About 1 month later is when she tells me she has broken up with him.

 

Well, now I'm not sure what to do. We still hang out say once a week, still just the two of us, and I'm not sure exactly what's going on. Maybe it's just the timing of the whole thing, or what, but I can't really tell if she's interested in being more than friends. Usually I am very good at telling when a girl is interested (but doesn't say so), and also happy to observe the hints of 'I'm not interested': being 'busy' and not accepting invitations, talking about other guys a lot, bringing friends along to things. She doesn't do any of those things. And my friends say that she goes out with me so much because she IS interested. And a few things that I find different than when I hang out with other girls (who I'm just friends with):

 

- she always tells me she had a great time, and thanks me for organizing things

- often comments how great it is that I like these activities (indie movies, etc) that she enjoys too

- we take turns paying for each other, but she doesn't object too much if I pay 'off-cycle' (tho I know this doesn't necessarily mean anything )

- she has invited me to some parties at her place, but not to hang out w/ her and her friends like on the weekend. This I can't tell if it's bad or good.

 

So I dunno... I guess my question is: should I flat-out ask her out AGAIN, or just keep hanging out with her one on one and see what happens? Are we actually dating already and I just don't know it (I think this unlikely)? Or, and I'm certainly aware of this possibility, she isn't interested in me, but just likes to hang out, just the two of us. We have both commented how hard it is to find people who like to do the same things. My (sometimes) favorite alternative seems to just try and kiss her and see what happens (there have been a few times when I've been tempted to and think she was waiting for me to...) but my friends seem to think that's a bad idea. But, what do they know? They've all been out of the dating scene for at least 4 years! OTOH, so have I, being back on the scene after a (kinda rough) 2-year recovery from a 3 1/2 yr relationship...

 

Well, pretty rambling there... hope it makes sense. Thanks for reading and I look forward to your opinions.

[missopinionated]

Ask her one simple question: "Are we a couple or not." Whatever she says, you'll know where you stand.