Porn, cheating?

[Canadiangirl78]

I'm a woman, and personally I enjoy porn, but put the porn debate aside because in this situation it doesn't matter, if you don't like it, it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You feel the way you feel and that's ok. Now, forgive me I didn't read through all if the posts so this may have been said already but your sex life has obviously changed since the little one came along (as it has to..congrats btw!). If your hubby was used to getting it everyday and is not anymore, he is probably using the sites to help him along so to speak. Is it possible that now that you aren't having sex everyday that he is masterbating and just using the porn to "get in the mood"?

[Canadiangirl78]

And I also wanted to add that our bodies change after we have babies, they just do. Get used to the stretch marks, no amount of eating healthy and excercising will get rid of those. It's great that you are trying to get back to your pre baby weight but don't expect that everything is going to fall back into the place it was before the baby, in most cases it doesn't. Be proud of how you look, you just grew a baby in that body, look at those stretch marks with pride because they are only there symbolizing what an amazing thing your body just blessed you with..Don't beat yourself up over how you look, it was only 7 short months ago!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

. From day one, we have both been on the same page with porn. We both agreed we don't really care for it.

 

 

You've simply not been realistic, and you probably owe him the exercise of having brought a realistic mindset to your shared union.

 

It's one thing if you march down the aisle on your wedding day insisting that the sky is green, and that the grass is white, as that has no bearing on your marriage, but when you didn't arrive at your wedding day being realistic about porn and any other subjects which (could) directly impact your marriage, you did him a disservice, and you did yourself a disservice.

 

Now what would be one's motive for so doing?

[BeingMe]

I think something really important keeps being overlooked here.

 

She told him the truth about how she felt about porn etc. That was a big risk because she knew most men don't feel like that and he could have dumped her. But SHE TOLD HIM THE TRUTH.

 

He LIED TO HER.

 

It's not about how realistic she is etc, it's about trust and honest communication. By lying to her, he took away her choices.

 

Now he's distant and lying to her even more. He's in a wayward mindset and taking away her choices to decide if she's happy with what he's doing or not.

 

It's not the porn that's the issue, it's the deceit and emotional distancing.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I think something really important keeps being overlooked here.

 

She told him the truth about how she felt about porn etc. That was a big risk because she knew most men don't feel like that and he could have dumped her. But SHE TOLD HIM THE TRUTH.

 

He LIED TO HER.

 

It's not about how realistic she is etc, it's about trust and honest communication. By lying to her, he took away her choices.

 

Now he's distant and lying to her even more. He's in a wayward mindset and taking away her choices to decide if she's happy with what he's doing or not.

 

It's not the porn that's the issue, it's the deceit and emotional distancing.

 

 

 

I appreciate that you're trying, but your outlook still isn't right.

 

Consider the National Enquirer, which "lies" about people and things all the time. Few can bring charges against the National Enquirer about those lies because the lies are soooooooooooo extreeeeemely unbelievable that nobody in her right mind would believe them.

 

So next time you see a story about Robin Williams making out with a Martian, you consider how extremely outlandish this woman was to believe that which she cites here.

 

 

(now if Robin Williams were said to have made out with an Orkan, or, perhaps, The Orkin Man... that's another story)

 

 

 

PS - c'mon, this woman is, by her own words: 10 pounds away from a perfect body (one which she had for many years)

 

Now she may well have truly had a body so fine that we'll let the reference to "perfect" slide. But is one prone to being unrealistic when implying that her world has fallen in (and/or her husband started masturbating for the first time ever) as the result of those ten pounds???

 

This is National Enquirer-worthy.

Edited December 3, 2013 by SincereOnlineGuy

[Fluttershy]

Porn addiction can be a problem. If it causes a spouse to turn away from having their needs met. There is a big assumption often made that the wife isn't available and so the husband turns to doing more porn. And while that does happen... it isn't always the case. Sometimes the self gratification is easier as you only have your needs to focus on. Also, the Madonna/whore complex Mentioned. There are guys who without the wife doing anything struggle with jealousy towards the baby. Even if the woman does give plenty of time to their husband.

OP, harping at your husband isn't going to help. You need to sit him down (possibly with a third party counsellor) and tell your husband you feel as though he is choosing porn and neglecting you. I would also seek help for post partum depression.

My concern with this is that he isn't looking regular porn. These sites are a step closer to online flings.

Where is the line of what is cheating?

Looking at naked women and using them for sexual gratification instead of your spouse?

Erotic fiction?

Sexting?

Cyber sex?

Strippers?

Call girls?

Or does actual physical contact need to happen.

Btw, Not all guys look at porn. Guys survived before pornography.

FWI, I am not against porn nor do I see it as cheating in and unto itself. But, if it is taking away from sexual side of the marriage then yes it is a problem. And the problem isn't the wife needing to "get over it" or "accept" it.

[BeingMe]

I appreciate that you're trying, but your outlook still isn't right.

 

Consider the National Enquirer, which "lies" about people and things all the time. Few can bring charges against the National Enquirer about those lies because the lies are soooooooooooo extreeeeemely unbelievable that nobody in her right mind would believe them.

 

So next time you see a story about Robin Williams making out with a Martian, you consider how extremely outlandish this woman was to believe that which she cites here.

 

 

(now if Robin Williams were said to have made out with an Orkan, or, perhaps, The Orkin Man... that's another story)

 

 

 

PS - c'mon, this woman is, by her own words: 10 pounds away from a perfect body (one which she had for many years)

 

Now she may well have truly had a body so fine that we'll let the reference to "perfect" slide. But is one prone to being unrealistic when implying that her world has fallen in (and/or her husband started masturbating for the first time ever) as the result of those ten pounds???

 

This is National Enquirer-worthy.

 

 

Nope. That still doesn't excuse the lying. That's blameshifting.

 

The person who lies is responsible for their choice to lie...not the person who believes it.