mary-kate Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 Hi I am new to the board, I don't know why i am here really i guess i want to talk to other people in my situation.. because it sucks and its lonely Have been seeing a married man for a year, he has two kids under 6, and works with me, as well as a second job working for his wifes father. When we first started the relationship, he said things like "i will never leave her just to let you know" "i could never leave my wife, i love her and my kids.."... Now, a year later, he "wants" to leave her. He says he needs $200,000.00 and he will leave her and thats the ONLY way. We run a small business together, and we make ok money. his kids love me, and i live near by. does she know?.. must be in denial. or doesn't care i don't know. It will probably take a good year or more to get that much $ free and clear... yikes! i am pretty stressed about it knowing it all hinges on.. probably longer than that even. He also said if he made a certain amount at our job he would quit working for her father.. well that has passed and he still works for him.. he says, "i can give the money i make there to her and save all the money i make with our business.." i am a good 13 yrs ynger than his wife (i am 20), she heavy/unattractive, i am a model. He says hes afraid his wife will take his kids away from him and her dad will "bury" him in court. and he still works for her dad! over xmas this past week i've hardy seen him, he calls late telling me how miserable he is spending it without me but i cant help but think, is he really? Its like she totally controls him. If he disagrees with her like, "i don't want to go to your parents for newyears" or something she tells his children he doesn't love them and doesn't want to spend time with them, so he will do what she wants. when i try to make plans with him its always, "i don't know whats going on yet today/tomorrow/whenever.." like with his wife and kids. basically, he decides when he see's me, or his wife does anyway and its up to me to re-arrange my life for him. if he says he will call, sometimes its hours later than he told me, "my kids wouldn't go to bed.." yeah like a 5 yr old stays up till 2 am. or, i will come by later...doesn't. calls, "i went in the hottub instead, im tired, oh sure be mad and mean just like my wife".. Don't get me wrong we are together alot, we work together during the week and he manages to spend one day a week with me telling her he is working on location but what bothers me is not spending holidays, weekends, etc... i would trade sitting in an office for that any day. to sum it up, it sucks ass. i hate thinking about him sleeping in the same bed with her every night. he says he really loves me and we WILL be together, to be patient. but for HOW LONG???? who knows. will he ever leave her if we don't save the money? and what will 200 grand do when wifes dad is a millionaire and will supposedly bury him in court?? i don't get it. and what if we never do save the money.. gr its enough to make me want to rip out my hair. Does this sound totally stupid or what. Do you think he will do it? What should i do??? I am totally losing it. This has got to me the most horrible thing to go through i think. Link to post Share on other sites
Mustard Bomb Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 Well, it certainly is a crappy story. I'm not sure how long it will be before this self-destructs, but I would like to make one suggestion to you: Don't rag on the wife ever again. It really lacks class. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 Its like she totally controls him. If he disagrees with her like, "i don't want to go to your parents for newyears" or something she tells his children he doesn't love them and doesn't want to spend time with them, so he will do what she wants. And you know this how?? Have you seen or heard this or experienced this first hand? You both have to save that kind of money? HAHAHAHA! Watch you'll save it, give it to him and he still won't leave! You think he's going to leave a wife with a "millionaire" (so you say father) when he's got his "model" (again so you say) on the side who isn't going anywhere, who he doesn't have to "be" with to get the goodies! He told you he wasn't leaving his wife in the beginning, those were probably his truest words, now he's telling what you want to hear and what he needs to say in order to sucker major money from you. Sorry dear but you will be a DAMN FOOL if you help him get this money! Link to post Share on other sites
scarletibis Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 Originally posted by mary-kate when i try to make plans with him its always, "i don't know whats going on yet today/tomorrow/whenever.." like with his wife and kids. basically, he decides when he see's me, or his wife does anyway and its up to me to re-arrange my life for him. if he says he will call, sometimes its hours later than he told me Hate to say it, but as long as you're the OW this is something you'll just to need to learn to live with. I myself am an OW...and have been so for the past 4 years (I actually met my MM a week after I turned 20, so I was the same age as yourself.) Sure it's hard, but the family will always come first (though I've told my MM I understand this, they were there looong before me, but he insists I'm not 2nd place, that I'm just as important as they are - but I still spend a ton of time like yourself - waiting for him!) Wish I had better advice...actually, now that I think about it I do...get out before you really fall in love with him!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 The only reason he would want the money is so he can rob you blind. There is no sane way why he would need money to get away from his wife. Sure, you maybe twenty and a model. But darling, don't believe for a second that the minute you get one wrinkle or sag that he won't do the exact same thing to you that he is now doing to his wife. Legally you may be an adult, but you have alot of growing up to be. I fear, that it will not be a nice awakening. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
einahpets Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 he is just making up excuses to you. though he is a puss and is immature, i doubt he will risk all he has and leave his wife for someone who can't even legally drink or vote. Link to post Share on other sites
upallnight Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Um, you only have to be 18 to vote. $200,000 to leave his wife? What in the world for? He's taking you for a ride, and you need to hit the brakes. Link to post Share on other sites
_Saffy_ Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 i am a good 13 yrs ynger than his wife (i am 20), she heavy/unattractive, i am a model. yes but he still chooses to sleep in her bed, spend holidays with her, and you really think he was in the hot tub alone that night?? if he wanted to be with you, really, really wanted to, then he would. end of story. 20 and a model? go find ya own man and leave this one where he belongs. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 He probably WOULD leave his wife if he could do it with the least amount of financial hassle. If he could keep all his creature comforts. Having a woman who's let herself go isn't reason enough to leave, the situation has to be unbearable. But why would you WANT someone who has a price on their love? He could leave, now, risk losing everything-you're WORTH IT honey.....and because he's not willing to do so, he is SO NOT worth it. Please, do yourself a favour and find someone who's got balls and isn't demeaning himself by f*cking ugly. I've said it before, I'll say it again, nothing demeans a man like f*cking ugly. Link to post Share on other sites
Karlise13 Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 "....i am a good 13 yrs ynger than his wife (i am 20), she heavy/unattractive, i am a model... " What's your point? That your young and cute? We all get older sweets. If that's your main selling point it's pretty lame. I suggest you read older posts here and see how common your situation actually is. Older man seeks young hot tail. Lies to wife. Stalls on divorce. Tells cockamamy stories to OW. Wow! Who'd a thunk it possible? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Originally posted by Karlise13 "....i am a good 13 yrs ynger than his wife (i am 20), she heavy/unattractive, i am a model... " What's your point? That your young and cute? We all get older sweets. If that's your main selling point it's pretty lame. I suggest you read older posts here and see how common your situation actually is. Older man seeks young hot tail. Lies to wife. Stalls on divorce. Tells cockamamy stories to OW. Wow! Who'd a thunk it possible? We all get older but not all of us get uglier..... Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Ugly outside is nothing compared to being ugly inside. Link to post Share on other sites
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