Why do I keep feeling like I don't love my long distance girlfriend anymore?

[sd51192]

We've been dating for about 4 months. I have visited her once and am going back tomorrow to see her again. We weren’t supposed to visit until later this month but a couple weeks ago I took the initiative to see her even sooner because I really just wanted to be with her. A week or so later I started getting weird, opposite feelings. Talking with her became monotonous, almost like a chore, and it agitated me. I’m also not as excited to see her now, and I almost just not want to go because I don’t want to bring these feelings with me and cause trouble. I really did feel for her for the past 3 and half months or so, and during my trip it was one of the best times of my life. I really just don’t understand how I can start feeling this way all of a sudden. She is everything I could ask for; the most amazing girl I’ve ever met. How could something in my mind just shut off and make me feel like this about her??? I’m so confused and frustrated and I just want it to stop! I don’t want to hurt her and I want to have her but I keep getting these feelings and this anxiety about it! I have trouble finding an appetite, sleeping, and just thinking straight. My head spins when I lay down at night. I don't want these feelings, I want her and I want to feel normal again. What do I do?

[xUnknown]

I guarantee that if you have been having these feelings, she has picked up on them. Girls seem to always pick up on things like that, no matter how hard we try to hide them. Try to just cut out all these negative/questionable thoughts and only focus on her. Her smile, her laugh, the way she looks at you, the way she makes you feel when you are with her. You love this girl, she loves you...remember that. You two are together, working at things because you both want each other. You both are willing to work on something like distance because you two mean so much to one another.

 

Cut out these thoughts and enjoy the hell out of the time you have with her tomorrow. If things still seem off, maybe you should bring it up in person. But, prepare yourself for that. If it were me, I would enjoy each moment I have with this girl. You need to keep it interesting. You need to make it special.

 

I was reading this not too long ago, well skimming it. You do the same:

Long-Distance Relationships Mean Always Getting to Say Hello | Thought Catalog

[sd51192]

Thanks for your reply. Yeah, I definitely love her. We have awesome times together and get along really well. I really have felt passionately about her up until a week ago. I really don't believe in feelings just disappearing like that, there has to be some sort of catalyst. In this case, maybe it's the distance, maybe we talk too much...we're both really available for each other pretty much at all times. Maybe I'm just letting negativity get to my head after a while of being inactive. Who knows. But what I do know is that I want to fight for it because it's all an awesome opportunity, and she's a wonderful girl. I'll see how the trip goes and if my mind just still won't turn back around, then I guess I'll know what to do, as hard, confusing, and frustrating as that may be.

[eachcomingnight]

I don't think a short period of confusion/feeling distant is strange at all. I am naturally quite an independent person with a history of mild anxiety and from time to time in my LDR I felt like I had no feelings for my boyfriend. Hell, there are times I feel it now even though we are in the same city.

 

My advice to you would be, as tough as it is, try not to overreact. You don't need to FEEL in love every moment of every day to know that you really love a person. You can easily get caught up in a trap of saying, "Well, if I truly loved her, I would feel this way, or this way..." You are setting yourself and your relationships up for failure.

 

Take it easy on yourself and remind yourself it is hard to keep things feeling exciting and interesting when you are far away from each other. Try not to worry about "what happens if..." scenarios, just enjoy the time with her. And if you feel that this issue is continuing, maybe explore ways that you can keep the feelings alive. From time to time I've told my boyfriend that I need a day to myself and that I'll check in with him in the evening. I typically find that by the end of the day I am itching to tell him what I've been up to!

 

Good luck!

[sun1972]

LDR are tough though, i would wait and see how you feel when with her

 

I find feelings tend to ebb when apart, and rush when with my OH

 

i am surprised that 4 months in you feel this though, its honeymoon period still?

[sd51192]

Yeah, I do have a history of overreacting and being impulsive. I'm not used to having such a secure relationship. In my other ones, there was a lot more insecurities and not as much leisure. It's funny, in my last serious relationship that wasn't long distance, I didn't have nearly as many luxuries/opportunities as I do with my current girlfriend. I think I just need to not get too caught up in the relationship and become more active, that way I don't get bored of her. I'm sure it would also help if I saw her more though, which thankfully I'm going to be doing for the next 2 and half weeks. I worry that I'll bring these feelings with me and make it even harder there or something, but I think once I see her I'll feel better. If I don't, well, then all I can say is that the brain is one weird thing, and I'm not gonna give up on something worth fighting for just because I'm have a little phase. Feelings don't just disappear, and mine are just being clouded by anxiety.

[justwhoiam]

Why do I keep feeling like I don't love my long distance girlfriend anymore?

Possible answers below, if it's not too late.

I have visited her once[QU

See: nervousness pre-second visit.

 

Talking with her became monotonous, almost like a chore, and it agitated me.

See: feeling of getting trapped. Suffocated. Not owning yourself anymore. Willingness not to get weak. Being in love makes you weak.

 

I almost just not want to go because I don’t want to bring these feelings with me and cause trouble.

See: fear of losing what you have. Thoughts of postponing anything, so, that nothing is going to change, especially because of you.

 

How could something in my mind just shut off

See: self-protection, a way to protect yourself from harm, from getting hurt.

 

I don't want these feelings, I want her and I want to feel normal again. What do I do?

R-e-l-a-x. It's like before an exam, if you keep thinking of the exam, it's just getting worse. You would like the exam not to take place, or for it to be the next month instead, or next year.........

 

I really have felt passionately about her up until a week ago. I really don't believe in feelings just disappearing like that, there has to be some sort of catalyst.

Losing your independence? Getting trapped in a situation where you can't get out that easily? The fear she might not be the one and you find that out when's too late? You listed a lot of things for which she's worth your love, but it's like you are trying to convince us about that...

 

maybe it's the distance

Not in itself.

 

maybe we talk too much...

That shouldn't be a problem if it's answering your needs. If it's felt like something you have to do, there might lie the problem.

 

we're both really available for each other pretty much at all times.

Do you think you already know whatever there is to know about her? Like nothing is a surprise to you anymore? Do you think winning her love was more intriguing than having her at your feet all the time?

 

Maybe I'm just letting negativity get to my head after a while of being inactive.

How were you inactive?

 

I do have a history of overreacting

Overreaction usually comes from overthinking.

 

and being impulsive.

That means that you can get passionate about things. It looks like you're more used to being impulsive than rational or comfortable about something, so when the latter happens, you start to freak out, thinking: what's wrong with me now?

 

I'm not used to having such a secure relationship.

See: facing new things, getting scared about the unknown.

 

I think I just need to not get too caught up in the relationship

This is pretty indicative and acknowledging what I said so far.

 

and become more active, that way I don't get bored of her.

I'm not sure if boredome is your problem. I guess it just hides other issues and fears.

 

Feelings don't just disappear

No, but they sometimes get transformed.

[emi]

People fall out of love during relationships, but its your desicion to hold on and wait for bad time to pass. It what we call love, the rest are just infatuation. Hang on there

[SoleMate]

You need together time to build and maintain emotional and physical closeness and trust, aka love.

 

Certain very strong couples can cope with enforced separation over time, but that is based on having a history, shared goals etc.

[sun1972]

You need together time to build and maintain emotional and physical closeness and trust, aka love.

 

Certain very strong couples can cope with enforced separation over time, but that is based on having a history, shared goals etc.

 

Its so true, i have just got a job to end my 5 YEAR LDR

ie ill finally be moving to her

 

Now, we actually sort of split over the distance (wierdest split ever though as we talked every day all day while split

 

And because i havent seen her in nearly 2 weeks now and have only had 8 hours together in 3 weeks... i feel a LOT less obsessed etc right now

 

But, know when i DO see her (sat, yay) it will come flooding back.