Convinced I'm cursed.

[Teraskas]

Hi there, I'm a newcomer to this site and have absolutely no idea where to start, so regardless here it goes.

 

I'm a 22 year old guy who lives in Belgium. In the past I've only had 2 serious relationships. Unfortunately I was cheated on twice and subsequently dumped. I'm rapidly approaching the date to which I'll have been single for 2 years. Not much compared to most other threads out here, but still it's a personal milestone.

 

My personal social circle is rather limited. Most of my friends from Secondary Education either left to the USA / Britain / (Insert country here) and several even commited suicide for reasons unknown. My current social circle of 'best (male) friends' consists of those whom I have met through Higher Education, a total of 5. Unfortunately, 4 out of 5 have girlfriends while the 5th purposely chooses to stay single. Thus as you can see, my options for going out are rather limited.

 

My friends say I'm a nice guy. Not nice in the traditional doormat sense which seems to be the only version in today's society. More specifically 'nice' in the way that I was raised to be an English gentleman. I treat women with respect, and not as toys to be discarded, am considerate, open doors, ... but when push comes to shove I'm more than ready to show my confidence and stand my ground.

 

This is the reason why I've decided to give online dating a go, and boy what a farce it's been. In the nearly year and a half I've been at it I've been rejected at least 30 times. The most recent one was because I was 'too young'. (Mind you, she was 26, I'm 22 and on these sites my search preference is 18-30)

Met a few of them via Match.com, but you know the drill these days: Always the traditional 'Let's be friends' line, Stood up several times, constantly having to do the initiating only to be answered with silence or a 'Not interested' line at the end of the discussion, etc. etc.

Even in real life when I approach women, all of them either have a boyfriend, just got out of a long term relationship, only want fun, etc.

Going for girls in my classes isn't an option either because all of them already have boyfriends. Most of the time, I prefer to stay mysterious. As in I don't say a lot but when I do, it is impactful and relevant. So far it's worked in the past because this lead to women wanting to know more about me.

 

I'm not like most guys because:

- I have no interest in soccer WHATSOEVER. Thought this might've been a plus on dating sites ? Nope.

- I don't want sex for the sake of having sex. I want it to mean something.

- The women I run into only seem to be interested in 'Having fun, wanting to enjoy non-commitment, etc.

- I have an intrest in reading English poetry and literature.

- I judge women initially based on personality and then on looks. And when I do go in details on looks, I always look at the combination of hairstyle and eyes contrary to most guys who only look at boobs or ass.

- I rarely go out because I don't enjoy it. Give me a cosy evening in front of the TV with a good film playing and I'm equally satisfied.

- I rarely (or close to never) drink. Not because I can't stand alcohol, on the contrary. I don't need alcoholic beverages in order to have a great evening. When I mention this, women instantly label me as Straight edge / Methodist.

- I am extremely honest and CAN NOT LIE. I always burst into tears of laughter when I look into someone's eyes knowing I'm talking bs.

 

Can't say that I have extreme dating standards either. These are my requirements:

- Doesn't do drugs.

- Doesn't smoke.

- Doesn't have children, but is open to having them in the near future.

- Is actually OPEN to having a relationship rather than not having a clue what she's doing on a dating site, or JUST looking for friends.

- Is capable of wearing high heels (Although this comes across as a foot fetish which it clearly isn't. Instead I formulate it as a woman having 'class' / looking classy.' )

- Can support me in difficult times. (I found out 2 years ago that I had cancer on the same day that I was dumped. Now when women ask for something personal about myself, I try not to bring it up anymore because I get labeled as 'broken', etc.)

 

Looking back at the relationships I've been in, it seems that they were immature and attracted to the bad boys, in my opinion.

I've taken the initiative so many times to get to know women, yet they all lead to nowhere. Truth told, I don't even know where to find women who would take the initiative for a change, lol.

 

Apologies for the long thread, but had to get this off my chest. ^^

Any constructive critisism, Questions, advice, etc. is appreciated.

Edited December 2, 2013 by Teraskas

[d0nnivain]

Try expanding your circle of buddies to hang out with too. that should give you more options to go out.

 

 

I don't know anything about Belgium, but if there are places to volunteer or causes you care about, get involved. That will widen your social circle. Similarly, you should explore networking opportunities within your industry. I met my husband at a business function.

 

 

OLD is a tool & not a great one. I don't know how many sites you're on, but more isn't always better. Personally I liked the for pay ones because it weeds out people who aren't even willing to invest in the costs of a membership.

 

 

Other suggestions include:

 

 

 

• tell your friends & family you are willing to be fixed up. On a board like this, I read one guy had some success posting a message asking for introductions on his FB page. You really don't know who knows somebody who may be great for you.
  

 

 

 

• take or teach an adult education class; as a young guy I bet you'd find a lot of interested women in a cooking class
  

 

 

 

• participate in some organized sport; it doesn't have to be soccer.
  

 

 

 

• join a club that focuses on something you like
  

 

 

 

• go to a singles event. At least in the US they have specialized ones. I joined one once where I could bring my dog. I've seen others where you taste wine, go sailing, play golf, go skiing etc.
  

 

 

 

• shake up your morning routine; go somewhere new for coffee & smile
  

 

 

 

• look around at the gym or join one
  

 

 

 

• become more active with your university alumni association
  

 

 

On some level it's like getting a job. You have to send out a few resumes.

 

 

Good luck.

[Disillusioned]

I turned my curse into a blessing by adopting a different attitude: it's GREAT fiction material!!!

 

In fact, I'm working on a romance novel about a middle-aged artist who adopts an adult female clone after having a string of horrible girlfriends... I also have plots for about 20 short romance stories that all turn out bad.

 

So... a curse doesn't necessarily have to feel like one. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade... then save the seeds and grow lemon trees! :lol:

[elbe]

You should move to budapest.

[Teraskas]

 

I don't know anything about Belgium, but if there are places to volunteer or causes you care about, get involved. That will widen your social circle. Similarly, you should explore networking opportunities within your industry. I met my husband at a business function.

 

OLD is a tool & not a great one. I don't know how many sites you're on, but more isn't always better. Personally I liked the for pay ones because it weeds out people who aren't even willing to invest in the costs of a membership.

 

 

Other suggestions include:

 

• tell your friends & family you are willing to be fixed up. On a board like this, I read one guy had some success posting a message asking for introductions on his FB page. You really don't know who knows somebody who may be great for you.
  

• take or teach an adult education class; as a young guy I bet you'd find a lot of interested women in a cooking class
  
• participate in some organized sport; it doesn't have to be soccer.
  
  
• join a club that focuses on something you like
  
  
• go to a singles event. At least in the US they have specialized ones. I joined one once where I could bring my dog. I've seen others where you taste wine, go sailing, play golf, go skiing etc.
  
• shake up your morning routine; go somewhere new for coffee & smile.
  
• look around at the gym or join one
  
• become more active with your university alumni association
  

On some level it's like getting a job. You have to send out a few resumes.

 

Agreed, if anything it's a numbers game. I just hope that some day someone will even bother to take the initiative for once and actually get to know me without being as shallow as most of today's society.

 

Good luck.

 

Apparently, this site didn't accept it when I quoted your post and put my responses in bold, so let's try this again. xD

 

Intro:

Interesting, however as I'm still a student, looking for networking opportunities in my industry is a bit troublesome. There is only one 'student fraternity' and it's nowhere near the level of the American ones. The only thing going on there is comparing notes and exchanging worksheets with questions & answers for 1st year student, which I don't think will be helpful as I'm in my final year. Can really use all the time I have atm.

 

Agreed, but even on the sites which have a premium membership, it doesn't lead to much. There's this site called Match.com, but for some reason in Belgium it's called Meetic.be which I use. (Even when I type match.com it automatically redirects me to Meetic, so I assume it's identical)

 

Being fixed up:

Sounds like an interesting suggestion. I actually asked my cousin (female) to do this, but she says that her circle of single female friends are always looking for guys who are 30+ and won't have anything to do with the 'Young and childish boys'.

Which imo is an extremely narrow-minded generalisation.

 

Cooking class:

You know, this might actually be a good idea.

But if there's anything I fail hard at, cooking is undoubtedly at the top of the list. xD

 

Sports:

I'm actually in a club which focuses on air rifle shooting.

However, there are a lot of men in it.

There's only one girl who appears frequently, but the drawkback is that she smokes. I've only been doing it for little over a year and plan to go the competitive route, who knows maybe my prospects will improve there.

 

Singles event:

Sounds awesome, and I really wish things like this were more frequent over here. I've actually been thinking of trying speed dating where events like this seem to be the only time such things are happening. Then again, there's only 13 spots available for both men and women in the age category, and you can imagine that the available spots for men are flooded within minutes. The next available venue for 22-30 on their calendar is January 14th. (Already full for men atm, but I'll keep an eye out as one of my male friends said he'd be more than willing to be my wingman on this occasion. )

 

Changing routine:

Wish I could, but as I'm a student my hours are inconsistent to say the least. My classes usually start at 8, which involves me getting up at 6. I maybe have 15-20 minutes to eat a slice of bread and drink some coffee in the house. Other than that, it's nearly impossible to go out for a coffee in the morning as there's no place around which is open at those times. :/

Although perhaps, I should be more positive in my daily life, you're right about that. But then again how can I ? It's like being a boxer who loses at every single match while people tell you 'You'll win someday', there's only so much you can take.

 

Gym:

Already part of one which seemingly has a 95% male population. The only 2 women there whom I approached only dismissed me with a 'I already have a boyfriend', 'I'm not looking for a boyfriend' line.

 

Alumni:

I blame myself for not doing something like this sooner.

However, due to a recent merge of 2 different higher education universities, this has seemingly become non-existent. From what I've seen it only happens once a year in May whereas it used to be 3 times per semester in the past. :/

 

Conclusion:

Agreed, if anything it's a numbers game. I just hope that some day someone will even bother to take the initiative for once and actually get to know me without being as shallow as most of today's society.

[Teraskas]

I turned my curse into a blessing by adopting a different attitude: it's GREAT fiction material!!!

 

In fact, I'm working on a romance novel about a middle-aged artist who adopts an adult female clone after having a string of horrible girlfriends... I also have plots for about 20 short romance stories that all turn out bad.

 

So... a curse doesn't necessarily have to feel like one. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade... then save the seeds and grow lemon trees! :lol:

 

Oh absolutely ! xD

Ironically, in my spare time I'm working on a novel which more or less incorporates and details my current situation, but looking at it from the perspective of the future where things have (thankfully) improved. ^^

[Teraskas]

You should move to budapest.

 

Oh, I plan to travel around the world when I have the time.

Budapest is certainly on this list.

However, I fear that I won't exactly fit in there as I don't speak Hungarian.

Sure, I can make do with my English (31%), German (15.4%), French (3.3%) and Russian (3.2%).

As you can see, the percentages of these secondary languages spoken there are a minority if anything. :/

Though, I'm missing the point as to why I should move there. xD

[elbe]

Google: Budapest Party

[Teraskas]

Google: Budapest Party

 

Oh, I see now.

Unfortunately I'm not that kind of person, nor will I be. ^^

Ironically I don't even need it because I can use my mind to activate such effects at will. Strange, I know but it's possible.