Challenger190 Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 (edited) Hello, I really like reading these posts. I am just getting out of an 18 year relationship and I am very confused and unhappy. I am a 40 something male and have been dumped by my same age common law wife. This relationship has been progressively getting worse over the last 5 years and it has finally come to this. I am your typical guy, nice , loyal, good career, watch football etc., blah blah blah, and no I am not a door mat. The affection in the relationship was waning and we became just roommates in the last 3 years. She would come home from work and turn away from my advances, and turn away when I would try and kiss her. Talk about a dagger to the heart. She broke up with me before, 12 years ago and came back, after her so called soulmate dumped her. Yes, I know, why did I take her back? Love is blind. She wanted to be married and wanted children . I did give her a ring when we were young and was eager to be married. But I got mad after our breakup and may have wanted to get back at her for leaving me the first time and not get married or have kids. Four years ago she was late and I accepted the fact that I was going to be a father and I would have to grow up. Well, that did not materialize and we went back to our old life. In the last 5 years she became a big sister to a girl whose mother passed away. Bought her clothes, took her out etc. I thought the motherly insticnt was taken care of. Within the last year she would come home and just play on her smart phone, and text. I suspect it is her new boyfriend. I am not that dumb. My friend saw her at a store with a man and 2 little kids. I suspect, a single man with children. Instant family for her. The big thing now is that in a routine physical with her job in the military, they detected a problem in her blood work. A disease that has yet to be diagnosed, and she has been just released from the military with a medical pension. I now live in our house alone, I do not know where she is, and I am just worried about her health now, more than anything. I take this as a double whammy, and I an holding on, barely. Yes, I need to get help. I Am extremely guilty for not giving her a family, marriage, and cannot even provide support for her when she needs it the most. It is a complex situation and I need your advice! Edited December 3, 2013 by Challenger190 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 It's not that complex. She gave you her reproductive years. You squandered them. She finally got tired of it & now resents the hell out of you. Yes, she was complicit because she stuck around waiting for you to change your mind / grow up but it didn't happen. Four years ago she thought she was going to have her chance at kids but even though you say you "accepted" the fact that you were going to be a father you certainly weren't thrilled about the idea & you were still punishing her for whatever happened before. She never had that baby for whatever reason. If it was a miscarriage that probably did huge damage to her psyche. So for the last 3 years of your relationship you were "roommates." If you want her back you are gonna have to crawl: Over the top flowers & cards & you better sincerely show up on your hands & knees with a engagement ring, a planned wedding date, info on IVF & partially completed adoption applications. If you aren't prepared to go all the way let her go. However, if she has already found somebody to give her what she wants: a family, don't screw that up for her. You have taken enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 This seems like an unhealthy relationship to me. I don't really know what to tell you, I haven't heard about such a situation before. She cheated on you while you were together, you took her back and never married or had kids to punish her. And she accepted this cause she felt guilty I guess. I think you should let her go on with your life, I believe your emotional wounds are too deep to heal. She will never forgive you for not letting her have a baby. Damn it's so unfair, you can have kids even at 40-50-60, but she has to stop hoping now. So unfair. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 Total BS posters putting the blame and guilt all on you. A woman can get pregnant Anytime she wants to and there's not a damn thing a man can do about it 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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