Barby Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 Hello everybody...Happy New Year's! Anyway I'm sitting here thinking about why I felt I was missing my ex....at first I believed that I really was missing him his everything, but I came to realize that what I am actually missing isn't my ex...it's the void he filled in my life...the time he took up in my day......the predictable routine...ect. I'm not sure what I'm looking for advice wise....I kind of just needed to "talk" or vent. I am sort of sad but I realize it's because I have so much free time/emptiness now because so much of my day/life revolved around my ex (we've been broken up for about a month or so). I did everything with/for him so now I'm left with nothing to do but twiddle my thumbs and watch the time slip by. Normally it doesn't get to me but for some reason to day it is. Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 Barby , You have perfectly summed the situation.I was identifying myself in the words that you have written. Yeah its the void, the emptiness which makes us feel like this. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 you'll be ok barby. just think of all the people in the world that are worse off than you. like maybe all those folk who got hammered by the tsunami over in SE Asia. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 ((Barby)) Yes it's the what to do with my time setting in.. I'm sorry sister You know it is hitting you hard today because for a lot of people the end of a year is a time for reflection.. where you've been, where you're going kind of deal.. Sit tight sweetie.. keep in mind that you deserve better than he was offering or giving.. New Year needs to be about someone giving BACK TO YOU all you have to offer. Loves ya girl;) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barby Posted December 31, 2004 Author Share Posted December 31, 2004 Thanks I know there are so many people worse off than me and I'm sorry for them and Pray that things get better for them soon. Merin...I think you're right about the time and the reflecting back, ect. I don't even want to be in a relationship right now or be dating anyone or want anyone to fill that void....so when I started feeling this way I was like "what the h*ll" Slowly I'm starting to feel better.....I guess if all else fails I'll take a toke of the ole "MJ" hahaha! Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 you'll be ok barby. just think of all the people in the world that are worse off than you. like maybe all those folk who got hammered by the tsunami over in SE Asia a lot of people say things like that to people who are going through a hard time... it doesn't make anybody feel better, if anything it just makes them worse i nearly cried my eyes out there watching the news, a father burying his whole family, its dreadful hopefully people will see how wrong war is in Iraq as that was avoidable but people forget quickly and go back to their original thinking Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 Originally posted by BrainRightHeartWrong a lot of people say things like that to people who are going through a hard time... it doesn't make anybody feel better, if anything it just makes them worse let me give you some perspective BRAINRIGHTHEARWRONG: my parents came for dirt poor third world country where people live in the streets covered in their own shyt. people die in the street and no one cares. little food or medical care. NOTHING, they have NOTHING at all. i have seent this environment with my own eyes 4 or 5 times on my trips to India and you cannot imagine what it is like. most americans have never seen this with their own eyes. when you have seen these things your own problems tend to become very small. there are always others much worse off than you or me or any people posting problems here on LS. so cheer up....it could be a lot worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 Hey Baby Girl!!!! Please do not feel sad. I know it's inevitable, but at least try not to let boredom (something curable) make you go back to something that is not curable!!!! Give it some time, right now it's still too fresh for you to not miss him, but I assure you that once some time has passed and you start dating and/or going out with friends you will feel much better and you will be like, "Oscar who?"!!! Well maybe not like that, but you will be able to think about him without wanting to go back. You know I am here for you!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 good post alphamale, i know where you are coming from but i was just saying that for me anyway seeing others worse off doesn't cheer me up i know i know that all those poor people are in a terrible predicament... my cousin was missing there in Thailand, we all thought he was dead but luckily i found him a few days ago so yes if he had of got killed i'd have felt a lot worse tonight! i'm not american, i am from ireland Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barby Posted December 31, 2004 Author Share Posted December 31, 2004 I have not personally seen India but I dated a guy from India for awhile and he showed me pics, they were also very very poor, he was here on a student visa and now he's back in India...I know things there are very very very very tough. I feel fortunate that my life isn't like that but I take no joy either in the fact that I'm "better off" than any of those other people. Naive! Hey girl! I won't go back, I was feeling really low but I'm feeling much much much better now! Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 I know i am digressing from the topic but felt like saying something here. I am an Indian but i am ouside India since three months.Its true that people there are having tough time and more so cause of the natural calamity that happened.But the situation is not as bad.. i know no one has bad intention all are sympathising but the people there dont live in such rotten situation as it is perceived by many in developed countries.India has changed considerably in recent years and though we have this worst tragedy right now but we are self sufficient in handling this and we are even helping other countries and asking the generous world community to send in their help to people who need it most now. No hard feelings but India is not as poor and living condition not as miserable as it is potrayed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barby Posted December 31, 2004 Author Share Posted December 31, 2004 I didn't think ALL of India is a poor place to live but there are still some places (or my ex said anyway) where people are still fairly poor and have a very hard time eeking out a living.. But thanks for cluing us in! Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted January 1, 2005 Share Posted January 1, 2005 This thread has nothing to do with India!!!! Please people stick to the topic. I am not a mod or even trying to be one, but it's annoying when the thread takes on a WHOLE new topic. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 1, 2005 Share Posted January 1, 2005 I totally, completely, absolutely understand where you are coming from. It's like you get into a familiar routine. And you are getting ready for bed and it just feels weird, like you're off-rhythm a little bit. You find yourself getting the impulse to, say, make a comment about a movie you're watching, and then you remember that the person youused to make inane comments to is no longer loafing around in the next room. I don't cook as much. I am so used to cooking FOR someone, and cooking just for me seems a little excessive. Too much effort. I remember the pet name I used to call my ex. And sleeping alone is hard. Luckily I have a mutt who likes to try to shove me off my bed, so I have something alive and breathing to cuddle up to. So, I've gone on an obsessive cleaning binge. Hey, at least my house looks better and all that crap. Something to occupy my hands and mind. Link to post Share on other sites
coursingthru Posted January 4, 2005 Share Posted January 4, 2005 I have been sitting here for the past month or so reflecting on my break up with - who I felt - a soulmate - whom I was with for 3 years, lived together 6 months and were to get married this past April. Things happened, but now I can't stop thinking about him and weird dreams too. Like last night, I was at a nice restaurant by myself all dressed nice and I looked over to the table next to me and he was there with another girl. I just looked away and kept eating until I was done and left. Outside on the sidewalk, a guy whom I been talking with lately walked up to me and we talked a bit and he walked me to my car. Then my ex bf saw me and start asking why was I with a person like that, etc... the guy was in a band - nothing scary at all - and I was stunned and said to him that he was with someone else already why is he cocerned with my personal life. I hate dreams like that! But I am don't get why I am so missing him. We had great times as well as the bad, but the break up was that where he said to me that he had to "self-preserve" himself. My brother told me that he had arrested development. I was always the more emotionally, mentally & physically developed one than he where he had the "great guy" image to uphold - a lot to do with the family too. It was like those people who came from a horrible upbringing or where they lived and when they get older - act as if they didn't grow up that way and forgot what it was like. But now, I just want the thinking to go away as it has been a year. I don't know if it also has to do with him coming back 3 months after he left wanting me back and I told him no. I was still too raw with anger and had started to date (I did that "getting my ex back" thing, I guess it worked but I wasn't ready for him. I am looking for advice here! I want it to stop. I emailed him one line saying "how are you doing" he didn't respond (although he could've been out of town - I know he leaves during holidays a lot) so I emailed him back and just stated that I was having flashbacks and that I wouldn't bother him again. I haven't heard from him still. I want to let go completely. I do miss him, maybe I am regretting not giving him a second chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barby Posted January 4, 2005 Author Share Posted January 4, 2005 I think you could be missing the "security" of what you "had" since it doesn't sound like you've been able to find that since... I'm sorry but if he doesn't contact you then chances are he has moved on and you should probably respect that and not continue to contact you since he respected you and allowed you to move on when you turned him away before. I can relate to the dreams, I dreamed my ex (recent ex Oscar) was with another girl, in my dream I had tried to call him and she kept answering and since he lived with other guys I didn't think much of it..well in my dream I head over there and sure enough she is with him. (the girl is someone I know and not very fond of). I wake up enraged and extremely upset....but IT WAS JUST A DREAM! No matter how much I miss him now off and on...I know we broke up for a reason and for my "immediate gratification" to "feel better" for the moment I could go ahead and call him, try and make ammends...but the truth is we're better apart..he's better to move on and so am I. The dreams cause un-necessary torment and i hope they stop for you....you've tried to contact him and nothing came of it..the best thing you can do for yourself is move on... Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts