Is every type of cheating really the same?

[Stringsway]

I'm aware many may think that cheating is cheating and should be an immediately deal-breaker but now I would say no. For instance, a drunken kiss is obviously not the same as full blown affair.

 

Well I was with my bf (now ex bf) for nearly 3 years. I broke it off because he had sex with my female acquaintance, not once but twice. I couldn't get over the jumping into bed with someone else thing and immediately was repulsed by him. I was also thinking of all the diseases he could have given me. He has lately send me another apologetic letter asking for a second chance but I told him to stop contacting and every single nasty word I can think about.

 

The only bad thing I did when we were in the 1st year of our relationship was kissed my guy friend Raul at a party but I stopped afterward. I felt guilty and never did anything of that again. I never told my bf as I don't think there was a need to bring this up and cause nothing but trouble. I believe this is no way close to actually continue to touch someone else and go further all the way to having your clothes taken off and having sex with someone else.

[Under The Radar]

When you kissed Raul while in a committed relationship with your boyfriend it was cheating. However, what you did and what your boyfriend did are not the same. You are correct that not all cheating is identical or should carry the same weight. Sleeping with someone, else while in a LTR, is the ultimate form of betrayal on the "Cheating Scale". Nevertheless, it is all bad in the end and serves to seriously undermine trust.

[OpheliaSong]

I think cheating and infidelity are different too. I agree with ffhurst.

[Stringsway]

When you kissed Raul while in a committed relationship with your boyfriend it was cheating. However, what you did and what your boyfriend did are not the same. You are correct that not all cheating is identical or should carry the same weight. Sleeping with someone, else while in a LTR, is the ultimate form of betrayal on the "Cheating Scale". Nevertheless, it is all bad in the end and serves to seriously undermine trust.

Exactly but I've heard of certain people treating seconds of a drunken kiss as if it were full-blown sex and even going to the length of seeking a counselor. Somewhere else, I once read about a guy who also made this same mistake of kissing another girl while drunk, he regretted, left and told his gf the following day. It brought nothing but drama and the gf went all the way to crying and even after several months later would still bring it up and the guy was starting to get tired of that. Edited December 3, 2013 by Stringsway

[Under The Radar]

Exactly but I've heard of certain people treating seconds of a drunken kiss as if it were full-blown sex and even going to the length of seeking a counselor.

 

Well, I'd be upset if my girlfriend kissed someone else (under those circumstances), but treating it like an affair or seeking marriage counseling is ...... ridiculous.

[PegNosePete]

So... what is your question here? Of course different people will have different ideas about what is acceptable, forgivable, whether one is worse than the other etc. The only thing that matters to you is what YOU believe. You believe your offence was lesser than his? OK! Are you looking for other people to back up your opinion as some kind of vicarious forgiveness? If you are happy with yourself and your own convictions then this shouldn't be necessary. But from the fact you made this thread, I guess you are feeling guilt over your actions, and looking for people to tell you that you did nothing wrong? I'm afraid other people can't tell you that. You must believe it yourself, or accept what you did and forgive yourself.

Edited December 3, 2013 by PegNosePete

[Stringsway]

So... what is your question here? Of course different people will have different ideas about what is acceptable, forgivable, whether one is worse than the other etc. The only thing that matters to you is what YOU believe. You believe your offence was lesser than his? OK! Are you looking for other people to back up your opinion as some kind of vicarious forgiveness? If you are happy with yourself and your own convictions then this shouldn't be necessary.

Actually I felt bad at the time and there were times I was close to telling him about the kiss but my friends told me not to and how that wasn't really necessary so I didn't. This feeling ceased when I found out about his cheating and the fact that he would have probably continue the affair. I'm just dumbfounded when some treat my cheating the same as his.

[Stringsway]

But from the fact you made this thread, I guess you are feeling guilt over your actions, and looking for people to tell you that you did nothing wrong? I'm afraid other people can't tell you that. You must believe it yourself, or accept what you did and forgive yourself.

I was and do know it's still wrong (I won't be doing that in my next relationship) but after what he did it was like an ''Ok so here I am feeling bad and yet he just put my health at risk, even worse''.

[PegNosePete]

OK - still not really sure what you're asking here? Some people will feel that what you did is just as bad as what he did, and some will not. Everyone is different. If you're looking for some kind of consensus or agreement about which is worse then you will not find one, because everyone has a different opinion on this. The only opinion that matters is your own. Anyone who tries to tell you different, tell them to mind their own business.

[Whyareyoumyfox]

No... OBVIOUSLY kissing and f*cking are different, but at the end of the day, they're both cheating. But lol look at you trying to justify what you did and the fact that you've kept this as a secret from your (then) boyfriend by classifying the kissing as "not really cheating".

 

It really does sound like you're trying REALLY REALLY HARD to justify what you did. Stop that.

 

Just because what he did was "worse" than what you did doesn't make YOU any better. You both screwed up.