Not getting any younger--how long should I wait for a proposal?

[Keenly]

He can decide on his own time. But so can she. It's about compatibility, and being at the same stage in life together, which is fundamentally important.

 

Absolutely she can . I've always said either party is free to leave at any time .

[Keenly]

Who said anything about pressuring the man into marriage? On the contrary, I said accept and respect his decision not to marry and leave.

 

While you personaly might share that opinion,let's be honest. Most women don't feel that way.

[FallingLeaves]

While you personaly might share that opinion,let's be honest. Most women don't feel that way.

 

Ehhh...I feel like most women love, or at least have affection towards their partners. So they want to talk, and try to convince the partner to re-think their mind, or actually put a solid date or timeframe on things.

 

The idea, I think, is that they don't want to leave the partner. But because the goals don't align, they know they have to. However, they try to avoid the separation by talking to the partner and asking for solid dates, solid answers.

 

Which tends to get internalized as pressure and builds up resent as a result. I think it's actually rather sad. =/

[thinkingofhim]

While you personaly might share that opinion,let's be honest. Most women don't feel that way.

 

You're making this out like the "problem" is with the women.

 

What about the men stringing women along with "I'm not ready yet but I want to be with you forever/have kids/buy a house/get a dog/go sailing around the world/etc but NOT RIGHT NOW because my career hasn't taken off/my car payments are too high/my student loans are due/my hair hasn't grown in after that bad cut. I definitely want to get married within the next 3/5/10/20 years, just NOT NOW."

 

Women in these sitches are honest about wanting to get married... their partners should be honest about NOT wanting to get married. Then everyone could move on and find a partner with the same goals...

[Woggle]

If any woman wants a man to marry her make a convincing case for why is worth committing to. My friend gave his GF during a talk an hour to make the sale for marriage and she failed to do so. Marriage is a very unstable and risky thing these days and if somebody wants that kind of commitment they should make it a worthwhile investment. Not marrying at all is better than a divorce down the road.

[Arabella]

If any woman wants a man to marry her make a convincing case for why is worth committing to. My friend gave his GF during a talk an hour to make the sale for marriage and she failed to do so.

 

Oh, geez Woggle, I guess she should feel... honored? How patronizing!

 

Marriage is a very unstable and risky thing these days and if somebody wants that kind of commitment they should make it a worthwhile investment.

 

Or she can just go and find one of the many men out there ready and willing to marry... Just saying...

[Woggle]

Oh, geez Woggle, I guess she should feel... honored? How patronizing!

 

 

 

Or she can just go and find one of the many men out there ready and willing to marry... Just saying...

 

They lived together for close to a decade with both of them agreeing that they never wanted marriage. I have been around them and she was as much against marriage as he was.

 

Everything was going well until she went out of state to a friend's wedding and came back with wedding fever. All of a sudden she was begging him for a ring and he wanted no part of it. She was the one who changed the rules they both agreed on and acted like the victim when he didn't comply.

 

He got sick of her bugging so one day he told her she has an hour to make a convincing case for marriage and he would hear her out. He wasn't impressed by what he heard. How is he in the wrong? They have since split up.

[unicorn farts]

If my then-boyfriend sat me down and told me I had an hour to plead my case I would have told him to pack his $h!t and get to stepping.

[Arabella]

He got sick of her bugging so one day he told her she has an hour to make a convincing case for marriage and he would hear her out. He wasn't impressed by what he heard. How is he in the wrong? They have since split up.

 

Not wrong... he wants what he wants, but I still think it's terribly patronizing to tell your SO of 10 years that they have an hour to make a case for marriage. How ridiculous...

[Woggle]

Not wrong... he wants what he wants, but I still think it's terribly patronizing to tell your SO of 10 years that they have an hour to make a case for marriage. How ridiculous...

 

I think he did it just to shut her up. He got tired of her asking so he told her that if marriage is so great she tell him why.

[crederer]

Well I kind of agree with woggle in that you need to prove your "argument" of marriage, not in an hour but in your relationship in general. Just as he does as well.

 

How's he doing with that? Sounds like pretty good since you want to marry him so bad. How are you doing with that?

 

How hard are you pushing this thing? I mean maybe he's backing away cause he feels like you are cornering and pressuring him way too much for his liking. Doesn't mean he doesn't want to get married, it means he doesn't want to do it just because you're saying so! I have a feeling if you back off a bit, he'll come around sooner than if you don't. He knows damn well you want to get married, no need to drive that point home any harder as it's not going to work out in your favour.

 

All you can do is be a devoted and loving partner (and in a sense, convince him to marry you) or find someone else. Giving timelines is a bad idea as well.