Thicke2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 My GF and I have been together for 11 months. Everything is great and we are planning to get a place together in 5-6 months and have discussed marriage. Our relationship is truly wonderful. We both have kids however hers are grown and out of the house and mine still live with me. I am divorced and she has been married twice before. She currently still talks with her most recent ex-husband 3-4 times a week. Thing is, they don't have children together but she does have a 5 year old granddaughter (not his biological granddaughter) that he still makes a point to spend some time with every once in a while. I have no problem with them talking about her or planning things that have to do with her. The problem I have is when the talk ( and when I say talk I mean like an IM because he works for the same company but across town that she and I both work for) lasts off and on all throughout the work day. I will walk over to her desk sometimes and it seems they are chatting about everything. He hates me and won't even speak if he see's me out which is fine. I hold no ill will towards him. She told me early on that she still wanted to remain friends with him but some things transpired since that and she said that she couldn't be friends with him. However, she still IM's him a few times a week or he does her. It usually starts with them talking about her granddaughter or something like that but almost always ends up with them just chatting about his relationship with his new gf or her family or something like that. I've told her that I don't mind them talking but I don't think it should be an all day chat. Am I being too paranoid? Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 My GF and I have been together for 11 months. Everything is great and we are planning to get a place together in 5-6 months and have discussed marriage. Our relationship is truly wonderful. We both have kids however hers are grown and out of the house and mine still live with me. I am divorced and she has been married twice before. She currently still talks with her most recent ex-husband 3-4 times a week. Thing is, they don't have children together but she does have a 5 year old granddaughter (not his biological granddaughter) that he still makes a point to spend some time with every once in a while. I have no problem with them talking about her or planning things that have to do with her. The problem I have is when the talk ( and when I say talk I mean like an IM because he works for the same company but across town that she and I both work for) lasts off and on all throughout the work day. I will walk over to her desk sometimes and it seems they are chatting about everything. He hates me and won't even speak if he see's me out which is fine. I hold no ill will towards him. She told me early on that she still wanted to remain friends with him but some things transpired since that and she said that she couldn't be friends with him. However, she still IM's him a few times a week or he does her. It usually starts with them talking about her granddaughter or something like that but almost always ends up with them just chatting about his relationship with his new gf or her family or something like that. I've told her that I don't mind them talking but I don't think it should be an all day chat. Am I being too paranoid? You are in a no- win situation sadly. That whole 'I want to remain friends" line is a time honored tradition and loosely translated as: "I want to keep my ex in my life in some regard in case my current relationship does not work out". So all of you work at the same company? I'm sorry but if they are talking about relationship matters, chances are she is divulging information about your relationship as well with him. And if he hates you that just gives him constant ammunition to attempt to convince her to come back for a roll in the hay. Which will eventually happen. Do what you want, but I think you are about to be very disappointed if you take this relationship any further. "Most Recent Ex Husband" did you say? LOL..RUN FORREST RUN! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tlegend Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 You are in a no- win situation sadly. That whole 'I want to remain friends" line is a time honored tradition and loosely translated as: "I want to keep my ex in my life in some regard in case my current relationship does not work out". So all of you work at the same company? I'm sorry but if they are talking about relationship matters, chances are she is divulging information about your relationship as well with him. And if he hates you that just gives him constant ammunition to attempt to convince her to come back for a roll in the hay. Which will eventually happen. Do what you want, but I think you are about to be very disappointed if you take this relationship any further. "Most Recent Ex Husband" did you say? LOL..RUN FORREST RUN! Pretty much what I was going to say. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 She told me early on that she still wanted to remain friends with him but some things transpired since that and she said that she couldn't be friends with him. And those things were????? Just trust your gut. sir Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 I wouldn't worry too much, if they mainly communicate during work hours. Maybe she just gets bored at work. For example, I have a couple of "IM buddies" whom I talk to throughout the day while I'm at work to stave off boredom. The conversations aren't particularly meaningful... they're just meant to pass the time and I forget all about them once I leave. I'm also divorced and I occasionally email back and forth with my ex during work hours for the same reason. We would probably email more if he spent more time at the computer. -A Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thicke2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Author Share Posted December 3, 2013 You are in a no- win situation sadly. That whole 'I want to remain friends" line is a time honored tradition and loosely translated as: "I want to keep my ex in my life in some regard in case my current relationship does not work out". So all of you work at the same company? I'm sorry but if they are talking about relationship matters, chances are she is divulging information about your relationship as well with him. And if he hates you that just gives him constant ammunition to attempt to convince her to come back for a roll in the hay. Which will eventually happen. Do what you want, but I think you are about to be very disappointed if you take this relationship any further. "Most Recent Ex Husband" did you say? LOL..RUN FORREST RUN! Yeah, it's not quite like that. She got married young as did I. Divorced her first husband after 7 years and 2 kids because he was a douche and never wanted to grow up and get over the fact he wasn't good enough to play in the NFL. She was then single for about 3. Married husband #2 and was married for 10 years. She has shown me some of their conversations and she only talks about us to say that we are doing really good. She claims that she truly wants him to be happy even though it can't be with her. I don't believe that she wants to get back with her but can't say the same about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thicke2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Author Share Posted December 3, 2013 And those things were????? Just trust your gut. sir When she and I started dating she was in the midst of her divorce. Still splitting things up etc. The way he was acting and fighting over the small things that meant a lot to her pissed her off and she said she didn't know why she thought she could ever be friends with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 Yeah, it's not quite like that. She got married young as did I. Divorced her first husband after 7 years and 2 kids because he was a douche and never wanted to grow up and get over the fact he wasn't good enough to play in the NFL. She was then single for about 3. Married husband #2 and was married for 10 years. She has shown me some of their conversations and she only talks about us to say that we are doing really good. She claims that she truly wants him to be happy even though it can't be with her. I don't believe that she wants to get back with her but can't say the same about him. Well it bugged you enough to write in to LS and ask for views so again, do what you want but please realize that this ex is not going away, and will always be there for the duration of your relationship. Anything is possible of course, but the added component of him working for the same company and him hating you would indicate that your relationship will probably always have a 3rd party meddling in your business, Continue at your own peril. Good Luck:) Link to post Share on other sites
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