jc63 Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 My W had a death in her family over the weekend. Since the funeral is later this week, she had to postpone our first MC session. I completely understand and I am going to use the opportunity to have another IC session and hopefully we'll be back on track next week. On Sunday, I delivered flowers to my W, her mother and her sister. I didn't say anything about it and I just left them on their doorsteps while they were gone. I included a little card in each one, but I didn't think it was that big of a deal. All three of them texted me later that night to say thanks and how much it meant to them. I just don't know if any of these acts of kindness are making any difference to my W… She came over to our house this morning to get some funeral clothes because she's going to stay the week with her grandmother to help with any funeral arrangements. We made small talk while she was here. She keeps asking me about my apartment and school stuff. What does this mean?? Why does she care? Is it making any difference to her that I'm doing all the things that she wanted me to do? Is she so over me that she just wants me out of her hair? I always keep hoping that when she walks in the door, she'll the all the weight I've lost and the improvements I've made and she'll at least say something about it, but she doesn't. Can't she see the difference? Is she trying to hide that she's noticing? Anywho… We were talking about random crap when she told me again thanks for the flowers. I wanted to say something along the lines of "You know I'm here for you, no matter what" or "I just want you to know that you're on my mind". Instead, what came out was "You didn't throw them away, did you?" She instantly got upset and said "Why would you say that?" I apologized but I couldn't help it. I'm sitting here in this house hurting everyday and she comes in making small talk like everything's fine. I just couldn't control it because so many things were going through my mind and I just wanted to tell her that I love and miss her and I wish she'd come home. We hugged, I kissed her head, and she left. Leaving the dogs whining for the next two hours and me emotionally wrecked all over again. I just don't know what to do. I don't know how she's going to realize she should be at home with me. And I don't know how to keep my ****ty thoughts from becoming words. It's like back to square one every time I see her. It's killing me... Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 what came out was "You didn't throw them away, did you?" That was a weird, mean, passive aggressive thing to say. I'm not sure the history of your marriage, or what happened or why she left. All I'm saying is I'd be EXTREMELY put off by a comment like that. Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 Between this: Instead, what came out was "You didn't throw them away, did you?" And this: I kissed her head You're not doing yourself any favours. You're trying way to hard and overthinking everything. Stop worrying about what she thinks of the improvements to yourself that you're making. Do them for yourself, and not her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jc63 Posted December 3, 2013 Author Share Posted December 3, 2013 I couldn't help it. Every time I see her, my mind races at 100mph in 1000 different ways. The things that I am doing are for me, but they are also things she wanted to see. She wanted to see me get healthy She wanted to see me be able to handle things on my own To know that I could take care of myself and her She was tired of being the "bread-winner" My health was so bad that she was scared to have children because she didn't think I was going to be around to help raise them. I'm doing it, everyday. It is for me (first) but is also for her and hopefully our future family Link to post Share on other sites
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