Were firsts, broke up, back together. She has slept with others? Am I being jealous?

[TheOlde]

Sorry for horrid title I didn't know how to title it. So, if you could make out what I was trying to say. My girlfriend and I took each others virginity's. After a while I broke it off with her because I didn't feel like it was working out. Some time passed and we were still sexually seeing each other. At one point we didn't see each other for almost a month. Then went back at it again seeing each other but it was never a relationship, but what we did and how we acted with each other people would say other wise. Then she went off to school and she came back for her holiday and we slept together again and she went back. A week later I decided I wanted to try again as things were going good. So, I asked her if she is willing to try again. She tells me we shouldn't and just be friends. She then precedes to tell me that she slept with someone when we were separated and didn't talk for that month and again with another person a week after we saw each other when she was down for the holiday. Which would of been the night before the day I was asking her.

 

I was kinda in shock as I never knew she slept with that guy when we weren't together and didn't talk for that month. And of course she ended up sleeping with another guy a week after we just did on her holiday from school. Anyway, long story short I was pretty upset and we talked all night about it and she said she was sorry about both and how she never wanted it to go this way but she thought I didn't love her anymore and just wanted comfort or simply someone to be there for her. We as I said talked all night and we worked out as much as we could and the next day we started dating again. Which may sound crazy and too soon to some. But, I know this girl and I love her and I know she loves me equally. It's a kind of thing you'd have to know us to understand.

 

Two months have passed and it still bugs me she slept with two other people during our time apart. Though it was for almost 6 months we were not in a relationship so both times happened then so she didn't cheat. But, I feel I have lost something that was special between me and her. Like I can't explain it but that connection something me and her only shared was now gone. I feel that I'm left behind. Like I need to catch up or something. I'd NEVER cheat and its not a feeling of breaking up with her again. Sleep with two people and match up to her. It's just a feeling I can't explain or shake thats bothering me. Has anyone gone through this? Is it just my jealousy that she moved on somewhat and I never did? How do I get over this feeling? I love her to death and she also me. The way she cried and apologized to me and tells me she only thought of me those times makes me believe it all. I know her very very well and I know she didn't do it to hurt me hence keeping it a secret from me and coming back to me. But there is something I can't figure out that just bothers me.... is it plain and simple jealousy?

Edited December 4, 2013 by TheOlde

[fixing]

You ended the relationship sir. She is entitled to sleep with whomever she wishes in that period. She sounds like a great girl, honest and even being apologetic even though she doesnt need to be.

If you really love her than you need to forget about those two guys forever. If you get back together DO NOT hold it against her.

 

If you love eachother then get back together!!!!

[TheOlde]

Right now, we are back together. I made a huge mistake and I'm in no way blaming her for doing it. She for sure regrets all of it. You know when you look at someone and you can just feel they are giving it there all. That's what I felt with her. I forgave her because that made her feel better, not because I had anything to forgive. She felt terrible about it and again I felt I had to say something to help her.

 

At this point I'm not blaming her at all or holding a grudge. I'm just trying to figure out what is bothering me right now and I just can't seem to figure it out on my own. Am I jealous she has been with other people and I haven't? Am I jealous of who she slept with, though I shouldn't be as she told me confidence boosting stuff if you can guess what that is. As well as telling me I've been the best in bed out of the 3 of us. Both guys only happened once.. well the one guy was the night and morning after but she was gonna break it off from him because she felt it was wrong.

 

Again, I'm not blaming her for it. I'm trying to understand what is wrong with me because I can't get it out of my head even knowing after 2 months. It's been significantly easier on me as the months go by. But something is still there and I can't determine what it is. I'm not angry or mad at her about anything. It' just keeps coming back to what am I feeling? Is it just jealousy?

[fixing]

Yes sir. Its 100% jealousy! I reckon its because you always loved her even when you were not together so you kinda felt like she was yours. So, it probably feels to you like a little betrayal especially because you never did the same.

I can promise you this though, if you dont curb that jealousy, it was cause major problems with this girl down the line.

Accept it for what it was. Meaningless sex with two other guys. Thats it!

The most important thing now, is that you both love eachother. Focus on all the positives that future holds for you both.

But dont bring it up with her again about the other two guys.

And if she told you they were **** in bed be happy lol!

[TheOlde]

Read me like a book man. Thanks for that it helps a lot.

[fixing]

No problem! She sounds like a great girl! Good luck and be happy sir.

[TheOlde]

She is man, that's why I'm even here now. Because I want to get over it and just move on. I know I can and will, I'm sure it doesnt help she is in school far away. We've only been in contact through Cell and skyping each other all the time so literally our past relationship so far as been mended just through skype. I'm sure once I see her it will all go away.

[Space Ritual]

Hate to tell you but if you are in a long distance relationship at the moment (if she is off at school) please be prepared to discover that there may be others in the future. I am not trying to bring you down I am just pointing out that the realities of the college life generally includes people knocking boots. College attendees party, get drunk and/or high, and screw...

 

LDR's are very hard to maintain because they require a certain level of trust that most people simply cannot live up to. Too many variables and opportunities. So while you may feel you are just jealous I submit to you that you should not be surprised if this happens again. Not saying she will...but just do not bet the farm on your GF remaining faithful while away at school.

[TheOlde]

Trust me this is something I want to discuss with her when she is back. I have a very high trust in her, even though what has happened. I want to say I'am prepared if this happens because this will be the last time we try. But, I know if it does it will hurt more than anything I have ever felt. I know this and I'm accepting that, if it happens and thats if. I honestly won't know what to do anymore because that will hurt on a level I haven't been on before. But, as I said I just gonna have to accept that as a possibility if I'm going into this.

[Spectre]

You were not together so it wasn't cheating, but she was having sex with you and then a week later having sex with another guy? That doesn't seem like a "great" girl. She was essentially sleeping around. Which is fine, but why do you want to be with someone like that?

 

You say you have a very high trust of her, but I'd be weary especially since it is a long distance thing and she has shown that she sleeps around.

[gabgab]

You dumped her so I see nothing wrong with what she did, and I don't agree with the guy above me that she isn't a "great" girl because of it. Most guys screw other women like rabbits after getting dumped.

 

I think its your ego- you are mad she has slept with more people than you. rest assured, the majority of men are bad in bed so its not like she is still lusting after them.

[sayyes19]

You dumped her so I see nothing wrong with what she did, and I don't agree with the guy above me that she isn't a "great" girl because of it. Most guys screw other women like rabbits after getting dumped.

 

I think its your ego- you are mad she has slept with more people than you. rest assured, the majority of men are bad in bed so its not like she is still lusting after them.

 

That's not how young men and some older men think about it. It could be told by God that it means "nothing", but the fact that she had sex with other people after they had a relationship and getting a new one together is really hard. My advice would be that he needs to picture himself without her forever and ask if he's willing to deal with that. If not he should forgive her and move on.

[TheOlde]

I can understand a lot of your opinions. But, as you don't know who we are personality wise and exactly what our situation is. I mean for the first one, that was huge for me. That was almost a deal breaker you could say. I talked to a lot of our mutual friends both men and women and they all think I should give it a go. She isn't a girl that sleeps around and she told me everything. If by chance she tells me there was another guy. I'm going to end it there, and if it's far down the road. Then I'm going to erase her from my life completely. As of right now, I trust her with everything I have. I'm taking a huge risk, you guys are right about that. But, to me she is worth it. I love her, I really do, I always have. She has showed me that for a long time. I was the one who pushed her away. I told her to experience college. As far as she was concerned I didn't love her and I never told her how I truly felt. I literally pushed her to try other people. Her friends also, not knowing me and our situation. Said to do it too, because as far as they saw. I was a guy she just wasn't let go, and to them I let her go already. So they just supported her like good friends would.

 

 

Right now, she has showed me remorse, regret and being very upset about the situation. The first guy is a person that muniplated girls when they are vunerable and kicks them to the curb once he gets what he wants. I don't blame her for him, though she could of stopped it. Which is why I still have a trust issue. Also, with the college guy, it was a one night stand. It didn't really move past that as far as I'm concerned.

 

 

I'm going to take this slow, take it easy with her. Watch how she is and what she says. I'm going to ask her everything again, in person. See what her reactions are. See if I see hesitation or if she is hiding something from me. If she switches her story around a lot, I'm going to keep an eye on that. I will call her out on it. If this one day of talking does not go well I will stop it there i think, if not, I'll give her a chance to tell me it all. If I find out more than she told and even promised me. I'll never trust her again and a relationship cannot work without trust. But, as I keep saying. I do trust her, I love her and I want to be with her. She and I have a lot to work out but I'm going to do what I can on my part to fix what I did. And I expected the same from her.

 

I'm nervous, I won't lie. A part of me doesn't trust her. I don't trust that she hasn't told me everything. But, at the same time I do. Because, I repeatedly asked her over and over if there is ANYTHING else she can think of that a should know. Literally, I said think long and hard over it and tell me if there is more. She has always said it was only the two of them and then preceded to tell me that everything she told me was the truth. I'm going to believe it, because I know that's who she is. She told me everything because it would destroy her inside if she kept any more secrets. I mean only the first one was the true secret and hit me the hardest of the two. The second wasn't as hard of a hit, more mentally and as a person said above a massive ego hit. I really just hope it the long run that my trust isn't destroyed by her, someone I love. I don't know what I'll do, other than just move on.

Edited December 6, 2013 by TheOlde

[Space Ritual]

She has showed me that for a long time. I was the one who pushed her away. I told her to experience college. As far as she was concerned I didn't love her and I never told her how I truly felt. I literally pushed her to try other people. Her friends also, not knowing me and our situation. Said to do it too, because as far as they saw. I was a guy she just wasn't let go, and to them I let her go already. So they just supported her like good friends would.

 

LOL

 

Man you didn't do anything to push her away. She had her own free will. The guy manipulated her? She slept with him because she wanted to...it's college, man! Don't buy into that. It is the stuff they make screenplays from, and show on weekends on Lifetime.

 

Again I am going to reiterate that LDRs are very difficult and you would best be served by not putting too much stock into continuing one with her. Because you are going to be bitterly disappointed. Go date someone in your own town.

[TheOlde]

I know about that man, trust me I do. But, what you are saying doesn't relate to me as much. Ill explain, I know her, I know her very well. Not as well as I thought. Because of all of this stuff that has happened but I do still know her.

 

 

I did push her away. The time I broke up with her I told her I wanted to experience others. I told her too also, she cried for a week after. She called me and told me she couldn't. That she loved me and would never be able to move on. It hurt me but I thought I didn't love her. Flash forward, a month has past. I realize I couldn't do it either. I made a huge mistake. I called her and we spent the day together which eventually lead to sex. This happened a few times a week for a while. Then we got in a fight, it was bad. I didn't talk to her for three weeks. After that, we started seeing each other again. After a month of this it was a relationship without the title. So it felt to me, but to her she was with me because she loved me. I never told her I loved her back, I never said this feels like were in a relationship. To her I could of been sleeping with other people at the time and she would never know it. Then she left for school, I told her before she left. Go experience college, sleep with other people. Because I want to experience being single again and just move on. Flash forward again to Thanksgiving weekend and we see each other again and sleep together a lot. I kept backing her to sleep with others and to try and move on. That is how I pushed her. I literally told her to go sleep with other people. Because I thought I would too. But I couldn't.

 

 

She did sleep with my so called friend. He did manipulate her into it, you know how I know? Because you forget the word friend. I know everything about this snake. I know how he works with women and I know his tricks. He always goes for the vulnerable girls, the upset girls, the girls that are stressed out. Guess what? She was, I broke up with her and told her I didn't love her. How would you feel if someone broke up with you, someone you love and trust with all your heart and just keeps telling you they are gonna sleep with other people. I know how I would, because I've been there. For me, I had my friends and family to help me and lift me back onto my feet. For her, she had no one. Her family is constantly arguing, her friends are away at school. All she had was me at the time, now no one. So, as I said my friend saw this and went for it. He worked her up for the 3 weeks we didn't talk. He kept making her feel good and telling her she is pretty and can move on and do better. Which of course eventually said you should just try sleeping with someone else and that will help. Ha, of course he would say that, that is how he works. She said no at first, but eventually gave it. This guy does it so easily. He then slept with her and guess what. He told her to get dressed and get out and that it never happened and if she told me he would never say it did. On top of that during sex, she was nervous and unsure of her self for doing it. And you know what he did? He brought me up saying is this what you do with him too when you guys have sex? Are you this bad and nervous? What the **** is that? He said that too her. He ****ing used her and left her and she regretted it and showed remorse. She called me crying every night since the night she told me telling me how sorry she is. When you know someone like how I know her you know it's not fake or crocodile tears. You know its true.

 

The college guy was her just moving on. As far as she knew as I said I didn't care about her anymore. Her new friends supported her to try other people, I did also, I told her go sleep with other people I said that too her. I talked to her friends, she cried every night about me. They told me she was upset and talked about me all the time. But to them they thought I was just a guy that she was just holding on to for no reason because I said I didn't love her.

 

 

Man, I love this girl, I do. I want this to work. I come here to ask for help to get over a past. She made huge mistakes, I know that first hand. I couldn't sleep for weeks. But, I'm always happy when I see her and she brings light into my life which has been dark for a long time.

Edited December 7, 2013 by TheOlde

[Space Ritual]

I know about that man, trust me I do. But, what you are saying doesn't relate to me as much. Ill explain, I know her, I know her very well. Not as well as I thought. Because of all of this stuff that has happened but I do still know her.

 

 

I did push her away. The time I broke up with her I told her I wanted to experience others. I told her too also, she cried for a week after. She called me and told me she couldn't. That she loved me and would never be able to move on. It hurt me but I thought I didn't love her. Flash forward, a month has past. I realize I couldn't do it either. I made a huge mistake. I called her and we spent the day together which eventually lead to sex. This happened a few times a week for a while. Then we got in a fight, it was bad. I didn't talk to her for three weeks. After that, we started seeing each other again. After a month of this it was a relationship without the title. So it felt to me, but to her she was with me because she loved me. I never told her I loved her back, I never said this feels like were in a relationship. To her I could of been sleeping with other people at the time and she would never know it. Then she left for school, I told her before she left. Go experience college, sleep with other people. Because I want to experience being single again and just move on. Flash forward again to Thanksgiving weekend and we see each other again and sleep together a lot. I kept backing her to sleep with others and to try and move on. That is how I pushed her. I literally told her to go sleep with other people. Because I thought I would too. But I couldn't.

 

 

She did sleep with my so called friend. He did manipulate her into it, you know how I know? Because you forget the word friend. I know everything about this snake. I know how he works with women and I know his tricks. He always goes for the vulnerable girls, the upset girls, the girls that are stressed out. Guess what? She was, I broke up with her and told her I didn't love her. How would you feel if someone broke up with you, someone you love and trust with all your heart and just keeps telling you they are gonna sleep with other people. I know how I would, because I've been there. For me, I had my friends and family to help me and lift me back onto my feet. For her, she had no one. Her family is constantly arguing, her friends are away at school. All she had was me at the time, now no one. So, as I said my friend saw this and went for it. He worked her up for the 3 weeks we didn't talk. He kept making her feel good and telling her she is pretty and can move on and do better. Which of course eventually said you should just try sleeping with someone else and that will help. Ha, of course he would say that, that is how he works. She said no at first, but eventually gave it. This guy does it so easily. He then slept with her and guess what. He told her to get dressed and get out and that it never happened and if she told me he would never say it did. On top of that during sex, she was nervous and unsure of her self for doing it. And you know what he did? He brought me up saying is this what you do with him too when you guys have sex? Are you this bad and nervous? What the **** is that? He said that too her. He ****ing used her and left her and she regretted it and showed remorse. She called me crying every night since the night she told me telling me how sorry she is. When you know someone like how I know her you know it's not fake or crocodile tears. You know its true.

 

The college guy was her just moving on. As far as she knew as I said I didn't care about her anymore. Her new friends supported her to try other people, I did also, I told her go sleep with other people I said that too her. I talked to her friends, she cried every night about me. They told me she was upset and talked about me all the time. But to them they thought I was just a guy that she was just holding on to for no reason because I said I didn't love her.

 

 

Man, I love this girl, I do. I want this to work. I come here to ask for help to get over a past. She made huge mistakes, I know that first hand. I couldn't sleep for weeks. But, I'm always happy when I see her and she brings light into my life which has been dark for a long time.

 

Well you gotta do what you gotta do. Good luck. You are gonna need it.

[Try]

Man, I love this girl, I do. I want this to work. I come here to ask for help to get over a past. She made huge mistakes, I know that first hand. I couldn't sleep for weeks. But, I'm always happy when I see her and she brings light into my life which has been dark for a long time.

She did not make a huge mistake, you did. You dumped her and told her that you wanted to experience others. You broke her heart and told her that you were moving on. She had every right to try to also move on without any guilt at all. You even told your so called friend that you had dumped her, thus setting her up for him to move in. Besides, you are not really jealous because of what she did. You are really jealous because you did not use the break to also experience others. Had you experienced others like you told her you were going to, her sleeping with others would not be an issue with you right now as you would feel in balance. As the instigator of the break up for the stated purpose of experiencing others, the lack of balance, and your jealousy because of this, is all on you. Again, she did not make a mistake, you did. The sooner that you accept this, the better your chances of moving on.

 

You had a good thing going with her and took it for granted. You blew it one time already, do not blow it again. She clearly loves you and that is hard to find in this world. She wishes that you never broke up with her, and wishes that this never happened. The next time that she says that she is sorry, you need to man up and tell her that she has nothing to feel sorry for. You tell her that you are 100% to blame for all of this. Then thank her for loving you enough to accepting any blame for this in order to help you heal. It gets down to this. You either put away your jealousy and accept that she will have experienced others while you did not, or you lose any chance of a long term relationship with your first love forever. Keep one thing in mind as you move forward. You will always be her first; that will always be true. No other guy can ever take that away from you. You will probably not be able to say that about any other women that you end up with if you break up again.

Edited December 7, 2013 by Try

[Fluttershy]

^everything try said was what I wanted to say!^

[crederer]

Yah, jealousy. It's kind of normal for emotions to go and crazy like that, especially your age. But you gotta look at it from a logical point of view. You dumped her. She continued to live her life. She didn't do anything wrong.

 

Put yourself in her shoes. I had an ex dump me, a few months later she was talking to me a bit again. She heard through the grapevine I slept with someone else, she became very passive aggressive towards me and said some very rude things to me for no reason So there was a period of time she was all hot for me again, then was upset with me because I didn't want to let being dumped destroy my zest for life. Very frustrating to be in that situation.

[TheOlde]

Thanks for the continued replies, I really appreciate it guys. I think I've been miss wording and typing what I have been thinking.

 

So, right now I don't blame her for it. I don't hate it for it, I don't think it was all her fault. My friend was a little bit, I mean we talked about him. There was a girl at our work place and there was him there too. We both extensively talked and agreed we wouldn't touch these people. And well she did, I didn't. Again, I don't blame her for it as if you read previous post of mine. He was the only one to catch her. He then used her and left her. Like I don't know if you guys are getting the point of that. He ONLY helped her to sleep with her. When she did she realized that the whole time it was him using her and just working her up for sex. He got it and then said get the **** out and never talk about it again. But, you read above and know that. Sorry, got off what I was talking about.

 

 

Again, I don't blame her anymore, I did at one point. But, that isn't the point of all this. I want to know ways I can learn to accept and go on with our relationship. What are some ways I can learn to forget the past. I have forgave her for it, because she wanted me too. She wanted a comfort knowing that she THINKS she did a lot of wrong and I KNOW she didn't. But, she wanted me to say it because it made her feel better so I did. Is that so wrong? Again, sorry I'm going off like this. Its hard to type what I'm thinking over saying. So, as I said. I just want to move past it.

 

Right now, I'm going to use the advice I've heard so far. When she comes I'm going to create new memories to replace the old. Start fresh clean plate. Once she is here and we talk about it MAYBE. Face to face, I will never bring it up again and she won't either. That's my plan so far, but I always second guess my self on things. I just like advice on ways to get over things, it's all I ask and want.

[Spectre]

Here is my problem though, whether you have been labeled as being together or broken up, I think if you're truly in love you don't want to sleep with others. The red flag is her sleeping with you and then a week later another dude. If she was so into you, why did she feel the need to do this?

 

Essentially, if the label of bf/gf the only thing that keeps her from banging other dudes, as opposed to not doing so because you are totally in love with something else, isn't that a problem?

 

Not saying she is a bad person, but it is clear she sleeps around. So for me, I wouldn't pursue a serious relationship with her. If I was looking to just have fun? Sure yeah I'd go for it.

Edited December 8, 2013 by Spectre

[Try]

Here is my problem though, whether you have been labeled as being together or broken up, I think if you're truly in love you don't want to sleep with others.

There is no truth to this statement. I am truly in love with my wife, but I am still attracted to other women from time to time. I have not cheated on my wife, not because I was not tempted to, but because I respect the vows of my marraige.

[Try]

so let me get this straight

 

 

>>>Op is with girlfriend, take each other's virginity

>>>Op wants to sleep with other girls

>>>breaks up with girlfriend

>>>girlfriend sleeps with other guys

>>>Op wants girlfriend back now

 

 

 

Is Op cuckold?

You are out of line here. You have just a few posts and are just trying to be hurtful. There is nothing cuckold in what the OP did.

[TheOlde]

He must be bored. Even if I was and if you actually read all of this realized I'm for sure not into this cuckholding. You'd have NO right to judge me.

 

Anyway, I guess this can be closed. All I wanted was advice or suggestions on getting over the fact she did this. As I repeatedly have said I DON'T IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM BLAME HER. I ONLY came here to ask for HELP on getting over it. As I again have said over and over so far my suggestions are creating new memories with her and so on. I'm going too take that advice and do just that. I kept asking for more advice because I want to learn to get over jealousy and as I have been starting to learn is that I do have ego problems because of it all. I just want to know how to get out of that mind of thinking. It's a problem I have and all I wanted was help to get out of it.

 

 

I guess that isn't in this place. It seems the few that are actually here to help are far and few between. The rest just wanna blame and attack the person who is here asking for help to better them selves and their relationship. Instead I'm constantly attacked and wrongly accused of hatred towards her. I appreciate the people that have given me the actually good advice.

 

Thank you users.. Try and Fixing. You have actually been here to help. I seriously do appreciate that. For the rest that have posted replies I may have just taken your posts the wrong way. But, as far as I'm concerned you offered no help but instead told me to get rid of her or attacked me for so called blaming her for it. When the entire point of this post was for me to get over her having slept with other people. It was simple question that got into a useless back and fourth match between me constantly re explaining everything.

 

I have made my choice to try and be in a relationship with the girl that I love. That was a final choice I've made long before I posted this. That was not the question if I should stick with her or not. It was HOW do I get over my jealousy and ego problems that I have that came with my mistake. Anyway as I said please just lock or close this and be done with it.

Edited December 8, 2013 by TheOlde

[BOREDouttaMymind]

flip it around. if it was the other way around, howd you feel?