Husband doesn't work. I want a divorce. !!

[revitup]

You can't wash a TURD!

 

It's not a wife's place to "raise" a man or to educate him about manhood.If he has never learned to be a man from his many years,no woman will make any difference.

 

REVITUP

[SCMama23]

Well it was all your own choice and fault for marrying him and take things further knowing he was not the type of guy you want.

 

Many people marry based on just romance.

But they dont realise that things like this is part of marriage 2.

They said before the church i do in good and bad times.

But once bad times are there they want to divorce.

 

Marriage is not a joke. If there is no cheating or abuse i think you could work it our and maybe you should.

 

Running t your daddy is not mature. MAybe things are getting to much you take a break there for some little time, but you are a mature grown woman now so you should

work it out with your husband, Your dad cant help you in that.

You are not a little girl anymore.

Marry him was your choice take responsibility.

 

I get the idea that you knew way before how he was and found it cool to see how he gets alot of money from his family and you enjoyed also when it was happening.

But now that you want more or the reality hit in, you dont like it anymore.

 

Marriage is not made for divorce.

So walking away when the fun that you wanted is not there is not a solution because in every relationship you will be walking out.

But the difference is this is marriage so it ask from you something else and more to deal with it .

 

Maybe you should see why this men dont want to work.

And put higher expectations for him.

If you are the right match it should be a team.

If the one need a slap to wake up and get a job the other should be

able to do that in the right way.

 

And kids will suffer in silence. Your 13 years old can say she understand but

i see even adult people still hurt and sad and thinking it was their fault that the divorce happen.Or act nice and not bothering you because they think that will hurt you less. etc.

So you have to invest serious time in your kids if divorce is the case ever.

 

And there is no abuse or cheating so far i read.

So you should be able to have a serious conversation with deadlines etc. and solve it with your husband.

 

Ok. So because in not being abused or cheated on, I should keep giving him deadlines for what? Another 10 years? I mean when is enough enough?! How much support do I give him? My entire life? I don't understand that. I do understand for better or worse, yet this isn't just a bump in the road. It's been six years. And your right. I did get a glimpse of this after 6 months together, so I kicked him out, took him a little bit then he got a great job, HELD IT, and we got back together, then pregnant, married and moved 600 miles away within a year.

And I'm not "running to daddy", my father just lost his wife of 54 years and is lonely. We are a close knit, italian family and he wouldn't allow me to go somewhere else without staying with him and saving up before I do. I'm not sure if you could understand that type of relationship, but I wouldn't let him support me and my three children. I will be working and helping him pay bills while saving.

And how do I "want more"?!? By wanting the father of my children to make said childen his number one priority?!? How do you make someone do something they clearly don't have the ambition to do? Please explain.

[HokeyReligions]

I was being provided for by his parents. Not by the man who married me and promised that he would provide, protect and love. I am extremely resentful and bitter. Having to get up and go to work every day, while it was our plan for me to be a stay at home mom, and him getting to sit home and play xbox and do whatever he wants would make anyone resentful, no?

 

I understand your bitterness. Many years ago and a bit different situation but similar, I gave my hubby a final ultimatum. Get a job. He had no fall-back enabler like yours does, but he did get a part-time job in a grocery store. That helped so much I can't describe it except maybe as a gateway job. It gave him just enough taste of self value that we went to college together and he worked even though he became disabled.

 

Leaving your husband might be a kick-start for him but its going to really be difficult since he has someone supporting him. But your focus should be on you and the kids. A separation may be a good starting point but get your finances out of his reach before you move.

[oldshirt]

You hav stayed 51/2 years longer than my wife would have.

 

He may hav been nice and handsome and charming as a date and a BF but he has dropped the ball as a husband and has no interest in trying to pick it up.

 

You are justified in calling it quits.

 

 

And on another note, as a career health care provider who spent over twenty years as a career paramedic, I encourage you to forget about EMT school and look for another career path.

 

Unless your life dream is to be a career paramedic and you have traits and characteristics to get on a fulltime career fire department, you would be better off as a stockpile at Wal Mart or a burger flipper at Mcdonalds than a working as an EMT.

 

If you have the interest or aptitude to work in the medical field then take out whatever loans and aid you need to go to nursing school or radiology/medical imaging or biomedical technology or something.

 

EMT May look good when you are watching Chicago Fire but only one in thousands of single mothers ever get hired on a full time municipal fire dept. The rest work hellish hours for slightly over minimum wage and scrappy benefits for private ambulance companies that work them to death and burn them out and replace them in less than a year.

[littlejaz]

Run as fast as you can to your father's house. I stayed in a hellish marriage for over 13 years because of the for better or worse thing. But I am sorry that is a two way street. Those vows are made with the assumption that both are working for the better. But when one is willing to purposely bring on the worse, then they are the ones breaking the vows.

 

And as for the RX problem, 4 months sober is nothing and no indication that he will stay sober.

 

You said he was a great dad, but is he really? What is he teaching his children? He may be a great caretaker, but a father teaches his children to be a responsible, functional, contributing member of society and it doesn't sound like that is what he is doing.

 

So again my advice is get out now. Also, think long and hard about the advice oldshirt gave you on the EMT thing. There are many other things you can do that will bring you a much more profitable career.

 

Good luck.

[revitup]

Ok. So because in not being abused or cheated on, I should keep giving him deadlines for what? Another 10 years? I mean when is enough enough?! How much support do I give him? My entire life? I don't understand that. I do understand for better or worse, yet this isn't just a bump in the road. It's been six years. And your right. I did get a glimpse of this after 6 months together, so I kicked him out, took him a little bit then he got a great job, HELD IT, and we got back together, then pregnant, married and moved 600 miles away within a year.

And I'm not "running to daddy", my father just lost his wife of 54 years and is lonely. We are a close knit, italian family and he wouldn't allow me to go somewhere else without staying with him and saving up before I do. I'm not sure if you could understand that type of relationship, but I wouldn't let him support me and my three children. I will be working and helping him pay bills while saving.

And how do I "want more"?!? By wanting the father of my children to make said childen his number one priority?!? How do you make someone do something they clearly don't have the ambition to do? Please explain.

 

SCMAMA you got this exactly right! If the VOWS spoken above by OP are the same as the ones I have seen- They ARE

 

I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

 

So if your H isn't fulfilling the LOVE and HONOR part of the contract-He can't expect you as his WIFE to keep your part of the contract!

 

People seem to forget this a contract,this means there are obligations on both sides and violation on your husband's part makes the contract null and void on your part.

 

And as a "Daddy" my daughter can always run home or as we in the south say- Come to DADDY every time she has a legitimate reason to do so.I would never allow my DD15 (when she is grown) to run home for selfish and immoral reasons but NEVER would she doubt REV would be right here for her.This is why God made Fathers.

 

Your decision is your decision,just know you have done well and OP is wrong but entitled to that silly opinion.

 

REVITUP

[SCMama23]

I guess these days wedding vows need to be updated. For Richer or for Poorer needs to be edited "for richer or for poorer (unless you are a lazy bum who couldn't be arsed getting a job").

 

I think some new updated modern wedding vows will avoid lot of confusion around the grey area's of the existing vows..

 

I think the big problem here is you. A kid at 16 and then you marry a bum further down the line. You're what not even 30 and it's bad choice after bad choice. You get pregnant at 16, you married a bum when there were red flags everywhere. Your resentment is building towards him, but alot of it needs to go at the person staring right back at you in the mirror. Gods knows what will happen your kids living in this dysfunction. A dysfunction you played a part in creating. Your 13 year old kid has no idea what 'normal' is and you my dear are alot to blame for that.

 

It's probably best to leave at this stage as the relationship is toxic, but if you put all the blame on your husband your life will continue to be a series of bad choices. If you leave you need to take stock of your life. You need to become emotionally mature otherwise you will attract another bum with different issues. You have caused so much damage to your kids already. You owe it to them to start putting things right..

 

 

 

Lol. Oh yes. My kids are *so* damaged. Hahahaha. You haven't the slightest clue. You're right. God is seeing what is going on. I have done everything humanly possible to help motivate and support this man. He refuses to support his children, and in my opinion I don't think God will have a problem with me choosing to take my children out of a home that's toxic. Oh yeah. All my fault their father chose to have children and not support them.....riiiiighttttt

[SCMama23]

scmama23,

 

do you have any idea how many moms would love to have a great father raising their kids together?

 

your wanting to leave is well-timed.

 

if you think it's a good idea to just walk away from that asset, you aren't thinking straight.

meaning: you aren't thinking in the best interests of your children.

 

agreed.

you've lived off his parents for 6 years.

you actually complain that he's a great father.

how is he not a provider, if it's his family you've been living off?

where would you be without him & his family?

 

you clearly have no clue how hard it's going to be without their support.

you're ready to chuck the house & just walk away, without any job prospects,

& expect everything is just going to fall into place,

when clearly that's been your m.o. in the past & it got you where you are now.

 

you were lucky to find a man whose family has taken care of you for 6 years.

things are just going to get rougher for you without them.

& that isn't your husband's fault.

 

you are the common denominator in all of this.

 

j

 

 

 

well fortunately for me and my children, I just landed a permanent full time job that allows me to pay my mortgage, all of my bills, children's needs plus some. Sadly for my husband, he can't afford the house and the judge that we are set to see next week will tell him that. I guess everything does work out for a reason. I'm sure mommy will put him up in a nice apartment, but it's already known through lawyers that I will not accept a dollar of her money to help support HIS children....thanks for the advice, but my faith has put me exactly where I'm supposed to be, with my children and happier than I've been in years

[littlejaz]

SCMAMA you got this exactly right! If the VOWS spoken above by OP are the same as the ones I have seen- They ARE

 

I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

 

So if your H isn't fulfilling the LOVE and HONOR part of the contract-He can't expect you as his WIFE to keep your part of the contract!

 

People seem to forget this a contract,this means there are obligations on both sides and violation on your husband's part makes the contract null and void on your part.

 

REVITUP

 

REV - thank you. What a great way to put it. So many people just want to blame the one who leaves - saying that they should stay and put up with whatever. But you are right it is a contract and both need to live up to their obligations.

 

SCMama23 - congrats on the new job. Good luck.

[SCMama23]

Bumping for some new advice.

[revitup]

What's been going on in your world?

 

 

 

REVITUP