Shared custody for a newborn?

[DaisyLeigh1967]

I agree, but it's easier for us to say for her to have pride and move on, etc. When you're 21 and having a baby with the only man you have ever been with and have no support system, there is no way she will ever be able to take the advice for her to stop and move on. It's not going to happen any time soon. Years and years down the road, hopefully. I feel really badly for her.

 

 

Also, we have no proof that she did indeed deceive him. It's his word against hers. I just sense so much anger and hatred in his words and posts that it makes me uneasy. I have suggested counseling to the OP. He doesn't think he needs it.

 

 

My goodness, what a mess. I can only hope that when the baby is born, she looks at him or her, gets a newfound strength and says "You know what? I will not let this guy get me down". I just want to hug her.

 

I do too. I feel sorry for her also. That is why I would love to be able to encourage her and let her know that he is not the only fish in the sea.

[Lauriebell82]

OP, if you REALLY wanted to prevent an unplanned pregnancy, then you should have stopped having sex. And if she didn't admit to getting pregnant on purpose, then how do you know? You said you would see the pill packet but not see her take it. Well were you with her every second of the day? And for added safety you COULD have been using condoms. But you weren't.

 

 

It seems almost as if you were just looking for a reason to be mad at her.

[The_Face]

I went through a very, very similar situation when my son was born almost a year ago.

 

At first I struggled with the concept and eventually came to realize the mother was right. Shuffling a newborn around is not the best idea. Some may think she is just being controlling. But I prefer, now, to believe it just the mother exercising her maternal instincts and what is best for the baby.

 

All I can say is you are very lucky the mother wants you involved. Things are so much easier that way.

 

Visit your child. And do it often. It is going to be tough juggling work, driving to see the baby, but it is worth it once the baby is old enough to stay with you. The hard work pays off.

 

Kudos to you and your ex for thinking about what matters for the baby. you are already on the right track.

[delighted_delilah]

How would you feel if you were dating a guy and he started poking holes in condoms because he wanted a baby but you didn't? You would feel forced into a situation that you didn't want and was caused by someone you loved. IMO, if you love someone you don't force them into something, especially something life changing.

 

It's not just a mistake she made, it's a huge, life changing mistake for a lot of people. I cannot trust her and what she did ruined all the feelings I had for her.

 

Yes she feels bad and says if she could do it over she wouldn't have done it, but that doesn't change anything. Remorse doesn't make things okay. I can forgive what she did but can't get the feelings back for her. Nor do I want to.

 

Guys don't suffer severe, often crippling hormone crashes after either miscarrying or giving birth. Guys don't feel the same sense of loss after losing a baby; some feel loss, of course, but they are incapable of feeling it to the same degree as the person who was actually carrying the child and experiencing all those hormonal, physical, and emotional changes. Your ex was not acting rationally or with full knowledge of the consequences when she supposedly got pregnant on purpose. It can take a year for things to settle and a woman to go back to a normal frame of mind. Had you taken a few minutes out of your life to do some reading up on all this, you would know.

 

You are honestly nowhere near ready to be a father. Every single post of your on this thread has reeked of selfishness. I am not saying this because you broke up with your ex; she is better off without you and I imagine will meet a wonderful man who will make her wonder what on earth she ever saw in you. I am saying you are unready because everything seems to be about your wants, your needs, your hurt, you you you.

[BeingMe]

Whereisyour concern for the wellbeing of thebaby?

 

For a person to be psychologically sound as an adult, they need to be well bonded to at least one person as an infant. Tearing a newborn away from it's mother for 50% of the time is a very good way to ensure the child feels unsafe and fails to bond. Unbonded children grow up into adults who are emotionally detached.

 

No court would allow you to take a newborn from his mother,especially one who is breastfeeding. You would be expected to visit. You would be unlikely to get overnights until the child is 2 years old.

 

But of course you would have to pay child support. You put your penis in her, you knew what could happen. No birth control is 100%. Even using the combined pill,with correct condom useage, only takes it up to 99%. But most people don't take the pill exactly on time, or use a condom correctly, so realistically, using both methods is about 85%. Condoms alone are only about 55% effective. The only way to make sure you do not have a baby, is to abstain. You didn't,so now you will have to pay CS for 18 years...as a result of your choice. Don't blame her. You BOTH had sex.