Short guy and this is preventing me from dating. What can I do?

[markdallas27]

I have recently been on every dating site possible online and my profile is good in my opinion. It's not goofy or creepy. I feel my height of 5'6 is being filtered by women so they never see my profile. It has been 5 years since I have dated and I have lost confidence in my ability to ask women out, since they don't seem interested at all, even when I send them emails on these sites.

 

I feel I am good looking, successful, intelligent, and what a woman is looking for, but every women on these online dating sites wants one or more of the following: comedian, over 5'9, good dancer, religious, makes over $50K. I make over 50K and can be funny, but the others are ridiculous. Why even mention it.

 

Is there a site for short men to meet short women because I need some help?

[VirginiaBob]

Sorry dude about the height. Women will never admit to being shallow about things like height, money, balding, etc, to other men, but among friends they make fun of guys for these reasons. I'm sure you will get a lot of sympathy posts on here from women who say that height really doesn't matter, but I guarantee you that none of these women would really actually go out with you in real life unless they are really short themselves.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by markdallas27

I feel my height of 5'6 is being filtered by women so they never see my profile. It has been 5 years since I have dated and I have lost confidence in my ability to ask women out, since they don't seem interested at all, even when I send them emails on these sites.

 

using a dating web sit e is totally worthless for most folks. i know so many womenn that are 5' to 5'4". You ever thought about meeting one of them in real life and askin 'em out???

 

there are tons of shorter women out there.

[Zoot]

Why don't you just enjoy persuing your hobbies in some real life arenas as apposed to dealing with the internet 'rate a man' game so many are playing?

 

I would avoid the foolishness of net dating and find someone who was in the area I was in enjoying myself and not feeling I had to make excuses for not meeting some hi-brid online dating chart survivor.

 

The female who you will most enjoy will probably not be playing that game either. If they aren't 5'9" and blonde....they too will feel like loosers. That whole online dating thing is for strange people who do sound perfect....but can't actually meet someone IRL. What does that tell you about the honesty there?

[markdallas27]

Thanks for your responses. I have attempted to learn about women in other venues, but Dallas is a tough market. Many women are pretentious and superficial. That is why I joined these sites to pinpoint a compatible woman. I am shy so I choose not to go to bars. Bookstores is where I thought I would locate a compatible, uppretentious woman, but I have no clue as how to approach a woman who is studying. It is awkward for me so I thought that the online forum would be best for me.

[kanga]

there's lots of us 5'2'' - 5'3'' women out there. you're not limited by beign 5'6'' -- i've dated someone about that height and it was fine. i've also dated someone 6'3'' and it was really bothersome. this is just the opinion of one shorter female, but i feel much more comfortable around someone who is a little closer to my height. i went on one date with a guy who is shorter than me. and i admit that it was difficult.

 

have you tried joining a coed recreational sports league? volleyball, softball?

[markdallas27]

Hi Kanga. Thank you for the feedback. Yes, I have tried co-ed tennis, but most of the women were not single and most of the people were other single men. Unfortunately that was unsuccessful. After playing sports, I perspire and am not very confident anyway to ask someone out in that state. There are not very many coed groups in Dallas that I could locate, except for tennis. I travel with my job and that limits me as well. I am also, out of principle, dissuaded from paying to meet people like singles parties and that limits me too.

 

It appears there is not a site or outside social group for short, non-pretentious, non-superficial women to meet short men, but I do thank you for your feedback and advice.

 

Mark

[emdeesea]

I know this is going to sound like a cheesy, chin up type of post but seriously, don't take it so hard. At 5'6" you're not really that short. And the other posters are right - I think I read somewhere that the "average" height for the average woman is somewhere around 5'2" to 5'4" or something.

 

Just keep doing what you're doing. I realize that women are mostly shallow in this regard. For all our whining about how shallow men are about our weight or whatever the case may be, we tend to be just as bad, if not worse sometimes.

 

I'm 5'7" and one of the hottest guys I dated was shorter than me - around 5'5" or so. He was hot. And I couldn't have cared less about his height. I'm much more interested in brains and a good attitude. We're out there. Just keep looking for us.

[Three of Swords]

As many have said 5" 6" isn't that short. I am 5" 4" - and the fellow I recently fell for is shorter than me and weighs about 30 pounds less than me.

 

He didn't want me cause I am older than he is. (it's alway something!)

 

Go figure.

 

 

Have you ever tried speed dating (8 minute dating) or Date Night as they call it here.

I googled it for Dallas and there are several sites! Give it a go.

 

I tried it, wasn't too successful, but it was fun none the less. Likely will do it again - maybe in the spring. You get to meet other people in a more casual relaxed venue.

 

Far better than a bar/pub.

[brashgal]

What about where you work? Any eligible women? Tell everyone you know that you want to be fixed up. And maybe take a class at one of the community colleges.

 

What else do you like to do? Join a ski club? If you live somewhere where there is a homeowners assoc, they often have different interest groups - dining out, travel, tennis, etc, etc.

 

What about your sister? No friends for you??

[markdallas27]

Thank you for your feedback again and advice. I attribute my lack of dating to my height and the prejudice of women toward this fact, not solely on the lack of my effort. Because my job entails traveling to other cities, time is a luxury. For that reason, I have attempted dating sites online.

It's obvious that there are many options to do for people to meet other people, like joining a tennis club, asking your sister to hook you up, asking your friends, etc. I have done these things, but my sister and friends feel that the women they know are superficial, not emotional intelligent, and would not appreciate what I have to offer because of it.

Tennis clubs cost and are very few here in Dallas. Mostly they are composed of guys and women there so far are not attracted to me in various ways.

The women I meet at work are in a different city and I am a realist. I need to meet women in Dallas because this is where I will be for a while.

I feel that online dating offers more selection but I have been unsuccessful. My question was not answered on whether there is a site for people who are persecuted with deprivation because of their height.

 

Brashgirl, would you agree that your instincts and societal pressures incline you to seek out guys at average height, hopefully with a large appendage, making above average salary, tall, not bald (all bald is OK like Mr. Clean) and character comes next to last. The older you get the taller you want them. Character becomes of value when something traumatic enters your life and you need someone to talk to and have already enjoyed the superficialities mentioned. That is how I feel about most women based on what I observe, listen, and understand about human nature.

 

Thanks.

 

Mark

[brashgal]

Brashgirl, would you agree that your instincts and societal pressures incline you to seek out guys at average height, hopefully with a large appendage, making above average salary, tall, not bald (all bald is OK like Mr. Clean) and character comes next to last. The older you get the taller you want them. Character becomes of value when something traumatic enters your life and you need someone to talk to and have already enjoyed the superficialities mentioned. That is how I feel about most women based on what I observe, listen, and understand about human nature.

 

No, I don't agree with all of the above but I'm in my 40s so my perspective is probably a bit different than many girls in their 20s and 30s. I don't think you are that short - there are plenty of young women in Dallas who are shorter than 5'6". Yes, many women want someone who is financially secure which it sounds like you are. Hair is also something I don't think a lot about and I notice a lot of young men at work who are balding, most of them are married or attached and not all of them are tall. I really think attitude is everything, Mark.

 

I guess I tell you to keep any open mind and keep looking. Don't rule out a LDR if you meet someone through your work that you feel is worth the effort to get to know. You may not live here forever, she may relocate to be with you - you never know...

 

Positive thoughts - let me poll the young single guys I know to see how they meet women. If I have an epiphany, I'll let you know.

[Sweeper211]

I have to agree with Alpha Male. Dating sites are not the ideal place to meet people. Your height is not the issue anyway, I'm 5'6" myself and happily married to a stunner 5'11" ! So although there are shallow people out there who regard looks, height etc. as everything there are also a lot of genuine girls, So get out there and mingle

[MikeE]

Hi markdallas 27, I know what you endure as a short guy. I'm 5'5" myself and everyone's right, 5'6" really isn't that bad. I've known a couple 5'2" guys and things are really hopeless for them. I like you have much to offer. I'm good looking, probably a bit better than average, have an exciting job with great pay, I'm a sincere person of strong character, involved in many hobbies and activities...basically more to offer than most guys yet repeatedly despite my desirable qualities I'll be passed up for a taller guy. Nevermind if he is less ambitious, shallow, overweight or what have you, he's taller so the girls go for him.

 

I do go to bars on occasion and they are definitely not ideal. Often I'll establish eye contact, smiles etc. with a girl, but I need only stand up and show my shortness to completely lose her interest. It's not the place to show off your good attributes. But that's not to say I never have any luck, there've been a few one-nighters.

 

But don't get too down about it, despite my small stature I have had several good relationships with very attractive women. So there's a bright side there. My relationships while few have been with excellent women who aren't shallow and superficial.

 

My last girlfriend once said to me "God made you how you are just so you'd be the perfect height for me". So see, they are out there. And she was a great person and very attractive, not full of issues or the type that no one else would date.

 

Short ladies who have responded here, your support is appreciated but as a woman being short does not matter. Many men prefer the petite ones.

 

Like you I have tried on-line dating with not so great results. But I did get a couple dates out of it so it's worth a shot. Instead of waiting for them to find your profile, find those that interest you and send an email. With the right woman you can impress with all the positive traits you carry and your height could take a back seat.

 

It's really social interaction that seems to pay off best. I realize that can be difficult. I like you travel frequently so it's hard to maintain a close circle of friends. But I have a couple friends who do very well with the ladies and it pays to hang around them. It lends a lot of opportunity to meet girls and get a chance to show them what I do have going for me. Of course the above mentioned friends are below me in looks, income, depth, activities etc., but hey, they're tall so they still get the girls before me. I'm just saying that they afford me the opportunity to meet many girls and I've had a few flings from that, but nothing deep and lasting.

 

I'm shy too, I really can't just approach girls at random and strike up a conversation. There's where the above interaction pays off, I don't have to do that.

 

So for me, shortness is more of an annoyance than something that cripples me. You say you're good looking and are clearly intelligent and well spoken so don't let it cripple you either. And while being short is hard, we really could have it soooo much worse.

 

You might check out shortsupport.org, it's not real helpful but may help a little. There's also a usenet group called alt.support.short, but don't waste too much time there. It's full of angry short men who have many issues all of which they blame on their height when that's really not the half of it. Honestly, I read it because it makes me feel better about myself. I see the way they allow themselves to be crippled by their shortness and I know I don't allow that. Yea, it is the suffering of others that I use to feel better but it helps.

 

This sounds silly but just keep telling yourself you're the sh@t and you'll start to believe it. You'll hear it time and time again, but it's all about confidence. If you want it, take it. Faking confidence works pretty well and goes a long way toward developing true confidence.

[tanbark813]

It's your attitude, not your height, that is hurting your game. I'm 5'6" and don't have a problem in the dates department. I'm guessing you're letting your lack of success effect your confidence too much. And bottom line, no matter how tall, rich, handsome, etc.. you are, if your confidence isn't there, you're dead in the water.

 

You need to figure out what best displays your worth to women you don't know. For me, (and this is going to sound cheesy) it's karaoke. It's a good way to show a playful, confident side and strike up conversations. Just figure out for yourself something you can do which you'll have fun with, and that offers a good chance to meet new people.

 

Not to bash you or anything, but judging by the sound of your posts, you sound like you might come off as desperate and lacking of confidence. If so, you could be 6'4" and the results would be the same with those qualities.

 

Besides, if a girl won't date you because of your height, you don't want her anyway.

[TheJammer]

Let's be serious here though.. height does affect your chances in the dating game. That being said, you'd better damn well (if you're short) develop some confidence, and make sure that the other parts of your game are together. That includes dressing and grooming well, education, physical appearance etc...

 

Sites like alt.support.short are counterproductive in that, while they have a lot of truthful content, it's also colored by a whole hell of a lot of negativity. Negativity that can drag a guy down, who is already depressed. It's not worth it to go there. Also, ironically at these sites, most of the short guys claim they are, "good looking but..." C'mon.. give me a break. Height is a major component, but lack of it doesn't make one ugly. A good looking "short guy" has choices, as long as he has game.

[Eddie Lopez]

tanbak813 said it all, it's all about your confidence man, I understand that your shy thats alright . I'm also 5'6" and shy, i was going through the same thing that your going through. Long story short your trying to hard, you seem desprate and nobody likes that. Take a break, chill out, and get comfortable. Once your comfortable you dont have to rush out there and try to start dating just hang out with people you know, they dont have to be close friends just people that you know, and if you just do the things you like to do you will eventually meet someone, and you would already have somthing in common to talk about. Then try hanging out with her as a friend. Then see ware things go from that.

[Mary3]

Without sound shallow I actually prefer someone taller than myself. I did go out with a man who was 5.6 for a long time but after we broke up I sought out taller men and now prefer it.

 

That does not help much but this might : We do go for confidence. If you are feeling uncomfortable about your height or any other aspect about yourself then we women can pick up on that. You may have a great trait that stands out so play on that. Maybe you are funny or can sing ...or....and whether you are short or tall its your confidence and abilities that we look for

[TheJammer]

Now see, I can respect a girl like Mary, because she is calmly saying she is attracted to taller guys. This is simply a trait… it’s like saying guys prefer girls who are skinny, or blonde or whatever. No big deal! Furthermore, Mary doesn’t ascribe negative traits to a short guy (at least I hope) as some women seem to do.

 

Hey, we all have our preferences, and unfortunately most girls DO prefer the taller ones. But if you are not a tall guy, and again… Mary is right here… you’ve gotta play up you better traits and be a bit more meticulous (in general). Period!

[VirginiaBob]

"it’s like saying guys prefer girls who are skinny, or blonde or whatever."

 

I like healthy, but not skinny - I dated a girl once with wrists about 1/4 the size of mine - honestly, I thought it was disgusting. And I prefer redheads to blonds.

[TheJammer]

Well... that's great Bob. But hardly relevant to the point! I was just elucidating the fact that height is one sexual preference (i.e. what one person finds attractive in another).

[poister]

It's already been said, but my support goes to Tanbark's post. Unfortunately, from a woman's point of view, your post seemed a little irrealistic - it's unlikely that all your problems are caused by your height. You're coming across as inflexible and unwilling to see any other potential faults (sorry for the harshness, but that's my impression).

 

If you want to be comforted by others' misery, consider this: my cousin has a chequebook sized birth spot diagonally across her face, covering one eye, her nose, and part of her mouth. If you want to talk about a physical disadvantage when it comes to dating, talk to my cousin, and buck up about your height.